Heal Me (A Touched Trilogy Book 2) (20 page)

“Lily, dear, I’m not saying you should walk away. But you can’t heal them either, at least not the soul deep hurts that make people who they are. I’ve seen the effect you have on people. I’ve experienced it. You take all of the bad and leave nothing in its place. Perhaps that is why it doesn’t heal everyone. Instead of trying to take it all away, give them something to hold onto.”

“I don’t have anything to give.”

“You don’t need to give them anything. Most people have something good there, no matter how small, you just need to search for it. Find and let them feel it again.”

The idea terrified me. What if I tried and it didn’t work? What if it just made everything worse? My head drop onto her shoulder and I drew in a deep breath. She took my hand in hers and squeezed.

“Are you going to ask about Micah?” she asked after a few minutes of silence.

“Micah?” I glanced up at her confused.

“You’re healings are different with him. I’ve seen it. You spend a lot of time with him, yet you’ve only done a few transfers with him and when you do it causes you to faint. Tell me about it.”

I struggled to find the words to describe what happens. Nanna waited patiently, simply holding my hand.

“I don’t know why he’s so different. Sometimes I can feel his emotions and yet nothing transfers. The times I do heal him are so intense I completely black out. I have no memory of the actual transfers. I just wake up a bit tired.”

“Tired? Is that all?”

“Sometimes I feel relaxed or at least more aware of what is inside of me. Do you think something is wrong with my ability?”

“No, not with you.” She gripped my hand tighter, raising it as she looked at me questioningly. I nodded, giving her permission to search my past deeper. She bent her head slightly and her eyes drifted closed. A moment later she opened them again. “I see Phoebe’s being as nosy as ever. I do admit, I’m surprised Chloe hasn’t noticed anything odd about Micah. Though I suppose she is too busy worrying about that Andrew boy.”

I’d wondered if she were able to look into my sisters’ lives through me. Now I knew. Even avoiding Nanna your past wasn’t safe from her prying. “What’s so odd about Micah?”

“From what I saw through you and your sisters, Micah is most likely a buffer. I’ve only met a few buffers in my lifetime.”

“What is a buffer?”

“It means that somehow he manages to prevent your gift, and most likely Chloe and Phoebe’s gifts, from working on him. I imagine that when he finally lets it through, it can be powerful. Buffers are typically very private people, unwilling to share the intimate patys of their lives. Which is why most our family’s gifts don’t work on them. Many buffers are fearful of being hurt and that fits the Micah you’ve shown me. He wants to feel the comfort he thinks your gift holds, but at the same time he resists it because to lose that hold on his emotions means risking who he is.”

“Okay, I get that he’s a buffer, but when the transfer do go through, why don’t I feel drained? I did healings on Dylan that made me so tired I needed to sleep days to feel halfway alive again.”

“When he eventually lets you heal him, he pushes it back and somehow he pushes it back on you.” She smiled down at me. “He causes you to heal yourself.”

Heal myself. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry at the idea. If that were true, how could I be such a mess? And how terrible would it be if the one person who could help heal me didn’t want me?

Chapter 16

“Are you ready yet?” Phoebe’s voice came from the other side of my bedroom door. I’d locked her out after the third time she’d barged in.

I took my time letting her in. “Yeah, I just need to turn off the curling iron.”

“Wow, your hair looks awesome.”

I smoothed the waves down, grateful for the super styling gel Tonya had lent me. After an hour of blow-drying and straightening, my natural corkscrew curls were transformed into waves that, while longer than Black Widow’s character in the movies, looked nothing like my normal hair.

“Come on. Dad’s watching some football game and we have to make it before half time.” She shoved a long, grey jacket at me and wandered over to my full-length mirror to check herself out. “Besides Chloe is getting Nadine to drop her off early and there’s no way Tonya wants to be alone with her.”

“What’s this?” I held up the jacket.

“A coat.”

“Obviously, but why are you giving it to me?”

“It’s all part of my plan to get you out of the house. You know Dad would flip out if he saw these costumes.” she twisted to check out the back view of herself. “I’ve got a matching one, so if Dad asks what we’re dressed as we’ll say we’re going as the Kardashians. He has no clue who they are, so we should be safe.”

I put the coat on and then followed her upstairs. She grabbed her identical coat off the back of a chair in the kitchen and pulled it on before we went into the living room to see Dad. She been right. He was completely absorbed in the game and apart from a quick glance to tell us to have fun and be safe, he barely acknowledged us. It might have bothered me if he hadn’t spent all week hounding us with questions about the party, who would be there, and if Tonya’s grandma going to be there. Luckily, Chloe answered most of those questions since Phoebe wasn’t any better at lying than I was.

