Jonathan's Hope (15 page)

“WELCOME, MR. BATES
. Please come in and have a seat.” Mr. Jones was a pleasant man, mid-fifties, bald, a bit on the heavy side, but definitely pleasant. “I’m Parker Jones,” he said, turning to Dan, “and you are?” There was no malignancy in his voice. It was simply a question. He’d had to deal with so many homophobe lawyers in the aftermath of Sean’s death, even while Sean was still alive, from some of the partners at Sean’s firm.

“My name is Jackson, Dan Jackson. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m, uh, I’m Jon’s partner,” he responded, a slight hesitation as he introduced himself to Mr. Jones. Dan had never much liked the word boyfriend. That was for kids, for people dating, early on in a relationship. He and Jonathan were living together, had since day one, and although theirs was not your typical relationship that was developed after months of dating and courting, it had been forged into something strong by circumstance. Dan learned to finally accept the gift that fate had delivered to his doorstep, and he was going to protect Jonathan at all costs.

“Please, Mr. Jackson, have a seat. I’m glad that Jonathan isn’t alone in this. I’m sympathetic to your situation,” he added. “My partner and I have been through much of the same...” he trailed, obviously having caught on to Dan’s emotional turmoil, hoping that his coming out would assuage any ill feelings Dan might harbor toward him.
It was quite sweet, actually
, Dan thought,
he didn’t have to say anything.

“Now, Mr. Bates, do you mind if I call you Jonathan?” the lawyer continued. Jonathan smiled weakly, nodding. “Okay, good. Jonathan, please call me Parker. So, where do I begin? First of all, please allow me to convey my deepest sympathies for your loss. Your mother and I used to go to school together. I’ve known her ever since she was ten years old. She was a fine woman.” Seeing Jonathan’s flickering look, Parker quickly added. “Now I know that she didn’t always do right by you, I gathered that much from the police investigation and your father’s arrest, but I hope you do understand and believe me when I tell you that your mother loved you very much, and she was devastated that she couldn’t help you more. Frankly, I feel ashamed that I never could do much myself, but your mother specifically forbid me to breach my attorney-client privileges to alert the authorities. Your mom was afraid that if the police or social services ever showed up at your doorstep, your father would have killed you both, instantly. She feared the same would happen if she and you ever left him. I’m sorry I failed you, Jonathan, and I’m sorry I failed your mother.” There were tears in Parker’s eyes now. He clearly cared about Jeanette, and Jonathan wondered just how close the two had been. Dan reached over, taking Jonathan’s hand in his, squeezing it gently, sensing his distress at the news.

“Um, your mother was a wealthy women, Jonathan. She inherited a small fortune from one of her aunts about five years ago. She contacted me clandestinely to help her shield that money from your father, to invest it wisely and make sure it would be available to you once you graduated and went off to college. Unfortunately, her death has precipitated these events a bit. For now, all you need to know is that you will never have a financial worry again. Not for as long as you live.” He let those last words linger in the room, and both Jonathan and Dan stared at him, mouths wide open, barely breathing.

Dan was the first to react. “So you’re saying that Jonathan is financially independent? He won’t need any scholarships or loans to go to college? Jon, honey, that’s amazing!” Dan squeezed Jonathan’s hand tightly, leaned over and planted a quick peck on his cheek.

Parker continued. “The approximate value of the estate is in excess of five hundred million dollars, last I checked. You could go to college for the rest of your life and still barely graze the surface...” Parker chuckled.
Some people really were lucky, at least this kid deserved every penny he got coming to him.

Jonathan was stunned. He was completely overwhelmed with the news. It was too much. The trip to the city brought back so many memories, mostly bad, but then the party, the Kendalls, the news of his mom’s death, the hospital, his father’s arrest, Dan’s love confession and now this?

There was something in Jonathan that just wanted to get away from all this, go back to the forest, the cabin, just him and Dan, alone. He didn’t need any money, he could live without the knowledge of his mother’s death, his father’s arrest, he didn’t need to graduate, he didn’t need to hear Dan loving him, he already knew, felt it everyday in the pulse from Dan’s hand as he held his, the warmth of his skin, his scent. Without Dan, Jonathan wouldn’t be alive, wouldn’t be there to talk to Parker, wouldn’t be able to graduate, build a life.

