Her Lone Cowboy (8 page)

“She’s been in Grande Prairie all along. I’ve seen her. Twice.”

“But for the wedding…” Noah understood this was a big deal for Andrew. He even understood that Andrew wanted their mother there. Jen’s parents would be there. It was a natural time to want family to be together. But they weren’t a real family. It had all the potential of a big disaster. Maybe he wasn’t well versed on other best-man duties, but this was one time he felt up to the job. And right now that was delivering a heavy dose of realism.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? I know you want her there, but think about it, Andrew. She hasn’t been back in Larch Valley since she walked away from it. Memories are long here. You know that.”

“Of course I do. Believe me. It wasn’t exactly a picnic when I came back, you know. And there’s always the chance she won’t come. But she’s the only family we’ve got, Noah. How can I not ask?”

“It’s your wedding, and your decision,” Noah replied.

“What about you, though? Noah, you’ve just come home. I don’t want to upset you.”

“And you haven’t. Surprised, yes. But to me, she is a stranger. I accepted it a long time ago. She didn’t seem to care about family all the years she was gone. I don’t expect any of that has changed. It’s one day. If it’s what you want, I’ll manage.”

Andrew sighed. “There’s more, something I should have told you long ago but didn’t know how.”

“More?” He let out a harsh laugh. He thought of standing up with Lily at the wedding, knowing how beautiful she was going to look and how he kept trying to hide his scars from her. Now there appeared to be family drama added to the mix.

“Gerald was not my biological father.”

Nothing Andrew could have said would have surprised Noah more. Gerald had raised them both. “What are you talking about? Of course he was.”

But Andrew shook his head. “No, he wasn’t. And he was the one that made Mom leave. She was having an affair when I was conceived. But when she did it again, it meant the end of the marriage. And he refused to let her split us up. She left rather than face a big custody battle.”

“And this is supposed to make me feel better?” Anger rushed through his veins, revitalizing him after the initial shock. “The fact that we’re now half brothers?”

“Is that what bothers you? Not the affairs?” Andrew’s words were laced with incredulity.

“I knew about the affairs. For the most part anyway. I heard more of the arguments than you did.” Noah’s anger had flashed and was now fading away. “And you’re my brother, no matter what. What makes me mad is that you kept it from me.”

He took several steps away, needing to walk, to expend some of the emotion bundling up inside him. Was
nothing
in his world staying the same? Through it all, he’d held on to Lazy L and the presence of his brother for stability while the
rest of his world changed. Now that seemed to be slipping through his fingers, too.

And when Andrew had come asking to buy him out, he’d said nothing.

For the first time in days he almost felt the presence of his right arm even though it no longer existed. He could feel his hand balling into a fist, the cording of muscle as he longed to punch something in anger. But the bone and muscle and flesh were gone. Never in his whole life had he felt so impotent.

He stopped, hung his head and fought to calm his breaths, trying to make the sensation go away. “You should have told me.”

“I don’t expect you to understand it all in an evening. God knows I didn’t,” Andrew said quietly, coming to his brother’s side. “And I knew about the parentage thing since before I left for university.”

“That long.” He couldn’t keep the bitterness from his voice.

“It was what caused the rift between Dad and me. I wish I’d had the chance to make peace with him when he was alive. He was a good father.”

Noah swore softly. “I had no idea. I really didn’t.”

Andrew put his hand on Noah’s shoulder. “Our mother loved Dad in her way. She knew we’d have a better life with him than we would with her.”

“You’ve had more time to think about it than I have.”

“I know. I didn’t tell you before because I was still trying to make sense of it myself.”

The firm hand slid off Noah’s shoulder and Andrew took a step back.

“Noah?”

“Yuh.”

“This doesn’t change that you are my brother. In every way. Remember that.”

Noah heard Andrew’s boots scuff away in the grass, but he
stood a long while, looking out over the waving hay field. He’d only just started feeling that he was getting his life back. And now he felt more alone than ever.