Tonya’s place was lit up with orange lights and an inflatable jack-o-lantern bobbed side to side on the front lawn. Apart from a few families still trick or treating, the block was deserted, probably since the houses were too spaced out to make going door to door an effective use of time. In a couple hours, it would be packed with cars and people coming for the party. Phoebe had wanted to do some kind of grand entrance, but Tonya refused to do all of the decorations and prep by herself. According to her, there were limits to her friendship.

Phoebe banged her fist on the door once and then opened it up, walking in as if she were perfectly at home. No one came to greet us, but there was a noise coming from the back of the house.

“Tee?” she called as she wandered back to the kitchen with me trailing behind. The closer we got the more clearly we could hear the sounds and it was obvious Chloe somehow gotten here before us and she and Tonya were already getting into it. “Crap, I didn’t think she’d be here yet.”

“Damn it, I told you I didn’t want him here.” Chloe yelled.

“Yeah, so we figured you did. Don’t worry though he’ll be a ninja in disguise.” Tonya shot back just as loudly.

The two of them were still screaming at each other when Phoebe and I finally got to the kitchen, but I couldn’t say what they were arguing about. I don’t think they would have been able to either. There was definitely anger simmering between them, but when I exerted a bit of effort in finding something positive to push out the negativity, I found that they actually enjoyed the constant bickering they did. It gave both of them a sense of superiority over the other.

Instead of rushing forward to take away their frustrations, I stood back and gave what little enjoyment I could find a push back toward them. Tonya was a lot easier to manipulate. I could almost see her latch onto it, her face relaxing with a hint of humor. Chloe, though, seemed to resist. I wasn’t sure if it was her need to have the last word or if it was something else, but the anger inside her seemed deeper than Tonya’s.

“What’s the problem?” Phoebe dared to ask during a break in the fighting.

“Ninjas. That’s the problem, Phoebe. Ninjas.” Chloe spun on her heel and stomped from the room. There were some additional slamming of items and then silence.

Phoebe and I both turned to Tonya for an answer that made slightly more sense.

“She’s pissed because we invited Andrew.”

“What did she expect?” Phoebe asked. “She told us not to invite him, knowing that we would, which is what she wanted.”

“Yeah, but apparently she told us not to invite him so we’d think she did want him here, so we wouldn’t invite him, just like she really didn’t want us to.”

The two of them nodded while I tried to reason out their twisted logic. All that really mattered was Chloe was pissed and somehow ninjas were involved.

Two hours later a swarm of strangely clad people gathered in the middle of the living room. “Why are there so many ninjas?” I asked Phoebe, taking in all of the ninjas

“Oh, well, Tonya and I may have told a few people it was a ninja theme,” Phoebe explained as if it were a perfectly normal thing to do.

“And why would you do that? Or am I better off not knowing?”

“Well, Chloe made us invite some of her friends, so we figured it would be easier to keep track of them if they were all wearing the same costume.”

“Why would you need to keep track of them?” I asked.

“Because,” Bianca said as she stepped up beside me and threw an arm around me. “Logan’s working the keg I brought, and this way he knows who to cut off early. My new boy needs things real simple.”

Bianca sounded as if she already needed to be cut off and it was barely ten o’clock. I managed to sneak away from Phoebe and Bianca and found a relatively quiet spot. I sat on a chair in the corner, watching everyone. Each time I even began to sense something negative, I pulled on what little positivity they had. And when I couldn’t find that, I looked for my own. It felt so strange to be so close to all of these people yet not be in pain. Nanna was right. I didn’t need something big to hold the bad stuff back.

My view of the crowd was interesting. Couples were grinding against each other in the middle of the room, while other people were scattered around talking and drinking. Despite the alcohol Bianca’s new boyfriend had managed to bring, people were relatively under control.

“Lils,” Phoebe called over the music. I looked to my right and saw her walking towards me, pulling Nathan along behind her, while another guy followed. When she stopped in front of me, she waved her hand in a flourish as if she was Vanna White and I was the next letter on the board. “Sebastian this is my sister, Lily. Lils, this is Sebastian. He’s a miracle worker.”

Nathan rolled his eyes and then groaned when Phoebe dug her elbow into his ribs.

“He seriously is. He fixed my cell, which is more than you could do.” She gave Nathan the evil eye.

Sebastian was tall and a bit on the skinny side. With black hair slicked down, he actually made me think of Leonard Nimoy or Zachary Quinto as Spock, only cute and Hispanic. Of course, the Star Trek costume might have helped me draw the comparison. He nodded his head in greeting and I did an awkward hand wave, wondering why Phoebe was staring at us expectantly. Was she expecting me to give him the Vulcan salute?

“Sebastian just moved here from El Paso and doesn’t really know anyone. Why don’t you guys talk or dance or something,” Phoebe said as she took Nathan’s hand and dragged him away faster than I’d ever seen her move.

“Apparently this is the moment where we are supposed to fall instantly in love with each other and vow to be together always,” Sebastian said, wearing an amused smile. “Is she always so obvious?”

“Sadly, she rarely lacks even that amount of subtlety.”

