Authors: Kerry Heavens
How has it come to this so quickly? At least he feels the same. Maybe we can find a way to be friends, over time. Right now, it’s all a bit heavy. There’s no way we can return to friendly banter from this. We’ll just have to cool it and see what happens. I’m just about to say this when I notice…Danny is typing…
Danny
Please don’t give up.
Olivia
Give up on what?
I say, surprised at the sudden anger I feel and I haven’t finished.
Olivia
There’s nothing to give up on. It doesn’t matter how we feel when we are 5,000miles apart. I can’t do this right now, I have to work.
I shove my phone in my pocket and wipe my face with my sleeve. I need to get downstairs; if I’m up here alone for a second longer I will fall apart. I hurry downstairs and out into the welcoming thrum of the diner. I need a distraction, but I’m aware that I’m fuming; I must not slam around and frighten the customers. I take a quick deep breath and taking it as calmly as I can manage, I set about cleaning tables. This will keep me out of people’s way. Deep in thought, I work my way around the empty tables, wiping, and restocking condiments. It is quite therapeutic. Mercifully he seems to have got the message…Oh no, I tense as my phone buzzes. Not here. I don’t want to cry again. But there is no way I can ignore it.
Danny
It would help if I could see your face.
I scoff and shake my head. How is this helping?
Olivia
It would help if I could see yours, but I can’t. That’s my point!
I put my phone away, but it buzzes again instantly. I pull it out, getting really frustrated.
Danny
You could if you turned around…
Four.
Liv.
Me in all my colours.
I whirl round and see him sitting in the first booth. I am frozen to the spot. He holds my gaze; he looks apprehensive, but dead sexy.
God, look at him!
I can’t take it all in. Time has stopped. I want to run to him, but in a distant part of my conscious I know if I do, I will be swept up in the heat of this Hollywood blockbuster-style moment. I feel weak. I need to sit down.
I manage to lower myself onto a chair and I drop my face into my hands. HE. IS. HERE! Isn’t he? I raise my face so that my eyes peek above my fingertips, the rest of my face still hiding behind my trembling hands. I blink at him idly and watch as he slowly raises himself up out of his seat. He weaves his way over to where I’m sitting, never taking his eyes away from mine and lowers himself into the chair opposite me.
“Hi,” he whispers.
“Hi,” I murmer as I lower my hands. A tear escapes from my eye.
He raises a hand and then clenches it back, seemingly battling with himself. Then he relents and leans forward, wiping my tear away with his thumb.
At that precise moment a loud smash distracts us from our intimacy and we turn to see Max gaping at us, unable to acknowledge the mess he has created on the floor. One of the girls rushes over to help him and this snaps him out of his trance. He glances back at us as he hurriedly fetches the broom and collects the broken crockery.
I turn back to Danny, hardly able to connect with the situation.
“Best friend?” he asks.
I manage a nod. What is going on? He’s really here; that much I know. Max just confirmed that he isn’t a figment of my imagination. But how? I’m suddenly grateful for my stunned levelheadedness. If I’d run into his arms, I’d be completely lost by now and so many questions need to be asked. Not that I’m capable of forming them right now.
“How?” I manage.
“I needed to see you.”
“But… I thought…Why aren’t you in LA?”
“I told you I had to finish something I started a long time ago…so here I am.”
I pull my eyes away from his, and stare off to the side. This is just too much. He reaches over and takes my hand. I look down at his hand holding mine, unable to connect the image with the feeling of his skin touching mine. It is like an out-of-body experience. I must be in shock. I look back at him, hoping for some guidance.
“I had to come. I had to see you. Once I started thinking about you, I couldn’t shake you out of my head. Then when I looked you up, I had to know how you were…” He shifts nervously in his seat. “When you responded, I was blown away and I really wanted to get to know you again. Be friends.” He shrugs almost apologetically. “I thought I could do it. But when we started talking I knew I was going to find it impossible. Then you made it seem like you felt the same way…”
“So you came?”
“I had to finish work stuff first, but yes, as soon as I could.”
“When?”
“Last night, late. I was so anxious to see you, but it was late, so I went to bed. Then this morning when I saw that you still hadn’t replied I messaged you again. But when you kept me waiting all day, I thought I’d made a huge mistake.”
I continued to stare into his eyes, confused.
