Authors: Joanna Sellick
I hadn’t
heard Blake return, but when I’m downstairs I hear him with Joy in the kitchen.
‘I’m
sorry, Mum. You know how it is, I just don’t know… how to handle anything
anymore,’ Blake apologies, his voice sadder than I’ve ever heard it.
‘I know,
Sweetie. I know.’ Joy has adopted a similar tone, except it seems as though she
has been crying too.
I finish putting
my shoes on just as Blake appears from the kitchen, running a hand harshly
through his hair like he does sometimes when he’s pissed off or stressed. He
doesn’t look like he’s been crying, but his jaw muscles are tense and its
obvious something is eating at him.
Blake
blinks as he registers my presence, as if he had completely forgotten I existed
and is trying to put a name to my face.
‘Where’s
Jay?’ he frowns.
‘Sulking
upstairs because I mentioned the name-that-must-never-be-mentioned.’
This earns
me a smirk at least.
‘Man,
bringing out the J-bomb in this house is a serious offence. Come on, since my
brother is obviously useless, I’ll walk you home.’ He doesn’t wait for an
answer and is already out of the door before I can protest. I shout my goodbyes
and follow him out, wincing at the bitterness of the day.
‘Walk? You
can drive me, its freezing!’ I demand, wrapping my arms around me. Blake rolls
his eyes, but I see a hint of a smile as he leads me over to his fancy car.
Safely
within the confines of warmth, I whack up the heating and snuggle against the
leather seats.
‘Blake,
are you okay?’ I ask quietly. It isn’t my place to pry, but I can’t stand the
look in his eyes.
Blake
shakes his head and looks down, starting the car.
‘It’s a
long story,’ he sighs. ‘Sorry about earlier, loosing my temper like that. I
just really thought Carrie would come home this year, she didn’t last
Christmas.’
We drive
in silence for the rest of the ride until we pull up outside my house.
‘Jay’s
told you about our aunt right?’ Blake suddenly says, something catching in his
throat. I nod. ‘She doesn’t have long left, I just… I’ve never lost anyone
before,’ he adds softly. ‘Have you ever had to just stand by and watch someone
as their life slips away?’
Blake’s
question catches me off guard, but once again I shake my head.
‘I
haven’t, but I know what its like to lose someone you love.’ Gently, I reach
over and give his hand a quick squeeze. For the first time since I got in the
car, Blake looks at me.
‘How did
you, erm, deal with it?’ he asks awkwardly.
I smile
sadly. ‘I haven’t,’ I reply honestly. ‘Or rather, I didn’t start until you guys
came along. I’m always here if need to talk, okay?’
Blake nods
before forcing a smirk.
‘Now get
out, your girlish hormones are clogging up the car,’ he announces. I roll my
eyes and hop out, watching as Blake drives off.
Something
hits me then, something I have been turning over in my mind but not really
wanting to confirm. Something is deeply wrong in the Ellsworth house, and I can’t
help but wonder how much longer they can tiptoe around before it all comes
crashing down.
After
returning from the Ellsworth’s, I push my way into the house to the abrupt
hushing of voices.
‘I didn’t
think you would be home until late?’ I hear Charlie question from the living
room. A moment later he pokes his head around the door, looking surprisingly
guilty. I eye him suspiciously.
‘Oh, don’t
worry, Charlie. I should really be going anyway.’
My eyes
widen as I recognise that female voice and Charlie squeezes his eyes shut, a
look of annoyance on his face as if he wishes his female company had just
stayed quiet.
‘Neve,
it’s so nice to see you when you aren’t storming around my office,’ my counsellor
Nadine smiles, emerging from the lounge.
I think
this is the first time I’ve seen her look, well, sort of normal. Instead of the
usual two-piece-suit she’s in smart jeans and a nice looking burgundy top with
black boots. Her black-rimmed glasses are still her number one accessory, but
instead of its usual tight bun, her shoulder-length, blonde hair hangs
delicately around her face. Nadine is managing to pull off smart and
sophisticated as well as elegant and gorgeous.
‘Hey,’ is
the only thing I can squeak back. I send Charlie a menacing look that he
pretends not to notice and Nadine just genuinely doesn’t seem to realise.
After a
minute or two of standing there awkwardly, Charlie shows Nadine the door and
they murmur words of doing “this” again. I have no idea what “this” entails but
it can’t mean anything good for me.
Reluctantly,
Charlie closes the door and when he turns to face me again his cheeks are
tinted with pink.
‘Charlie,
was that my counsellor?’ I say, very carefully. And slightly darkly.
The guilty
look returns.
‘We ran
into each other at the bookstore today and she started talking about all of
these fancy writers which then turned into just random chit chat and then I
invited her over for a coffee,’ Charlie defends in a rush. I make an agitated
noise and storm into the lounge.
