Hate Me Today (Save Me #3) (25 page)

Jason

After I finally get myself under control and Vanessa stops crying, I kiss her quickly before we’re separated so she can ready to go back on stage.

“Your girl kinda kicked ass with that acceptance speech.”

I don’t have to turn my head to know that I’m talking to Hunter Chesterfield. Every person from Ironsound is here tonight for this performance. The amount of people Vanessa and Abby got in on it is insane.

“Yeah she did,” I yell over the noise so he can hear me. “She kicks ass at every damn thing she does.”

We’re ushered out onto the stage, each of us lining up on the marks we were designated to earlier. With my bass strap slung over my shoulder, I step up beside Vanessa and grab her hand.

“You know I love you, right? You know that I’m sorry for all the crazy stupid shit I did when we started out will never happen again and that I don’t ever want you to go anywhere.”

The space between Vanessa’s eyebrows crinkle when she looks up at me. “What are you going on about, Jason? We’re supposed to be performing in like thirty seconds, where are you going with this?”

“Just tell me you know all that. Tell me you know I love you and that I never want you to go anywhere. Ever.”

She grabs the front of my shirt and pulls me down so I’m level with her. “I know you love me, I know you’re sorry and I don’t plan on going anywhere. Ever. I love you, you’re it for me, Jason. I don’t want to go anywhere without you, now will you please tell me what all this is about.”

I smile at her, feeling a little more confident in what I have planned. “Just wanted to make sure. Now remember all of that because you will probably hate me in a bit.”

Before she has a chance to get mad at me for not answering her question the set in front of us gets lifted and the video feed behind us starts up with photos and clips of everyone who passed away in the crash.

Each Ironsound artist ended up being grouped into sets and given parts of different songs from the past about losing people. Vanessa and I ended up with the rest of the Thirty Ought Six crew, Shaft and Wendi Davidson. I was doing pretty good until we all finished and transitioned into the song Abby, Vanessa and Tuesday wrote a few weeks ago.

I have to back away, block out the words because they hit so close to home that it’s killing me and I don’t want to lose it up here. Instead I think about what I’m gearing up to do because that scares me even more.

I feel Vanessa’s eyes on me. I think I’m going crazy because there are so many people in here that it could be any one of them but somehow I know that it’s her. I finally manage to turn around and collide head on with her tear filled eyes as the song comes to an end.

I make my way back up to her, handing my bass off to Jameson on my way. Without taking my eyes away from Vanessa’s I grab her hand, pulling her against me.

“This is the part of the night where you might hate me.”

I laugh at the look of confusion on her face and back up just enough so I can drop to my knee. Her eyes widen and the noise directed at us is enough to make me deaf before the next minute is over. Almost everyone here knows how private I am with my personal life so they’re all pretty shocked at what I’m doing right now. Tuesday stands next to me while I talk because I don’t want to hold the ring, I want to hold Vanessa’s hands.

“Vanessa Camaron Knox, I’ve been the biggest ass and done the unthinkable because I couldn’t admit how you made me feel. But right here, right now, I’m telling you that I’m going to love you for the rest of my life no matter what happens. Marry me please.”

I silently beg her to say yes but she’s so quiet that I’m afraid she’s going to say no. Vanessa’s head drops to her chest while she’s staring at me and the entire room goes completely silent as they wait for her to answer as well.

Just when I’m about to give up, to stand up and walk away with my tail between my legs, she starts nodding. She pulls her lips between her teeth to keep from crying but she’s nodding so I grab the ring from Tuesday and slide it onto her finger, pressing my lips against it when it’s in place. Vanessa grabs a handful of my shirt and pulls me up to her, wrapping her arms around my neck.

“I hope that was a yes,” I mumble against her lips.

“That was a yes, Sir.” The Sir part being whispered against my ear so no one else could hear.

I bite back a groan, kissing her again as I lift her and walk off stage. “You’re killing me. You know that?”

I feel her smile against my lips. “I’ll make up for it later. After all I am going to need help out of this dress.”

I pull my head back just enough that I can look around and find Abby.

“We’re skipping the after parties. Don’t kill us.”

Abby laughs and points her finger at me. “Do your interviews and then leave. If I find out you skipped them, I will beat you with my swollen hands and feet.”

Vanessa leans down, tugging my earlobe between her teeth. “I think we just got a death threat from a pregnant lady.”

“I think you are right. Now,” I set her down on her feet and wrap my arm around her, “let’s get this over with so I can make you mine again.”

She smiles up at me as we walk. “Just take me home a
nd love me. Even when you hated me, I’ve always been yours.”

