Jonathan's Hope (19 page)

THE NEXT MORNING
, the Bates left the Empire, apparently taking the first flight back home. Parker learned later that they had contacted several legal firms to try and contest their son’s last will, but all of them had turned them down. It really was an almost impossible request. At one point, Grandma Bates even tried to contact the police and social services to have Jonathan removed from Dan’s apartment. But, after a few weeks, things calmed down, and Parker guessed that they’d probably never hear from them again.

For a while, Dan was worried how Jonathan would take the ‘loss’ of his grandparents, but since he had never really been close to them, he was indifferent about the whole situation. “You know, if she really loved me, she would love me for who I am, not for who she wants me to be.” That was the last conversation they’d had about Grandma Bates.

Instead, it had become time to bury Jonathan’s father. Dan flew ahead a couple of days earlier. He’d wanted to do some more research on Rick Johnsson, and to ensure the plot next to Rick was still available, as his father had requested.

They had also been able to go back to the house after the police finally released it to them. They went there together with Parker and Dennis, but didn’t spend much time. It felt weird for Jonathan to be back in this place that had brought him so much pain. He only retrieved a couple of small treasures from his room, a diary and a box with secret trinkets, a few sweaters and a couple of his favorite shirts, leaving the rest behind for a charitable organization to collect. They put the house on the market, willing to sell it off at any cost. Jonathan was eager to close that particular chapter of his life. Oddly, with his father’s death, his wealth had increased even more since his father had some funds set up for his retirement, but Jonathan couldn’t have cared less. He had enough money to last him a lifetime and more, he didn’t really need that additional money.

When he got off the plane with Parker, Dennis and Mary, who had joined him to attend the funeral, he found Dan waiting at the exit. He could tell by his facial expression that he had news. That he had indeed found information about his dad and Rick. But what? He didn’t say a word during their ride into town, but they did pass the campus where his father had once studied.

Last night, a party at the local Centauri fraternity house on campus at Trinity College ended in tragedy. The freshmen hazing ended in the tragic death of young local student, Rick Johnsson, 19, and caused severe injuries to junior student, Jonathan Bates, 21. Mr. Johnsson is survived by his parents, Olivia and Martin Johnsson, and his sister, Juliette.

The Police have not yet revealed any details of the case, but the Trinity Gazette learned from well-informed sources that the hazing included the most despicable sorts of sodomite rites. No suspects have been apprehended. The college has declined to comment.

The Gazette hopes that Trinity College Chancellor Swan will take these recent events seriously and stifle the liberal tendencies at his college as well as stop the increasing partying at local fraternity and sorority houses.

Jonathan read the article a couple times before he passed it on to Parker and the others. They were sitting in a local diner, and Dan was telling them the story he’d managed to dig up in the past few days. It had taken him a lot of patience, sieving through records at the local Gazette, the university records, talking to former groundskeepers, staff and alumni, before finally piecing together the puzzle.

“It seems,” he’d started, “that your father met Rick at a fraternity party. No one really knows what happened or if they had met before, or if it had been anything serious. Somehow, they had been caught red-handed by your father’s roommate. From there, things had apparently gotten out of control, and all I’ve been able to find out is that they were probably both raped, multiple times over several hours, with beer bottles. Your father needed surgery to remove a bottle from his rectum. For Rick, apparently, things didn’t go so well, as the bottle had broken inside him, causing severe internal bleeding. He was dead before they’d rushed him to the hospital.” Dan stopped his story there, allowing his friends and his lover to digest what he’d just told them.

No one said anything. Jonathan just looked down on the table. “So it seems, your father may very well have been gay, and Rick may have been his boyfriend, or a date, or maybe they just met each other at the wrong time in the wrong place. Given what we’ve experienced with your grandparents, it’s reasonable to assume that your father would’ve been closeted. He may even have blamed himself for Rick’s death.”

Jonathan looked up at Dan. “Do you think they were happy?”

Dan shrugged. “Jon, I really don’t know. All we know for certain is that they knew each other and they were caught making out. Whether that meant anything, I don’t know. It seems to me that your father must have felt strongly for Rick, given that he secretly bought the plot next to Rick’s grave. So for all intents and purposes, if it makes you feel better about your dad, then you must believe he loved Rick.”

The next day, they laid Jonathan Bates Sr. to rest. When the funeral was over, and his dad’s urn had been lowered in the ground, Jonathan placed a hand on the head stone that Dan had commissioned. They had decided on the text after his arrival the day before, rushing the order to the stonemason who’d worked all night to get it done.

Here lies

Jonathan Bates Sr.

Husband, Father

United, at last,

forever joined, in love

▽

The small triangle had been Dan’s idea, an early symbol of the struggle of gay men and women under the Nazi regime. The pink triangle was the earliest symbol of equality. Even without the pink color, observant visitors to the cemetery would understand its meaning, particularly next to Rick’s headstone.