‘You could
have had coffee with anyone. Anyone! And you just happened to run into Nadine.’
I face-palm and sink into the sofa. ‘Nadine is my counsellor, a woman who I set
out weekly to make her job hell for, and you’re dating her!’
‘We’re not
dating,’ Charlie assures me.
‘That’s
not what it seems like,’ I say stubbornly. ‘
Today
was great, Charlie. We really should do it again sometime,
’ I mimic in my
best Nadine-voice. Which doesn’t sound like her at all.
‘That’s
not fair,’ he argues, sitting down on the sofa next to me.
‘
This
isn’t fair,’ I splutter, waving at
the discarded coffee mugs. ‘She probably just wants to get close to you so she
can find out more about me for her notes! This is a woman who probably thinks I
am crazy and you are having coffee with her!’
‘If it
helps, I already know you’re crazy.’
I narrow
my eyes at him, frustration boiling up within me, and get up to leave.
‘Aw,
Nevie, don’t be like that,’ Charlie laughs, grabbing my arm and pulling me back
down onto the sofa with him. To my utter embarrassment, he starts tickling me.
He’s really more of an older brother than an uncle.
‘My name
isn’t Nevie!’ I manage to speak, wriggling around and squealing. I manage to
take hold of a pillow and slam it against his chest until I’m able to get free.
I curl up on the other end of the sofa, hugging the pillow to my chest.
Charlie
smiles.
‘You know
I would never do anything to upset you, if it bothers you that much, we won’t
meet up again.’
I groan
and bury my head in my pillow.
I have
prevented him from getting anywhere with a woman for too many years. After all,
who wants to date a thirty-year-old with a grumpy teenager daughter? If Charlie
has the chance to be with someone, I should let him, right?
But why
does it have to be my counsellor?
‘It’s
fine. Just don’t… talk about me…’ I cringe. Although he tries to hide it, I see
Charlie grin. ‘Also, when was the last time you, Charlie Willows, visited a
bookstore?’
Charlie
scowls. Much like Jay despises his first name, Charlie hates his last,
determining a number of times that it makes him sound like a blonde
cheerleader.
‘If you
must know, I was picking up something for my boss,’ he mumbles. ‘In between
sales, Grayson has me running stupid little errands he can’t be bothered to do
for himself. Today’s was picking up a present for his wife’s birthday.
Apparently she reads stuff by Alfred Tenny-whatever. That’s when I ran into
Nadine and I couldn’t exactly tell her I was an errand boy so I just sort of
blabbed about this Tenny-guy,’ Charlie shrugs.
‘Alfred
Tennyson?’ I laugh.
‘That’s
it. He writes epic novels, right?’
‘He’s a
poet, Charlie.’
‘Huh.
Well, she didn’t question anything I said. I think I got myself out of it
pretty well.’
Or she hoped that by
nodding and smiling you would finally shut up.
It could
have gone worse I suppose; he could have started talking about comics.
Although I
keep my thoughts to myself, my doubt and amusement must have shown on my face
because Charlie makes an irritated noise and goes in search of the kitchen.
It’s then
that Joy’s invite comes to mind, and I decide now is the best time to ask.
‘Charlie?’
I ask, dragging out his name as I follow him into the kitchen. This time he is
the one to eye me suspiciously.
‘Yes?’ He
replies carefully, starting to assemble pans.
‘Can I
spend Christmas at the Ellsworth house this year? Please?’ I pull myself up
onto the counter, swinging my legs under me.
Charlie
looks taken aback by the question at first but then he just laughs.
‘I guess I
should have seen that one coming,’ he muses. ‘You’ve spent a lot of time there.
You’re not trying to subtly move out, are you?’
I wink.
‘Damn, you caught me. Can I take the coffee machine with me when I leave?’
‘Over my
dead body,’ Charlie snorts, now reaching for different ingredients. He really
is going to try to cook. ‘You really want to spend Christmas with them?’
‘I really
do… but I don’t want to leave you on your own either,’ I frown. I haven’t
really thought about what Charlie would do all day without me around.
‘I’ll find
something. Just don’t tell your Grandma, otherwise I’ll have to spend Christmas
and
New Year’s with her.’ Charlie
squirms at the thought, which just makes me giggle. It isn’t that Charlie hates
his mother, he just can’t be around her for long periods before she drives him
crazy.
‘Why do we
have to go there for New Year’s? Can’t we just say we have the flu?’ I groan.
‘She won’t
believe that,’ Charlie snorts.
‘What if
we claim to be under house arrest?’
‘That
could work.’
‘Charlie
is banging my counsellor!’
‘I’m
sorry?’ Jay laughs on the other end of the phone and I drop my head into my
pillow. The more I think about it, the less I like this development in
Charlie’s love life.