“I thought about going home, but I’d come all this way and I was desperate to see you. So I came here to find you, but I couldn’t see you anywhere. I messaged you to find out if I’d blown it and…you were so angry.”
Tears are now falling freely down my face; he pulls a napkin from the dispenser and hands it to me.
“I thought maybe I should leave, but then I saw you.” He smiles a shy half smile. “Please don’t cry.”
He moves round to sit in the chair next to me and lifts his hand to my face.
“God, I’ve missed you,” he whispers and closing his eyes he leans in and kisses me softly. A brief but tender kiss. Then he wraps his arms around me.
“I’ve missed you too,” I croak, relaxing into his warm reassuring embrace.
It’s like going home.
I realise after a moment that I’m at work and I sit up and glance around. As I do, all the staff hurriedly return to whatever they were doing. Trying not to seem like they were gawping.
“Sorry,” says Danny, backing off.
“No, it’s fine, I’m just supposed to be working.”
We sit and stare at each other, the emotion of the last week…the last twelve years, hanging between us. What am I going to do now? I can’t be here, I need time with him.
“Give me a sec,” I say, getting to my feet.
Shakily, I walk to the counter, trying to compose myself. Max is fixated. He frowns, asking me with his eyes if I’m okay. I nod.
“Go!” he says with a glint in his eye, and signals upstairs with a sideways nod.
“Are you sure?”
He rolls his eyes and laughs. “No, I’m going to make you stay and polish glasses while your…” he lowers his voice, “…incredibly hot American sits and twiddles his thumbs!”
I narrow my eyes at him.
“Sarcasm, really?”
Max shrugs his shoulders playfully. “I could look at him all day, so if you want to stay, stay. But, frankly, if you don’t take him upstairs, I WILL!”
“O-K! Keep your hair on!”
“And I don’t want to see you back here tonight, do you hear me?”
I try to look disgusted at the insinuation, but I realise it’s futile.
“Thank you,” I mouth and, grinning, I blow him a kiss.
I turn back to Danny. He’s staring intently at his hands. I take the opportunity to really look at him. It’s surreal; it’s him, but not quite. He isn’t that different, still really good looking, but sexy, which I don’t think I appreciated fully before. He was just my Danny then. Now he’s tanned and vaguely muscular, or so it looks through his jacket. Like a ‘super’ version of the old Danny. Danny+. I’ve a sudden surge of worry. What does he make of me? I’ve changed, a lot. He’s just grown up; I’ve become someone else entirely. I’m certainly not the plain, mousy schoolgirl I was when we last saw each other. He turns and catches me staring.
I blush, caught in the act, but quickly pull myself together enough to walk over to him and hold out my hand. Taking it, he gets up. My mouth is dry.
“Let’s get out of here,” I manage, with a weak smile. I turn and lead him towards the door to my flat. As I punch in the code, he looks at me quizzically, but his expression changes as I open the door to reveal a hall with stairs. Maybe he thought I was taking him into a store cupboard! We climb the stairs in silence and, as I open the door, I’ve absolutely no idea how to play this.
It’s not something I have to dwell on for too long as he spins me round to face him. Pausing only for a second and fixing me with an intense look that communicates his intentions. I signal my permission with a barely perceptible smile and his lips find mine.
We kiss urgently and passionately. It’s nothing like how we used to kiss. I can’t even remember how that went now, but it wasn’t like this. I’m not sure it’s never been like this. Our hands are everywhere, exploring: mine in his hair, bringing him as close as he can be; his on my back, grasping and stroking. At once we pull away, breathless. We exchange a look and giggle.
“Sorry,” he says, embarrassed. “I didn’t intend to do that, I just couldn’t help it.”
“It’s okay, I wanted you to,” I smile. I need to do something to break the tension. “Give me your jacket, you look like you’re not stopping,” I demand, smiling at his surprise.
Yes that’s right, I’m not as meek as I was either!
He slips it off and hands it to me and I hang it on the hooks by the door. I’m so nervous, but I’m glad we haven’t ripped each other’s clothes off; I don’t want to rush things or regret them. But now it’s hanging in the air. We can’t move past it. I turn to face him. His once brown hair is now almost blonde from the California sun and his skin is golden. The bright blue eyes are the same though. He moves towards me again and slips his arm around my waist, pausing just to gaze into my eyes. Oh God, this is only going to go one way…
We stand face to face, drinking each other in. I love the fact that he is more or less the same height as me. I am 5’6” and he is no more than two inches taller. I’ve been used to looking up at men and I’d forgotten how lovely it is to be on the same level. I smile at him and he smiles back.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” he whispers.
