Hope Over Fear (Over #1) (24 page)

I hear a loud ring thrumming in my ears, and my hands instinctively shoot up to cover them. I try to open my eyes, but sunlight pierces my corneas like a sharp needle, and I think better of it. The pounding in my head is debilitating, and I think this may be the worst hangover I’ve ever had.

“So maybe a splash of vodka would have been a better choice. Don’t ya think, Sara Smile?”

All I can muster up in response is a long, drawn-out moan. How is Jared able to form coherent words? I’m not sure, but I think I may still be drunk. Fucking great.

“It’s time to wake up and face the day, my fearless friend. Why don’t you go throw some cold water on your face and brush your teeth while I whip up my hangover cure? I’ll even help your drunk ass up,” Jared taunts as he grabs my hands and pulls me to standing.

“You are relentless. And your cheerfulness is really pissing me off,” I spit out as I make my way to the bathroom, merely feeling the way, still too afraid to open my eyes.

“Off you go!” he sing-songs as he slaps my ass when I pass, and I yelp in response.

After closing the bathroom door, I turn on the water and rub my hands up and down over my face. I flip on the light and slowly open my eyes, giving them time to acclimate. Splashing the cold water on my face jolts me back to reality. My reality is less than pleasant at this juncture, but it doesn’t do any good to hide from it. With that in mind, tying one on last night may not have been the most productive way to deal with my problems. Even so, it was extremely necessary.

Lost in my thoughts, it takes me a few moments to process the noise I hear coming from beyond the bathroom door. I bunch my eyebrows in confusion and then bolt upright when I hear a familiar voice roaring at the top of his lungs.

“I’ll ask you one more time, motherfucker! What in the hell are you doing here?”

Oh. My. God.

I hear Jared murmuring softly to Mason as I throw open the bathroom door and enter the living room, hangover now forgotten. I see Jared calmly place his hand on Mason’s shoulder. Mason throws his hand off and shoves Jared backward.

“Don’t fucking touch me, asshole!” Mason turns his eyes to me, and I almost don’t recognize him. His body is humming with tension and rage, and his eyes pierce through me.

“Please Mason, it’s not what you think—” I start to explain, but my words remain arrested in my throat as he turns fully to me.

“Sara, I’m going to walk out of this door into the hallway, and I strongly suggest you follow me.” Mason’s voice is deceptively low and calm.

I answer his request with a slight nod, too frightened to speak. I’ve never seen Mason this way, and I don’t know how to calm him. I need to explain to him that things aren’t as they seem, but I’m not sure he can even hear me right now.

He slowly turns and walks into the hallway as he clenches and unclenches his fists. I quietly follow a short distance behind him as my thoughts race.

Suddenly, my mind slows to a crawl, and my body comes to a sudden halt. I inhale a quick breath and close my eyes as what I need to do becomes clear. I shift my gaze to a nervous Jared and give him an apologetic smile. He can’t know how sorry I am for what I’m about to do. Unfortunately, he’s going to be the collateral damage this time, and I wish to God there was another way. But there is one thing I know for sure when it comes to Mason. He’ll never leave me if I don’t force his hand. He’s proven that time and again.

I turn back to the doorway and make my way to Mason, closing the door to the apartment as I exit. He’s pacing the hallway, his hands tightly gripping the back of his neck as he shakes his head. The fury rolling off him is palpable, and I wish I could take it all away. I wish I could turn back time and thwart his advances from the very beginning so we would never find ourselves here. But that’s not the way it’s meant to happen.

Mason stalks right up to me and before I know it, my back is pressed against the wall, and Mason is a breath away from me. His hands are on either side of my head, his eyes are inches from mine, and I have nowhere to run. My days of running are over.

“Sara, do you mind telling what in the
fuck
I just walked in on?”

Mason is silent, searching my eyes for answers. My gaze falters, staring at his shirt instead of his eyes. I know, in that moment, he’s praying for a feasible explanation. That’s all he needs from me to forgive and move on from this. And I know he desperately wants to forgive me.

