In Your Honor (23 page)

“
I just think you're a
cool chick and I want to talk to you more. Besides,” he leaned
forward a little, “you've got inside information and I'm trying to
butter you up so you'll let me in on it.”

“
What inside information?”
Kendra took another bit of cookie, the sugar already going to her
brain and increasing her heart rate. “If you think I'm going to
give you Carl's bank account number, you've come to the wrong
girl.”

Chad laughed and leaned back, draping a long
arm over his chair and looking like the up-and-coming rock star
that he was. A couple of girls walked into the bakery and gave him
a longer stare than they would have for a regular guy. Kendra had
to admit, he was decently attractive. His shaggy, brown hair was
styled in that obvious messy way that guys seemed to find so
appealing lately. The fact that he was a drummer, and an energetic
one at that, lent to his lean, athletic build. And he smelled nice,
too.

“
I'm talking about Blake,”
Chad said, bringing her attention back to their
conversation.

Kendra felt her face frown instantly. She
was not going to divulge things about Blake.

“
Don't look at me like
that.” Chad arched an eyebrow. “I have information to share in
return.”

Kendra narrowed her eyes. “You're just a
small town gossip, aren't you?”

“
I was raised by old
ladies.” Chad's lopsided smile was too endearing. She wanted to be
suspicious or upset, but she wasn't. She was amused.

It was her turn to lean forward. “How do I
know that your information is as good as mine? I don't want to give
up the goods for some random trivia I could find out from
anyone.”

Chad rubbed his chin with his thumb and
forefinger. “Oh, my intel is good.” He leaned forward again. Now
their elbows were touching and their faces were inches apart, the
cookie half-eaten and held just off to the side. He looked over at
it and then back to her.

“
Then you go first,”
Kendra dared quietly.

“
If you give me a bite of
that cookie.” Chad looked at it again.

She broke off a small piece and handed it
over, not removing her stare from his. She felt almost giddy from
the fun of the conversation.

He took his time eating the bite of cookie,
making appreciative noises that caused those two girls to look over
at them several times.

“
Okay, okay.” Kendra
rolled her eyes. “What have you got?”

Chad took a deep breath. “I know how Blake
really got that black eye and split lip.”

Kendra looked at him suspiciously. “Carl
said it was an equipment accident.”

“
Yeah, but I was there. It
was Luke Casey's fist that did that.”

That made sense. Especially considering the
huge bruise on Luke's jaw. But why hadn't Blake told her about
that?

“
What were they fighting
about?”

Chad sucked in a breath through his teeth.
“From what I overheard, Blake is pissed that Lucy is going to see
Shane for the week off.”

Kendra felt lead settle in her stomach. No
wonder Blake hadn't told her. This thing with Lucy was starting to
derail.

“
Now, I know you talk to
Blake a lot. I'm hoping you can tell me if it's true.”

“
If what's
true?”

“
Is he stupid in love with
Lucy or what?” Chad whispered in exasperation.

Kendra sighed and looked down at the table.
“Pretty much.”

“
I knew it,” Chad said
with conviction.

“
Well, no kidding.” Kendra
grimaced. “It's not like he's being real subtle about
it.”

Fist fights now? What was next? Kendra was
afraid to find out.

“
You think we should start
confronting them on the obvious?” he asked sincerely. This was a
side she hadn't yet seen in Chad and she liked it. He was kind of a
sweetie.

“
You mean, that they're
amazing together?” Kendra gave him a sad smile. “If they can't see
that already, what makes you think we'll make a
difference?”

***

Lucy twirled a loose strand of hair around
her finger absentmindedly, relaxing in the soft motions of the bus
on the interstate. She was waiting for her nightly call from Shane
and marveled at the butterflies that had taken up permanent
residency in her stomach.

“
I have a date tomorrow,”
Chad proclaimed loudly as he took his place beside her. He had
started to lie next to her on the floor most nights after the show,
making her feel like a trend setter. Before long she'd have Taylor
and Stuart convinced into doing it too.

“
With whom?” Lucy teased,
knowing the answer.

“
Kendra.” Chad sighed
contentedly. “She's so pretty.”

“
Well, good luck to ya,”
Lucy said sincerely.

Taylor and Stuart had gone to bed early,
leaving just the two of them to keep each other company. It had
started to happen more frequently and Lucy was a little concerned
for Taylor and Stuart's level of fatigue. The week off would do
them both good.

“
Looking forward to seeing
California?” Chad asked.

“
Yeah, I really am.” Lucy
smiled as she thought of seeing Shane face-to-face
again.

“
Blake seems okay with
it,” he said, catching Lucy off guard.

“
Why wouldn't he be?” she
asked curiously.

“
I don't know.” She felt
his shoulder next to her shrug. “I guess I just thought there was
more between you than just friendship. My mistake.”

Lucy frowned at the ceiling. “There used to
be, a long time ago. But people change.” She swallowed hard.
Technically, what she said was true, but it was the lack of change
in either of them that made love between them impossible.

“
Does Shane know about you
and Blake?” Chad asked.

Lucy's mouth went dry as she tried to reply.
“No, it hasn't come up.” Would that matter? Maybe. She should
probably tell him.

“
Well, it's pretty obvious
that Blake still wants you. I think it's kinda awesome how cool
he's being about the whole thing, aside from punching Luke over the
deal. If it were me, I'd be a frickin' train wreck of
jealousy.”

“
He punched Luke?!” Lucy
propped herself up on an elbow to look over at him. “What are you
talking about?”

“
I might have that wrong.
You should ask Blake about it,” he said, too casually.

Lucy's heart sped up as she recalled the
injuries on both men and her stomach tightened when she realized it
may have had to do with her. That couldn't be true. Blake had made
it pretty obvious that he was over her, in more ways than one.