T
HE PUNCH BOWL HELD
the remnants of a pink punch, the soda pop in it now flat and tasteless. Pink, lavender and white bows topped a paper plate hat trimmed with ribbons, and plates and pastry crumbs were scattered over the pink tablecloth. It was the remnants of a frilly, girlie bridal shower. As maid of honor, it had been Lily’s duty to host. And it had been fun.

Hostess duties had kept her occupied over the afternoon, but now, looking at the mess left behind, Lily couldn’t stop the sadness that crept into her heart. She had never had a shower. Planning to run away had meant that no one was supposed to know. There had been no silly games, no punch, no bows and cards and presents to unwrap. There’d been no bachelor party for Curtis, either. This afternoon Noah had taken Andrew, Dawson and Clay golfing in lieu of a stag party. It was all so very traditional. Predictable.

Thinking about it wore her out, and Lily simply didn’t have the heart or ambition to clean everything up now. She turned her back on the messy kitchen and headed for the stairs. She had to keep her hands busy with something else. The wedding was only days away and she still couldn’t seem to get the waist right on Jen’s dress. She could work on that
instead, and later, when the echoes of laughter and well-wishing had faded, she’d put her house to rights.

Upstairs, Lily slipped the dress over her hips and reached behind her, pulling up the zipper. She studied the mirror, tugging gently at the strapless bodice. Her figure wasn’t a match to Jen’s, so the fit wasn’t quite right, but she could tell if there were puckers or pulls where there shouldn’t be. The organza overskirt was being particularly fussy to work with and she was struggling with the waistline. She smoothed and tucked with her fingers, frowning in the mirror. It should have been Jen trying it on now, but she and her mother had taken her shower gifts back to her house. Lily frowned, working with the fabric, trying to see where the adjustment should be made. She wanted it perfect for tomorrow when Jen came to do the final fitting.

She sighed, knowing that this wasn’t quite breaking her promise to herself. After all, if she’d had a dressmaker’s dummy, the dress would be on it now instead of her. When she’d vowed she’d never put on a wedding dress again, this wasn’t exactly what she’d had in mind. And she supposed it had been a rash pronouncement, one made in anger and mostly out of hurt and disillusionment.

If she’d really meant it, she would have thrown away the dress. The one that still hung in her closet. The one with the chiffon overskirt that had taken days to get just right…

She stared at the closed closet door for a long moment, then unzipped the zipper of Jen’s gown and hung it on its special hanger. She put it in the closet and her hand rested on a white opaque bag. She’d managed to keep the overskirt flat and flowing just right in the end. If she could only see it on…Once again she wished for the dummy to help solve her problems. Her brow puckered. Did she dare? Even thinking about putting it on felt like tempting fate.

She remembered that day so clearly. The rush for the flight, the excitement of checking into the hotel room and the surreal moment of putting on her wedding gown. The moment of sadness as she missed having someone to help her with her hair, her crystal necklace that she’d made herself. Then the sadness giving way to excitement when Curtis had knocked on the door.

She took the bag out of the closet and laid it gently on the bed, unzipping the zip as if it was Pandora’s box. But nothing emerged from the plastic beyond a wistful sense of nostalgia.

She’d designed the dress herself, going through pages of scrapbook paper until she got it just right, and she’d saved up the money she’d made working weekends for her mom to buy the material. She ran a finger over the fine chiffon, smiling at the memory of paying full price for the fabric so her mom wouldn’t know what she was up to. Stolen moments she’d worked at it, measuring, cutting, stitching, while she and Curtis had been making plans. He’d been stashing away enough money to pay for their trip, ready to go the moment she’d had her birthday and was legal.

Lily bit down on her lip as she took the gown out of the bag. In those days she’d designed and sewed many of her own clothes, thinking of opening her own boutique while Curtis worked alongside his father. She’d dreamed of teaching her own daughter to cut and stitch. She unzipped the hidden zipper and stepped into the pristine white creation. She moved the hasp of the zipper upward, sucking in a bit to get it to the top. It fit. It was a little snug in the chest, but her figure was much the same as it had been when she was eighteen and full of dreams.

