Authors: Joanna Sellick
‘I can’t
do this,’ I whisper to Jay, my feet rooted to the spot.
‘Well I’m
not standing out here all day,’ Jay replies cheerily, waving me goodbye and
starting to walk ahead. I grab his arm.
‘You’re
impossible,’ I grumble, taking a deep breath.
‘Look, you’re
gunna have to face them sooner or later. You can either walk in there with
dignity or I can carry you in there screaming like a child,’ he shrugs, running
a hand casually through his hair.
‘I
remember some distant time ago when you used to be nice,’ I mutter, finally
letting go of the handles of my bike and locking it in place. Jay winks and
wraps an arm around my shoulders, subtly urging me forward.
A year
seven gets in my way but after one sour look from yours truly, he quickly moves
on. Jay laughs.
‘Well,
that’s one way to make new friends. Maybe if you stare the whole of sixth-form
down they’ll fall in love and start worshipping you,’ he quips. I elbow him.
‘You are
being no help at all, this is serious, Jay. That text just made everything
worse than it already was. How the hell am I supposed to face anyone?’ I mope
miserably.
‘By acting
as if it never happened,’ Jay replies simply. ‘If you cower away, then you are
giving whoever did this exactly what they want. You are only a victim if you
choose to be one. Go out there and show them who’s boss, I’ve got your back.
Got it?’
‘Yes,
Sir,’ I laugh. Then I groan again as we reach the sixth form block. I need to
go through it in order to get to Psychology.
‘I’m going
this way but I’ll see you later,’ Jay suddenly announces and I freeze.
‘You can’t
leave me!’ I wail, glancing around me.
‘This will
only work if you do this on your own.’ I just glare at him. ‘Trust me on this,
you have to show people that you don’t care what they think, even if you do. But
I can’t do that for you.’ This time, Jay’s voice is softer, as if talking from
experience.
I sigh.
‘Where did
all this tough love come from?’ I raise an eyebrow. He smirks.
‘Good
luck,’ he replies as an answer before disappearing. I roll my eyes. Jay doesn’t
have to worry about being the social outcast, I mean, just look at him, but
something in his tone earlier has hit a nerve.
Shrugging
off the odd sensation, I take a deep breath and face the big double doors.
Then I
frown.
This is
ridiculous. I’m scared of entering a building I’ve been in and out of for
almost seven years.
Shaking my
head furiously, I storm through the doors, although my bravado falls when I
enter the room, underestimating just how many people would be in the common
room at this time.
A few
students snigger or turn to their friends to engage in whispers. A few just
stare at me and I catch the eye of a girl called Noah Presley who I know from
art. Then the strangest thing happens.
She smiles
at me.
Then she
nods her head in acknowledgment and turns back to her friends, not to ignore as
such but as she would do if just acknowledging any of her friends who were just
passing through.
That’s the
most normal exchange I’ve had with anyone in the past few months and I break
into a smile of my own, flashing it at the people still staring before carrying
on through to my lesson.
I decide
to skip registration again so I sink into my usual seat at the back of my
psychology class, but I don’t feel the need to sink as far into the shadows as
I usually would.
A smile is
such a small thing, but it’s amazing how much the small things matter.
I don’t
talk to anyone like usual, I don’t make eye contact or sit next to anyone but I
don’t feel completely awkward either. And that little thing, that is very
important.
Managing
to make it through the school day, I find myself having to tackle something as
equally uncomfortable.
I sit
awkwardly on my hands in the chair in my counsellor’s office. Nadine looks just
as awkward and shifts with discomfort.
Charlie
and Nadine are still going along with their coffee-dates and usually I try to
avoid them as much as possible. But now there is no getting away from it.
‘Neve,
about me and Charlie-’
‘Can we
not,’ I interrupt, cringing. ‘Look, it’s bad enough we have to talk about my
uncle’s dating life in the first place, can we at least just pretend I’m not
talking to the woman he’s dating? Nadine the counsellor and Nadine who is
Charlie’s… whatever… they are two different people,’ I state. Nadine sighs in
relief and adjusts her glasses.