Slowly, I lift my eyes to his and do the unthinkable.

“I’m so sorry, Mason. I never meant to hurt you.”

A guttural cry erupts from Mason as he slams his fist into the wall beside my head. “
No!
”

He bounces away from me as if he is physically pushed, but I realize it for what it is. I repulse him—my admission repulses him. I remain cemented to my place on the wall, not daring to move a single muscle.

“I have done nothing but love you since the day you walked into my life, and this is my thanks. I befriended you, I loved you, I waited for you.
I fucking waited for you
!” Mason leans into me and holds me to my place with a menacing stare. I refuse to look away, even though his hatred cuts me deeply. I deserve every bit of the pain.

“Mason, I don’t know what to say. It just happened.” My voice is trembling as the lie rolls off my tongue.

“Well, I hope he makes all your fucking dreams come true, Sara. I would think you had learned your lesson on the first go-around with that dickhead, but that’s not my fucking problem.” His head cocks to the side, and a malicious grin curls on his lips that’s so unlike my Mason. “Actually, screw that. I hope he rips your fucking heart out. Because that’s what you deserve. Thanks for the lesson, babe. It’s appreciated. When you get back to Providence, you make damn sure that you don’t fucking call me or contact me in any way. Is that clear?”

I fearfully nod. Tears spill down my cheeks, and I don’t recognize the man in front of me. Words escape me, and I think that’s probably for the best.

Mason takes his keys out of his pocket and flips them over in his hand. He looks toward the elevator and then up to the ceiling, closing his eyes. When he looks back at me, his eyes are hard and cold, and his resolve is firmly in place.

“Goodbye, Sara.” He turns away from me and doesn’t even wait for the elevator. He throws open the door to the stairwell and disappears as I slowly slide down the wall into a heap. I don’t know how long I sit there silently sobbing before my apartment door quietly opens and Jared pokes his head out, looking both ways before his eyes settle to me on the floor.

I lift my head, sigh deeply, and wince, knowing what I’m about to ask of him. “Jared, how would you feel about spending a teensy amount more time in the closet?”

Jared sympathetically shakes his head and says on a sigh, “Sara Smile, what the hell did you just do?”

I can tell by his tone that I haven’t done irrevocable damage to our friendship. He’s frustrated, but not done.

Thank God for that.

“Last First Kiss” by Ron Pope

FOUR HOURS INTO my shift and still I can’t seem to get my mind off my lunch with Celia and Caroline. In extreme contrast to my usual behavior, I’ve spent most of the shift in quiet reflection. As I pass the front desk, I notice Mike, Marlo’s paramedic bed buddy, leaning on the counter with his partner. Mike is good looking, in a meathead sort of way, but I’m not entirely sure what Marlo sees in him. I picture her with someone … well, I’m not sure exactly, but someone very different from Mike.

“Hey, Sara! How’s it going? Have you met my partner, James?” Mike asks, suggestively raising his eyebrows.

Oh shit. I guess Marlo never told Mike to forget about fixing me up with someone. When I asked Marlo for the favor, I assumed it would be a great way to get my mind off Adam, since he had a girlfriend. Of course, now I feel foolish about my assumption as well as my hasty decision to date Adam out of my system. Not exactly the smartest idea I’ve ever had.

“No, I haven’t. It’s nice to meet you, James,” I say as I shake his hand and smile hesitantly.

“Good to meet you, too. I’ve been hoping to get an introduction for a while, but you never seem to be working when I come to the hospital.” James shoots me a winning smile, showing off his dimples. He’s handsome, no doubt, but he’s definitely no Adam Hunt. No matter what he looks like, my heart doesn’t race at the mere sight of him.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be elusive,” I say on a laugh.

“Listen, I’d love to take you out for a beer or something sometime. What do you say?” James asks with a hopeful expression.

