Heart Ripper - Coffin Nails MC (gay biker M/M romance) (Sex & Mayhem Book 9) (14 page)

“You sure? What’s wrong with it? Did we wake it
up?” asked Raja, slowly getting to his feet. He adjusted his softening cock and
followed the ungodly noise into a room so aggressive-looking he wanted to rush
out right away. All the walls were hand-painted into black and white shapes
that made his head spin. “Fucking hell, what happened to feathers and baby
blue?”

“Asty read somewhere this trains the baby’s
eyesight,” muttered David, who already had the kid on the changing table and
was looking inside the diaper.

Raja rubbed his eyes with his thumb and
forefingers. “Did it pee?”

David looked as flustered as ever, trying to hide
Bell from Raja with his own body. “Yeah, I think you’re better off waiting in
my room.”

Raja stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Well, at
least it’s not the other one,’ he offered and immediately wanted to bash his
head against the wall. What kind of failure was this? Where was his witty
tongue when it was needed?

David made the most miserable face and turned his
back on Raja as he went on with changing the baby’s diaper. “I’m so sorry. This
was a bad idea. He’s always quiet. I was thinking with my dick. I’m so out of
line.”

Raja smirked, but watching him so flustered was
making Raja feel a bit cruel. “Yeah, you definitely overstepped some boundaries
here. You’ve earned a spanking.”

“I did,” David whined, as if he really thought he
deserved to be punished. “Maybe you should go? I don’t know. Maybe I’m not
ready for this at all.”

Raja sighed and dared to walk up to him. His hand
seamlessly molded to one of the glorious buttocks, and he rested his chin on
David’s shoulder, watching the baby doing an epic ugly cry, red face,
horrendous facial expressions, and all. “You’re pretty good at this.”

“Thanks. Nothing sexier than a man who knows how
to change a diaper. What was I thinking?” David groaned as he closed up the new
diaper and started cooing to the child.

Raja looked at David’s serious expression and was
unable to stop the sudden barky laugh that left his lips. Normally, he could be
annoyed by the smallest things, like dirty dishes in his hookup’s sink, but
this was amusing in its own way. He supposed once you actually knew someone,
your tolerance for their imperfections grew. “That’s fucking hilarious. This
literally never happened to me before.”

“You think this is funny?” David picked up the
baby and held the boy in his arms. He wouldn’t even look up at Raja. “This is
the worst. I think you should go.”

Raja frowned, bound to the floor by a cool
sensation in his legs. His erection was long gone just like Bell’s cries. “No.”

“Why not? I’m clearly useless. The baby could call
out for me at any moment, and I came in my pants in five fuckin— gah!” He was
only going redder, and funnily enough, as he said those angry words, he kept
stroking the baby’s back gently as the little boy closed his eyes.

“Because you don’t pull me through the trouble of
getting here, cocktease me, and then show me the door,” said Raja with a frown.
He wasn’t sure whether he was angry at the baby or at David for trying to push
him away over this silly thing. He supposed he couldn’t be angry at a baby that
fell asleep so quickly.

“I’m sorry, I just don’t know if this is the right
thing to do. What if Bell crying was a sign?” David put the baby back into its
crib and finally looked up at Raja. “My mom called today, and I think I might
be gay, like,
very
gay. And you feel so good. I could just stay in bed
with you forever, but people say heroin feels fantastic, and that that doesn’t
mean it’s good for you. Maybe I really do need to rethink this.”

Raja stepped back at the slap in the face that was
David’s words. He crossed his arms on his chest, trying to keep his cool. He
refused to be hurt by an eighteen-year-old kid. “Did you just compare me to
heroin? What the fuck is up with that?”

David walked past him and pulled Raja out of the
baby’s room by a loop in his belt. “How do I know if what I’m doing is right?”
He looked up at Raja in the corridor, as if Raja had all the answers. “My mom
doesn’t want me to even associate with ‘the gays’, and here I am, fantasizing
about your dick inside me. Maybe something’s wrong with me, and I can still fix
it.”

Raja pushed David’s hand away, suddenly
uncomfortable with his touch. This was mad. He hadn’t come here for this. He
came here to have some fun and show David what sex was all about, not to listen
to abuse and self-abuse. “No you can’t. There’s something wrong with you
if
you agree with her
.”