Looking at him, Parker Jones felt bad. The boy had just lost his mother and father, of course he wouldn’t be able to take in the news he had just received. Parker understood that. “Jonathan, I understand that this is probably more than a bit overwhelming. Why don’t you two go home, take it easy for a few days, let this sink in, and then you call me when you’re ready to take the next step. There’s no real rush here. I’ll give you my card, and you can reach me twenty-four seven, okay? I owe your mother nothing less.” He looked at Dan and Jonathan, reassuring them that they would be fine.

Dan got up and all but pulled Jonathan from his chair. They shook Parker’s hand and left the office. Just before closing the door, Parker started again. “Oh, I forgot, if you need any assistance in the upcoming trial, please let me know. We have some amazing criminal defense attorneys and we would be honored if we could help you get some peace, help you restore your mother’s memory, if you’ll allow us,” he pleaded more than offered his assistance.
Clearly, the man had a very guilty conscience
, Dan thought.

They didn’t speak on the way home or in the hours that followed. Jonathan sat down on the couch, and curled up into a small ball in Dan’s arms. They sat there, just sensing each other, taking comfort from the knowledge that they would always have each other, no matter what.

Over the next days, Dan would carefully approach the subject, drawing parallels to his own experiences with Sean, the money he had inherited, not that it was anything near the fortune that Jonathan’s mom had left him, but nevertheless, he lived a comfortable life, he was making good money with his work, his writing. He lacked nothing.

Gradually, Jonathan came to understand what an amazing gift his mother had bequeathed him. What it meant to be financially independent, the sorrows it would avoid, the sorrows it might bring.

They met with Parker again and saw detailed financial reports, realizing just how well Parker had been taking care of the estate, growing it significantly since his mother received the inheritance. Heaps of papers had to be signed, and Jonathan insisted that Parker continue to help him with the estate. Dan was glad that Jonathan was wise enough to accept that help, and even though they had only known Parker for a few days, they trusted him fully. Dan did because he could read Parker, and Jonathan because his mother had trusted him. Whatever their individual motives, they both felt good with the decision.

Jonathan also accepted the offer from Parker’s firm to stand by his side at his father’s trial, scheduled to start in April.

As the court date drew near, Jonathan’s life seemed to be lived in a haze. For the first time ever, he had a bank account. He had a credit card that he used to purchase Dan a long overdue Christmas present. It was a scarf he saw in a men’s shop. Jonathan explained that he wanted Dan to always wear it and remember their bond. He hoped it would give back a little bit of the warmth and comfort that Dan had provided to Jon. Dan was moved to tears by the symbolism behind Jon’s gift. Mr. Kendall also started to come by the condo regularly to bring him new assignments to work on and papers to write on various subjects. He picked up the assignments that were finished and discussed the graded papers with him.

Jonathan was an excellent student, and Mr. Kendall was a gifted and dedicated educator. He was on a mission, and it felt to Jonathan as if he learned more in the weeks he was tutored by Mr. Kendall than he had ever learned before.

Dan busied himself with work. He felt alive and invigorated by being back in the city, meeting colleagues, meeting people he wrote about, being able to go out to dinner with Jonathan, see a movie, go to a concert.

There were bad days, as you would expect in any relationship, usually pertaining to news from Parker about Jonathan’s father and the trial ahead. News that would send Jonathan into a panicked frenzy. Every mention of his father freaked him out, particularly since he requested to see Jonathan after having been flown back to town for his arraignment hearing.

JONATHAN
’
S FATHER WANTED
to die. Why would God punish him and keep him alive? He was a monster, an abomination. The final straw was having to see the tears in his mother’s eyes as the police led him to the waiting car. He didn’t have any words to explain why they had come for him, although he knew.
Oh, yes. I knew.

The minute he saw the squad car approaching their farm house, he knew that Jonathan had survived, had made it. And just as Jonathan’s life would undoubtedly continue, his own had come to an end, although his heart insisted on continuing to beat.