Vanessa

Three Years Later

I grab the beam above my head, holding on for dear life as Jason thrusts into me. My back slams against a shelf with every movement, knocking whatever is on the shelf against each other. Sex in a storage room might not be the most romantic way to spend an anniversary but when you’re on the road, you take what you can get.

Jason’s fingers dig into my hips, pulling me to him every time he pulls away. He grunts out the words "I love you" while I bite my tongue to keep from screaming when I come. I know no one would probably hear us over the sound of the band on stage but I don’t feel like taking the chance at getting caught. Again.

Just as Jason lowers me to the floor, his mouth on mine, someone bangs their fists off the door.

“Come on you guys! You need to get ready to go on stage and Damian wants you.”

A smile spreads across Jason’s face bright enough to blind me with the mention of Damian’s name. He helps me straighten my clothes out and struts out of the room like he owns the world. Mandi meets me down the hallway and starts rattling things off that are going to happen with a knowing grin.
I reach out, hitting her in the arm and she stumbles into the wall.

Mandi laughs, righting herself. “I figured when you got married two years ago that this type of shit would have calmed down but I think it got worse.”

“Shut up,” I grab her hand, shoving her left hand into her sight. “You aren’t much better.”

“I just got back from my honeymoon, what do you expect?”

I smile and turn back to watch where I’m going. Mandi eventually got over her feelings for Devon and ended up falling for the new guitar player, Austin. They got married about a month ago and are already expecting a kid.

It took us awhile before we were ready to fill Jack and
Devon’s spots. It hurt. It still hurts but Austin and Trent fit in well with us.

Jason steps out of the dressing room with Damian in his shoulders, ducking so he doesn’t smack his head off the door frame. Seeing my two boys together makes my heart ache just thinking about all the ways that this could have never been.

I step up to them, going up on my toes so I can plant a kiss on Damian’s cheek. He claps his hands and reaches out for me, begging for me to hold him. Jason lifts him off his shoulders and hands him over to me, grumbling playfully the whole time.

“What’s wrong?” I laugh.

“You tell me you love me, want to cuddle and play with me until Mommy walks into view. Then I’m chopped liver. What’s up with that?” Jason jokingly pokes at Damian who giggles and snuggles closer to me.

Not only is this our two year wedding anniversary but it’s been a year since we adopted Damian. He’ll be two in a few months. My boys are what keep me going.

“Get back in here, young lady!” Abby shouts from the dressing room just as Izzy walks out wearing a skirt shorter than mine.

Izzy spins, her hands on her hips and glares at Abby. “Why? So you can tell me to put different clothes on? I’ve heard it but I don’t want to.”

Jason pushes Izzy back into the room and we close the door behind us. My eyes are draw across the room to where Payton sits texting on her phone with a smaller version of herself sitting next to her. I assume it must be one of her daughters because she looks just like her.

I nudge Jason, my head tilting toward Payton, wondering what she’s doing here because I’m pretty sure we’ve all been behaving lately. He shrugs.

“Why should I have to put something different on? All my friends dress like this. Vanessa dresses like this…”

“Whoa!” I butt in, cutting Abby off. “Three things. One, my skirts always come to below my ass. Two, I’m an adult and I rarely wear them. And three, you’re fourteen and you need to listen to what Abby is saying.”

“Jeans or a school approved length skirt. Or I can get someone to bring you back to the bus for the night.” Abby takes back over and smiles at me when Izzy stomps off.

“I didn’t mean to step in but she was throwing me under the bus.”

“Takes a village, babe,” she kisses Damian on the head, rubbing his head before walking out behind Izzy.

Izzy’s been a pain in the ass since her birthday. Must be the teenage shit hitting hard this year but she’s pushing limits every chance she can.

Abby decided to tour one more time over the kid's summer vacation since Sophia is seven and Zander is three, so we are co-headlining to keep us all together. Jason didn’t want to leave me and Damian so he’s doing double duty for a while.

Payton stands, sliding her phone into the back pocket of her jeans. I’ve never seen her out of a suit or something close but she’s smoking hot when she lets her hair down.

“I didn’t do it,” I joke as soon as she’s looking at me.

She laughs. “I know, I’m surprised I haven’t had to come see you guys in a while.”

“The last threat of castration from Tuesday sunk in,” Jason adds.

“Well
, I’m glad. I’m not here on business this trip and it feels pretty good. Willow wanted to come out to a show for her birthday so here we are.”

I just start to talk again when someone knocks on the door and tells me we need to get out on stage. I quickly wish
Willow a happy birthday and make my way to the stage, kissing Damian before I hand him over to Mandi and slide his headphones over his ears and step out in front of thousands of screaming people.

