It's Now or Never (20 page)

‘Oh no, that's hard.' I could imagine exactly how Clare would have felt.

‘It was and of course I became public enemy number one.'

‘But it was hardly your fault. No one could blame you for breaking up with your childhood sweetheart, not in those circumstances. I can understand you wanting to break free and getting some life experience.'

‘People did blame me though and sadly Clare took it hard. She was very hurt and it affected her badly. She became depressed and had a breakdown. She was even hospitalised for a short while and I know it took her a couple of years to get her life back on track. It damaged the relationship between our two families which had always been very close before. They don't speak at all now.'

‘Oh no. What a shame.' I was seeing a different side to Alex, an altogether softer more vulnerable side. He was opening up to me in a way that I could never have expected.

‘Yeah, when I look back at that time I wonder if I could have done things differently. For a long time I beat myself up about it for putting everyone, Clare especially, through so much heartbreak. I don't know if there was some other way I could have done it, a way where I could have avoided hurting Clare but I don't think so. That's why I've never wanted to make the same mistake again, Jen.'

He picked up my hand from across the table and gave a wry smile.

‘After what happened with Clare, I told myself I wouldn't make any promises or get too involved with anyone, not unless I knew it was going to be something significant, something meaningful. Do you understand what I'm saying, Jen?'

‘Oh yes. Of course I understand,' I said airily, as though we shared exactly the same intention. I paused and took a deep breath, I was picking up on Alex's message loud and clear.

‘This is your five-minute warning. If you want to get out of here with your heart intact, please leave the vicinity immediately.'

It wasn't difficult to understand what he was trying to tell me. It was what I'd already known. That he wasn't interested in a serious relationship, he was just out for a good time and I could have no cause to take exception to that fact because he'd been nothing but honest with me from the start. Clare had been the unlucky one. She'd had her heart well and truly broken, and Alex was warning me that I shouldn't allow it to happen to me.

I took my hand away and glanced at my watch, wondering how Angie was doing. She was on the brink of a brand new stage in her life and I was overjoyed for her, but my mood felt dampened now by Alex's words. What had I been expecting? I'd been telling myself since that very first day I met him not to have any expectations, but all the time the words had been left unsaid there was a sense of anticipation and excitement bubbling inside of me. A hope, I realised now, of something more. Alex would be so easy to fall in love with and I'd had a very close call there.

‘Sorry,' said Alex, ‘I don't know where that came from. I rarely talk to anyone about those times, I hope you don't mind me offloading all of that on you.'

‘No, not at all. I'm glad you told me.'

Actually it made a lot of sense. Laying out the rules before you got too involved with someone. Letting people know where you stood. In theory, it made absolute sense but in practice I wasn't certain it worked at all.

‘Crikey, is that the time? I really ought to get home. It's been a long day and I know I won't get much sleep tonight waiting on a text from Tom or Angie to come through.' I pulled out my credit card and placed it on the bill.

‘No, absolutely not. This is my treat. You can take me out some other time. How about that?'

I raised my eyebrows and shrugged. Would there be another time? What was it Alex had told me the other night? Something about there being no point in hanging around if you knew a relationship wasn't going anywhere.'

‘Thanks, Alex,' I said with a cool smile. I had to give it to him, he was an expert at dating, but then I supposed he'd had plenty of practice. He was kind and courteous and generous, all of those things and many more. Everything a girl would want in a date and a boyfriend, come to that.

Outside, he put an arm around my waist pulling me into his side. I was beginning to wonder if he selected his aftershave purely for its seductive properties. His scent was intoxicating and his touch sent a delicious nugget of anticipation swirling around my stomach. His lips hovered teasingly close to my mouth and despite everything I knew about this man I couldn't help myself from standing on tiptoes to kiss him, his mouth responding instinctively to mine. I kissed him, as if we were discovering each other for the first time, biting, nibbling, exploring, not caring for a moment that we were standing in the middle of the high street, nor worrying who might see us like that, like two lovestruck teenagers. I wanted to consign his delectable taste to my memory so that I would never forget the exquisiteness of his kisses. He pulled away, running a hand along the side of my face, his eyes devouring me in their usual hungry manner.

