Authors: Kerry Heavens
Danny
Wow! Quite the entrepreneur! It looks as though you’re busy, seriously, well done. So Grace is a mom? That is a turnaround! I remember Andy; I think he has been in a couple of movies I’ve seen. I was convinced I recognised him, but I couldn't think where from.
Olivia
That’s him. Yes, she’s a different person…I’m very much the same.
Danny
Except the piercings!
Olivia
You aren't going to drop this are you? Yes, five piercings!
Danny
FIVE???
Olivia
Lip, nose, ears…and some tattoos.
Minutes pass…I can't stand this! He’s still online, why isn't he talking to me? He’s obviously horrified.
Olivia
Have I frightened you away?
Danny
No, I was just looking at the pictures of you from your work page, trying to get a look at this rebel version of a girl I once knew!
Olivia
AND?
Why?
WHY
would I ask that?
Danny
Well she’s quite…hot actually!
WHAT?
Is he flirting with me? This is surreal. Time ticks by, I don't know what to say…
Danny
Are you still there?
Olivia
Yes.
Danny
The guy in the pictures, is he your boyfriend?
Olivia
Which guy?
Danny
The one who’s always wearing a hat?
Olivia
Best friend.
Danny
But there is a boyfriend?
I blow out a deep breath.
Olivia
Nope. What about you, are you not settled down?
Danny
Never found the right girl.
Wow, I don’t know whether to take that personally or not. This is going down a path that is too deep for almost 4am. I need to go to sleep; suddenly it is all too much.
Olivia
It’s almost 4am here…I need to sleep!
Danny
Shit! Sorry, you should have said.
Olivia
I’d only just finished my shift, it’s fine. But now I really need to sleep.
Danny
Maybe we could do this again?
Olivia
Sure. It was great to hear from you. Night x
Retreat! Retreat!
Danny
Night x
I shut down my laptop and breathe a sigh of relief. I think that went okay. I think he flirted with me. That is not good. I’ve spent years trying to get past losing him, I can't let him reignite it all again. I must stay strong; he’s too far away and too removed for it to come to anything. We can only be friends. I turn over and settle into my pillow. That’s decided then, friends.
Three.
Liv.
Many cats.
I feel the weight of someone climbing onto my bed, I snap awake in a daze and then realise it’s Max. Of course it’s Max.
"Wakey, wakey!" he says in a singsong voice. "I've come for the gossip."
"Go away," I manage to croak as I disappear further under the covers.
"I have coffee," he offers, in an attempt to bribe me out of my cocoon.
"What time is it?"
"Gone eleven."
"Shit, I was up 'til four." In truth, I’m amazed I managed to sleep after our little Facebook chat, but I just blacked out and I feel surprisingly rested. It’s Saturday and, as always, I’m supposed to be having brunch with Max and Charlie, so I haul myself up to sitting. "Alright, I'm up."
"So?" I can't help but smile when I see the excitement on his face, like a small child, but I’m not awake enough for an interrogation.
"What?" I tease.
"Don't try that, what did he say?"
"I don't know what you are talking about." I hop out of bed and scoot into the bathroom before he can catch me.
Take that nosey
, I laugh to myself as I turn on the shower.
"Downstairs, twenty minutes! Or I'll send Charlie up to drag you down," Max yells through the door.
Oooh! Bossy!
I step under the hot water; I have twenty minutes to get my head together.
The diner is busy when I emerge twenty-five minutes later. It’s always busy on a Saturday morning. Max has his back to me but I wave at Charlie to call off the dogs. I move behind the counter, checking in with everybody as I go, and pour myself a drink. I put it to one side as a customer approaches. They want two takeaway coffees, I can handle that.
I go into the kitchen. Jake is hard at work, so I try not to get in his way.
"Oh, Liv! You scared the crap out of me!” he yelps as he steps back into me.
"Sorry! I just want to grab something to eat. I don't want to get under your feet.”
"What can I make you?"
"No, I'll just grab a sandwich. I can do it, you're busy."
"It's no trouble, what would you like?" He smiles sweetly. I think he wants me to clear off. Ever since I hired him, I’ve been pretty much redundant in the kitchen, but that is why I took him on and I quite like it really. The rest of the place is running so much better now I can step back and see what needs to be done.
"Some of your amazing Huevos Rancheros then please." I grin and head out to the boys, fetching my drink on the way.
"Okay, let’s hear it, he’s driving me mad!" laughs Charlie as I slide in.
I don't want my uncertainty about the situation to cloud their judgement, so I hand over my phone and wait quietly while they each pour over it in turn. This takes ages.
They look at each other in an unspoken dialogue.
"Erm, do you care to share?" I ask, my voice sounding uneasy and frustrated in equal measure. More reading. My food arrives and I tuck in while I wait for the verdict.
Another knowing look, a nod and Charlie speaks first. "Well, he still has feelings for you," he says in a measured tone, obviously knowing how it will be received. Clearly they agree and Charlie has been nominated as the messenger as they think I won't shoot him as readily as I would Max. Well, I’m not having this from either of them.
"Bollocks!"
"No, seriously. Can’t you see it?" Charlie asks in disbelief. In reality, Max has wound him up to the point that he’s beginning to believe the nonsense.
"Not really," I mutter shaking my head. I have another mouthful of my breakfast and chew in silence.
