Authors: Donna Alward
She put water on for pasta and took a sip of her wine, wanting to change the subject. The past was where it should be—behind her. It was better to talk about the future. “What are your plans for after the wedding?”
He frowned, the scowl marring the handsome perfection she’d glimpsed when his face was relaxed and smiling.
“I don’t know. I suppose I’ll start talking to someone about new positions and postings. At some point I have to get back to work, and the sooner the better.”
Lily let out a slow breath. Why was she worried? This was nothing more than an itty-bitty attraction. A few months and Noah would be gone again anyway. He certainly wasn’t looking for a relationship. And neither was she. Knowing he would be putting his uniform back on and heading to a new base made him just a little bit safer.
“Your condition won’t make a difference, then?”
“It all depends on my rehab and doctor’s orders. Who knows what limitations they’ll put on me. But they try to
keep people who’ve been injured in the service these days. They’ll rustle something up. I’ve got rank and experience going for me.”
She dropped her shoulders and made her hands busy stirring the sauce. That was it then. He wouldn’t be staying. Any elemental attraction of the moment on her part wouldn’t be a concern. So why couldn’t they make standing up for Andrew and Jen fun, instead of a chore?
Why couldn’t they just clear the air and get it over with? Why not just tell him why she was dreading it so much?
But the words refused to come as she slid spaghetti into the boiling water and went to the cupboard for pasta bowls.
“Well, that’s good then. At least you can reclaim something of your old life, right? A few months and you could be back in uniform and captain again. That must make you happy.”
“Sure.”
Yet as he said it, she saw a shadow lurking behind his eyes, and she got the feeling the sentiment came laden with conditions.
“And we might as well make the best of this wedding business, don’t you think? I mean, you’re only here a short time, and I’m not looking for anything romantic, so why don’t we just agree to keep it light? We might as well have fun.”
Yet, even as she said it, she kept feeling the way his chest had been wide and strong beneath her hands this afternoon, the way she’d had to damp her lips with her tongue as he’d come out of the dressing room with the tux on. Just who was she trying to convince here? Many more scenes like that and he
would
start thinking she had designs on him.
He stepped forward, putting his glass down on the countertop. Lily’s heartbeat seemed to pause for a millisecond before starting up again slightly faster than before. He was only a breath away from her, and her hands itched to reach
out and draw him closer. She didn’t want entanglements. But she did want
him
. Not that she’d admit it in a million years.
“You don’t strike me as a keep-it-light kind of woman,” he said softly, his deep voice penetrating right to her core.
“Oh, but I am.” She panicked, scuttling away as the pasta threatened to boil over, knowing it had been many years since she’d allowed herself to “keep it” anything. “I definitely choose
keep it light
over
hot and heavy
.”
She turned her back to him, attending to dinner, but the way her senses were clamoring around, she knew
hot and heavy
was exactly what had been running through her mind.
Lily carefully took the cardboard box out of the backseat of her car and shut the door with her hip. Andrew’s truck was gone and so was Jen’s car. She’d just leave the supplies and head back home. She could do with a day to tidy up her own place and possibly even spend an hour or two on the deck with the latest paperback she’d picked up at the drugstore.
The door to the house was open and she stepped inside, marveling at the transformation since Jen and Andrew had gotten engaged. Gone was the plainness that she’d seen during her first visit. There was fresh paint on the kitchen walls, and the yellow and white accents were brought out even more by Jen’s subtle touches. Lily went through to the living room and put the box down on the sofa. Inside, Jen would find the stationery she had ordered as well as the materials to put together table centerpieces of floating candles and silk flower petals. She reached out and grazed a finger over a cool glass bowl. There’d been nothing like this at
her
wedding. It had been rushed and simple and…
Footsteps clumping up the porch steps pulled her out of her thoughts. As the front door slammed open, she pressed a hand to her chest before rushing to the kitchen to see what the commotion was about.
Noah was at the sink, water rushing into the stainless steel basin as he added soap to the water. “Dammit, dammit, dammit,” she heard him mutter.
“Noah?”