‘Okay,’
she starts again, her voice clearer this time. ‘I hear Charlie has started
dating again. Does this bother you at all?’
I shrug,
finding it easier to use my voice now. ‘It doesn’t really bother me, he dates
all the time. He should be happy right? Although, this is the first time it
looks serious. Charlie doesn’t normally get past the first date.’
Nadine
tries to hide a smile.
‘Good. So
you don’t feel threatened at all by this new person in any way? That she will
somehow take Charlie’s attention off you?’
I raise an
eyebrow. Nadine gives me an apologetic look and I realise these are just
standard questions.
‘Look,
let’s get this straight, I’m not an attention seeking brat- put that in your
notes. Charlie should be able to do whatever he wants. I’m probably the only
reason he’s never gotten past the first date in the first place.’
Nadine
sighs.
‘Neve, I
can’t help you if you continually put yourself down. You have no reason to
blame yourself for anything-’
‘Yeah,
yeah, no negative energy and all that. My ying and yang is in perfect harmony,
I’m like Buddha,’ I mutter sarcastically. ‘Anyway, in answer to if I feel
threatened by this other woman, the answer is no. I know I’m Charlie’s number
one girl.’
Nadine
doesn’t even smirk at the comment. She really is in counsellor mode.
‘And what
are your feelings towards this new woman? Do you like her, dislike her? How
comfortable do you feel around her?’
I study
Nadine for a moment, trying to work out if this is a genuine question or
something she is asking herself, but she keeps her expression neutral. I sigh.
‘Honestly?
It’s a little weird, but I think it’s something I could get used to,’ I say
carefully. ‘I mean, she seems nice enough.’
This time,
Nadine does smile.
My session
goes on for another forty-five minutes before I’m able to escape on my bike and
get back home. When I pass through the front door, the heavy smell of Chinese
food hits me and Charlie announces that he is in the kitchen.
Curious, I
pop my head around the door to find takeaway food arranged neatly on plates and
a glass of bubbly on the side. Charlie is grinning from ear to ear, holding out
a champagne glass to me.
He’s still
in his work suit but the jacket and tie are missing.
‘What on
earth is this in aid of?’ I laugh, taking the glass with confusion.
‘Someone
got a promotion,’ Charlie winks, looking very smug. ‘Our sales manager is on
maternity leave, and guess who gets to take her place? I guess all that arse
kissing worked, huh? It’s not much, and its temporary, but I’ll be earning a
little bit more money and it puts me in Grayson’s good books. The underdog always
pulls through in the end,’ he grins.
‘Nice,’ I
smile back, congratulating him. We chat over dinner and Charlie tells me in
great detail about the other worker’s expressions and reactions to him getting
the job, making us both burst into fits of laughter and I explain my awkward
session with Nadine. He ducks his head shyly as the topic soon moves onto the
two of them but he tries to skirt around it. In the end I let it go, but not
without giving him one last knowing look.
The
doorbell goes and I jump up to get it, surprised to find Blake on the other
side. It feels like I’m seeing everyone today.
‘Wow,
you’re feeling brave tonight,’ I laugh, referring to Blake actually making it
up the front path.
Blake
smirks, giving me that dazzling smile and running a hand through his hair.
‘Well,
I’ve decided I’m becoming quite fond of you and if I want to keep hanging out
with you then I should probably man up. Besides, Charlie isn’t that scary.’
Then Blake’s face pales. ‘Er, he didn’t hear that did he?’
I laugh
out loud and cast a glance over my shoulder.
‘I don’t
think so,’ I smirk. ‘What are you after? You don’t need me to go undercover as
your wife next, do you?’