Max is still looking at my phone.
"What about you? Do you have anything to add?"
He holds up his hands in a 'hey-don't-have-a-go-at-me' gesture. "I’m saying nothing," he says, putting my phone on the table.
Tapping his fingers and going back to his club sandwich, he shakes his head. Then, between bites, it gets the better of him.
"But he clearly
is
still in love with you," he whispers, afraid of the fallout.
"Oh God! You two need to get a grip," I snarl, with a little more venom that I intended. I reach for the Tabasco and we continue eating in silence.
When I finish, Max clears the plates and, when he’s gone, Charlie leans over.
"You know, he only wants to see you happy. Don't get angry with him, I know he gets a bit overexcited."
"I'm not angry with him, I’m just…I don't know…" What is my problem exactly?
Max returns cautiously.
"Sorry," I mutter. "I’m just a bit frustrated. That’s all. I mean, I was okay before this and now I don't know what to think. Even if he did have feelings for me, I’m here and I can't change that, I have all of this." I gesture at the surroundings. "He’s in LA, I’m sure he is as rooted there as I am here." Sighing, I sink forward until my forehead rests on the table. "What if I end up in love with him again?" I mumble, muffled even further by my angle.
"Pft!" Max and Charlie exclaim simultaneously.
My head whips up. I narrow my eyes at Max and hold my stare as he works up the courage to say the words that I don't want him to say.
"You’ve never not been in love with him, you’ve just been able to ignore it for a decade or so.” He breathes out like it's a relief to say it. He strokes my hair and smiles softly.
I drop my head back to the table surface and fake sob. So my worst fears are realised. I am not the strong, independent woman I envisaged, who doesn't want a boyfriend, just some casual sex. I am in fact, a sad little girl, still in love with my first boyfriend, who lives five and a half thousand miles away and can't be mine. I’m pathetic. I groan loudly.
"Listen,” says Max softly, still stroking my hair, "You'll go and see Grace when the baby comes won't you?"
I nod, still stuck to the table.
"Well, perhaps you can see him then, in the meantime, chat to him. Get to know him again. Keep things light. You can't do anything else all those miles apart. Then, if you want to see him, you’ll have your chance and if you don't, don't."
I know he’s right. I draw in a deep, cleansing breath, lift myself up and drop my head on his shoulder. "What would I do without you?"
"You'd have cats," he teases. "Many cats!"
Okay, I can keep it light I think, besides it would be good to get to know him again, even if it never comes to anything. "Come on then! " They look at me quizzically. "I thought we were going shopping?" I say innocently. They both laugh and shake their heads as they get to their feet. Yes, I change like the wind and yes, this conversation is over, for now.
I don't find anything I want in town, so I have my nails done. My one concession to outright girliness, well apart from all the waxing, plucking and tinting, but I don’t count those as girlie treats. I have my nails short for work, but they are fibreglass, as they are more durable than my natural nails and they’re always painted. Today I’ve had a selection of pastels and for good measure I had my toes done too. While I’m drying, I think about talking to Danny last night, I decide to send him a message.
Olivia Harper 24th March 2012
It was great to talk to you yesterday. Can I ask, why now? I’m not complaining, just confused.
Liv x
By mid-afternoon, I haven't heard anything back from Danny. But I guess it’s first thing in the morning for him. I take my book and a coffee and sit at the table at the back of the bar. I don't really want to be upstairs I’m too fidgety. It is early so I can sit here for a while before it gets busy.
My iPhone buzzes on the table. He’s online.
Danny
It just seemed like the right time. X
Well, that doesn't really answer my question, but if I probe more I will look needy. What can I ask him? I scroll through our conversation so far looking for inspiration. Not much to go on. I look through his profile again. Scrolling through his friends it occurs to me that he hasn't kept in contact with anybody from his time here.
Olivia
How come you haven't stayed in touch with anyone from school?
Danny
There didn't seem any point if I wasn't coming back.
Olivia
You're not missing much!
Danny
There wasn't anyone at school with enough personality to drag us away from each other back then. I couldn't think of a reason to be in touch with any of them now.
Olivia
Fair enough! We were pretty closed off.
Danny
I only had eyes for you.
God, are we going there already?
Olivia
Smoothie!
Okay, I’m flirting, but I’m trying to keep it light like Max suggested.
Danny
I wasn't back then!
Olivia
You did okay. Neither of us knew what we were doing.
Danny
OK?!? You know how to kill a man's confidence don't you! Also, FYI that is SO not what I was talking about! ONE-TRACK-MIND.
Olivia
Oh! Well, anyway it was lovely. I am sure we are both more confident now!
Shit I didn't just say that did I?
Danny
Lovely! This is awful, is that really what you think? You may as well say it was NICE!
Olivia
That's not what I meant, I wouldn't change things. I have good memories of that time you were so kind.
I wince at the turn this conversation has taken so quickly. I should be talking to him more like a stranger, but it’s DANNY, there is nothing I can do but be drawn instantly back into our old rapport. This is how we speak to each other…spoke to each other! Oh GOD! I think of a subject change...think, think!...too late I realise as my phone buzzes again.
Danny
You’re killing me here! God, I’d LOVE the chance to wipe that memory from your mind!! Can I have a do-over?