She went to the mirror and stood, staring at the fine stitch work. Spaghetti straps held the simple bodice, which draped and gathered at the side. The satin underskirt felt luxurious against her bare legs, while the chiffon fell with a long, soft ruffle down to the hem. Not a pucker or misplaced fold in sight.

Lily raised her arms, gathering the cloud of her hair into a twist, holding it with one hand while her eyes searched the reflection in the mirror.

“Is that Jen’s dress?”

Lily jumped at the sound of a deep voice, releasing her hair in a tumble about her shoulders and catching her toe in the folds of the skirt.

“Noah!”

“You must not have heard me knock.”

She pressed a hand to her heart, supremely embarrassed that he had found her in such a state. “So you just came in?”

“The door was unlocked. I saw your car and figured you were home. I take it your guests are gone?” He took a hesitant step inside her room, not waiting for her answer. “That’s beautiful.”

The compliment both touched her and cut like a knife. “You could have knocked harder,” she snapped. The last thing she needed was Noah prying. If she’d heard the knock, she could have at least scrambled out of the gown and into her jeans again. She’d never meant for anyone to actually
see
her in the dress. Let alone the man she hadn’t been able to erase from her thoughts. The memory of their kiss was stuck in her brain with disturbing clarity.

“I’m sorry. I wanted to show you something.” His eyes looked sincere enough. Lily let out a breath and told herself to relax.

“Show me something?”

He nodded, a slow smile lighting his face making him look years younger. “I came to take you for a ride.”

Lily understood immediately where the little boy smile had come from. “You finally got your truck.”

“Yup.”

“And you came to show it off.”

“Yup.”

“And I suppose taking Andrew or Jen for a drive wouldn’t have sufficed.” She grabbed at the opportunity for distraction, taking the focus off her appearance. He looked so hopeful she couldn’t resist teasing him just a bit.

“I got it yesterday and drove the boys to the golf course today. I’m just on my way home and thought I’d stop.”

She had to turn away from the pride in his voice. She was happy for him. Not being able to get around on his own had limited his freedom, and she understood how difficult it must have been for a man like him, who was used to being self-reliant. And yet she was reminded that every step of his recovery was one step further to his getting on with his life, and here she was, pathetically dressed up in a wedding dress that should never have seen the light of day again. She wished she’d never taken the garment bag out of the closet.

“Come for a drive with me, Lily.”

There was something in his voice that called to her even though she couldn’t say exactly what it was. But it almost sounded like need, a little thread of tension through the celebratory facade. And as much as she’d never admit it out loud, she liked being needed. Even if this development put him one step closer to being out of her life.

She twisted her fingers together, hating the mix of feelings that seemed to keep cropping up with planning Jen and Andrew’s big day. She’d been contented here, buying her house, settling into her job, making friends. She’d even managed to avoid talk of babies and marriage and dating. Now Lucy was nearly due and Jen was alight with nuptial plans and she couldn’t escape Noah even when she tried. Not that she’d tried very hard.

A few hours driving in a truck with Noah, away from white dresses and shower leftovers sounded very nearly like a perfect way to spend an afternoon.

“Just let me change,” she replied softly. The sooner this gown was off and put away, the better. It had been a stupid thing to do, to take it out and try it on in the first place. Even if she did now remember how to fix the skirt.

“I’ll wait, then,” he answered.

Lily inhaled and exhaled twice, trying to calm her nerves as Noah’s steps sounded on the stairs. He’d sought her out, as a friend. As someone to spend some time with. That was all.

She had to remember that he had apologized for making the mistake of kissing her.
She
was the one making a lot of something out of nothing, only because she was attracted to him. She stared at her reflection one last time.

Maybe she should simply relax. What was the harm in spending time, enjoying his company? She didn’t have to worry about him falling in love or wanting anything more permanent that she wasn’t capable of. It seemed pretty clear that he didn’t think of her in
that way
.

And maybe she should just stop thinking, full stop. She pulled at the zipper and it slid down a few inches before getting jammed. Lily closed her eyes, told herself to relax and tried jiggling it up and down. How could it be stuck? It might have something to do with the fact that it was slightly too tight, she grimaced. She sucked everything in as best she could, but nothing. It was well and truly caught.

