Just a Little Faith (18 page)

 

Upon e
ntering his condo, Seb threw the keys on the kitchen counter.
His
mom
and
dad
had left for their
home
a couple of days after Pax
,
and
the
silence
in
his home
spoke
louder than any voice.
Many times in the past, before he lost his girls, he
had
come
home to an empty house
, the only sounds the ones he made himself
, b
ut for some reason, today
t
he quiet
weighed him down like an anchor.
He reached and turned on
the radio
stopping
when he heard
a
familiar
song
playing
.
He couldn't quite place it
,
and then it hit him.
It was the
song Paxson
had
sung
the night they
'
d shared coffee and fudge at her apartment… The night when he had almost gone over the edge with desire and
taken
her with him…The night he got the news about his girls.

Listening to the words
,
he imagined Pax's voice singing them. He missed her more than he
thought possible.
He missed his girls.
Consumed by everything,
he collapsed on the kitchen floor
and
wept.

****

By the end of the week, Seb
and
Rick
had
handled enough details
that
Seb thought
he could return to St. Louis. The meetings
,
although difficult,
had been
cordial
enough
.
Even though Seb and Mel
issa
had
divorced several years
earlier
,
Seb
still found it difficult to be around Rick.
Never in his wildest dreams did he plan on spending so much time with the man who stole his wife and children
, b
ut then again, he never thought he'd have to deal with their deaths
,
either.
Knowing he shouldn't
have to see Rick again
became
the only bright spot in his otherwise dark life
.

Relieved to be home after a difficult day,
Seb
stared at his phone
and contemplated
calling Paxson
.
He
hadn't spoken to
her sinc
e he
'd
dropped her off at the airport
.
He tried to remember her voice, the lilt of her laugh and the slight southern accent that made its appearance when she started to get tired. When the memories failed him
, he dialed her number
. Waiting, he
sat on the sofa in
his living room,
kicked off his shoes
and
put his feet up on the coffee table.
His heart beat
faster with every ring of the
phone
.

At last
, her voice, breathless
answered. “Hello”?”

“Pax.”

The silence on the other end of the phone did nothing to calm his nerves.

“Bash
.
I've been thinking about you.”

A heat rushed through his body. ‘
Bash
'
rang like
music to his ears.
So far, so good.
“I've been thinking about you too. How are things back in the city? Everything going okay?”

“Yes. Work is going well. Michael and I have been working on some ideas for your contract. Of course, we both want you to know you have all the time in the world to
get started
. You may want to wait until the New Year or even later. Please don't let us
force
you into anything.”

“No
,
it's okay. I need to get busy and start
doing something, anything
.
”
The light from the dimming sun
shone through the window
,
sparkl
ing
on the
glass case across the room.
It h
ous
ed
baseballs marking his first hit, first homerun, and other trophies he'd won in the past
.
Seeing the mementos from his career
sparked a desire to play ball again. “
I also want to get back to
working out.
Spring will be here before you know it and I want to make sure I'm in good shape for when training starts.”

Silence
, then,
“How are
you
,
Bash?

He took a deep breath
.
“I'm not going to lie. The last couple of days have stunk. I can't seem to think clearly because I keep going back to the fact the girls are gone. I just don't believe it. I keep hoping
I'm
going to wake up and this has all been some terrible nightmare. But it's not and I've got to deal with it.”

“Don't push yourself
,
Bash. It's going to take time.”

“I know but I've got to keep going.
” He sat up on the couch. “
That's why I'm coming back tomorrow. I can get
to
work
on
my offseason conditioning. I think keeping busy will be good.”

“You're right. I know
being
busy will help. And
I'm
glad to hear you're coming back.”

Seb heaved another sigh of relief.
“You are? I wasn't sure how you would feel when I told you I
planned to come
back.
” His voice dropped to a whisper. “
I would like to see you again
,
if you think
it's
okay.”

Her voice softened. “I would like that
,
Bash. Very much. I think we have some things to talk about. The past few days have helped me get some perspective on things.”

“
I'm glad to hear you say that.
I'll give you a call when I get in then.”

“
See you then
,
Bash.”

“Goodbye
,
Pax.” Sebastian p
laced the phone on the coffee table in front of him and smiled.
F
or the first time in several days a small glimmer of happiness
overcame the sadness that had been smothering him for so long
.

 

Paxson walked in circles around her apartment, realizing whe
n she got off the phone with Seb
the previous
night
,
she had not clarified when he would want to see her. Sticking close to home in case he called or came by, she
felt l
ike a silly school girl
, b
ut her desire to see
and
talk to Seb seemed to be outweighing any mature thought. Her constant pacing set her cats on edge. Their eyes constantly on her, they seemed ready to pounce with her every move.

“This is so crazy! I don't even know when his flight is arriving. He could be getting in at midnight for all I know.” The cats stared at her as if they understood her dilemma. “I need to do something
productive
,
at least. Let's see. I could clean out the closet or go through bills or… I don't know. Maybe I should bake something.
Something chocolate
.”