David sniffed, and now Raja could confirm David’s
previous statement. This
was
a disaster. “I don’t agree. I’ve met some
really nice gay people. But maybe it’s not my calling at all. Maybe if I stop
now, it won’t progress,” he said as if being gay was some disease that would
develop over time and shorten his life.

Raja grabbed his arm and pushed him against the
wall. “This isn’t fucking cancer! I can’t believe you’d say this of yourself,
of me, of all the people you say you met and like!” He took a deep breath,
trying to curb the anger firing up inside him. “Are you saying there’s
something wrong with me too? Is that what it’s all about?”

And on top of that, despite David inviting Raja
into his bed, the guy still wore that stupid purity ring on his finger.
Un-fucking-believable.

David looked away from Raja, and his exhale was a
loud tremble. “Did you tell me not to try conversion therapy because you wanted
to have sex with me?” The whispered question was like yet another slap in the
face.

Raja’s throat clenched, and he wheezed his next
breath, looking away from David. “No. Of course not. That’s what you think of
me?” he growled and pushed hard against David’s chest, fuming. Now it was he
who wanted to leave the house. “You shouldn’t have invited me then. You smile
like a fucking angel, you flirt with me, pretend to be all sweet, but
that’s
what you really think!”

David gasped and grabbed Raja’s hand. “I’m just
trying to sort things out in my head. Why did you want to stop me from going to
a therapy camp?” He smiled in the sweetest, gentlest way, and it was one of the
scariest things Raja’s ever seen in his life. “Maybe we could try it together?”

Raja shook David’s hand off as if it burned him.
“Stop smiling. You’re freaking me out. I’m never ever trying to change who I
am!”

David’s face saddened, like on command, and he
slouched against the wall. “Do you never wish you were different? Wouldn’t it
have been easier for you? With all your biker friends?”

Raja exhaled, looking toward the baby’s room and
suddenly wishing for Bell to start crying again. He hadn’t expected this
conversation. He never talked to people about his past. He’d left it behind and
never looked back, and now David was just delving his smooth hands into Raja’s
chest and pulling all this shit out.

“You don’t understand. It’s not something you can
unlearn. It’s who you
are
. You’re not gonna stop liking men. Ever. Do
you understand this? They are gonna hurt you there, if you go,” he whispered,
slowly closing his hand on David’s shoulder.

The ghost of touch was enough for David to push
away from the wall. He wrapped his arms around Raja tightly and wouldn’t let
go, hot cheek on Raja’s chest and his whole body trembling. He didn’t say a
word but his breathing was ragged.

Raja’s back thudded against the wall, and he slid
all the way to the floor, taking David with him. He didn’t even know when his
arms closed around the shivering body so hard he needed to loosen his grip when
the tension in his muscles made his limbs ache. “Even if you go into one of
the... more legit... no... less shady places, they’re just gonna make you hate
yourself. You can’t win against those people when they think they’re hurting
you for your own good. Like doctors did in the past when they bled ill people
because they didn’t know any better,” mumbled Raja in the end.

David curled up in Raja’s lap, and the strange
thing was that Raja could barely remember hugging someone this way. Not while
making out, not while fucking, but just being close, talking, and… only now he
noticed that David was crying. Latching on to Raja, and wetting Raja’s T-shirt
with his tears.

“What did they do to you?” David asked between one
sob and another.

Raja sighed and slowly brushed his thumb across
David’s cheek, wiping away a tear. He didn’t know how to deal with this kind of
stuff, but he didn’t want to run from it either. He wanted to convince David
not to make a horrific mistake.

“My mom... she came home early and found me with
my boyfriend. She and Dad talked, and less than a week later, I was shipped off
to this camp in the desert... It was like they didn’t want anything to do with
me if I’m not what they wanted me to be,” he whispered, surprised that even
now, the pain he felt over ten years ago hurt just as much. “The air was so dry
there, we had those mindless chores... like transporting wood and rocks from
one place to another, and then we had gymnastics and all kinds of mumbo jumbo
therapy.”

David leaned up and gave Raja’s cheek a tender
kiss. “And that was supposed to help with the… attraction?”

