In Your Honor (48 page)

“
What do you mean? What
happened to you? One minute you're a wreck, scheming very
ill-advised attempts to win her back, and the next you're playing
down your feelings. Like you haven't spent the last couple of
months in complete agony.” Kendra rolled her eyes and crossed her
arms over her middle in total disbelief.

“
I got some things
straightened out in my head.” He smirked and then said,
“
You must be your own before you can be
another's
.”

“
What?” she asked,
perplexed.

“
Emerson.” He leaned back
in his chair and closed his eyes, intent on getting some rest
before the show that night. “You should read more.”

Kendra snorted under her breath and put her
headphones on. Blake peeked one eye open to look at Lucy again.

Having her verify what Triny had already
told him about her and Frank had been more shocking than he wanted
to admit. To know that she had risked a future of strife with a man
she didn't love just to escape the loneliness he'd left her with
was a horrible thought. And he would have let her. He had been too
pissed that night and wasn't thinking clearly. Now, he could see
that if he'd handled it differently, she would have walked away
from Frank forever. She had taken responsibility for that mistake,
but it was just as much Blake's fault that she got hurt in that
situation.

But she was truly hurting at Shane's loss.
That wasn't an act. She cared for him deeply and he'd broken that
trust. Not that Blake should judge, he'd hurt her more often, just
in different ways.

Never again.

When she had reached for him last night, it
had taken all of his strength not to pull her into his arms and
make her forget that Shane ever existed. But it would only have
complicated their already complex relationship.

He would wait for her. However long it took.
He was going to do it right from now on.

***

When they got to the venue they were greeted
with smiles, hugs—and problems.

They had postponed two shows so Lucy and
Blake could take care of things with her father being ill. That
wasn't the problem. They had already rescheduled, tickets would be
honored and the tour would only be extended by four more days.
Easy.

The problem was more immediate. Taylor had
woken up without a voice. He'd seen a physician and was ordered not
to sing and to speak only when necessary for at least a week. As
such, they didn't have an opening band.

“
Lucy can do it,” Chad
volunteered her from across the room. She felt every eye in the
room turn towards her, and silence descended.

They were having a small meeting in a
conference room at the venue, going over all their options. Both
bands, Lenny, and Carl were scattered around the room in various
places. Some standing, some sitting in the chairs like it was a
real conference. Lucy had slipped in a little late and was leaning
against the wall close to the door. Blake had joined her, standing
so close their shoulders touched.

“
I like that idea,” Mike
nodded his approval. He was sitting on the top of a chair, feet on
the seat, hands clasped in front of him. “She's got good presence
and staying power. It's time to see if she can hold a longer
set.”

“
That's what I was
thinking,” Harrison agreed next to him. His usual sweetheart
disposition had given way to a more business-like attitude, and
Lucy could see how this band had survived so long and maintained
their success. This is how they made decisions. It was a group
discussion and they took it seriously. But she didn't want to do
what they were suggesting. Maybe a week ago, sure, she would have
considered it. But not today.

“
I don't want to,” was all
she got out. She wanted to say more, but her words weren't working.
She felt Blake look down at her.

Luke scrutinized her from his leadership
position. Arms crossed over his chest, legs braced wide. Total
power stance. If a stranger walked into the room at that moment,
they would easily be able to pick out who was in charge.

“
That's the best option.”
He finally nodded, ignoring what she had said.

“
What? No.” She looked to
Lenny for help, but Lenny looked surprised by her reaction. Her
eyes drifted to each person in the room, and they were all frowning
at her.

She felt her heart start to pound heavy and
loud in her ears as she realized they all agreed with Luke. They
expected her to play a longer set with songs that weren't hers
while running on two hours of sleep and a broken heart.

Blake's fingers curled around her upper arm
and she looked up into his eyes. They were sea foam green today. He
gently prompted her to go through the door to her side as he said
over his shoulder, “Don't make any decisions yet.”

They entered the hall, he released her arm
and she fought back the urge to keep walking away. He pulled the
door closed behind him and looked at her softly.

“
Don't try to talk me into
it, Blake,” she warned him, trying to look menacing when all she
wanted to do was cry.

“
I'm not, I'm really not.
If you don't want to, they can't make you.” He looked patiently
into her face, “But I think it might be good for you.”

“
I'm too sad, Blake,” she
pleaded with him, feeling her voice crack as she said
it.

“
That's what I mean.” He
slipped his hand under the heavy fall of her hair and ran his thumb
under her jaw. “Use it to work through the sadness. Do a whole set
of Jewel covers for all I care.”

She pressed her cheek into his palm, wanting
to stay in that spot for a lot longer than she was going to be
allowed.

“
I think the longer set
would be good to help you work things out. After your mom died, you
sang all the time. Remember what you told me?”

She swallowed and nodded her head, “That it
made my heart feel less heavy.”

His other hand cupped the other side of her
face, tipping her head back to look at him. “Your own words.”

She sighed and closed her eyes. “Okay.”

He pressed his lips to her forehead then
pulled her in for a tight hug. “This is gonna do you some
good.”

She clutched him, not wanting him to ever
let go. “Promise?” she asked against his chest.

“
I promise.”

***

Blake had been dead-on accurate. Lucy felt
amazing after the show. She did her usual five songs, but added in
a few Tom Petty covers, some of Taylor's regular songs and a couple
more of her originals. Adding Chad and Stuart to her songs changed
the sound and excited her.

And the crowd loved it. She couldn't believe
the warm reception she received when she was finished. She came off
the stage and Kendra dragged her over to the merchandise booth
where people were waiting to get her autograph and picture.

