Guarded Heart (12 page)

When I finally made it back out into the living room
Mitch looked pissed. He turned to me and I swallowed the lump that had formed
in my throat, “I am so sorry Mitch I’ll leave I didn’t mean to ruin your
evening.” I turned to get my things, “You are kidding me right? --SAM! God Damn
it…I am not mad at you I am pissed as fuck at Wes. He did this to you and then
he fucked it all up. He should fucking be taking care of you…you should tell
him because he sure as hell is getting out of the rough stuff and you should
not be going through this alone.” I felt the tear fall down my cheek, “Mitch it
is okay. I am okay…I don’t need him. I can do this on my own. Good night guys.”
I walked out and went home.

I took a warm shower and had a few crackers before bed. I
fell asleep to the radio lightly playing my favorite station. I dreamed of Wes
as I always do. I woke just after midnight with a sharp pain in my left side. I
sat up crying out and tried to breathe through it but it never let up. I made
my way to the bathroom when noticed a light spot of blood. I knew I needed to
go to the hospital. I had to get dressed so I pulled on my sweats and made my
way to the front door. The pain hit again and I bent over putting my hands on
my knees taking deep breaths.

I locked my door as I slowly made my way down the
sidewalk to my car. I got in and before I closed my door I felt my mouth become
watery and I couldn’t control it…I got sick again. I knew I needed help and I
really hated to call them but I had to. Mitch picked it up after the second
ring, “Sam is everything okay?” I tried to control my shaking voice and the
tears pooling in my eyes, “I’m sorry Mitch I didn’t want to call…I tried to
drive myself but I am in a lot of pain and now I am getting sick again…I need
help…please.” He assured me they were already on the way and would be there
soon.

They pulled in five minutes later to find me sitting in
my car breathing deep. “Don’t you EVER try to drive yourself again do you hear
me…EVER! Damn It Sam!” Mitch yelled at me and Allison cried with me. They got
me loaded into Alli’s Jeep quickly and drove me to the hospital. Mitch insisted
on carrying me in which only made me feel worse.

They waited in the waiting room while the doctor checked
me over and paged my regular OB/GYN. They had decided to keep me overnight for
observation but he told me that after the vaginal sonogram I had today the
light bleeding was nothing to be alarmed with. The side pain he believe had a
lot to do with the throwing up and being severely dehydrated. Of course I was
lectured about not telling him earlier during my visit about the constant
throwing up causing me to become dehydrated.

After Mitch and Allison left I drifted off to sleep. I
was released the next day late afternoon once they got some fluids back in me I
felt so much better. I was directed to immediately return if I experienced any
pain what so ever. Allison took me home after stopping at the pharmacy to fill
my medication the doctor prescribed for nausea. Maybe to help me hold down some
food I was losing weight when I should have been gaining it. I looked exhausted
and the dark circles under my eyes made me appear as if I had not slept in
weeks.

Wes’s truck was sitting in front of my house. I took a
deep breath and looked over at Alli, “God Damn it…I am going to murder your
husband I just want you to be prepared.” Alli was helping me out of the Jeep
when Wes rushed up to help but I refused his hand. “I’m fine”, I walked ahead
of him and her to go unlock my door. I heard him ask Allison why I was in the
hospital and I turned to shoot her a silent warning. She brought my bag up and
sat it just inside my now opened front door. Wes now just appeared severely pissed
off. He followed behind her and stood at the end of the couch where I was
laying with his arms crossed. “What the fuck is going on? Somebody better start
talking!” He kept looking between me and Alli waiting for one of us to speak.