The next days were a haze. They interviewed him at the local jail house, the sheriff clearly uneasy with the whole “domestic violence” subject. What they couldn’t understand was how anyone could abandon their child, to leave them to their own devices. No matter how often it happened, the official statistics on the subject sketchy but nonetheless scary, it was still a horrifying shock for everyone who came across an actual case. The sheriff had known the Bates family for decades. They were good and decent people, but this behavior was clearly the result of a very sick mind. What the sheriff couldn’t fathom was just how sick his mind was...

After the holidays were over, they flew him back to the city where more interviews awaited. He was appointed a public attorney, his firm wanting nothing to do with him once the news had spread. When he learned that Jonathan was in town, and in the company of a famed gay writer, he wanted to die again, realizing that he had failed.

Like father, like son!

Yet, somewhere deep within him, there was an odd feeling, a feeling that reminded him of a comfortable warmth, but that seemed impossible. He felt warm when he thought about Jonathan having a companion, someone to love him. It made him feel good that Jonathan did not experience the same pain he had. Jonathan survived, strong, despite all the torture he had endured by his hands. He couldn’t explain why. He wanted to hate the fag, wanted to hate the man that had apparently rescued Jonathan, had taken him in, but he couldn’t bring himself to find that feeling anywhere within him. He had no hate left. Searching for a word that described how the warmth felt, the closest he could think of was admiration. He admired Jonathan for having had the strength to cope. Admired him for surviving. For loving. For Dan, he felt gratitude. Simple gratitude.

He laughed at the thought. The monster admires his offspring and is grateful for his savior...
I’m truly pathetic!

During the next meeting with his lawyer, Jonathan’s father was dealt another blow. Apparently a judge had approved for his wife to be exhumed, her remains to be subjected to another autopsy to secure potential evidence of his physical abuse on her body. His final barrier broke right there. He asked to talk to the police, to confess. He didn’t want Jonathan to suffer any more. He couldn’t bear for anyone else to suffer any more because of him.

He was dead, it was time the others were allowed to continue their lives.

He also requested to speak with Jonathan, one last time.

***

“He what?” Dan yelled, as Parker called him to relay the message he had been given. “No fucking way am I going to subject Jon to that. He’s not going to see that monster in jail. Never. He’s been hurt enough!” Dan was extremely upset. These past weeks had been rough on Jon, the constant news about his father, the articles in the paper when the story of Jonathan’s survival was leaked to the press. Dan sheltered him as well as he possibly could from the impact those articles might have had. Many of his reporting colleagues were vultures, chasing their prey relentlessly, waiting for the right moment. Luckily, not all the news had gotten out. Luckily, they were able to legally protect their home address before the press got wind of it, but that was only a temporary measure. Eventually someone would talk, eventually someone would leak it.

“Daniel,” Parker offered, “I know it’s a lot to ask, but you know as well as I do that this isn’t your decision to make, nor is it mine. It’s Jonathan’s, and I’m not so sure that this wouldn’t be a good thing for him. To say things in private, rather than in a courtroom...” He let those words sink in before he continued, hearing the heavy breathing from Dan’s earlier outburst quiet in his receiver.

“He signed a complete confession today. Both to the lifelong abuse of Jonathan and the beatings of his wife, before Jonathan’s birth and after they had abandoned him. Daniel, he gave the police everything, more than they could have ever been able to deduce from a second autopsy. They’re not going through with it now. That part of the investigation is over.”

Dan sighed. It was really the first piece of good news in weeks. “Something else, Daniel,” Parker continued. “I received a phone call from a couple out west, apparently Jonathan’s grandparents. They will be coming to town for the trial. They asked me to convey their sympathies to Jonathan, to tell him they loved him and would be there to support him during the trial.” Parker paused before he continued.

“They didn’t know Daniel. They didn’t know anything. Needless to say, they’re pretty upset, but I think it might be good for Jonathan to have some sort of family connection. How’s the boy doing, anyway? Is he home?” Parker felt he’d given them enough news for one day.