‘I think
Charlie is going to start dating my counsellor, it’s a disaster,’ I grumble
miserably.
Luckily,
the fire extinguisher hadn’t been needed, and together Charlie and I had
created a fairly edible looking stir-fry. Although, I can’t tell if the funny
feeling in my stomach is because of the Nadine situation, or possible food
poisoning.
‘Okay,
start from the top.’ So I do, I tell him everything that happened when I got
home, including mine and Charlie’s conversation. He listens carefully, but just
ends up laughing by the end of it.
‘It’s not
funny!’ I whine, rubbing my temples.
‘I
disagree,’ Jay teases. ‘Look, you gave him the okay, right? If you said
otherwise I’m sure he’d call it off in a heartbeat.’
‘But I
can’t do that to him,’ I groan. ‘I’m doing the right thing, right?’
‘Sounds
like it.’ I can’t see him, but I can just imagine Jay grinning on the other
end. ‘You’re putting his feelings before yours, so yes, I guess you are. But if
it does get too weird, it would be wrong not to say anything, okay? Also, if
you can push past this, Charlie will be in your debt for eternity.’
I smirk at
the last bit.
‘I guess
so. You may need to remind me of this in times to come, thanks Jay. Also,
Charlie says I can spend Christmas at yours.’
This seems
to brighten Jay’s mood further.
‘Huh,
Christmas miracles really do happen,’ he says.
‘Indeed,
but I’m expecting a huge and expensive gift in return for this,’ I warn him,
smiling.
‘Is
hanging out with me that much of a chore, Red?’ He replies, putting on his most
heart broken voice since I can’t see the ridiculous action it normally comes
with.
I
deliberate over his question for a lot longer than is probably needed before
answering with, ‘depends, there won’t be any Biology involved will there?’
‘No
Biology, I pinkie swear.’
‘You can’t
pinkie swear unless it’s in person. Also, you are forcing me to socialise.
Remember this.’ I mentally cringe. It would be alright if it was just going to
be Jay, his parents and Blake, but there are going to be lots of people that I
won’t know, which freaks me out more than anything. I’m not exactly the easiest
person to get on with; I still can’t believe Jay and Blake are still around.
‘It’ll be
good for you. Anyway, I have to go. Some of us actually have to work for a
living.’
I frown.
‘Strictly speaking, you don’t
need
to
work. You use twenties as toilet paper, remember?’
‘But the
life of the rich is so lonely, I much prefer being poor and mundane,
remember
? Plus, Dad says I can’t have
the new car until I can pay for insurance, which sucks.’
If I
didn’t know Jay so well, I wouldn’t be able to stand his arrogance.
Fortunately, it’s all for show, and Blake has assured me on numerous occasions
that they don’t use twenties as toilet paper.
‘Oh,
wait!’ I suddenly announce before Jay can put the phone down. ‘I have an
important question.’
‘If it’s “
Oh Jay, how do you look so perfect each day?
”
I’m afraid I can’t help you, I naturally look this good every day.’
‘You think
you’re hot, we get it,’ I reply dryly. Truth be told, I have to agree with him.
He’s exceptionally good looking, but I’ll be damned if I ever admit it. ‘But I
have a question even more serious than that; what the hell do I wear to your
Christmas thing?’
I’m being
deadly serious, but all my question is answered with is a fit of laughter.
‘Oh, Red,
I can’t imagine how dull my life would be without you,’ he snorts. ‘I swear I
always thought you would be the last person worrying over clothes. But I dunno,
a nice dress?’
I frown.
‘I don’t think I own a dress.’
‘But
you’re a girl?’ he replies, genuinely confused. I resist the urge to roll my
eyes.
‘You’re
not helping.’
‘Look, I’m
a heterosexual teenage guy, so I couldn’t care less if you turned up in a
bin-bag or a bikini, so long as you bring your lovely self. Although, I think
Blake would appreciate the bikini…’
‘I need
more girl friends,’ I sigh.
‘This is
what you get for asking my opinion. Just wear something nice, okay? It’s not
exactly formal, Blake and I just hang around in T-shirts normally unless Mum
corners us, pristine and ironed shirt at the ready.’
‘See, that
was useful, you can be helpful,’ I laugh.
‘Whatever,
Red. Later.’
We hang up
and I sink back into my bed, gazing up at the ceiling and all of my beautiful
paper cranes. Silently, I muse over what Alex’s reaction to the whole Nadine
thing would be.
He and Jay
are so similar, yet so different.
For some
reason, the thought comforts me, maybe because I can trick myself into
believing a part of Alex is still in my life, and I turn my attention back
around to the dreaded Biology revision.
I sigh and
open the book, intending to go through the notes Jay has helped me with later.
Alex, if you’re up there I’ll make you a
deal. Help me through this revision, and I’ll owe you one.