‘Look, let's get a taxi back to mine, you can't drive, not after what we've had to drink tonight. I can bring you down in the morning to collect your car.'

Thoughtful, so very thoughtful, but with an eye for the main chance obviously. I didn't need anyone else to tell me that, I was quite capable of working out just what Alex was like for myself.

‘Actually, I'm going straight home. I've got a few jobs I need to do. It's been a lovely evening, Alex, but I really have to go.'

I just needed to hang onto the tiny bit of resolve I had left.

‘Don't go, Jen. I really want to be with you tonight. More than anything. Come back with me. Please.' His thumb stroked my cheek, his breath warm against my ear, his other hand finding my waist and a shiver of desire ran down the length of my body.

Was this how all those other girls had felt? Swept off their feet, full of hope and desire not just for the night ahead, but for some kind of future with this undoubtedly gorgeous man. I didn't want to go the way of teardrop earring girl, here one day and then her memory consigned to some forgotten jewellery on a bedside cabinet.

I kissed him again, just as fervently, just as urgently. I kissed him as though it were for the last time.

‘Sorry Alex, I really have to go.'

This dating lark was easy as long as you just remembered a few ground rules.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Tom and Angie would be delighted if you could join us to celebrate the Christening Day

of our daughter

Liberty Rose

on Sunday 21st February at 11.30 am

at St Barnabas Chapel, Casterton

‘Hi Jen, fancy seeing you here!' Alex Fellows winked at me and my heart, despite me giving it a stern talking to beforehand, treacherously went pitter patter, pitter patter. ‘You are looking absolutely gorgeous as always.'

We were standing in the grounds of St Barnabas Chapel, following a beautiful service celebrating the christening of our dear little god daughter, Liberty. The morning sunshine was making a valiant attempt at breaking through the trees and cast a warmly benevolent glow over the proceedings.

Inside the church, I'd made a concerted effort to not catch Alex's eye. I was fully aware of his surreptitious gaze upon me, but I'd been determined to fix all my attentions on Angie and Tom, and their beautiful baby.

‘Alex, you old charmer you.' I plastered on my best smile. Even if I'd wanted to avoid Alex for the rest of my life I was beginning to realise that might not be realistic now. Thanks to Angie and Tom, our lives would always be inextricably linked – birthdays, Christmases, barbecues, all those Cooper family celebrations to come, and I felt sure there would be a lot of them, would be occasions where our paths were bound to cross. ‘How lovely to see you again.'

He kissed me on the cheek, his scent that could turn my knees to jelly already working its magic.

‘We're getting very good at this, aren't we? Weddings, births, funerals. You know we could consider renting ourselves out as professional guests.'

I laughed.

‘That's not a bad idea.'

Angie and Tom spotted us and came over to join us, their faces alight with happiness and pride.

‘Jen and Alex, I just wanted to say a huge thank you for being here today.' Angie slipped her arms around our waists while Tom stood to one side cradling Liberty. ‘I can't tell you how much it means to us to have you two, our very best friends, as godparents to our precious little girl.'

‘I see it as a great honour,' said Alex. ‘I will take it upon myself to teach this young lady everything she needs to know about rugby, real ales, fine wines and fine art. As you know, I'm an expert in these things.'

‘Poor child,' I said, with a rueful grin. ‘And it'll be my duty to ensure that she isn't bored senseless by her godfather's outlandish tales.'

‘I know you're not impressed by me and my worldly ways, Jen, but I think this little lady will have much better taste than you and will come to adore her Uncle Alex.' He chastised me with a look and I didn't doubt for a moment that it would be a mutual admiration society as far as these two were concerned. ‘Come on,' he said to Tom, growing impatient now, 'I think it must be my turn for a cuddle.'