Rick Johnsson

Beloved son & brother

They had been unsuccessful at tracking down Rick’s family, unable to learn what his family had meant with their inscription on the headstone. Had they supported their son, or if they, too, had abandoned him. It would be one piece of the puzzle they wouldn’t find.

Jonathan looked at the headstone, and finally, the dam broke. Dan was unable to rush over before Jonathan fell to his knees, sobbing. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks, releasing the pressure of the previous six months, releasing the pain of years of beatings, the ordeal in the forest, the first encounter with Dan, their return to the city, that fateful New Year’s Eve, seeing Mr. Kendall, learning of his mother’s death, the cemetery, being reunited with Dan, the meeting with his father, the suicide, his grandparents.

He had been through so in the past six months. Dan lifted him up and hugged him, and Mary, Parker and Dennis joined them. The small circle of friends huddled in a long group hug, sharing the love for each other and providing Jonathan with the strength he needed as all those years of pain finally broke the surface. Seeing his father’s headstone had been that proverbial straw to break the camel’s back, and that afternoon, Jonathan let it all out.

After what seemed like the longest time, he had no more tears. He was tired, exhausted. He dried the tears off his face, kissed Dan, and looked at his friends.

“Let’s go home!”

“GRANDPA!” DENNIS JR.
was shouting. “Are you coming?”

“I’m right here, boy. Let’s go!” Jonathan came from the bedroom in the cabin, clutching his walking stick. Without it, he wouldn’t leave the house any more. He hadn’t been out to the cabin for some time, with Dan being ill and all.

Outside the cabin, his children, Rick and Jeanette, were waiting with their families. He smiled as he saw them and their partners.
My family
. The thought caused pride to swell in his chest.
Two children, seven grandchildren, not bad for an old man.

He had to cough, and Jeanette came to his side to help him. “You okay, Dad?”

“Yes, dear, I’m fine. Let’s go.”

They started the walk into the forest, slowly, as Jonathan wasn’t walking very well, even with his cane. The kids were excited. They loved being out there in the forest, although they hadn’t seen their grandpa there for many years. Usually, it would just be them coming with their parents for weekends or vacation.

They walked by a patch of green on the edge of the forest, where a small pile of stones stopped Jonathan dead in his tracks. He looked at the stones and remembered Rascal, Dan’s faithful friend, who had passed away all those years ago. By that time, Rick had been born already, and they never got another pet. City life was just not ideal for a dog as large as Rascal. They had driven out there that night, after he’d died, and buried the dog right there. He was left in the one place where he’d always been the happiest, the forest. A tear formed and fond memories flashed across Jonathan’s eyes.

He turned again and continued. They still had about a mile to go before they reached the site. Jonathan had insisted on this and nothing Rick or Jeanette said would change his mind. This was what he wanted and they both knew better than to argue with him.

Paul, Jeanette’s husband, walked next to Jonathan, supporting him by holding him under an arm. Rick and his wife, Rachel, were up front, taking the lead. The younger kids were running circles around them, the older ones walked solemnly, particularly Jonathan Jr. and his girlfriend, Emilie, seemed more quiet than normal. So was Parker, Jeanette’s oldest son. The boy had tears in his eyes, looking to the ground most of the time.

When they reached the site, Rick turned to his father and asked. “How would you like to do this, Dad?”

Jonathan sighed.
The boy’s fifty years old and he’s still a klutz.
“Well, we dig a hole. Right next to Sean’s grave...” His voice trailed. He’d never met Sean, he was just a distant memory in all the stories that Dan had told them when they were young. Over the years, the stories had become less frequent, but Jonathan knew just how much Dan had loved his first partner, and he knew that this is what he would have wanted. They never wrote a will, always knowing that their friends and children would know what was right. When Dan suddenly fell ill, and passed away the week before, Jonathan knew instinctively what to do. He looked at the small round stone lying on the ground, with its simple inscription.

Sean Smith

Loved

Jonathan Jr. started to dig the hole. “Make sure it’s at least two feet deep, son,” Jonathan said, pointing with his cane at the hole his grandson and namesake was digging. When he was satisfied with his work, Jonathan walked up to the hole and asked for the urn. With all the strength left in his frail body, he lowered it into the ground, having to get on his knees, his tall body unable to bend so low any longer.

When he was done, he sprinkled some dirt over the remains of his husband with tears in his eyes. Assisted by his grandson, he got back up on his feet and looked at his family and said, “I met your father and grandfather right here, almost sixty years ago, in this very forest. I know you know the story, and I won’t bore you with it again. But what you may not know is that Grandpa Dan had a life before he saved me. He had a life with the man that lies right here next to him now. Sean. It is only fitting that they be reunited now and I hope you will bring me here, too, once I’m gone.”