Lucy exhaled slowly and lay back down. Chad
had no idea what he was talking about, as usual.

“
You're wrong, Chad. Blake
hasn't wanted me in a long time.” Her voice felt hollow as she said
the words out loud, not understanding the emptiness it caused
inside her.

Chad pushed himself onto his feet and looked
down at her.

“
No, I'm not.” His usual
cheerful face was serious and almost sad. “I know you guys think
I'm just an obnoxious prick and I don't know anything. But I do, I
know all kinds of things.”

He glanced down at her phone as it lit up
with her anticipated call. “I'm going to bed. Goodnight, sis.”

Lucy blinked a few times before answering.
Chad was peculiar, that was for sure. She had no idea how he got
some of the things into his head that he did.

“
Hello?” she spoke into
the receiver.

“
Hey.” Shane's deep voice
filled the line and her senses at the same time. She took a
refreshing breath and smiled, instantly relaxing. She pushed Chad's
words far from her thoughts as she eased into the singular world
that was Shane Brookings.

***

Lucy was officially added to the bill. She
still only did five songs a night, but she would switch them up
from time to time. And Blake was damn proud of her. He never missed
a single set.

He would stand off to the side, lost in
everything about her that he had always loved, and feeling more and
more like she was slipping away from him. Wasn't she, though?

He couldn't stand the
pureness of her heart reflected in her words. It was too much to
bear. She had loved him once.
Him.
He had held an angel, truly. And he had done
everything in his power to ruin it.

In the time they spent together now, he
focused on being the best friend he could possibly be. The tension
that used to exist between them had evaporated over time. She was
relaxed and breathing easy, and he wanted to keep it that way. The
only time he would let himself look at her, and allow his heart to
feel what it couldn't help feeling for her, was when she was on
stage.

He had no idea how much longer his body
could hold up under the stress of wanting her, and never having
her.

The week off was rapidly approaching and she
would be gone. He tried to keep from thinking about it too much, it
only made him feel angry. And helpless. Never a good
combination.

The DBS set became a place for Blake to
exorcise his demons. All the bitterness and frustration he felt,
he'd take out on his guitar. He'd play hard, to the point of
complete exhaustion, and then crash in his bunk immediately after.
He didn't stick around and talk to fans anymore. He didn't look for
Lucy after the show. He poured every ounce of dissatisfaction and
resentment into his playing, smashing his guitar during the encore
every night. At least the crowd loved it.

And that's how he had been getting by. It
helped as much as it could, but not tonight. Tonight, he was in
agony. He'd reached a point where his heart hurt so bad he was
convinced that it was a smoldering pile of ashes and his lungs were
choking on the smoke.

Leaving his instrument in broken smithereens
on the stage, he grabbed his jacket out of the green room. He
slammed open the back door to the venue and tried to inhale the
clean air of the mountains, but he couldn't breathe. It hurt too
damn much. Everything hurt too much.

He started walking, without a specific
direction in mind. He followed his feet and they faithfully led him
to a place that promised a numbing release from his inner
distress.

The bar was small and cozy and served his
favorite toxin, which he ordered easily.

He pulled out his cellphone and turned it
off. He didn't need Kendra or Sway calling him and making him feel
guilty for this. He only wanted a few minutes to himself. He'd be
right back.

Three shots in, and he started to feel warm
so he removed his leather jacket. Two more shots after that, and he
moved to a booth in the back with a pitcher of beer. He looked at
the clock on the wall and decided he could spare a few more minutes
before he really had to get going. The buses were supposed to get
underway soon, but they'd wait for him. Probably.

He just needed something to get him by for
the next few days. He needed to not hurt right now. Just for a
minute.

He looked at the clock again to make sure he
was still running on time, but the numbers were all fuzzy.

Oh well.

He finished off the pitcher.

***

Kendra was a wreck. She'd lost Blake. Again.
His phone was off and she had no idea where to look.

She ran over to the red bus, her heart
pounding out of fear and anxiety. She bounded up the steps and
entered the cabin, not caring if she was being intrusive. Stepping
past questioning faces and searching every bunk, the bathroom, the
back lounge, the bunks again. She was in near hysterics.

Chad grabbed her by her shoulders and looked
her in the eye with concern. “What's going on, Kendra?”

“
I,” she panted, “I can't
find Blake.” Now that she'd said it out loud it became even more
real, and hot tears formed in her eyes.

“
What do you mean?” Lucy
got up off the floor, genuine worry lacing her voice.

“
I mean, he left after the
set. Some of the crew members saw him, but thought he'd come back
to the buses.” She hadn't told Carl yet, he was going to fire her
for sure.

“
Okay, calm down,” Lucy
encouraged as she slipped her shoes on and grabbed Taylor's nearby
flannel, tugging it on quickly. “We'll find him.”

Lucy turned to Chad. “Stall Carl, tell him
you have diarrhea or something.” She grabbed Kendra's arm and
headed towards the door, yelling over her shoulder, “Try to buy me
at least a half an hour.”

“
How do you know you can
find him?” Kendra asked when they slipped out the gate and down the
sidewalk.

Lucy's face was tight and her eyebrows
were knit together. “Because he's upset. Did you see him smash his
guitar tonight? One thing about Blake Diedrich that's predictable:
his bad habits.”

Blake's inner monologue was sure doing a
number on him. He'd gone from being angry about losing Lucy to
angry with himself for resorting to old habits. And just when he'd
had almost enough to forget what had brought him to the bar in the
first place, he'd start the whole cycle again.

He'd gotten to the point where his thoughts
were laughable. He chuckled sardonically to himself over his
ridiculous behavior. If Lucy could see him now, there would be no
fooling her. She'd see that he was the same self-hating drunk he'd
always been. He had nothing new to offer. It was hilarious.