‘Not
quite, but that could be useful if the time ever comes. I shall hold you to
that.’ I roll my eyes. ‘Actually, I’m kidnapping you. Since I’m dragging you to
this party on Saturday I figured you’d like to meet some people before hand,’
he shrugs. I grin.
‘Aw, for a
kidnapper you’re so thoughtful. I’ll just grab my coat. Want any Chinese food? Charlie
got a promotion so we’re celebrating and there is plenty left over.’
‘When I
grow the balls, I will tell him congratulations. But Chinese sounds great,
thanks.’
I grab
some of the leftovers, which we nibble on in the car, Blake balancing his
precariously on his lap while driving, as we make our way out of town and into
the next one. Although it’s more of a village than a town, really.
‘So where
are we going exactly?’ I ask, looking around the streets we pass.
‘To my
friend, Dixie’s, place. She’s a nutter, you’ll love her,’ Blake grins. ‘There’s
a group of us.’
‘How did
you make so many friends if you only used to visit on rare occasions?’ I can’t
help but question. After all, I live here and I have no friends.
Well
technically I have two now.
‘I do this
thing called socialising,’ Blake laughs. ‘But Dixie and I have known each other
for years. The first time we visited, I knocked the ice-cream out of her hand
so she returned the favour. It wasn’t pretty, seven year olds are feisty,’ he
muses. ‘Anyway, I met the rest of them through her.’
I smile
and go back to staring out of the window. Out of the blue, I suddenly ask,
‘Blake, if I had the chance to find out about my parents, should I take it?’
The
question shocks Blake so much that he almost brings the car to a stop.
‘What do
you mean?’ he asks, frowning.
‘Charlie
gave me the key to my old house. He and Jay both think I should go but I don’t
know. Tell me what to do.’
Blake
chuckles slightly.
‘I can’t
make that sort of decision for you, Neve,’ he points out. ‘But I will tell you
this, you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. So maybe try thinking of it
like this, you have this opportunity, and if you don’t take it you’ll wake up
one day wondering why the hell you didn’t take it in the first place. Does that
make sense?’ he frowns to himself, unsure of his own words.
‘Yeah,’ I
sigh, the thoughts still turning themselves over in my mind. ‘How’s the thing
with your aunt?’ I ask softly.
Blake’s
expression softens and he lets out a deep sigh. ‘Surviving. But things are
getting worse, you know? She could last another year or be gone by tomorrow.’
Then Blake looks at me questioningly. ‘Does Jay talk to you much about her?’
I shrug.
‘Not much, why?’
‘Nothing,’
he sighs, shaking his head. Then he brightens up as a house he obviously
recognises comes into view. ‘Here we go.’
The house
is a reasonable size with flowers over growing everywhere, uncontrollable
shrubs criss-crossing each other and long vines crawling up the wall. The front
garden even has various gnomes dotted around.
Walking up
the pathway, I notice that one of the gnomes has been given a permanent-marker
moustache.
Blake
knocks loudly on the door and a moment later a girl his age swings the door
open and practically launches herself at him, her figure a flying mass of dark
hair. Blake chuckles as he hugs her and then she pulls back, gripping his
shoulders as if about to ask him something very serious and important.
‘I can
definitely borrow the car on Saturday, right?’ The girl asks, completely
serious.
Blake
raises an eyebrow. ‘I honestly don’t know whether you hang out with me for me
or car.’
‘The car,
duh.’ The girl grins and finally her eyes land on me. ‘Oh hey, you must be
Neve!’
The girl’s
eyes are a vivid blue like Alex’s, but that is where the similarities end. She
has a tall, slender frame with dark, raven coloured hair hanging past her
shoulders, the tips dyed with a bright purple.
These
match her skimpy dark purple shorts which have been coupled with black tights,
fashioned with numerous tears. She also wears a grey over-sized sweater, plenty
of long necklaces dangling down and different bands and bracelets crawling up
her arms. The girl also has a black trilby balanced on her mop of hair.