“
They loved you, Lucy.
Seriously, loved you!” Kendra was gushing while at the same time
taking notes on her clipboard. She would make an excellent PR rep
in her future if she chose to do that, Lucy noted as she watched
the girl work.

The fans were sweet and shy, asking for
autographs and pictures. Lucy hadn't experienced this side of the
shows yet, and it wasn't as overwhelming as she had feared. Kendra
kept things moving swiftly and smoothly, fielding questions about
Lucy's future album possibilities and where she had come from.

Lucy was hustled onto the bus right after
the DBS set and they took off for the next venue almost
immediately. She didn't get a chance to see Blake after the show,
but she figured they could talk about tonight's events when they
parked. It was a little weird to suddenly be away from him after
spending the past several days with him by her side.

She was so exhausted that she fell asleep
almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. All the stress from her
dad's hospitalization, the break-up with Shane, no rest before the
show, and the new format of the show itself had caught up with her.
Her final thought was a sad one, though. She clutched her cellphone
as her eyes fluttered closed, hoping against hope that Shane might
call.

***

Shane hadn't slept since he'd walked out on
Lucy. He'd spent every night at the office, not wanting to go home.
Work was his focus as he tried to stay busy and keep from calling
her.

His office was designed to be aesthetically
pleasing. Soft, comfortable couches and chairs. His employees
worked at tables instead of desks. Plants, framed art and unusual
sculptures decorated the perimeter. The East Coast office had a
more modern flair to it, whereas the West Coast office looked like
a surf shop on steroids. But he liked both places. They were both
sides of who he was, and they both showcased those sides well.

But in the dark pre-dawn hours, it was cold.
And empty. The colors were bland and even with most of the lights
off, the bright white walls were far too brilliant. He looked over
an order form on the table in front of him, trying to concentrate
again.

His life had become shades of gray. All the
color had been sucked out by his actions two days ago. The New York
skyline was a lovely steel backdrop to his dark thoughts. Maybe he
should go home to Cali for a while, try to sort this thing out.

It really came as no surprise to him when
the elevator dinged and opened at six in the morning, and Blake
stood before him, looking pissed.

“
Hey, Diedrich. You here
to kick my ass?” Shane stood and moved to the coffee maker. “You
want some coffee first, or do you just want to get straight to the
fighting?”

“
What the hell were you
thinking? I told you what would happen if you made her cry.”
Blake's threatening growl came across the room.

“
So, no coffee then?”
Shane clarified dryly. He poured himself a cup and turned to face
the angry rocker. He must have looked like crap because Blake's
expression morphed into a grimace.

Shane took a long drink of the hot coffee,
waiting for Blake to make the first move. When that didn't happen,
he spread his arms out to the sides and shrugged. “C'mon, bro. Put
me out of my misery. End me. Like you promised.”

“
What are you doing?”
Blake frowned, stepping closer and peering at his face. “You look
like shit.”

“
Sounds about right,”
Shane said as he slumped into a nearby chair.

Blake crossed the room slowly, approaching
him with caution. “What happened, dude, why did you break up with
Lucy?”

Shane stared into the cup of coffee for a
beat and then set it on the table next to him. He rubbed both hands
over his unshaven face and ran them back through his unwashed
hair.

“
I could have stayed with
her forever.” His chest hurt with his declaration and Blake took a
careful seat across from him, his face becoming
concerned.

“
And, you know, I believe
she would have stayed with me too.” Shane shook his head at the
nightmare he was in. “She would have loved me to the best of her
ability and she would have been devoted and true and I would never
have had to worry.” He wished what he said next wasn't true. But it
was.

“
But she would never have
loved me the way I love her.” He leaned forward, resting his arms
on his knees and pointing at Blake. “Never the way she loves
you.”

Blake narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “What
are you talking about? She told you this?”

“
No, I
saw
it. Everyone can see it. When
you two are together, the whole world falls away. You have this
bond that no one can penetrate or even attempt to make sense of.
She's yours and you're hers.” Shane leaned back again, actually
thankful he had someone he could tell all of this to. It sounded
crazy playing on repeat in his head, over and over. But now that he
could say it aloud, he felt... absolved. “I could have ignored it.
I could have taken her far away from you, and I would have done
everything in my power to make her forget you. But I love her too
much to be that selfish. She comes alive when she's with you. It's
like nothing I've ever seen. And I want that. I want that for
her... and I want that for me.”

Shane stared off into the distance, letting
his head go over those final moments again. When he had made her
cry and lied to her.

“
Why did you tell her the
things you did?” Blake's voice was low.

“
Because I had to make it
impossible for me to take back,” he said honestly.

After several minutes of silence, Blake
stood up and stared down at him.

“
You ready to kick my ass
now?” Shane asked hopefully. A couple of punches to the gut might
make him feel better. He was willing to try anything. And God knew
he deserved it. But Blake wasn't going to offer him a
release.

“
You're a good man,
Brookings.” Blake left it at that and walked towards the
elevator.

“
Diedrich,” Shane called
out before he left. “Don't screw it up.”

Blake chuckled as he entered the lift. “You
have my word.”

Good.

Then it was worth it.

Kendra ended the call with a whimsical smile
and pushed her heavy bangs off her forehead. Four down, one to
go.

She had gotten a promotion of sorts over the
past couple of days. Lucy's emotional upheaval and family crisis
helped put things into perspective for her, and she was done
feeling iffy about this job. She decided she loved it. She loved
the fast pace, the people, and the background commotion. It wasn't
professional ballet, but she was done feeling like her dream had
been robbed from her. She could succeed at something else. Why not
this?