“He’s out walking Rascal. He’d been brooding over a paper on our system of government for his finals next week. He needed to clear his head a bit. Mr. Kendall is driving him hard, I can tell. But, at the same time, I can see it’s good that he’s keeping busy. Honestly, Parker, I don’t know how he does it. When Sean died, I...” Dan’s voice faltered, overwhelmed by the emotions associated with those particular memories. He had told Parker about Sean a week ago when they met for dinner. Parker introduced them to his partner, Dennis. It had been a nice evening while they spoke about everything but the pending trial. “Um, when Sean died, I couldn’t cope. I just retreated. But Jon, he’s so strong. He’s such an amazing individual. For that alone, I love him.”

Parker chose his words carefully. “He has you, Daniel. That makes all the difference. Imagine if he would’ve had to deal with all this on his own? Give yourself some credit. You have been an amazing influence on Jonathan, and I can see how he trusts you implicitly. It’s in his eyes, his body language. He clearly loves you.”

Dan thought about Parker’s words, wondering if his new friend was right, if Jonathan really did love him. Did they really stand a chance of making it through this as a couple, despite everything going against them? Would they make it through the trial, the publicity associated with it? Would they survive four years of college? Would they survive the fact that Dan was Jonathan’s first lover? Would they survive his eventual want to move on, to explore what more the world had to offer? Would they survive the age difference or would Jon resent him for keeping him away from living a healthy, happy college life, full of parties, no string sex, small infatuations, falling in and out of love a few times before finally settling down? All of this frightened Dan, and he wasn’t sure if they stood a chance.

Dan was frightened because he had let himself fall for Jonathan, and now he was once again at the mercy of the decisions of another man. That was a scary and invigorating sensation all wrapped up in one handsome package.

“Would you please tell Jonathan that I called? Just doing my job here, legally obligated to point out all options to my client, you know.” Parker had no illusion that Dan would not attempt to talk Jonathan out of seeing his father and, in all honesty, he wasn’t so sure about it himself. Given everything he had heard about the man, he probably would not want Dennis, given similar circumstances, to do it either. He could certainly understand Dan’s protectiveness towards his younger partner, particularly after the ordeal he had been through. Yet, family was family, and no matter what we do to each other, there is a certain bond that is hard to break and impossible to ignore.

When Jonathan came home from his walk with Rascal in the nearby park, he found Dan brooding over a cold cup of tea in the kitchen. Since neither Rascal licking his hand nor Jonathan’s peck on his cheek seemed to change his mood, Jonathan took the verbal approach. Dan explained the story just as Parker had given it to him on the phone.

Dan seemed tired. Tired of fighting, tired of protecting Jonathan, tired of fending off journalists and photographers. He had reached a point where he would easily break, and somehow Jonathan sensed his partner’s vulnerability, sensed that for now, he had to be the stronger one. Dan reached out to Jonathan and took him into a quiet yet strong embrace. Jonathan kissed him on the top of his head as it rested comfortably on Jonathan’s shoulders.

He led Dan over to the couch where they sat in silence, yet again, contemplating one of the cards dealt to them by the game of life. However, for once it wasn’t Jonathan curled up into Dan, but vice versa. Dan rested his head on Jonathan’s lap, resigning himself to be taken care of by his young lover, his boyfriend, his partner. Jonathan rested one arm on Dan’s chest and played with Dan’s hair with his other, all the while silently contemplating his options. He needed to figure this out by himself. This was about him, his family, his decision. Dan and Parker had both said so.

Jonathan really didn’t see that he had much choice, because despite everything that had happened, despite everything his father had apparently told the police in his extensive statement, he had avoided answering the one question Jonathan really needed the answer to. He already knew the facts of the case, saw them every morning in the mirror as he looked at his scarred body, every time he closed his eyes and faced the memories from his childhood. No, Jonathan didn’t care about knowing what, all he cared about was learning why.

He mulled for a while over why his father wanted to see him. Did he seek forgiveness?
Could I forgive him? After all he’s done? Do I even want to?
Jonathan had no answers, but if he ever hoped to get any, he needed to ask his dad why.
Why, dad, why?