He spun, water flying everywhere, his face blank with shock at having her appear before him. He turned back and shut off the water. “Give me a hand here,” he commanded, and she immediately went forward.
“Did you hurt yourself?” For a moment she felt a shaft of panic that he might have done something to his one good arm.
“No. Beautiful’s foaling and Andrew’s in Calgary with Jen. I can do it but…” He shoved his hand in the sink and swished it around. “This is stupid. I need to scrub up and I obviously can’t scrub my own arm.”
Relief rushed through her as she stepped forward. “I’ll do it for you.” She grabbed the antiseptic soap and began working his fingers through her own. “Why didn’t you use the sink in the barn?”
His voice came from above as she worked the soap with the spray from the tap. “The faucet broke yesterday and we didn’t get a chance to fix it yet.” He chuckled as she continued, her fingers working in a most businesslike fashion, the warm sound doing swirly things to her insides.
“Lily?”
“Hmm?”
“You need to go up past my elbow.”
She blanched a little. A farm girl she was not, but she dutifully scrubbed and cleansed until she dared any germ to get in her path.
“There,” she breathed once she was done. Even a job as brusque and businesslike as washing his hand seemed intimate these days. In fact, since their meal the other night, she’d barely been able to think of anything else.
“Thanks. Now I’m going to need your help.”
“My…my help?” She stammered the words out, her fanciful thoughts scattering. Washing hands was one thing, but she’d never birthed anything in her entire life. Nor had she had any burning desire to. “Noah, I don’t know….”
He looked down at her, so solid and confident she felt like ten times a heel.
“Beautiful will do the work herself. I’m just there for backup. But I don’t even have a full set of hands, Lily. If I need something, it would be helpful for you to be there to hand it to me.”
She nodded mutely, staring down at her jeans and white sneakers. What in the world was she getting herself into?
She trotted after him to the barn, his long strides eating up the ground between the two buildings. As they neared the door, he offered her an encouraging smile. “Relax, Lil. Keep your voice soothing and soft—it’ll be comforting. Imagine you were having a baby and how you’d like it…no bright lights, no loud noises, just soothing and comfortable, right?”
Lily blinked back stinging tears and squared her shoulders. He couldn’t know how his words hurt. Maybe it was the renewed experience of being involved with a wedding or the fact that every time she saw Lucy and Brody together she was reminded. She’d thought she’d done a good job of forgetting and moving on. But lately it seemed to hit her from every corner. Once upon a time she had wanted children for herself. She and Curtis had talked about it, agreeing to wait until after they were finished school and both working before starting a family. A girl and a boy. Lily held back a sigh. Once upon a time she’d dreamed of a happily ever after that didn’t exist. A happy ending that she was no closer to now than she was before.
But if Noah was willing to do this one-handed, she could find the wherewithal to help.
They stepped inside the dark barn, quiet except for some
shuffling from the stall nearest Andrew’s clinic space. Noah grabbed a box and slid inside the stall, simply watching as the mare lay on the bed of soft straw.
“Shouldn’t we do something?”
“Not yet. Hopefully we won’t have to.” He spoke in a low voice. “I can’t believe Andrew’s not here. We knew it would be soon, but we kind of expected a late night, not a midmorning birthing.”
Lily looked around her. The mare lay on her side, breathing heavily, the whites of her eyes showing. The straw was dark beneath her and Lily got a horrible feeling.
“Noah…” She stared pointedly at the spot, but he only smiled.
“Her water broke, just like a woman’s would. That’s all.”
“You’ve clearly done this before.” Maybe he didn’t need her help and she could escape to the house.
“I grew up here. Of course I did, many times.” He smiled at her, and it seemed to light up the dim stall. “Some of my favorite memories are of the three of us down here late at night when a mare was foaling. Afterward Dad always made us hot chocolate. Sometimes, if it had been a very long night, we got to miss the morning of school.”
“He indulged you.”
Noah nodded. “Not often, but sometimes.” He kept a close eye on the mare. “This time I thought we’d have the resident vet in attendance. We don’t know much about her history, previous foals, nothing. Jen basically rescued her from the side of the road.”