“Just go home Wes it isn’t your problem. Go home to Sarah
and MaKayla. I am fine. I don’t need your help”, I closed my eyes fighting back
the nausea now beginning again. I had to hold it back…I could not get sick in
front of him. “Wes you’re getting her upset and she just spent the evening in
the hospital getting rehydrated. She was weak and she doesn’t need this…I think
you need to leave”, he didn’t look satisfied with what she said. He looked at
me very sternly his eyes were blazing with anger, “For the last fucking time I
am not with Sarah…she showed up that night dirty from sleeping in the streets
and I couldn’t turn her away for god sakes Sam she is the mother of my child. I
owed her that she took a shower and put on the clothes you seen her in while I
washed her other ones. She agreed to go to rehab the next day and that’s where
she at…rehab. If she wasn’t Kayla’s mom…but damn it she is. She is Kayla’s
mother…I am so sorry you don’t believe me but that is the honest truth. Nothing
happened!” I had to make him leave I was about to lose it. Sarah is Kayla’s
mother but I am pregnant with his baby and I had to protect us both. “Your
right I don’t believe you and I honestly don’t care. Just leave.”

When Wes left my house I stopped hearing from him. I
never got the text messages anymore and I stopped getting the notes that I
never read pinned to my car and my door. It had now been almost six weeks and I
didn’t want to admit it but I felt like half of me was missing. I felt empty
before but I always had those little things to know that he thought about
me…now nothing. I pushed him away but it was for the best…I couldn’t let my
baby and I be hurt. I had to protect us from heartache.  

Allison went to my last appointment with me. She cried
with me when we heard my little beans heartbeat. It was amazing and she told me
that Mitch and she have stopped using protection. She said that after that
night they took me to the hospital he admitted that he was ready to be a daddy.
The fact that she was doing this with me well it just made her baby fever a
little worse.

I was now almost fourteen weeks…just shy of four months.
Allison laughed at me when she saw me in my bra without a shirt the other day
because I have a little baby bump. She couldn’t resist feeling it. “You with a
belly…wow Sam I never thought I would see the day. This is great…so flipping’
cute. I just want to rub it for good luck”, she really thought she was a
comedian.

Christmas was rough, I was alone but I made it through. I
even bought the baby a couple gifts. I got one from Allison and Mitch…they
bought me a new camera to use when the baby comes. It was a really sweet gift. I
found a bouquet of flowers on my porch Christmas morning but no card…even
though I had a feeling I already knew how they got there and who put them
there.

Mitch’s birthday was January 23
^rd
and Allison
was planning a big surprise party. She kept me really busy which was good
because when I was by myself I always found myself wondering what life would
have been like if Wes and I raised our baby together. When my mind went there
things got sad for me really fast.

Alli had actually booked Wade’s band, Wes’s brother to
play at the party. I was a little uncomfortable because I knew Wes would also
be there. He was a friend of Mitch’s things between them haven’t actually been
like they were before but they were still friends. I would get through it though
I knew there would be so many people at the party that I know. Allison’s family
for one and I would keep myself busy. Very few people knew about the pregnancy
so I think I’m safe.

We finished the decorations and the catering company was
getting setup. I told Alli I would sneak out to get the cake and I took her
cousin Mia with me. The party started at seven that is when Mitch’s mom and dad
would bring him in. Allison had told everyone else to be there by a quarter
‘til seven so he would not figure it out. She had put so much time into this
party and really just wanted it to be perfect.

I bought a new outfit in an attempt to hide my baby bump
but when I had it on I realized the fact that my body was really beginning to
change and I could no longer pretend it wasn’t. I told Allison I was going to
tell Wes tonight that I needed to talk to him but not until after the party. I
would not have drama at Mitch’s birthday party. I knew I could not keep his
baby away from him, Wes is a great father and he deserved to be a part of his
baby’s life and he would be…just not mine.

When I arrived with the cake I quickly got it in its
place and made sure everything else was setup as it should be. Allison was so
nervous that something was going to go wrong she was scrambling around the room
like a crazy woman. I made a mad dash for the restroom because to be honest I
always felt like I had to pee. I was just finishing up with washing my hands
when Alli and her cousin Mia came in and shut the door behind them leaning
against it. I had to smile at the expression on Alli’s face, “What’s with you
did you eat a bug or something…why the nasty look on your face?” I saw the
glassy eyes look directly into mine and I grabbed her shoulders getting closer,
“Allison what is wrong honey?” She cried out her pained response, “He brought a
date…I am so sorry.” I started to ask who when I realized I didn’t have too. I
shook it off like no big deal. “Good for him Alli, it is okay really…sweetie I
don’t have some claim on him just because I am carrying is baby. Don’t cry lets
go out there because any minute your handsome amazing husband who completely
adores you is going to come through that door and the first person he is going
to be looking for is you…come on.” I smiled and hugged her even though my
insides where shattering with every second that passed. I took a deep breath
and followed them. I refused to look for him I forced forward and found
Allison’s family I went to the table they had claimed and joined them. I knew I
now wouldn’t be telling Wes about the baby tonight. He would think I was only
telling him because he was with someone new…