Raja was usually the last person on the planet to
open up about his past, but for the first time in years, the person he was
talking to truly wanted to listen. Not just because Raja was a good fuck and
they had to pass the time somehow. It felt as if every word from Raja’s lips
would be cherished. And at the end of the day, David was the one person who wasn’t
asking out of curiosity. He needed to hear what Raja had to say. With him,
showing a bit of vulnerability would not make Raja any less of a man.

“Yeah,” whispered Raja, gently petting David’s
face, shaken by the flood of memories that emerged out of the depths of his
brain where Raja had locked them away so long ago. “We were on a strict diet,
and we had baths in icy water, group therapy where everyone was expected to
basically bash themselves and apologize for how they felt.” Raja’s eyes stung
just remembering it. “I really missed my boyfriend, but I never heard from him
again. And I... didn’t want to cheapen anything that happened between us. I
wouldn’t do it, so the therapists felt I was a difficult case. That’s what they
called me.”

David pulled away slightly to look into Raja’s
eyes, and Raja didn’t even have to ask to know that anything he’d say would
stay between them. “That does sound horrible.” He slipped his fingers into
Raja’s beard, and the tender caress released some of the tension in Raja’s body.

He exhaled and squeezed his fists, watching David.
“They would do aversion therapy, so they made us nauseated with drugs or used
electroshocks while showing us sexy pictures of guys. I have no idea how long
those sessions lasted, but it felt like ages. I know some of the guys were
faking it so that it would stop eventually, but I wouldn’t do it. I couldn’t.
And then, they won, you know. They made me cry when in this whole set of hot
pictures was m-my boyfriend. And I just couldn’t help myself. I missed him so
much. It was... so cruel.”

David’s lips parted and he sobbed with the tears
Raja couldn’t shed anymore. “I’m so sorry. That’s not right…” He petted Raja’s
beard in the same soothing motion and wouldn’t take his eyes off him.

Raja wasn’t even sure how to pinpoint what he was
feeling. David’s gaze wasn’t about horny teenage lust like it had been before.
He was engaged and searching for the true person behind Raja’s cocky facade.
And Raja didn’t want to hide behind it either.

“It made me so angry,” whispered Raja after a few
seconds he needed to steady his voice, but there was a tension inside him that
he couldn’t even describe. “I tried to run, but they caught me. I was in
solitary first, and then the treatments became even more intense. I just wanted
it to end. I was so tired. It was almost as if they were waiting for my weakest
moment, and one night, instead of having me sleep in the room with everyone
else, they locked me up in this bedroom. And then a female therapist came over,
and she acted like this good cop, you know. She ran me a bath, and she gave me
some nice food. She was pretending she sneaked in some chocolate because she
was sorry for me. But...” His voice died, and he clenched his teeth, not sure
if he could continue. He was an adult man. He was always able to stand his
ground, but now that his mind was back with his seventeen-year-old self, he
wanted to crawl into the corner and cry in anguish.

David’s weight in his lap felt pleasant, and his
arms welcoming when they curled around Raja’s neck. It was silly to find the
person to confess to in an eighteen-year-old, yet Raja also knew that his story
was exactly what David needed to hear. If Raja could save even one guy from the
torment that he had endured, it would be worth opening his bruised heart.

“What did she do?” David whispered, curling up
even closer, as if he wanted to melt into Raja and soak up all his troubles.

Raja shuddered, but his mouth spread into a smile.
He had no idea why, maybe his body was trying to calm down that way. “She
didn’t leave when I was supposed to undress. And then she rolled into bed with
me and took off her clothes,” whispered Raja, looking away from David. “I...
she slept with me. I know I shouldn’t have let her, but she was nice to me, and
for the first time there I had a nice evening, and I just wanted not to hurt.”
Raja took a deep breath and closed his eyes as his chest exploded with rage. “I
hope she’s dead. I never killed anyone, but if I ever meet her, I don’t know
what I’ll do. They all deserve hell.”

David took a deep breath, and a few more tears
rolled down his cheeks. “I’m sorry I suggested there was something wrong with
you… us. I suppose it’s just hard to accept that I can’t change it. Thank you
for telling me what happened.” David leaned closer and gave Raja a gentle,
salty kiss.