Heal Me (A Touched Trilogy Book 2) (18 page)

When I opened the door, Phoebe was standing there, the Black Widow outfit dangling from her outstretched hand. I snatched it and flung the mermaid bag at her, swinging the door shut in her face before she could say anything.

The second costume was much better than the mermaid and it was so not me. I could see Phoebe or Chloe pulling it off, but the painted on look made me feel uncomfortably exposed even standing there by myself.

“Does it fit?” Phoebe called through the door.

“Phoebs, I don’t know about this.”

My door flew open and Phoebe came in followed by Tonya and Owen.

“Wow. You look hot,” she said, forcibly spinning me around in a circle. She looked at her friends. “What do you guys think? Owen, you’re a guy. Don’t you think she looks hot?”

“Thanks for noticing.”

“Whatever. Come on, what do you think?” The three of us stared at him.

He seemed to be choosing his words very carefully and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. Maybe he recognized how ridiculous I looked and felt. He glanced at Phoebe then back at me and any hope I had of him backing me up was gone.

“You should wear it,” he said, nodding his head, but not quite meeting my eyes.

“Ha!” Phoebe shouted at me. “You’re out voted.”

I considered arguing with her, but figured it wasn’t worth the effort. I’d only have to wear it for an hour or two and I could always find a hiding spot somewhere in Tonya’s house. Besides, not wearing it meant I had to go find another one and shopping was not one of my favorite activities. Phoebe pranced off with Tonya right behind her.

“You look good, Lils,” Owen said before trailing after them.

I closed the door and turned back to the full-length mirror that hung from my closet door. The girl staring back at me looked like a completely different person. I twisted around, trying to see how bad the back was. Not too bad. Maybe the costume wasn’t absolutely horrible. Besides, wasn’t the purpose of a costume party to dress up differently? I redressed in my regular clothes and hung up the outfit. I’d tell Phoebe I would wear it, but she was the one who had to get me past Dad while I wore it.

Chapter 14

Phoebe convinced me to go bowling with her and her friends the next evening. I wasn’t a great bowler, or even a mildly good one, but I liked that bowling alleys tended to be more relaxed and less stressful than the club in San Diego Phoebe had tried to talk Nathan into taking us all to. Which is how I ended up squished into the middle of the back seat of Phoebe’s car, with Bianca on one side and Owen on the other.

Maybe Phoebe hadn’t known Micah was going, or maybe she had and it didn’t register on her sensitivity meter to let me know before, but it was a bit of a shock to see him waiting outside the building when we pulled up.

“Crap. Sorry, Lils.” Phoebe glanced over her shoulder at me, before concentrating on finding a good parking spot. She pulled into one along the back row facing the front entrance. “Dang it. He saw us already. Who invited him?”

She glared at each of us, before settling on Nathan. He squirmed under her fierce gaze.

“What?” he asked, his eyebrows raising in question. “He called earlier and asked if I wanted to hang out and I told him we were coming here.”

“So he’s crashing our bowling night?”

“Well...I may have suggested he come.” His face softened and he gave her the sweetest, most innocent smile that I was surprised it took her almost ten seconds before caving.

“We can still leave,” Phoebe said to me.

Through the windshield, I could see Micah leaning against the wall, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. His hair was a bit shaggy, longer than when he’d first moved to Beachgrove.

“It’s fine. Let’s go bowl,” I said, waiting for someone to move. Owen and Bianca seemed frozen in place, waiting for Phoebe to give the go ahead to get out.

“Okay, I have a plan,” Phoebe said and then smacked Nathan on the arm when he groaned. “Shut up, this is a good idea. Owen, you need to flirt with Lily. Make it look like you guys are together.”

Bianca snorted. “Phoebe, seriously, you’ve seen Owen in action before. He can’t flirt. It’d be more believable if Nathan did the flirting.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Owen said, leaning forward to shoot Bianca a look across me.

“No offense, bro, but she’s right.” Nathan shrugged. “I guess I’ll have to pull it off.”

“Not a chance,” Phoebe said, staring Owen down in the rearview mirror. “Owen can do this. He will do it or he’s walking home.”

I sighed. “Phoebs...”

“This will work. You’ll see.”

“But what is the point of it?” I asked.

“Micah’s-you-just do it.” She got out of the car and slammed the door, leaving us all to follow before she locked us in.

“You don’t have to flirt with me,” I told Owen as we trailed behind the rest of the group.

“I know,” he said, but swung an arm over my shoulder as we joined everyone at the door. He squeezed me closer and rubbed his hand along my bare arm. “You’re freezing.”