Talk about smitten. Tom handed over Liberty Rose wrapped in a white intricate lace shawl, placing her carefully into Alex's arms, and Alex's face lit up, a picture of wonder. There was no hesitancy in his movement, only a natural affinity with the tiny bundle in his arms as he gently ran a finger over her cheek, undeniable adoration in his eyes. I'd been on the receiving end of one of those looks before, the reminder making my stomach swirl deliciously and viewing it from any angle made me realise just how hard it was to stay immune to Alex's charms for any length of time.

Tom dragged Angie away to speak to some guests and Alex and I were left literally holding the baby.

‘Wouldn't you love one of these?' Alex said, rocking Liberty in his arms.

‘Not right at the moment, thank you,' I said with a smile and his eyes hooked onto mine, that undeniable fizzing chemistry rearing its head again. It was weird, but even when I hadn't seen Alex in a while, we always quickly picked up where we left off. It made me realise just how much I'd missed him, how much I enjoyed his company. I peered over to examine Liberty, marvelling at her utter perfectness.

‘To be honest, I've not had a lot of experience of small children. They scare me a bit. I worry that I'm going to drop them or hurt them in some way.'

‘Really? That surprises me. They're very resilient you know. I can't wait to have kids of my own. It's what life is all about, don't you think? Family, friends?'

I nodded my agreement, but for some reason felt unsettled by the intimacy of the conversation.

‘I guess so.' Alex passed the baby into my arms and much more awkwardly I jiggled her up and down hoping to goodness she wouldn't do anything that might require me to look as though I knew what I was doing. ‘I'm hoping Tom and Angie are going to give me a crash course in baby care before they ask me to do any babysitting duties. Or else I won't have a clue as to what I'm supposed to do with this little one.'

‘Oh there's nothing to it, Jen. Kids don't come with an instruction manual. You just make it up as you go along. And go with the flow.'

He made it sound so easy and I suspected, with Alex, it would be. I could imagine him as a father; very hands-on, capable and confident, always knowing exactly the right thing to do.

‘You know what your trouble is, don't you, Jen?'

‘No, but I think you're about to tell me.'

‘Well, just an observation from one friend to another.'

I raised my eyebrows at him and grimaced, bracing myself for what he might have to say.

‘You think too much about things.'

I gave a wry smile wondering if he'd be on the hotline up to my mum.

‘I can see your mind working overtime. Weighing up whether something is a good idea or not. Sometimes you just have to take a chance on new ideas, new adventures, new situations and give them a try, see where they take you.'

Yep, he'd definitely been in cahoots with my mum.

‘So basically,' I said, ‘you're saying I'm an uptight repressed woman who needs to learn how to enjoy herself. Is that it?'

‘No, not at all.' Alex laughed taking the baby off me again. He positioned her on his shoulder, tapping her back lightly as he swayed on the spot. ‘But just think if I'd given you a choice about going zip-lining, you would never have agreed to go in the first place. But you did it and had a great time.'

‘It wasn't that great a time,' I said, churlishly. ‘The best thing about it was getting to the other side and realising I was still alive. That was a good feeling. A great feeling even, but I mean, I would never want to do that again.'

‘Oh Jen! You said you wanted to find some adventure in your life and that's what that day was all about. It should have shown you just what you're capable of. I think deep down in your heart you're far more adventurous than you give yourself credit for. Giving up your job, going it alone, that's pretty adventurous.'

‘I suppose.'

We were interrupted by another christening guest who was all too eager to have a cuddle with the baby and Alex duly passed her on, albeit reluctantly. He slipped his arm through mine and we wandered off, coming to a halt at a secluded spot out of the way under a yew tree.

‘I quite like your uptightness though, even if I do find it incredibly frustrating.'

‘Alex,' I said, elbowing him surreptitiously in the ribs. ‘What do you mean?'

‘You know what I mean. Why have you been avoiding me again Jen?' He turned to face me. We were standing so close I could feel his breath on my face. ‘I thought we were getting on really well, I imagined that you liked me, Jen. Christ, I really like you. Don't you realise that? I haven't stopped thinking about you from the first day we met and I thought, well I'd hoped that we would carry on seeing each other, getting to know each other better. But just as I think we're moving forward, you blow me out again. What's that all about? Did I just misread the signs, Jen? Is that it?'