“I’m sorry, James. I know Mike probably pressured you into asking me out. I truly appreciate it, and I’m flattered, but circumstances have changed recently …”

James places his hands on his hips, lowers his head, and looks at me through his lashes. “Shit, that was quick. I guess I should have camped out here if I wanted my chance, huh?”

“I’m sorry for the misunderstanding,” I repeat, silently wishing I had told Marlo to call Mike off his mission.

“Hey, it’s just bad timing, and that’s okay. You just let me know if circumstances change again. And in case you’re wondering, I don’t need any pressure from Mike to ask you out,” James states as he reaches up and squeezes my shoulder.

“Hey Sara, would you mind bringing some ice to my patient in three? I need to grab some paperwork at the desk before delivery,” Marlo says as she breezes by me in the hallway. She waves noncommittally at Mike as she passes.

“Sure thing. I’ll take care of it. It was nice to meet you, James. I’m sure I’ll see you around.” I smile, feeling grateful for the opportunity to escape an awkward situation. I quickly grab some ice from the machine and make my way to her patient’s room.

As I open the door, I hear a shrill scream followed by a primal moan. While unpleasant to the ear, high decibel outbursts are not uncommon on a labor and delivery unit, so I don’t let the noise phase me. As I walk into the room, I smell incense and hear Celtic music playing in the background. It takes considerable effort to not cover my eyes in horror when I look around the room.

Marlo’s patient is on all fours on the bed—buck naked and howling. If that’s not bad enough, her husband or boyfriend is sitting at the head of the bed, wearing nothing but gym shorts. She’s rocking back and forth while he rubs her back. If they are the ones letting it all hang out, why the hell am I the one who’s mortified?

“Focus, babe. Center your energy. You can do this,” he gently coaches.

Once I snap back to attention, I see his hand stretched out expectantly, waiting for the cup of ice. I feel the blush creeping up my neck from the embarrassment. I quickly make my way across the room to hand him the ice, mindlessly mumbling about calling the desk if they need anything else, and dart out of the room. I hear a familiar laugh as I close the door behind me.

“You bitch! I can’t believe you did that to me,” I shout at Marlo as she nearly kills herself laughing.

“I knew that would get you! You’re so fucking modest. You are the color of a tomato right now.”

“A little warning is appreciated, you wench! I made a fool out of myself in there. Why would you do that?” I say and shoot Marlo an irritated glance.

“I needed to wake your ass up. You’ve been zoned out like a little zombie the whole shift. You’re boring me to death, and I needed a little action. So sue me!”

“So I have a few things on my mind. Is that allowed?”

“Okay, tone down the bitch meter a notch and tell me what’s going on.” Marlo turns her chair in my direction and gives me her full attention.

I sigh loudly and confess what’s really bothering me. “I told Celia and Caroline about what really happened with Mason—”

“Awesome! So we’re telling everyone the truth now …”

“Hold your horses, Marlo. We’re not telling anybody anything. I really trust them, and it just sort of came out. Do you think I made a mistake?” I ask nervously.

“Hell no! I hope they start spreading it like wildfire. It’s about time people know you’re not the Wicked Witch of the West, Sara. You’ve hung your head in shame for too long. For absolutely no reason, I might add.”

I can’t believe I told them the whole story. The only people who know what actually happened that night are Jared (because he was there), Marlo, and Alex. Marlo and Alex sensed right away there was more to the story than the salacious rumors that were flying around. They pretty much hog-tied me to get the truth, but I quickly swore them to secrecy. Admitting to everyone that I really didn’t sleep with Jared would defeat the purpose of telling the lie in the first place. I needed Mason, and everyone else, to believe the rumors and move on with their lives as such.

“They won’t tell anyone. I told them in confidence, and I know they won’t break my trust.”

Marlo scowls at me, but my phone beeps before she can start another tangent.

A:
Hey babe. Breakfast? I’d love to see you…

My stomach does a quick somersault, and a silly grin spreads across my face.

“Ugh, well aren’t you just sickeningly sweet? What does loverboy have to say?” Marlo rolls her eyes at me jokingly.