“I never left.”
“I can’t believe
I’m
here then.”
“Better,” I smile. “Do you want a drink?”
“No.” Danny lifts his hand and strokes it from my temple, down across my cheek to the corner of my mouth, pausing briefly to circle the tiny silver stud beneath my lip. “I like this,” he whispers. Then placing a finger under my chin, he pulls my lips to his and kisses me deeply.
The kiss is less urgent this time, allowing me to take it in. He still tastes the same. I wonder if it’s strange to remember how a person tastes.
“Mmm,” I murmur involuntarily. This seems to ignite something in him and his tongue becomes more fervent as it caresses mine. Then he breaks our kiss. His eyes are alight.
“What?” I ask breathlessly.
“Do I get my do-over?” he asks, flashing me a wicked look.
My breath catches in my throat. Briefly, I wonder if it’s too fast. But I know we can’t get past it, we have to see it through. I need to relax, I’ve dreamed of this opportunity for years, now I have it, I must make it count.
Breathe.
I nod and take his hand turning away to lead him.
“Uh uh!” he exclaims and dragging me back to him, he scoops me up into his arms. “This is MY do-over! Bedroom?”
I gesture past the kitchen and he carries me quickly through the door. Clipping my ankle on the handle as we go!
“Shit! Sorry!”
“Ow! My way would have hurt less!”
He deposits me onto my feet and I take an exaggerated limp to the bed.
“Are you okay?” He sits beside me and lifts my foot into his lap, sliding my shoe off and examining it carefully.
I can’t help laughing, his face is a picture!
“I’m teasing, you fool! But seriously, nice work with the do-over, I’m going to remember this for sure!”
“Right!” he growls, kicking off his shoes as he pushes my shoulders and I land on the bed giggling. He moves above me smiling.
“I’ll have to give you something else to remember then. His knee moves between my legs and I feel his erection pressing into my hip.
Okay, now he has my attention.
His mouth is on mine in an instant, and my nervous hysteria is forgotten.
I pull at the hem of his t-shirt and yank it up. He grabs it from the back of his neck and whips it over his head. God, he smells so good.
He lifts himself enough to find the zip on my hoody and fumbles to get it undone. It falls open and he sits up, tugging at one sleeve. As my arm slips out, he catches my wrist and stares at me in disbelief. Briefly, I wonder what I’m wearing underneath if he is that surprised, then I realise. My tattoos! Self-consciously, I try to pull my sleeve back on. I haven’t been with a man who’s not into this, since, well, him. I’m not used to feeling like I want to hide them.
“No, don’t,” he says in wonder, carefully lifting the fabric away from my body. He assesses the ink on my arm. Then follows it from my wrist, up and under the short sleeve of my t-shirt onto my left shoulder searching for its end. He doesn’t find it and he lifts an eyebrow. He looks back at me with glowing eyes.
“
Some
tattoos?”
“Uh-huh.”
“That’s a few more than some!”
I sigh.
“Are there more?”
“I’ll save you some time,” I sneer, pushing him off me. I feel angry at being judged, I am what I am out of choice. I’m not used to having to justify it to anyone. But if he’s going to leave because of it, I want him to have the full picture. I love my tattoos and as I get to my feet I am ready to defend them. He sits back, resting on his hands and crosses his legs, waiting. He looks amused. I’m not laughing.
I slip my other arm out of my hoody, revealing that I’ve fewer tattoos this side, just one on the inside of my forearm, elbow to wrist. But then I lift the hem of my t-shirt up over my head and hear him take a sharp breath. The right side of my ribs is covered, wrapping round to my back. I drop my t-shirt and move to unbutton my jeans. Slowly peeling them off, I reveal my right leg inked across the thigh, ankle and foot. Then, yanking off my remaining shoe, I remove my jeans and wave my left foot, showing the only work I have had done on that leg. I hold my palms up in a mock ‘ta-da!’ gesture. Then I turn and show him that they go all the way round.
That’s right take a look…this is me in all my colours!