Authors: Joanna Sellick
‘Pretty please?’ he begs, clasping his
hands together and trying for the puppy dog look. I narrow my eyes at him; he’s
holding the food prisoner in exchange for my sketchbook.
‘Fine, but no laughing,’ I say, swapping
the pad for a bag of fish and chips.
Jay studies it for a moment before his lips
quirk into a smile. ‘You even got my best side,’ he grins, pulling an
exaggerated model-type pose. ‘Red, this is really good. Like, seriously good.’
Instead of giving my sketchbook back he
proceeds to carry on flicking through it. ‘You want to be an artist?’
I shrug. ‘I don’t know what I want to do,
I’ve never really thought about it.’
‘At all?’ Jay asks, looking up at me. ‘What
about plans for after sixth form? University?’
‘Nope.’ I shrug again.
‘Maybe you should take an art course?’ Jay
muses, going back to the book in his hand. ‘College or whatever. Or just go
straight on to Uni.’
I ponder over his suggestion for a moment.
It’s true, I’ve never really thought about it, but then after Alex died I hadn’t
really thought about my future at all.
A memory comes to mind and Jay looks up
questioningly as I laugh out loud.
‘I remember one time, we were camping in
Alex’s garden. We had a fire going and everything. I think we were playing
catch in the dark, and Alex wasn’t paying attention to where he was standing.
The next thing I remember is Alex running around the garden screaming because
his shoe had caught fire. We weren’t allowed campfires again after that,’ I
laugh fondly.
‘He seems like a good guy,’ Jay smiles
softly.
‘Yeah, he was,’ I smile. He really was.
Crashing in the car is not the most
comfortable thing in the world, but I can hardly complain too much, I have
claimed the whole back row of seats after all. Although, I did fail to get any
sleep thanks to Jay’s constant complaints about how uncomfy the front seats of
the car are.
He didn’t take my suggestion to sleeping in
the boot, well!
I get up, blinking a few times before my
head clears and rummage around for the car keys so I can unlock the doors and
crawl out. Despite feeling achy from the uncomfortable night’s sleep, I
actually feel okay. Really okay.
Jay is still fast asleep so I shut the car
door softly and head out for a stroll, making my way over to the cliffs again.
It’s still fairly early so I pass no one, which is probably for the best since
I dread to think what I look like. Unfortunately, the crisp morning has brought
a bitter, December chill, so I wrap my coat more tightly around me.
The sight from the top of the cliffs is
indescribable. A flock of birds are flying overhead, dancing among the clouds
and diving through the sky. Morning fog is still visible and drapes over the
calm sea like a thin blanket. A few sailboats are out too, and I curse myself
for not taking my sketchbook out of the car with me.
Almost
perfect
,
I think longingly.
I close my eyes and focus very carefully on
what I want more than anything in the world. It’s almost as if I can feel
Alex’s presence beside me. The light sound of his breathing fills my ears. The
familiar smell of his spice-scented aftershave fills my nose, warming me.
‘Well, it’s not Florida,’ he would snort. I
peel my eyes open and raise an eyebrow at the embodiment of my best friend that
my imagination has created. Alex is wearing his favourite “
lazy clothes
” as he liked to call them; an old red, band T-shirt
and a loose pair of jeans that have never fitted him properly, his sandy hair
in its usual, messy style.
‘It’s still beautiful though,’ I argue
back. Alex simply shrugs.
‘Remember when we said we’d travel the
world together?’ Alex replies wistfully, still gazing across the landscape. ‘
Then
we’d see some beautiful sights.
This is nothing compared to what is out there.’
‘Yet you’d still find a way to be sceptical
about it,’ I point out, laughing. As much as he tried, it took a lot for Alex
to be impressed by something because he always thought there was something
better just within his grasp. He was a dreamer and sceptic all at the same
time.
Except in music. In music, he found beauty
in every note.
‘I miss you,’ I say quietly to my
imagination. Alex looks as if he wants to take my hand or hold me tightly, but
even my own mind isn’t strong enough to conjure that level of intimacy.
Instead, he sighs sadly to himself.
‘I miss you too,’ he whispers, his voice
catching. Even though I know on some level that Alex isn’t really here, that
Alex isn’t saying these things, the notion still relaxes me. ‘Neve, you need to
stop blaming yourself.’