She went to the door and called downstairs. “Noah? You still there?”

“Yeah.” She heard his voice come from the kitchen and she sighed.

“I seem to have run into a snag.”

He came to the bottom of the stairs and looked up. He wore a plain T-shirt today in black, a pair of faded jeans hugging his lower body. Her eyes fell on his stump sock and she realized that working a zipper wasn’t going to be easy for him, either.

“I’ve caught the zip.”

He grinned. “Oh, dear.”

Now he was teasing! Infernal man. And when had he developed dimples? She didn’t seem to remember that detail before, but as he grinned up at her she saw two subtle indentations mocking her.

“Could you help? Please?”

“Since you asked so nicely…”

He came up the stairs toward her and she got a warm curl right in the center of her belly. He was coming to help with the dress, nothing more, but seeing him take the stairs one at a time, coming to her bedroom, seemed very intimate indeed. Her tongue darted out and wet her lips.

Noah reached the top step, stopping directly in front of her. She tilted her chin up to see his face. There was something in his eyes she hadn’t seen before. The blue was deeper, the pupils larger, drawing her into the dark shadows, making her wonder what was behind them. Desire pulsed through her, shocking her with its potency as her well-intentioned self-talk went flying off on the summer breeze.

“Turn around,” he commanded, the words soft but an order just the same, and she obeyed, giving her back to him, reaching behind and pulling her hair over her shoulder. His fingers toyed with the clasp and she realized that she was very happy for the fact that this dress, unlike Jen’s, wasn’t strapless. She wasn’t wearing a bra underneath. All she was wearing was a pair of plain white bikini panties.

Each breath going into her lungs was torture as his warm fingertips played with the mechanism.

“It’s stuck in the lining.” Frustration rippled in his voice. “I can’t get a good enough hold on it with one hand, and I don’t want it to tear.”

She nearly told him it didn’t matter, but then she would
have to explain it was not Jen’s dress and she didn’t want to open that particular can of worms. “What if you held the lining back and I tried to move the zipper up or down? You can be my eyes, tell me which way to go.”

He pinched the fabric and she extended her right arm behind to grip the zipper. “Move it up,” he said, and all the while she could feel the heat of his body oh-so-close to hers. Trying to suck things in was even harder when it felt as though every cell in her body was expanding.

She pulled up, felt it give a little.

“Down, just a bit, then up again.”

She obeyed, following his directions, until his fingers closed over hers and pulled the zipper down. All the way down, to where it ended at the hollow of her spine.

Noah focused on the fabric caught in the mechanism rather than on the delicious curve of her neck. He wanted to kiss it something awful, but she was already wound up tight and tense all over. Knowing it set his body on fire, and he forced himself to concentrate on the zipper and not the pale skin revealed by the cut of the dress. Even pinching the fabric was proving difficult, and required all his attention.

But seeing her in a wedding gown had damn near gutted him, even if it wasn’t her own. He’d never seen anything so beautiful, and knowing Lily had made it with her own hands had only added to its charm. Marriage had never even been on his radar, but Lily made him start to understand the attraction. He didn’t know why she had Jen’s dress on, but Andrew’s eyeballs were going to be knocked out at the wedding.

The way his were right now as together they pulled the zipper to the bottom and a wedge of creamy white back was revealed to his gaze. The fact that she wasn’t wearing a bra only fueled the flames.

The dress gaped at the waist and he caught a tempting glimpse of skimpy white underwear. She had two tiny dimples at the top of her tailbone. He wanted to touch them with a finger. Wanted to touch the skin that was scented with vanilla and almond.

But undressing a woman in a wedding gown was something he never intended to do. And now, with his body scarred and disfigured, he knew he had to step away. She’d made it clear each time she backed off that she wasn’t interested in him in
that
way. And could he blame her? He had a difficult enough time dealing with his injuries. It was different for a lover. There were some things you could never expect a woman to overcome.