He nodded and we lapsed into silence, which was perfectly fine with me. I went back to people watching, until I noticed Chloe rushing at me.

“You so have to dance to this song,” she said and didn’t even give me a chance to protest, yanking me from my comfy seat.

I glanced back at Sebastian, feeling bad about ditching him, but he wasn’t even looking at me. Instead, he had his iPhone out and was tapping away at the screen. I probably should have been offended, but didn’t want to spoil my semi-good mood.

Chloe dragged me into a group of people moving in the middle of the room and I forced a smile to my face. I suppose they were dancing, but the mass simply bobbed up and down. The song was something recorded way before anyone in the room had been born, but it didn’t seem to deter them from acting like it was the greatest song ever.

Chloe tipped her head back and laughed at something her best friend Nadine yelled at her, but I didn’t catch it. Not that it mattered. Both of them radiated pure happiness. In fact, most of the people here did. There was no fighting going on or secret anger. Just fun. My body eventually got in tune with those around me and I joined in on the bouncing. The repetitiveness of the motion was actually kind of soothing.

My laugh echoed Chloe’s as I let myself relax. People kept bumping into me and I remembered what Nanna said about not focusing on the negative feelings. Instead, I latched onto the positive ones they kept huddled close to them. When I got close enough for a touch, however brief, I pushed it back into them, letting them feel the good things they already had. It was the most fun I’d had in months, maybe years.

Behind me, there was a sudden familiar warmth in the air and I knew it was Micah. I hadn’t seen him earlier and when I’d asked Chloe if he was going to be at the party, she’d said she hadn’t seen him in any vision she had of the party. But with Nanna’s theory that he was a buffer, I hadn’t placed a whole lot of confidence in what Chloe didn’t see with Micah.

I stopped dancing and turned around. He stood only a few inches away and with my high heel boots, I stared directly at his lips. They were moving, saying something, but I couldn’t hear him. He stopped and looked at me expectantly, waiting for a response. Even if I could read lips, I wasn’t sure what I would have said. Everything inside me jumbled up with him being so close. We’d agreed it was over, and that neither of us was what the other needed or even wanted, but it didn’t stop my heart from cracking a little at the sight of him. When I stayed silent, he grasped my hand softly and tugged me toward the edge of the circle. Before we went more than two steps, Chloe was on my other side, her concern prickling the palm of my hand.

She glanced at Micah before focusing on me. “Lily, you-”

“I told you. I don’t want to know,” I said, cutting her off. I didn’t want anything to ruin the chance to be with Micah for just another moment. With a slight wave of my hand, I turned my back on her and walked with Micah through the living room and into the kitchen. It wasn’t exactly private, or even quiet, but at least we wouldn’t have to yell.

He stood in front of me as I leaned back against the counter and crossed my arms over my chest, suddenly feeling over exposed. Which, really, was ridiculous considering Micah had seen me in much less a number of times.

We didn’t speak for a few minutes. Neither of us wanted the giggling group of girls who were standing around the island to hear, or it could have been that we just didn’t know what to say. Eventually the girls left and it was just us.

“Happy birthday,” he said.

“Thanks.”

“I like the costume.”

I gave him one of his typical half smiles, nerves from both of us driving the tension in me. We hadn’t spoken since the ride home from the bowling alley and even though we were only inches apart in some of our classes, I’d felt so completely separated from him.

He shifted closer and I drew in a sharp breath. His hand lifted to finger the zipper that led from the center of my chest down past the wide belt that hung on my hips.

“I really like it,” he said as his head dipped down.

The kiss was so soft and quick I might have thought I’d imagined it, except he came back for another. One moment we were both vibrating with nervousness and the next there was nothing but the feel of his fingers pressing into my hips and the soft warmth of his lips.

It was so easy to become lost in his touch and the absolute consumption of my own emotions. The small flicker of hope I’d had when he brought me into the kitchen flared inside my chest, smothering all other doubts. Some sanity, though, pushed through and I leaned back, breaking at least some of the contact.

“Micah, we can’t keep doing this.” My head dropped to his chest and I resisted the urge to look up at him, knowing his hazel eyes would only break down my willpower.

“I know. I really just wanted to talk-” His words stopped as the giggling girls swept back into the kitchen. They spotted us and it only made them laugh harder. They looked like freshmen and were probably riding some kind of high from crashing the party. They were lucky Phoebe was too distracted by Nathan to notice them.

Micah rolled his eyes and stepped back. I took his hand, loving how natural it suddenly felt. I led him down the hall to the spare bedroom Phoebe and I were going to share later on. Once we were inside and the door was closed, the uncomfortableness came flooding back. I glanced around the room and was unreasonably grateful for Phoebe’s chaotic tendencies. Her overnight bag was open and all of her things were scattered across the bed, leaving no room to even sit. I went to the bay window that looked into the backyard and sat on the small pillow covered bench to look out into the darkness.