Jason

I watch the love of my life work her ass off to put a show on for these people and keep Damian in the corner of my eye at the same time. At some point since we walked on stage he had fallen asleep on Mandi’s shoulder. I itch to get off stage so I can hold him again.

I never realized what my life was missing until we decided to adopt Damian. The hole in my heart that was made by my parents never being there was filled and now overflows because of him and Vanessa.

My parents and Nate still haven’t met Damian and I’m not sure they ever will. I’m not even sure they know about him or Vanessa and I getting married. It doesn’t matter to me though; it’s their loss. My son has Carter and the rest of our family to call his, we don’t need the three that will only poison us.

Even Vanessa’s parents came around to the thought of us. They even managed to pull the stick out of their asses when we adopted Damian. They fly out to see him no matter where we are at least once a month and drive up once a week when we’re home. Damian loves them and it makes me happy to see him happy.

I see Vanessa gearing up for the switch we still do at the end of our sets but I have something else in store for her tonight. Rushing forward, I grab the microphone from her hand before she has a chance to say anything. I grab the stool from the side of the stage and set it down next to her.

“Tonight we’re doing things a little differently. I’m in charge so sit your pretty little ass down on the stool and behave.” I mouth the words
, "Or else", and she looks at me like she wants to test me but slides into place so I don’t drag her off stage and have my way with her. “We’re going to sing a few covers but I’m going first. I’m all for ladies first but I’ve got the perfect song for my beautiful wife on our anniversary. I know every one of you know this song so I expect to hear you singing along.”

I strap an acoustic guitar on and the second I start singing Vanessa busts out laughing. I swear every person is singing along with me as I sing
"Grow Old With You" by Adam Sandler. I got the idea the other night when we were watching The Wedding Singer on the bus.

When we finally step off stage
, Vanessa grabs me and I kiss her for all I’m worth before she’s pulled away to do some meet and greet. I get about a ten minute break before I’m supposed to go back out on stage to play with the rest of the show with Thirty Ought Six.

I take Damian from Mandi so she can go help Vanessa and cradle him against my chest. I love having him close and don’t think I would be able to walk away from him or treat him like my parents did me and Carter.

AJ steps up next to me and crosses his arms over his chest. “I don’t get it. Have I been out too long that some bitches don’t know who I am anymore? That’s crazy.”

“Are you talking to me or yourself?” I ask.

“Well if you think you can answer me, go for it.”

“Well what the hell is the problem?”

“Bitches are crazy. I’m talking to this smokin’ hot blonde chick, telling her all the things I’d like to do to her but she doesn’t even look at me. It’s like she couldn’t even hear me but I know I was talking loud enough because other people were looking at me like I had lost my damn mind. But her, damn, it’s like she didn’t even realize I was next to her.”

“Aw, do you need your ego stroked. Go find a groupie that will actually give it up.”

“I need something stroked but it’s not my ego,” he laughs.

“
All right, who’s the chick you can’t seem to get?”

AJ spins, looking for the girl and when he finally points her out, I want to slap him for being an idiot.

“Really? Are you that much of an idiot?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“That,” I point at the blonde chick he had pointed out with my free hand “Is Payton. You’ve met and you really are an idiot.” He continues to stare at me with a blank look on his face. “She’s the label's lawyer, dumbass. And she’s deaf. She wasn’t ignoring you, she couldn’t hear you.”

“Well maybe I should just go reintroduce myself.” His face breaks out with a smirk. I know that look. Before he has a chance to walk away I grab his arm.

“Don’t,” I warn. “She’s married so she’s off limits.”

He smiles, waving me off like it’s no big deal. Even though I know this will end badly for him in the long run, I kind of want to watch him get his ass handed to him just once in his life. It will be nice watching him get knocked down a peg or two from not getting the chick he wants. If that doesn’t work, and he still goes after her, I’m sure her husband won’t mind stepping in.

The more I think about it though, the more I realize that none of that shit matters anymore. There are only two things that matter to me now. One of them is cradled in my arms, snoring away. The other just slipped her arms around me to adjust Damian’s headphones. She lingers with her arms around us and leans up on her toes so she can tell me she loves me.

This is what matters. They are what matters. I’m not longer fueled by hate. I’m fueled by love, and the love we have to make our life work for us.

Vanessa told me something once and it’s stuck with me since. She told me that sometimes, the best things are the ones you thought would be the worst, because hate leaves you wondering why; love leaves you wanting more; and life will leave you waiting.