In Your Honor
Authors: Heidi Hutchinson
Tags: #romance, #series, #rock star, #rock band, #new adult, #rock romance, #unrequieted love
In Your Honor
By Heidi
Hutchinson
Copyright 2014 Heidi
Hutchinson
Smashwords
Edition
In Your Honor
Copyright © 2013 Heidi R
Hutchinson
All Rights Reserved
Cover Design: Heidi R Hutchinson
Book Design: Heidi R Hutchinson
Front Cover Photography by Laura
Gibson
Editor: Tara Burch
David Warren appears courtesy of
©
2013
Laura Gibson and Defenestrate
Publishing.
This ebook is licensed for your
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work of this author.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and
incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are
used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or
dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Table
of Contents
To Charles
I'll always be your
girl
Three Years Ago
Blake rested his spinning head in his
hands, pressing the heels into his eye sockets. He was way too
drunk for what was happening. The sterile surroundings of the
Catholic hospital made his intoxicated confusion more pronounced,
and he felt humiliation take a seat right next to his overwhelming
dread.
A soft figure sat down next to him and
he slowly rotated his head to see the tiny figure of a nun looking
at him with kind eyes. She extended a cup of coffee his direction
and he took it. She said something to him that he didn't
understand.
“
I'm sorry, I don't speak
German,” he said with a grimace.
She nodded and patted his knee gently.
“You must have coffee.” Her English was good, but he could tell she
was a little unsure.
“
Yes, thank you.” He
raised the cup she had given him. “Danke.” He knew a few basic
words but not enough for a conversation. Especially right
now.
“
Your friend,” she raised
her eyebrows in question, “he is sick?”
“
Yes.” Blake felt a wave
of anguish wash over him. “Very sick.”
Mike was more sick than any of them
had realized. They should have, though. They did. They just didn't
want to have to deal with it. They were all too busy with their own
shit. And now, Mike might not make it. It was insane how much had
changed in the past couple of hours.
When Carl had finally
gotten through to Blake and Luke at the bar, Mike was already
unconscious. Luke had been in the hospital room with him since they
had arrived. Blake wasn't ready to go in yet. He was too ashamed.
And scared. And
so
drunk still. He reached up to rub his forehead with his
fingertips.
He wanted to blame someone. Maybe he
could blame Ilsa, he'd never trusted her. She was so demanding of
Mike's time and energy. Blake had known she was a user too, but he
chose to ignore it. He chose to worry about himself despite the
promise that all of them had made years ago to run this band like a
family instead of a hobby.
“
You have someone.” The
nun interrupted his blurry thoughts again. He frowned, not sure
what she meant. She gestured to the phone he clutched in his hand.
He looked down at it and remembered that he'd been getting ready to
call someone. But he didn't know who. He knew who he
wanted
to call. But he
had promised never to call her drunk again.
“
She'll be mad at me,” he
said out loud, not caring if the nun understood at all.
“
Maybe,” the nun replied
noncommittally, which made Blake almost smile.
“
I made a promise.” He
stared at the floor in front of him, his head a complete mess. He
had promised to stay away forever. But all he wanted at that moment
was to hear her tell him everything would be okay.
“
Promises can be remade.”
The nun patted his knee again and he glanced over at her. She
smiled secretively and then stood up, leaving him alone.
His stare returned to his phone. The
loneliness in his chest caused him to cue up her number and press
Send before he sobered up enough to talk himself out of it. He
pressed the device to his ear and hoped she would
answer.
She picked up sooner than he
expected.
“
Hello?” she answered
tentatively.
“
Hey,” Blake croaked, his
vision suddenly blurring with unexpected tears.
“
What's wrong, Blake?” He
could almost see the concern on her face as it radiated through the
phone. No anger, or accusation. Only genuine worry. He had never
deserved her.
“
Mike overdosed.” He
pushed the words out heavily. He heard her alarmed gasp and he
continued, “I know I said I'd stay away. But you're the only one I
can call. I'm really scared. He's in a coma. Luke is with him right
now, but we have no idea what's going to happen. And I'm really
drunk and confused and I feel bad for calling you but I... I just
didn't know what else to do.”
“
It's okay, Blake. I'm
glad you called me.” She was trying to calm him down. From
thousands of miles away he could feel the overwhelming comfort that
she was practically made out of. He missed her. He wished she was
there with him right now, to hold him and tell him it was going to
be okay.