Micah glanced at us and I realized that even if Phoebe’s obvious plan to make him jealous didn’t work, at least he wouldn’t see me as pathetically unwanted. I smiled up at Owen, suddenly glad that he was there.

Bowling, I decided, was boring and nowhere near as relaxing as I remembered. It was impossible to concentrate on the game when the crowd around us was so loose with their inebriated emotions. The place was mostly filled with middle-aged men and women who were chugging beers and letting frustration and enjoyment flow free. It wasn’t hard to pick out the sore losers, but I could also feel a soothing touch of the fun most of the people were having. The black strobe lights didn’t help keep me sane either. Along with the smoke and flurry of emotions they twisted my stomach into knots.

I rolled my final ball down the lane and turned away, not bothering to watch what it hit. I had a score of twenty-five so I doubted it did anything other than roll into the gutter. Bianca’s groan of disgust confirmed my lack of value to our team. I sat on one of the bright orange bucket seats and pulled off my borrowed shoes. The others could play the next game without me. I slipped on my Mary Janes and my jacket and headed outside for a breath of air.

It was cooler out now, the autumn air biting with the first hint of winter. The night hummed with the sound of cars passing by along Main Street and their headlights flashed by, much less annoying than the strobing going on inside the bowling alley. I sat on the curb and stared at the cars, letting every burning emotion drift away from me. If only I never had to go in a enclosed space again, I might actually feel myself.

“Are you feeling okay?”

I looked up at Micah as he sat beside me. It wasn’t fair how good his gray hoodie looked on him, how it clung perfectly to just the right spots and showed off his muscles. Muscles I’d seen and touched. Muscles I knew were-

“I’m fine,” I said, cutting off my own thoughts. I definitely didn’t need to go down that road.

There was a long, awkward pause between us, something that had never existed before. I wanted to reach out and hold his hand, but didn’t. Even when we’d been friends with benefits, we’d rarely held hands in public. Maybe when sitting on the couch watching movies, or at the park while watching Hannah play in the sand, but most of the time that had been outside the fringes of our relationship. If we didn’t hold hands then, why would we now?

“I took Hannah to the zoo last Saturday. She loved the monkeys. Well, all she really saw were the monkeys. She crashed before we got to anything else.” His lips tilted on one side and his eyes sparkled, the green darkened by the night until they were nearly consumed by the brown flecks that hid there.

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked, my heart wrenching at the mention of Hannah. Losing Micah meant losing her, too. I’d miss her sweet little smile.

His smile faded and his face turned somber. “She missed having you there.”

“She’s a year old, Micah. She forgot me five minutes after I left.” I rested my head on my knees. It was too hard to look at him. The echo of his voice pulsed through me, causing my heart to ache more with each beat. If I truly were the glutton for punishment that I’d thought I was, maybe I would have just accepted it, but I realized I wasn’t that person. “I can’t hear about her anymore. Or about you. I can’t be your friend again.”

“Lils, please. You’re my best friend. Everyone else is just...They’re not you. Why can’t we try again? Nothing to mess it up. Just friends.”

“I can’t.” I turned my face away and swallowed hard around the lump of tears building in my throat, knowing how hard it was for him to ask when all of his friends in Seattle had turned their backs on him after Hannah was born.

“Why?” His frustrated expression torn at me.

“Because I love you. I’m in love with you. And I don’t want to be that person who clings to something that isn’t there.” I glanced back at him and for just a moment it wasn’t Micah sitting there. Dylan gazed back at me. I blinked and he was gone. Micah’s face hardened and he rubbed at his arm. Rubbed the tattoo of Jaime’s name.

I rose from the cold pavement and went back inside, aware of Micah’s warm body only steps behind me. The door closed slowly behind us and my eyes scanned our group, searching for anyone to notice us. They locked on Owen, who watched us with a sense of curiosity. I gave him a pleading look and he immediately came to my rescue, sliding up to me and brushing a strand of hair from my cheek.

“I was gonna go get a drink, did you wanna come?” he asked, playing the part Phoebe had asked him to.

I nodded and he grasped my hand as we walked to the concession, all while I resisted the urge to check if Micah was watching us. Owen bought a soda and after he filled it at the soda fountain we wondered back over to our lane. Micah was busy messing with the scoreboard and I was glad I didn’t have to see the pity in his gaze. It was bad enough feeling it pour off him, or maybe that was coming from Phoebe or Bianca. Both of them were practically flinging it my way.

