In Your Honor (22 page)

Even if Blake convinced her to stay, it
would be under false pretenses. And nothing would have changed.
They'd be right back where they were the night she broke up the
fight between him and Frank.

The sound of the rain was so loud, Blake
could hear it drumming through the walls and on the roof above him
when he entered the apartment complex. He shook the water out of
his hair and almost toppled over in the stair well. Setting down
the half-drained bottle of Jim, he climbed the stairs, leaving wet
footprints from his boots with every step.

There had been only a threat of rain when
he'd walked away from the buses at the venue. But by the time he'd
gotten too far to turn back, he'd had enough whiskey that he didn't
care much about the rain. He only cared about seeing her. It had
been far too long. And he missed her. He couldn't wait to bury his
face in her sweet, honeysuckle hair and hear her whisper his
name.

Stopping at her door, he raised his hand to
knock, picturing that look of shock and elation she would bestow on
him. Water ran out of his hair and down his neck, collecting in the
collar of his shirt under his jacket. He rapped on the door and
waited. It swung open and he gave her a crooked smile the moment
his eyes hit hers.

“
I knew it. I frickin'
knew it.” Lucy's mouth drew into a hard line and she crossed her
arms over her chest.

“
Hey, Lucky,” he greeted,
leaning into the doorway, one arm braced on the door jamb. So she
was pissed, wouldn't be the first time. He shrugged it off and
raised an eyebrow. “You gonna invite me in?”

“
Who is it, babe?” A male
voice came from inside the apartment.

Lucy held his eyes as she let the door swing
open further, and Frank Jackson stepped up behind her. He slid a
hand around her waist familiarly, and Blake's gaze narrowed to that
singular point of contact.

“
Hey, Diedrich.” Blake's
body stiffened at the sound of his voice. Frank knew damn good and
well he wasn't supposed to be here. Blake had warned him,
repeatedly, to stay away from Lucy.

“
What the hell are you
doing with my girl, Frank?” Blake growled.

Lucy rolled her eyes and moved to close the
door. “No. This is not happening.”

Blake put his hand against the door and
pushed it open forcefully. Lucy backed into Frank, who backed
further into the entry way. Now, Blake was fully in the apartment
and he could see the candles and wine glasses.

“
Is this some kind of a
date?” he asked, hearing the slur in his words but not
caring.

“
Blake, you're drunk. Go
back to the bus and you can call me when you sober up.” Lucy hadn't
raised her voice yet, which was surprising to Blake. Was she trying
to put on a show for Mr. Rich Daddy Oil Douche?

“
Answer my question! Is
this a date?!” He knew he was overreacting by the way Lucy took
another step back, eyes wide, face pale.

Frank stepped around her and glared at him.
“Yes, actually. Now are you going to leave, or do I need to call
the police?”

That was the wrong thing to say. Blake took
a step and hurled his fist into Frank's face. Frank staggered back
as Lucy yelled in surprise, but then Frank reared up and threw his
own punch. Even drunk, Blake saw it coming, blocked it easily, and
answered it with a jab to Frank's gut that knocked the wind out of
him.

Blake let Frank reel around the room for a
bit, clenching and unclenching his fists, trying to decide if the
guy deserved more. Frank looked up at him through a scowl, lowered
his shoulder, and charged. Both men crashed through the open door
and out into the hallway.

Blake scrambled out from under Frank's
weight, hauling the other man up by his shirt collar. He slammed
Frank's back against the wall, his head bouncing loudly on the
plaster. Frank shoved against Blake's chest, and Blake let go of
his shirt and quickly connected his fist with Frank's face again.
Blake felt and heard the satisfying crunch of broken bones against
his knuckles. Frank cried out in pain and slid to the floor,
covering his nose that was already pouring blood.

“
What the hell, Blake!”
Lucy yelled, finally breaking through the thunderclap in his
head.

Frank tried to stand up, shouting curses,
and Blake cocked his fist back again, but then Lucy stepped in
front of his line of fire. He faltered.

“
What are you doing? What
have you done?!” she shouted at him. Blake could see Frank behind
her, blood still running down his face as he held his hands over
his nose. Blake looked back to Lucy. Angry tears squeezed out the
sides of her eyes and she shoved him, causing him to take a step
backwards. He was right at the top of the stairs and she continued
her advance, so he backed down the stairs carefully.

“
You wanna fight, big
man?” she yelled. “C'mon, I'm not afraid of you!”

Blake's mouth fell open as he tried to speak
but it was harder being met by a gale force wind in the form of her
fury and pain. “I can't—I would never hurt you!” he finally managed
to shout back.

She shook her head as her jaw clenched.
“You're so thick,” she growled. “You can't even acknowledge that
you already have.” Her words stunned him and his mouth fell
open.

“
You sonofabitch! You're
going to jail for this!” Frank spit from over Lucy's
shoulder.

“
Yeah, you look real tough
hiding behind a woman,” Blake snarled.

Lucy's scowl darkened and Blake fixed his
gaze on her again. She descended the stairs swiftly, grabbing his
arm in a twist, and pulled him down the three flights. She opened
the door to the outside and pushed him through it. He staggered and
spun around, desperate to find her face through the rain.

There she was. Standing right in front of
him, arms at her sides, breathing hard, pain radiating from her
eyes.

“
We're done, Blake.” Her
hair was soaking up the water quickly and he couldn't tell the
difference between tears and rain on her face. But he heard the
finality in her voice and it burned right through his
insides.

He couldn't think clearly, whether it was
from the whiskey or the adrenaline still racing through his body,
he didn't know. But he was still confused and he still wanted
answers.

“
What are you doing with
him?” he shouted, and she closed her eyes in anguish.

Then the fire came out.