Jonathan couldn’t help but remember his own father, and how Dan and he reunited him with what had probably been his lover before he suppressed his sexuality and turned into a monster. A monster who beat his wife because he was miserable in their marriage, and who beat his son, hoping he would never turn gay. Never have to endure the abuse at the hand of strangers, endure the hatred that he had suffered at the hands of the jocks at his college.

“I would appreciate if you would share your last thoughts and wishes for your father and grandfather...” Jonathan added then looked at his first born.

“Dad,” Rick said, looking at Jonathan, “Papa,” looking at the urn in the ground, “I miss you so much. I remember the stories you told me about my adoption, how hard it had been, the wars you had to fight to get me out of the orphanage. But you never once gave up on me. You kept me on the proverbial straight and narrow path, you loved me and nurtured me, made me the man I am today...” His voice trailed, tears flowing from his cheeks as he squeezed his wife’s hand. “I love you, Papa, and I miss you. May you rest in peace. You and Sean, while you wait for Dad.” His sorrow was so palatable that Jonathan could taste it, while Rick buried his face in his wife’s shoulders.

Jeanette was next. “Dad, Papa, I keep thinking of my first day in school. Dad had driven me to school, Papa was on some assignment, and I remember that we had to introduce ourselves to our new school mates. Apparently I had said something that was quite scandalous about having two dads and no mother. When the teacher said that everybody has a mother, I insisted on not having one. Of course, that led to Dad and Papa being called into the principal’s office on my first day in school! Must’ve been a record...”

She hesitated, the fun of the memory blending with her own sorrow. “I miss you, Papa. I miss how you would always set the record straight, how you would always have our back, love us no matter what we had done. I’ll always miss you, Papa!”

Then Jonathan Jr. stepped up to the grave, making Jonathan smile.
My grandson, so strong!

“Grandpa Dan, this is so hard. I wish you were still here to see this,” Jonathan Jr. said, gently putting his hand on Emilie’s tummy. “In six months you would’ve been a great grandfather.” At that, his strength faltered and he started to cry. “I miss you, Grandpa...”

Rick and Rachel were obviously taken by surprise, but they caught themselves quickly, and for a little while, they all forgot the seriousness of their business there. Everybody was happy about the new life budding, that the story of Jonathan and Dan would continue into yet another generation.

That’s when Parker interrupted their musings, stepping up to the grave.

“Grandpa, I’m not sure if I’m ready for this, or if this is a good time, but I want you to know, since you’ve always been my idol. I’m gay.”

It was such a matter of fact statement that it took everyone by surprise. Not that Jonathan hadn’t had his inklings about his grandson, but he knew better than to pressure him. Things had changed since he was young, and he knew that Parker’s life would evolve differently, that he would find love, eventually, and live as happily as he and Dan had. Yet it was important to reassure the boy, strengthen him in his state of mind. Jonathan opened his arms and brought the youngster into an embrace, one that the entire family rallied around. They stood like that for a while, sharing their tears, their grief, and their joy.

Eventually, more stories were told. Stories that reminded Jonathan of the rich and happy life that he and Dan had lived. How Parker and Dennis had supported them in adopting Rick, and the odd coincidence of the boy’s name, how they had later used a surrogate to conceive Jeanette, how they led a near normal family life, par the odd visits to the principal’s office whenever their unusual rainbow family had stirred discussions or debates in school. And there were the sad times, when Dennis died or Parker’s dementia, and how their best friend had withered away, slowly.

Jonathan had no regrets about his life, except one perhaps.
Being so much younger than Dan
. It pained him that he might have to go on living for many more years before rejoining him there, in the forest with Sean. It was only now that he regretted the thirteen years that he was younger.

I miss you, my love. I miss you so much!

Eventually, the storytelling stopped, the youngest kids started to get restless. Jonathan Jr. filled the hole of Dan’s final resting place and leveled the ground, best he could. Paul laid down the small round stone with the simple inscription.

Dan Jackson

Loved, Missed

Reunited in eternal love

The small party turned around and started the journey back to the cabin, and eventually back to the city. Jonathan lingered for a moment, tears once more flowing freely down his cheeks.

Good bye, my darling! Thank you for everything, your love, your patience, for saving me. I’ll always love you!

“Grandpa, are you coming?” Parker asked, having returned to make sure his grandfather was okay. Sensing his grandfather’s feelings, he added, “Don’t worry, Grandpa, you’ll never, ever be alone. Sean and Dan are watching over us, and you have us. You have family...”

Jonathan took his grandson’s arm and looked one more time upon the peaceful spot in the forest where he would also be laid to rest at some point, but not today.

Still plenty to live for, a great grandchild on the way, and I can’t wait to meet Parker’s first boyfriend, and then I’ve got five more amazing grandchildren. Plenty to live for, definitely...

He turned around and allowed Parker to lead him back to the cabin.

Plenty to live for!

The En
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