Owen and I sat on the stools behind the ball rack and watched the others play. I fiddled with my phone, pulling up old text messages. Most of them were from Micah, with the occasional one from Chloe. Messages from Phoebe were deleted right after since they rarely made sense. I pushed a button and ‘delete all’ came up. I hesitated for just a moment then hit yes. I didn’t need to torture myself. I wasn’t going to be that person. Letting Phoebe and Tonya invite him to the party was one thing. Keeping what Phoebe had once called my booty-call texts was entirely different. Sliding the phone into my back pocket, I gave Owen a slight smile.

“Thank you,” I said.

“That’s what friends are for.”

He smiled and for a moment, I wondered why I couldn’t like him. Owen was so nice and easy to be with. He wouldn’t complicate things inside of me. He was cute with his curly black hair pulled back into the short ponytail, but he was a little too tall, almost a foot taller than me and his walk reminded me too much of Dylan, his long limbs swinging as they moved.

“I think Phoebe’s plan is working,” he said, nodding towards the lane.

I glanced over at Micah to see him staring at us before he turned back to the game. I wanted to believe Owen, but I knew feelings, and Micah wasn’t jealous. He was confused and mildly curious, but not jealous. I shook my head. “Phoebe’s plans never work. You know that.”

“You can always hope.”

“Not this time.”

“Maybe that’s what you need.”

I tore my eyes away from Micah to look at Owen. “What do you mean?”

“Maybe what you need is hope. Here, try this. Close your eyes. Come on, close them,” he said. I shut my eyes and felt completely stupid. “Now tell me what you feel.”

I concentrated on all the different emotions swirling around me. Everything was there so easily. The fire grew inside me and I hissed as my skin prickled with heat. “Frustration, anger, disappointment, jealousy, hate, pity, confusion, concern.” I reached out further when Owen stayed silent. “Happiness. Someone is in love. She’s happy.”

“You’re wrong.”

My eyes popped open to look at him. “I’m not wrong. I can feel everything everyone in this entire building is feeling. And that’s exactly what it is.”

“I asked what
you
felt, not everyone else. Close your eyes and try again.”

“This is pointless.”

“Close them.” He covered my eyes with his hand. I closed them just to get it over with. His hand moved away. “Block everyone else out. Now what do you feel?”

I pushed out all of those extra feelings, ones that didn’t belong to me, that hovered on the edge of my skin, just out of reach. It wasn’t something I’d ever really tried to do. Most of my life had been me accepting what others sent my way so they didn’t have to suffer. It’s what my gift was, and I’d always felt like I had an obligation to help them. This time though, I kept shoving them away, until finally I could sense myself. What I found wasn’t surprising.

“Nothing. There’s nothing there,” I said.

“You feel something. Try harder.”

I kept my eyes squeezed shut, not wanting to see the reflection of his sympathy that was starting to seep in through my skin.

A gentle wisp of air blew across my cheek and my hand lifted to my face as a tingle crept along my skin. The sounds of laughter and rolling balls increased until they blurred together in a dull humming. A feathering touch glanced across my arm and I shivered, the memory of Micah’s fingers trailing along my arm. A soft pressure on my bottom lip and a sigh escaped me as Micah’s taste permeated my lips. For the first time since Micah and I had ended, I felt something real, something that belonged to me and not the people around me.

“Alive. I feel alive.”

My eyes fluttered open and Owen was still sitting beside me, staring intently. I swallowed, wondering what he saw as he looked at me.

“Chill, Lils. It’s just something I saw on some TV show.” His face relaxed into his usual spacey demeanor. I drew in a deep breath and found that while I could once again sense everyone else, I could also still feel myself.

“Dude, you’ve been holding out!” Nathan appeared behind Owen, and slapped him on the back. “You’ve got some serious moves going on!”

My face was probably glowing considering the heat I felt building there. Owen didn’t laugh along with Nathan, only shrugged and leaned back.

“You’re up.” Nathan chuckled and slapped Owen on the back again. They went over to the lane and Owen grabbed a ball as it rolled out of the shoot.

“Oh my God, Lils!” Phoebe gripped my shoulders and spun me around. “Please tell me that you and Owen aren’t really-”

“No! No, definitely not.” No way was I going to screw up another friendship, especially when I didn’t even feel anything like that for Owen.

She laughed and her relief tickled across the back of my hand. “Good, because that would be just too weird. Besides I think he’s hung up on some girl from our history class last year.”

Phoebe sat in Owen’s vacant seat and took a long sip of his soda, her eyes glued to Nathan. All of her emotions about her upcoming ‘event’ churned inside her and slowly drowned out my sense of aliveness. My fingers trembled and I struggled to keep my hands to myself. Her anticipation, nerves, fears were everything I’d missed out on with Micah. I’d been so numb and overwhelmed by the sudden sensations that had taken over me. How could I take that away from Phoebe? She deserved to remember every part of this.