I felt him but didn’t see him. I knew instantly when he
was near. I looked toward the door when Mitch entered and everyone yelled
surprise. He took Allison is his arms laughing and kissed her. He thanked
everyone and then made a speech that made everyone tear up and even laugh…

Well I have to say I didn’t expect this. It is amazing
and I can see my wife has really out done herself. I’m pretty sure her partner
in crime…Sam had her hands all in this to.

He raised his hand up pointing at me and winked as he
squeezed Alli just a little closer.

This girl right here is one beautiful woman who has
made every single moment since I laid eyes on her amazing. I absolutely adore
her and I fall deeper in love with her every day. She is the other half of me
and days like this…moments like this right here make me realize just how much
she loves me. You are my life Alli and I am so damn glad you drop your drink in
my lap that night at steak n’ shake because without you…my life would have no
meaning. I love you babe…more than beer…

Everyone laughed as they kissed deeply…he turned back to
me pointing again…

And Samantha I love you too darling…You are a
wonderful friend to the love of my life…and to me. Life would be boring without
our midnight trips to the emergency room and holding your hair back while you
get sick.

Okay so the last comment wasn’t needed but only a few
people knew what he was actually talking about. Allison nudged his side and he
turned to look at her .She whispered something and then he scanned the room
looking for Wes. Once he found him you could see then tension in his shoulders
but Mitch just smiled at Wes and then turned back to Allison.

The band had started after the food was all put out and
Mitch made his way around the room shaking hands with everyone. I turned to see
him at Wes’s table and I was able to sneak a peek at his date. She was pretty
not someone I would have pictured him with but attractive. She had short
cropped brown hair just barely brushing her shoulders and a round full face.
She was shorter than me and a little fuller. I had to tear my gaze away before
anyone especially Wes noticed me looking.

I excused myself and found Allison at the food tables. I
joined her in getting something to munch on. She asked me how I was doing and I
lied and told her I was fine. After I got my food I couldn’t stomach it. I
found Wes slow dancing on the floor with his date and I suddenly felt like
crying…I knew I just needed some air and quick. I snuck through the groups of people
and as I was going out the front entrance Mitch grab my arm, “Where you going?”
I nodded toward the door I blinked back the tears that where any minute going
to fall. I looked back out to the dance floor and quickly back to Mitch. When
his eyes followed mine he released my arm and hugged me, “He’s the idiot
Sam…but just so you know he doesn’t want her…believe me on that one…Go get some
air.”

Once I walked outside and the cold air hit my face I
stopped trying to make the tears go away. They fell heavy for a few minutes as
I leaned against the wall and put my hand to my mouth. I found my way back in
about ten minutes later and walked right into Wes’s back…Damn it why can’t I
watch where I am going. I quickly said sorry and squeezed around without
looking up. I didn’t want him to see my tears…I didn’t need his concern. He
stared after me as I went straight for the bathroom. I just needed to breathe.
I could do this it was just one night. I put some cold water on my cheeks and
cleaned up my mascara that was slightly smudged from my tears. After taken some
more deep breaths I then opened the door to go back out to the party.

“How have you been Sam?” I jumped and screamed at the
same time. Wes was leaning against a barstool when I walked right passed him
without noticing. After my breathing had slowed and I tugged at my shirt just
to make sure the bump was not to obvious I looked at him and that damn grin.
“I’m fine Wes.” I pointed to the girl sitting over at the table where he left
her. She was glaring in our direction, “Your date looks lonely, better get back
to her.” I took off before he could say anything. I made sure I stayed right
with Alli I knew Wes would keep his distance…she was pissed as hell that he
brought a date.