6. Show compassion toward yourself.
The corollary to this is to stop blaming yourself when you
do
overeat. It’s going to happen. Sometimes you may also eat to cope with that emotion.
Doing so doesn’t make you a bad person!
It makes you someone who has made a conscious decision about the way you want to manage this feeling. Note I said “conscious.” If you’ve identified the emotion and
chosen
eating to cope with it this time, you’re making progress. Note whether eating is effective and, if it is effective, how long that benefit lasts. If it doesn’t work, that knowledge will help you to choose a different option another time.
Stop judging yourself. Enough already with the weight! Despair you feel about your body and your weight is counterproductive. It makes you feel that something is wrong with you; that you’re not entitled to the food you want, and that you need to deprive yourself as punishment for being “overweight.” All this causes a powerful retaliatory appetite and puts up a big barrier to becoming an intuitive eater.
Moving On . . .
Once you complete all the exercises and steps in this chapter, you’ll be one step closer to trusting yourself to eat well. When you indulge yourself, making sure that eating is a pleasurable experience, you’ll find the satisfaction you are looking for. Trust in pleasure, trust in yourself, and you’ll find your own ability to make choices that nurture you.
Here’s some more good news: HAES study participants reported that as they let go of the prescriptive aspects of weight-loss regimens and learned to trust themselves, these lessons spilled over into other aspects of their lives. They made better health choices overall and felt more fulfilled throughout their lives.
In the next chapter, I’ll share with you some of those other adjustments, including
what
to eat, how to manage stress, and how to live an active, healthy life.
TEN
Live Well
T
his book is not a weight-loss book, but a book about living a life that will make you healthier, no matter what your size. Although the focus in this chapter is on health, not weight, suggestions are consistent with maintaining a healthy weight.
Developing a Healthy Lifestyle
We live in a tough world. Although we’re pressured to lead a more wholesome life and to be thin, the American lifestyle supports poor health habits, some of which may result in a high weight. The bottom line is that although many people would like healthier (and thinner) bodies, we’re just not willing to change our lifestyles.
And although health care practitioners suggest that exercise and nutrition are simply a matter of personal choice, I know that’s not entirely true. Not only is there a biological component that underlies our choices, but our lives occur within a cultural context that supports a sedentary lifestyle and eating low-nutrient foods. To choose to live differently takes so much more effort than passively living the lifestyle most of us are accustomed to. Social inequities make this particularly challenging for people with lower incomes.
Throughout this book, I have emphasized following your body’s lead, eating what you want, when you want, and being attentive to the full experience of eating. I’ve told you how important it is to move when you want to, because it feels good, not because you have to. Many experts, however, are concerned that this is tantamount to “giving up” and will result in indiscriminate eating, inactivity, and more weight gain.
As you know, however, my research found this concern to be unfounded. We clearly documented that dumping the obsession with food and weight, along with the self-hatred and shame about your body, and following your body’s lead can result in marked health improvements.
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In this chapter, my goal is to help you identify the type of life you want and take responsibility for your choices in achieving it.
Maybe your main goal in the past was to be thin. Having this goal undermined your ability to eat a nutritious, delicious, and satisfying diet. It also undermined your ability to enjoy moving your body, since you probably viewed exercise as your penance for weighing too much. And imagine the toll that stress is taking on you!
Hopefully by now you’ve changed your mindset and decided you want a new focus in your life. Instead of thinking thin, you’re thinking happy and healthy. In this chapter, I’ll show you how to integrate physical movement, nutrition, and stress reduction techniques to achieve that goal. What I
won’t
show you is how to use things to lose weight. I do, however, promise that these strategies will help you achieve and maintain the weight that’s right for you.
Let’s start with physical activity.
Move It for Fun!
There’s no doubt that physical activity tops the list of lifestyle habits that influence your health. Physical activity or, to put it more simply,
movement,
triggers tremendous changes in the hormones and neurotransmitters involved in weight regulation and health. Activity even helps you become more sensitive to hunger and satiety signals.
However, if you think hitting the gym or sprinting around the block is required, I’ve got some good news: Vacuuming the living room can be as, or more, beneficial than strenuous aerobic exercise for some people.
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This is part of a new model for exercise called “active living.” Active living refers to moving more as part of your everyday life. It means taking the stairs instead of the elevator, raking the leaves yourself instead of recruiting a neighborhood child to do it or using a leaf blower, or parking at a distant spot instead of circling the parking lot looking for the closest space.
Studies find that it’s easier to stick to activity in short bouts of physical movement throughout the day instead of one long episode of continuous activity, like running, taking an aerobics class, or lifting weights.
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So far there’s evidence that individuals are maintaining these activity patterns for up to two years or more,
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which is in direct contrast to the short-lived attempts of people who jump on the gym bandwagon.