She headed into the kitchen and got out the ingredients to make brownies from scratch. She hoped the more intricate the recipe
,
the more she would be distracted from her current thoughts of Seb. Noticing her canister of flour empty, she went to get the bigger bag stored in the pantry on the top shelf. Just as her fingertips touched it, Ace darted by, startling her. Her reaction caused the flour to topple off the shelf spilling its contents. By the time the bag
fell to the floor
, most of the remaining flour landed on her head and
all over
the
kitchen counters and tile
.

“
Ace!
Look at this mess!” Stopping at the sound of
his person's
voice, Ace
looked at Pax
,
then skittered away to
the bedroom
, flittering flour in every direction
under her feet
.

T
ry
ing to
get the worst of the mess out of her hair and face
, she brushed flour from her hair and clothing into the kitchen sink
.
R
ealiz
ing
it
was
a losing battle
, she
set out
to sweep up the floor before
heading
to the shower to get cleaned up.

As she was p
ulling
the broom from the utility hall closet, she heard a knock at the door
and
froze at the noise.

“
No!
This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening.”

She peered
through the peephole
and
her heart leapt at seeing Seb in the hallway
,
but she grimaced knowing how she looked. Deciding she couldn't just ignore him, she opened the door and closed her eyes. The sound of Seb's laughter
penetrated her
ears
.
A red heat coursed through her body, both from desire and embarrassment.

“What happened to you? Did you get in a fight with a flour truck?”

“Ha
ha
ha
. Something like that. I'd say I'm glad you came
over
,
but your timing could
be a little better.”
A giggle escaped her attempts to remain stoic.

She flung open the door extend
ing
her arm out toward the living room. “Come in and join the flour-filled fun!”

He reached to give her a hug, but she held her arm out. “Oh! Not with me looking like this!”

H
e
stopped at the
paw prints imprinted in the flour
all over the
floor
.

“It looks like you had a little help with your mess.”
Hiding his mouth behind his hand didn't prevent Pax from seeing his sly grin
.

“Yes. Ace
,
I suppose
,
tried
to be helpful. It didn't quite work out that way.”

“
It sure looks that way
. What can I do to help?”

“I think my appearance is a lost cause without a shower. If you don't mind sweeping the kitchen, I'll get a quick
one
and be out a little less ready for the oven myself.”

“Go ahead. I'll take care of it.”

Starting into the bedroom, Pax stopped
and turned to Sebastian. “
I'm
glad to see you Bash.” She walked into her bedroom leaving a small flour trail
with each step
.

****

While cleaning the kitchen,
Seb continued to laugh
at the thought
of Pax covered in the white powder
.
Her embarrassment imprinted in his mind, he thought he should do something to get back in her good graces. Picking up the
brownie
recipe from
the counter, he
read over it. “Well, I guess we'll see if the saying i
s true if
you can
read,
you
can cook.
”
He deciphered the recipe as best he could
,
and put what he hoped should be brownie batter in the oven Pax had
already
preheated.
By the time he closed the oven door and started on the dishes
, Pax appeared from her bedroom with fresh clothes and clean hair.
Her skin glowed from its recent scrubbing and her hair
shone
in the light from the hallway. H
e
longed to feel her
,
to touch her.
Fighting off the urge, he finished washing the mixing bowl
putting
it to dry on the counter
all the while keeping his thoughts centered on his work
,
and not on his strong desire to capture her in his arms.

Paxson
leaned over
the bar
inspecting his work
.
“Wow! Are those brownies
in the oven
?
I believe the scent
of brownies cooki
ng
could be one of the best smells in the world. I didn't know you could bake
.
Talk about keeping secrets…”

Sebastian wrinkled his nose. “Well, I don't know if I
can
bake
. I guess we'll find out in twenty minutes or so.”

Paxson
clutched her stomach and
doubled over in
riotous
laughter.

Her peals of happiness sent
a warm feeling
surging through
him.
“I know you didn't want f
lour spilled everywhere, but when you opened the door, I laughed for the first time in days
.”

“Thanks
..
. I think.
I'm
glad you could laugh. I know the times for laughter have been few and far between
recently
.”

Coming around to her
side of the bar
he
wrapped h
is arms loosely around her waist
. “Being with you right now certainly helps my mood.”

Paxson
smiled
and led him over to the couch.
“I want to talk to you about some things
I've
been considering while we were apart.”

Sebastian took a deep breath. “Shoot.”

“I enjoy spending time with you. Even with everything that
'
s gone on the past couple of weeks, I feel so comfortable with you. This doesn
'
t mean I
'm not
afraid of getting hurt by you, but I guess
I'm
going to take a risk
,
and hope if you decide to move on
,
you'll be kind enough to do it before
things go much further
. I'll tell you now
,
it's going to be hard for me
,
because I think
I'm
already more invested than I want
to be
.”

Seb looked at Paxson
, her bottom lip caught between her teeth.
He fought the urge to caress face with his hands.

“Pax, I enjoy being with you
,
too. More than I realized
,
as well. I know
you're
taking a big risk
,
because I don't know myself if I can stick with it. I promise to try and not put you in any situation
you're
uncomfortable with. I guess we'll just see where the road takes us.”

“I'd like that
,
Bash. Just spending time together is what I think both of us need right now.”
Reaching across
,
she placed
her hand
in his
.
“Now
how
about we try these brownies of yours and see if you can take up a second career as a baker after you retire from baseball
,
or if we'll need to call poison control?”