Lily was familiar with the story, and the fact that Noah’s agitation had subsided helped to calm her, as well. Her eyes widened as one hoof emerged, then another. She held her breath as she waited.
After several minutes without progression, Lily saw Noah’s brow pucker. “Hand me the towel,” he said softly, and
Lily bent to retrieve the soft cotton from the kit. She watched, fascinated, as Noah crooned low words to the horse, amazed as he used the stump end of his right arm to anchor the towel against the tiny hooves as he wrapped it around and then gripped the fabric in his large hand.
“What are you doing?”
“Giving her a little help.”
Mesmerized, Lily watched as Noah worked on his knees, easing the hooves toward the mare’s feet rather than out, inch by inch. “Good girl,” he murmured, sweat beading on his forehead. Lily saw his bicep bulge as he tugged gently but firmly.
The head and shoulders appeared and Lily gaped, unable to turn away from the beautiful sight. For a few moments mother and foal rested, and then it was over. Head, shoulders and hindquarters, with only the tips of the foal’s feet left to come.
“Hello, gorgeous,” he murmured warmly, running his hand over the foal’s head. “Look at you.” He sat back on his heels. “What a girl. Barely needed a bit of help.”
“Why aren’t they moving?”
He smiled up at her, a big celebratory smile that took her breath from her lungs. “They’re resting, see? And in a moment she’ll be up and then I’ll need your help for just a few moments more.”
“You didn’t need my help at all.” She stood by the stall door, only a few feet away, but she could feel the relief and joy emanating from him.
“I might have, though. A little pull is nothing. You never know if there are going to be complications. I’m glad you were here.”
Suddenly Lily was, too. She’d seen a side of Noah that was beautiful. Capable and strong, but gentle, calm and affectionate. She smiled as the mare struggled to rise and the umbilical cord broke.
“A clean break. Fantastic. Can you hand me the iodine? It’s just there.” He pointed.
She opened it and watched as he gently doctored the umbilical stump.
“Great…look at that. Mom and baby and all’s right with the world.”
The last word faded away slightly, and Lily caught a glimpse of telltale moisture in his eyes. She rushed forward, looking up at him, searching for signs of pain. What if he’d overdone it? She was pretty sure foaling wasn’t on his list of physio activities. “Noah? Are you okay? Did you strain something?”
He shook his head, moving past her. He grabbed the kit in his hand and led the way out of the stall. “No. I just realized I’ve missed this.”
She trailed after him. “The farm?”
“I’m usually in the middle of places where
nothing
is right with the world, you know? That’s why I’m there. To try to fix it.”
There were times she had paused to wonder about his past, about what he’d seen in his years as a soldier. If his experience had affected him in the ways she read about in the paper or saw on the news. The thought that he might have to suffer through that as well as his physical injury made the July day suddenly seem cold. “Do you have nightmares or anything?”
He shook his head. “No, nothing like that, thank God. It’s just a whole other world from here, and I think I got used to it. Numb. But in some ways those are lost years. I lost touch with Andrew. And with my father. When I found out he was sick there wasn’t any way I could come home. Now it’s too late.”
“I’m sorry about Gerald.”
“Nothing we can do about it now. Sometimes all you can do is move forward.” He clenched his jaw after he said the words, and she wondered what he was remembering.
He walked to the barn door and she followed, turning her head to stare at the stall again. “Should we leave them?”
“I’m just going to wash up again and come back. There will be more to do in the next few hours, but nothing I can’t handle until Andrew returns.”
In the kitchen once more, Lily put on a pot of coffee and made Noah a sandwich. She put it before him and stood back, letting her hand rest on his shoulder briefly.
He crossed his left hand over and covered hers, the contact searing her skin. There was something here, something begun much earlier. For a second she considered removing her hand from beneath his, but then she remembered the look of happiness on his face as the foal had been born, and she found she could not pull away.
He pushed his chair back and her heart jumped.
He stood, holding her fingers still within his as he faced her. For long, quiet seconds he gazed into her eyes, the deep-set blue pulling her in. He pressed the palm of his hand flush against hers, then twined their fingers together.