‘I can’t.’ I shake my head. ‘If I had done
something sooner… told someone…’
‘We both know I wouldn’t have let you,’
Alex laughs dryly. ‘This one is on me. Or maybe it’s not on either of us at
all,’ he muses. I shake my head stubbornly, a tear rolling down my cheek as I
close my eyes.
‘Neve, I lo-’
But the echo of his voice is carried away
with the wind, and when I open my eyes again Alex is gone, leaving me alone
once more.
I hug my knees, trying to swallow the thick
lump that has formed in the back of my throat. I often ponder over whether, if
he was here, Alex would blame me for what happened or not.
I like to think that he wouldn’t, purely on
the basis that if our roles were reversed, I could never blame him for anything
that happened. But maybe that is just wishful thinking.
Deciding I have spent enough time out here,
and that Jay may get worried if he wakes up to find me missing, I say one last
goodbye to the magnificent view and trek back to the car, feeling slightly
numb.
I reach it just in time to see Jay’s head
pop up in the window. He looks around with confusion before registering where
he is and running a hand through his wild hair, which currently looks like a
bird’s nest. I smile, happy in the knowledge that I’m not the only one who
looks a mess.
He rolls down the window as I approach.
‘Where have you been?’ he asks sleepily,
rubbing at his eyes. It’s adorable really.
‘A morning walk. I’m rating a coffee, how
about you?’
‘Sounds like a good idea,’ he mumbles.
‘Five more minutes.’ Then Jay falls back and curls up again, ready to fall back
to sleep.
I finally manage to drag Jay away from his
blanket and I take my spare clothes, changing in the toilets and layering on
the deodorant since I won’t get to shower until tonight. I splash cold water
onto my face and neck, washing my arms as far up to the elbows. I brush my
teeth and apply a layer of make-up, feeling refreshed at last and give my hair
one last once over before we go in search of coffee and breakfast.
We find a sweet little restaurant that
serves a whopping fry up and down our coffees, taking two more to go before
returning to the car.
‘Where to next?’ Jay asks again, looking a
lot more alive now that he has had his morning coffee.
I think for a moment but come up with nothing
in particular. ‘Just drive,’ I instruct. We cheerily wave goodbye to the beach,
which only has us in fits of laughter before hitting the roads. We decide to
stay away from the main roads to avoid traffic jams and just go wherever the
country roads take us.
We keep the radio on after battling over
which radio station to tune it to and I start drawing, sketching out the views
roughly before they disappear from memory. Our conversation is easy, but if we
ever do fall into silence, it’s of the comfortable variety.
I have no idea which direction we are
driving in but I hope it’s in the direction of home because all of a sudden the
car makes a jerking noise and comes to a very slow top.
‘Jay, what was that?’ I ask slowly, raising
an eyebrow.
‘Erm…’ Jay trails off, not wanting to say
the words ‘I don’t know.’
To make matters worse, it starts to rain.
Jay jumps out of the car and pops the
bonnet open. Small puffs of smoke appear. I groan and go to join him.
‘It’s just as I suspected,’ Jay announces.
‘It’s buggered.’
‘But it looks so new and unbreakable,’ I
whine, running a hand along the bonnet.
‘Our luck is just terrible,’ he mutters,
holding out his phone. Then he groans out loud too. ‘Typical, no signal. Man, I
miss London.’
I check my own mobile and sure enough, I
have zero signal bars flickering up at me.
‘Now what?’ I ask, wrapping my arms around
me and jumping up and down to keep myself warm.
‘We go in search of a mechanic? Or signal?’
Jay shrugs. I roll my eyes and trudge over to the side of the road, grinning
when a small village comes into view at the bottom of the huge hill we are on.
‘Somewhere like there?’ I suggest, pointing
to our potential saviours.
‘Looks like it, now help me push this.’
We heave, pull and push the car to the side
of the road before grabbing our coats and making a start down the hill. The
rain is getting heavier now and I can tell my hair is drenched and ruined.
‘Race you?’ Jay raises his eyebrows,
challenging me again. This time I decline.
‘Are you crazy?’ I laugh.
‘Chicken!’ he calls out, breaking into a
jog and slopping around in the muddy fields. The joke ends up on him though,
because he doesn’t watch his step and trips, falling down heavily into the mud.
Except he doesn’t stop there, and continues sliding and rolling down the hill,
yelping as he goes.
‘Jay!’ I yell, although end up bursting
into fits of laughter at the top of the hill, my belly and cheeks aching from
the motion before I start making my way hurriedly down to meet him, careful not
to fall into the same fate.