“
I miss you,” he
confessed, and he didn't care how it sounded.
“
I miss you, too.” She was
quiet for a moment. “I'm sure Mike will pull through. All you boys
are tough. How is Luke holding up?”
Blake really couldn't believe how
amazing she was. They had left things so messy and ugly. And here
she was, holding him one more time.
“
He's scared too.” Blake
reached up and wiped the tears off the side of his face. “I wish I
had done things differently.”
“
Blake, don't do this to
yourself. Not right now,” she pleaded tenderly over the
phone.
“
How do we fix this? I
never saw this coming. I have no idea what to do.” Every word had
two meanings, and he knew she knew it. He needed her to. He needed
her to know that he wasn't proud of anything he had done. “Is it
all really over? I mean, maybe I could start doing things
differently now. Maybe I could figure this whole thing
out.”
“
Blake...” His name hung
off her lips and he desperately wanted a do-over on
life.
“
Don't.” He ran his hand
over the back of his head in frustration. “Don't say what I know
you're gonna say.”
Then she did what she always did. She
reached across the miles and gave him exactly what he needed to get
through this moment.
“
Tell me about Europe. Are
the crowds are as crazy as I've heard?”
Blake leaned back and sighed. He told
her about the shows and the flights and the cities they'd been to.
They discussed the music and the latest album. Sway and Harrison
arrived but sat silently nearby. She kept him distracted until he
was sober and the sun was coming up outside. It had to be in the
middle of the night where she was, and still she continued the
conversation.
Blake saw Luke coming down the hallway
towards them and knew they were all getting ready to have a
difficult conversation.
“
I have to go,” he said
painfully, not knowing when he'd ever hear her voice again. “Thank
you. For everything.”
“
You're gonna be okay,
Blake. Y'all will,” she said, her soft accent making him smile one
last time.
“
I'm sorry I broke my
promise of not contacting you again,” he said quickly as Luke got
closer and goodbye was imminent.
“
Tonight doesn't count,”
she tried to reassure him.
“
It counts for me.” He
took a quick breath before he had time to change his mind. “I love
you.” He hung up the phone without waiting for a reply because he
knew those days were over. He couldn't go back and she had asked
him not to. But he had to tell her at least once more.
He doubted that he would ever feel
like he had told her enough.
Nothing
“
You want another?” The
bartender's gruff voice broke through Blake's melancholy study of
his empty glass.
He licked his dry lips, chewing on the
bottom one briefly before nodding and pushing the glass towards the
barkeep. His eyes glazed over as he stared at the warm, brown
liquid refilling the glass. He couldn't remember how many he'd had
at this point. Probably too many. His thoughts were still too clear
for his own comfort. He swirled the cheap whiskey once before
downing it.
“
Mmm, I see you went for
the good stuff, must be a party.” Sway's sarcastic quip from
Blake's left caused him to roll his eyes.
“
Piss off, Sway,” Blake
slurred as he nodded at the bartender again.
Sway made himself comfortable on the
stool, resting his elbow on the bar and his chin in his hand, and
looked at Blake.
“
You saw the schedule, I
take it?” Sway stated the obvious.
“
Oh, yeah.” Blake threw
another shot back and relished the burn as it traveled down his
nearly numb throat.
“
I bet I could get it
switched if you want me to,” Sway offered, but they both knew how
absurd that sounded.
“
Don't bother. It was
bound to happen eventually.” Blake rubbed his forehead with his
right hand, feeling himself break out into a sweat. He slammed his
palm back on the bar. “I have to grow up someday, right?” He
chuckled cynically as he tried to stand.
“
Whoa,” Sway cautioned him
as he grabbed Blake's arm, keeping him from toppling over. Yep,
he'd almost had enough.
“
I gotta take a piss,”
Blake mumbled and he staggered to the bathroom at the back of the
dimly lit and mostly empty bar.
He liked this bar. It wasn't his
favorite, but it was out of the way enough that most of his friends
wouldn't find him here. Also, it wasn't a very successful
establishment, so he never had to worry about being recognized. It
was the closest thing to a hick bar he had been able to find in
Boston. He didn't need it often, just when he thought about stupid
shit.