“
It's none of your
business anymore, Blake! You didn't want me! You've been
gone—”

“
I came back!” he
protested, gesturing wildly with his arms.

“
It's been a
year
since you were here
last! You haven't even called!”

Blake took a breath. A year? Had it really
been that long?

“
You can't show up
unannounced,
drunk,
and expect me to greet you with open arms! It doesn't work
that way! You broke me, Blake! You finally broke me! I'm not your
girl anymore!”

She's not my girl anymore.

Blake stood silent. His emotions were
getting mixed in with his thoughts and he couldn't tell top from
bottom. But her words hit something inside. They penetrated his
thick layer of denial and he could see it on her face. She was
broken. He had done that.

“
I'm with Frank now,” she
continued. “He's good to me and he makes me happy. Hopefully he
won't call the cops and have you arrested.” She took a breath and
closed her eyes again. When she opened them, something more
permanent had taken up residence inside: indifference.

She's not my girl.

“
You can't come back
anymore. And you can't call me.
Especially
if you're
drunk.”

He nodded his head and looked at the ground,
letting the water beat down on him. Feeling defeated. Empty.

“
Promise me, Blake,” she
demanded sharply. “Make a promise that you can finally
keep.”

Her voice was cold and he realized he'd lost
her. She wasn't his girl anymore. The truth ripped through him like
a hot blade, gutting him, leaving him lifeless.

“
I promise.”

That was a night that stood out in Blake's
mind as the worst night of his life. He had been gone too long, had
made too many promises without enough follow through. He'd gone
into a jealous rage, not intending to start a fight, but Frank had
always been able to push his buttons. His actions severed the
delicate thread that had been keeping Lucy attached to him. He
would never forget how she had looked at him. If a broken heart had
a face, that was it.

He could handle it differently this time, he
could finally put her ahead of himself.

“
You're awfully subdued,” Sway
observed from his perch on the arm of the couch in the green
room.

Blake gave a halfhearted shrug. “Looking
forward to break, I guess.”

“
Really?” Sway questioned,
unconvinced. “Looking
forward
to it, are ya?”

Blake swallowed and looked around the room.
It was mostly empty, Harrison and Mike were huddled over some music
in the corner, and Luke was on the phone. The other band was on
stage for their own sound check, an event that Blake had started to
avoid the last couple of days. More for his own sanity than
anything else.

“
I'll just be happy when
it's over,” he confessed, a little surprised at his own honesty. He
felt a little more broken and a little less protective after taking
two hits from Luke Casey. Maybe he'd finally knocked something
loose.

“
Why don't you just tell
her how you feel?” Sway asked earnestly.

Blake clenched and unclenched his jaw.
“Because it's not time yet.”

“
What if she falls in love
with the guy?” Sway outright stated Blake's worst fear.

“
Good, I hope she does.”
Blake tried to look as unaffected as possible. Sway rolled his eyes
but stopped pushing.

“
What are you gonna do for
the week off?” he asked instead, pushing his blond hair out of his
face.

Blake had been hoping no one would ask him
that question. Normally, he would lie, but he was trying to be a
different person...a better person. That didn't mean that telling
the truth got any easier.

“
Thinking about taking a
trip.” He decided to try ambiguity.

“
By yourself?” Sway
frowned, “Wait a minute... ” He leaned forward and whispered
accusingly, “You're not gonna follow Lucy, are you?”

“
Hell no!” Blake barked.
“I'm going to see my mom.”

And there it was.

“
Whoa.” Sway sat back, his
eyes wide. “Sorry, man.”

Blake growled in frustration and shook his
head. “Don't worry about it. It's just something I have to do.”

Sway looked uncomfortable, and Blake
couldn't blame him. He'd built up a huge wall of secrecy about his
life and he was getting tired of maintaining it. His bandmates knew
bits and pieces, along with whatever he had let leak out during his
many alcohol-induced diatribes.

He'd been hiding from the past for too long
and all it had gotten him was further away from where he wanted to
be.

***

Kendra tightened her high ponytail again and
dug in her pocket for a dollar. She wanted a cookie. She hadn't had
a cookie in a really long time, and a chocolate chip cookie the
size of her head was staring at her from the bakery window.

“
Let me get that for
you.”

Kendra spun to see Chad handing his bill
over the counter, a wide grin on his face.

“
What are you doing here?
You're supposed to be in sound check!” she whisper-shouted in
shock. The girl behind the counter raised a curious
eyebrow.

“
Calm down, chick.” Chad
chuckled. “We finished early.”

Kendra would never have
left her post for a personal errand, but the bakery across the
street had been beckoning to her since they had pulled into town.
She was sure that Denver had many amazing things to offer, but she
could
not
stop
thinking about the sugary fatty goodness of a fresh baked
cookie.

If Chad wasn't at sound check, then that
meant other things were off schedule and she was going to have to
get back quickly. She'd been horrendously distracted the past
couple of days and it seemed things were going to start falling
apart. Pulling out her phone to check for any missed messages from
Carl, she turned to the door.

“
You forgot your
cookie.”

She looked back at Chad with a blank face.
He smiled adorably and held up the baked good in question.

“
C'mon, Kendra.” He
motioned towards a nearby table. “Let's talk.”

She looked at her phone again, no missed
anythings, and then back to the cookie. “Be honest: did sound check
go okay?”

“
Yeah, it went fast.” He
chuckled slightly. “Everything is fine, you can enjoy your
cookie.”

She acquiesced and sat down at the table he
had indicated. He handed over the cookie and sat across from
her.

“
Finally, maybe we can
have a decent conversation.” He leaned his elbows on the table and
his blue eyes twinkled.

She took a bite of her cookie and tried not
to smile. “Why do you insist on flirting with me, Chad?”

“
Oh good, you noticed.”
His grin widened and she shook her head when she couldn't help
smiling in return.