So forget about carving time out for your workout, if that’s not appealing to you. Instead, just find ways to integrate more movement into your daily life. To be most successful, keep it simple and don’t ask or expect too much of yourself. Instead, think of creative ways you can move more without making major alterations to your schedule. Try these on for size:
• Wear or have comfortable walking shoes with you at all times. Any time you have to wait or have a few minutes to spare, take a walk.
• Park far from your destination and walk to it.
• Walk to a different floor or neighboring building to use the restroom.
• Deliver things personally instead of using interoffice mail or e-mail.
• Take the stairs, not the elevator.
• Stand, stretch, and move every hour.
• Walk around when talking on the phone.
• Hold walking meetings instead of sitting in an office.
• Set challenges for yourself: How quickly can you get from your office to the lunchroom?
• Walk to the store instead of driving.
• Get off the bus or subway at an earlier stop.
• Park at the far end of the mall and window shop until you reach your destination.
• Houseclean with extra vigor. Pump the music up and rock to the beat while folding clothes. Master those dance steps with your vacuum as your partner.
• Play games with your kids. The little ones will love to dance and get silly with you!
• Throw away the television remote control.
• Stand while reading on the computer and march in place (easier in the privacy of your own home!).
• Walk with your friends and colleagues instead of the usual coffee break.
• Use an old-fashioned push mower for lawn work.
Challenge yourself with these small bouts. If you climb four flights of stairs one day, add an extra one the next. But don’t feel the pressure to push yourself. Even a little bit has big payback.
The beauty of this approach is that you can forget about any fitness plan, weight loss, target heart rate, number of calories burned, etc. Instead, just move. An added bonus? Just a single short bout of activity will release endorphins, feel-good chemicals that pick up your mood immediately. It also makes muscle cells more responsive to insulin, even when you’re not moving, dramatically reducing your risk of diabetes and other concerns.
As you move more and find yourself getting stronger, consider getting involved in structured activities like hiking, running, cycling, golf, tennis, skiing, dancing, kayaking, swimming, basketball, or horseback riding, either alone or with a friend or family member.
Whatever you do, be creative. One of my favorite activities is playing fetch with my dog. I’m not sure I totally understand the rules, but this is how it usually goes: I throw the stick, she chases it, then she teases me until I chase her. Then we both run until I collapse on the ground laughing, her signal to start kissing me. She scores extra points if she can make me run through the mud. I’m not sure which of us looks forward to this game more, but I know both of us are getting a great workout in addition to the fun!
Build your socializing and work around active ventures. For instance, instead of meeting a friend at a café, meet at the neighborhood basketball court and catch up on the week while trying to sink baskets and steal the ball from each other. The longer it’s been since you both played, the more you’ll both laugh! One of the HAES participants reports that Thursday night with her best buddy and a basketball is the highlight of her week.
At work, hold your one-on-one meetings while walking, or walk to the coffee shop four blocks away instead of hitting the stale brew in the kitchenette.
Of course, you can also join a gym and participate in classes such as aerobics, spinning, dance, boxing, etc. A few gyms are getting more progressive and making it more fun for people of all sizes to participate, although many still cultivate an environment unkind to larger people or to non-jocks.
Don’t forget walking, which can be one of life’s greatest pleasures. If you don’t typically enjoy walking, concentrate on your surroundings instead of letting your mind wander. Smell the air, notice the landscape, check out the details of the architecture. As you tune in to your surroundings you’ll find plenty to keep you interested and engaged. My dad’s currently trumping my mom in their contest to find the tackiest garden displays in the neighborhood, and I enjoy their weekly reports. Apparently, pink flamingos are all the rage in Florida.
You may also find that walking is an enjoyable escape from daily demands, and a relaxing way to spend time with someone else. For me, the key to enjoying walks is making sure I actually show up. What do I mean by this? If I’m distracted, thinking about what I should or could be doing instead, walking becomes a chore. But when I allow myself to just be present, to let go of other thoughts and responsibilities, it’s a great relief. I feel a real sense of lightness, which may just show up as a bounce in my step. With this attitude, walking becomes a welcome respite during my day. I’m also a better listener and friend if I’ve got company.
Swimming and other pool activities are other great ways to appreciate movement. Being in water has the added advantage of providing a very different way of experiencing your weight. It’s particularly beneficial for people who experience joint pain or have limited mobility.
Active living is accessible to people along the full range of mobility, though it may take a little more creativity for some. For those in wheelchairs, I highly recommend chair-dancing, having recently had a great time rocking out with some friends.
The key is to stop associating exercise with “working out” or with weight loss. Notice, instead, how good it makes you feel. You may find that exercise is not only enjoyable, but a reward for the hard work you do in the rest of your life.