Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship (72 page)

and sexual desire,
129
–130

system of,
110
–112

See also
other-validated intimacy; self-validated intimacy

introspective consciousness,
406
n
91

irreconcilable differences.
See
emotional gridlock

“Is this really me?” feeling,
175

J

Jolson, Al,
192

“Just do it” therapy,
5
–8

K

Kinsey, Alfred,
134
,
166

kinship versus marriage,
273
–274

Klein, Richard,
402
n
45

L

LDP.
See
low desire partner

leap of faith,
252
–255

leftovers,
163
,
168
,
177

libido view of desire,
xvi

life experiences

adolescent living with demanding mother,
185
–186,
199
–202

alcoholic, gambling father,
190

and brain plasticity,
264
–267,
373
–374,
411
nn
142–143

depressed, abusive mother,
234
–235

families without collaborative alliances,
271
–273,
330
–331,
367
–368

overview,
181
–182

parents divorce, remarry, and divorce again,
235
,
256

sadistic relationships in families,
215
–218
See also
couples’ life experiences

limbic system of the brain,
57
,
298
,
307
,
326
–327,
400
n
29

love

of being in love,
26

biology of,
23
–25,
87
–88,
398
nn
17–18

falling out of,
21
–23,
37
–39

human potential for,
64

lust versus attachment or,
23
–25,
87
–88,
399
n
19,
399
nn
22–25

low desire partner (LDP)

and borrowed functioning,
45

control of other-validated intimacy,
110
–111,
115
–116,
246

control process,
16
–17

as controller,
11
–16,
41
,
82
–83,
111

cycle of sexual desire problems,
47
–49

and Devil’s Pact,
222
–224

HDP compared to,
4
–5,
9
–11

and HDP’s sense of adequacy,
41
–43,
46

letting go of control,
153
–155

medically-based problems,
19
–20

monopoly on sex,
139
–140,
150
–152

and reflected sense of self,
40

sadism of,
219

sex-starved wife as,
353
–354

and sexual dysfunction,
414
n
178

sexuality of,
167
–168,
348
–351

low
er
desire partner,
9

lust versus attachment or romantic love,
23
–25,
87
–88,
399
n
19,
399
nn
22–25

lying and deception

confession of manipulative partner,
205

fear of,
188
–189,
193
–194

as human nature,
53
–55,
148

and normal marital sadism,
214

using true statement to manipulate the truth,
364
–365

vulnerability from dependence,
404
n
57

M

Maclean, Paul,
400
n
29

male-dominated society, birth of,
136
–138,
408
nn
116–118

manipulation.
See
lying and deception

marital sadism,
211
–215,
225
,
229
–230,
251
,
354
.
See also
sadism

marriage

basis for, historic and current,
xvi

celibate couples,
144
–145,
214
,
227
,
293
–294,
410
n
132

changes in last 200 years,
30
–32,
403
n
49

collaborative alliances in,
273
–274,
343

the crucible of marriage,
33
,
149
–151,
228
–229,
232
–234,
252
–258

and fucking,
351
–352

grand design of,
251
–258

“making things official,”
410
n
132

moving through critical mass,
250
–251;

safety and security (or lack thereof),
237
–241,
245
–247

self-validating intimacy requirement,
106
–108,
116
–117

and sex, dead or alive,
63
–64

and sexual debt,
145
,
409
n
120

as triumph of hope over experience,
206

Marriage and Family Health Center (MFHC)

overview,
377
–379

Passionate Marriage® Couples Enrichment Weekends,
319
–320,
378

Passionate Marriage® Couples Retreats,
169
,
213
,
250
,
329
–330

Marriage and Family Health Center Dateline–NBC survey,
317
–318

masochism,
215
.
See also
sadism

masturbation in eyes-only sex,
335
–336

masturbation in stressful home,
415
n
191

mature adult love,
31
,
33
,
63
–64,
398
n
16.
See also
Four Points of Balance

meaning.
See
sex, bringing meaning to

Meaningful Endurance

of cancer survivors,
251
–252,
411
n
139,
411
n
141

and integrity,
233

for intimacy,
128
–129

as one aspect of differentiation,
88
–89

for overcoming reluctance to grow,
176

overview,
72
,
73

and tender loving sex,
334

See also
Four Points of Balance; Four Points of Balance weakness-related problems

Meltzoff, A. N.,
406
n
86,
406
n
88

mental framework,
267
,
326
–327.

See also
collaborative alliances

mental world of sex,
161
–162

mentalizing.
See
mind-mapping

MFHC.
See
Marriage and Family Health Center

MHFC Intensive Therapy Program,
250

mind-mapping

and affairs,
135
,
143
–144

biological aspects of,
52

and brain plasticity,
265
,
417
n
202

and collaborative alliance,
308

in collaborative alliances,
274

by daughter, of self-serving mother,
215
–216

and emotional fusion,
50

and empathy,
56
–58

eroticism,
165
–166,
352

evolution of,
52
–53,
405
n
84

examples of,
71
,
96
–97,
135
–136,
142
–143

during eyes-open sex,
336
–337

feelings of love,
23
–24,
27

of infants,
53
,
405
n
71,
406
n
86,
406
n
88

masking your mind,
301
–303

in moments of meeting,
109
–110,
126
–127

overview,
50
–51,
58

from primitive brain,
52
,
57
,
406
n
89

progression from infancy,
53
–55

to reach sexual comfort/boredom,
161
–162,
168

and reflected sense of self,
50
–51

in self-validated and other-validated intimacy,
109
–110

and sense of self,
27
–29

and sexual desire problems,
55
–56

and social pressure,
153

and ticklishness,
300
,
306
–307

mirror neurons,
56
–57,
319
,
406
n
87

mirroring,
118
.
See also
reflected sense of self

moments of meeting

creating,
323
–325

as crisis,
109
–110

eyes-open orgasms,
338
–339

family tickling torture as,
310
–311

integrity in front of people you love,
371
–372

as intersubjective state,
59
–60

mind-mapping in,
126
–127

opening up to sexual innovation,
174
,
176

during oral sex,
363

reciprocal mind-mapping as,
109
–110

from self-validated intimacy,
121
–123

during sex,
62

standing up for integrity,
256
–258

using Four Points of Balance,
96
–97

monogamy

adultery, and human nature,
133
–138,
409
n
127

and Four Points of Balance,
151
–156

as martyrdom,
131
–133

in meadow voles,
398
n
14

overview,
134
–135,
156
,
408
n
105