Jay comes to a rolling stop and lies there,
dumbstruck in the mud. Even when I’m down at the bottom I can’t stop laughing,
my eyes beginning to well up at the hilarious sight.
‘Ow.’ He groans and face-palms for his
idiocy, then holds a hand out.
‘Help me up?’ he begs. I deliberate whether
to leave him there or not before offering him a hand up.
Note to self; never be nice when it comes
to Jay Ellsworth.
Instead of pulling himself up, he yanks me
down with him and I have to send my palms flying out in front of me to stop
myself face planting the mud. My palms sink into the wet ground and Jay pushes
me sideways so I fall completely into it.
‘Ew,’ I squeal, cringing when Jay throws a
handful of wet dirt at me. I get revenge by picking out my own handful of dirt
and we proceed to attack each other before we end up both lying on the ground
in fits of laughter. The rain is so thick now, a curtain of falling water blurs
everywhere you look.
‘Weren’t we on some sort of mission?’ Jay
sits up, trying to flick some of the mud off of himself.
‘The mechanic!’ I remind him. This time we
both manage to get up and slip and slide down to the outskirts of the village.
We find the nearest shop and pile into it, the shop assistants and customers
all looking with bewilderment at these two kids, muddy and soaked through.
‘Hi, can anyone direct us to the nearest
garage?’ Jay asks politely, clearing his throat before hand.
The shop assistant gives us directions and
we finally find what we are looking for. We explain where our car is and they
agree to tow us back home. Jay gives them his address and pays them handsomely.
‘You guys don’t happen to have a shower
here do you?’ I venture, only to be met with amused smiles and silence. ‘Worth
a try,’ I shrug, although I do manage to dive into the loos and scrub away some
of the dirt from my arms and face.
We get back up to the hill and the
mechanics do their thing, claiming that ‘
the
engine is bust
,’ in Jay’s words. We ride in the cab of the pick up truck as
we’re towed away, and I notice as Jay fidgets around next to me, a pained
expression on his face.
‘Are you okay?’ I frown, worry seeping into
my voice.
He sees my expression and tries for an easy
smile. ‘Ah, the tumble was just a bit more painful than I originally thought,
its nothing. Sorry our road trip got cut short.’
I snort. ‘To be fair, it wasn’t that much
of a road trip, just a day at the beach and a lot of driving, but it was great.
I really appreciate it.’ We smile at each other and fall into comfortable
silence.
The drive is a good couple of hours and we
both drift in and out of sleep, me resting against Jay since my only other
option is the beefy mechanic. I wake up again when Jay prods my arm and I blink
a few times in order to regain a sense of my surroundings. We’re back in town,
but not the part I’m used to.
This street is dotted with fancy houses,
the rich side of town, holding at least five bedrooms per house. My mouth gapes
open.
‘This is where you live?’ I gasp. Jay
grins.
‘Yep, problem?’
Silently, I shake my head as we pass. These
are the sorts of houses with columns in front of the doors and white picket
fences and fancy plants climbing up the brick walls.
I don’t fit in here, what with my bright
red hair and converse. Not to mention that we look a complete state, given that
the mud had now dried, coating our skin and clothes like clay.
‘So you’re like… rich?’ I raise an eyebrow.
‘Sort of,’ Jay says sheepishly. ‘You look
worried.’
‘Of course I’m worried, I’m meeting your
parents like this,’ I murmur, pulling on a piece of messy hair to make my
point. Jay rolls his eyes.
‘Relax, they’re cool okay?’ he laughs.
‘They’ll love you.’
I make a face, which he continues chuckling
at, my insides going squishy. To make matters worse, the tow truck pulls up at
the biggest house on the end of the street. We come to a stop but I stay glued
to my seat.
Jay gets out and stands by the open door.
‘Red, you’re gunna have to get out of the
truck at some point,’ he says with amusement.
‘Nope, I’m gunna stay right here,’ I decide.
Or rather I would have if Jay hadn’t literally dragged me out of my seat. He
hands me my bag and coaxes me up the driveway after waving goodbye to the
mechanic.
‘Mum’s been after this house for ages,’ Jay
informs me. ‘You wouldn’t believe how happy she was when she found out it was
on the market.’
‘She’s been to this town before then?’
‘We all have, to visit my aunt and uncle on
occasions.’ He rings the doorbell and I start quivering in my shoes. What on
earth would his parents think of me? I bet they have a butler too.