Kane Samantha - Brothers in arms 1 (3 page)

“You thought I willingly went into that life? That I willingly sold myself to the highest bidder, for the fun and adventure of it?” Kate’s tone had become deceptively soft.

Well, when she put it that way, Jason thought. He had no ready response, however, and Tony took over.

“We’ve been terrible fools, haven’t we, Kate?” he asked, his tone as soft as Kate’s.

He made no effort to disguise the regret in his tone.

Kate began to laugh, softly at first. Then deeply, until she was bent over, hugging her waist, and the laughter turned to sobs.

Jason was horrified. He’d never meant to make Kate cry. Her sobs tore at his guts, making him feel desperate and frightened, two feelings he’d rarely had since the war, and didn’t like. He jumped up from the settee and hurried around the table to fall to his knees before her, clutching her legs as she was doubled over crying.

“Oh, darling, please don’t cry, don’t. I can’t stand that I made you cry. I’ll make it up to you, whatever you want. Just don’t cry, please.” He felt physically ill at her 13

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distress, doubly so that he was the cause of it, and completely ignorant as to why. He looked at Tony in desperation. “Do something!”

Tony had been sitting with his head lowered, his forearms resting on his thighs, his hands clasped in front of him. He looked up at Jason, and Jason saw the tears shimmering in his eyes. He wiped a hand across his face as Jason watched, and stood up. He walked over to Kate’s chair and sat on the arm, putting his arm around her shoulders.

“I’m sorry, Kate,” he said, his own horror at their monumental miscalculation making his voice husky. “We were stupid, I see that now. We were so afraid of driving you away.” Kate had sat partially up, and turned to press her face into Tony’s shoulder, her sobs quieting.

Jason took one of her hands in his, and pressed it to his cheek as he laid his head in her lap, content to let Tony do the talking. As Tony spoke, Jason’s own realization came with a swamping sense of guilt, and loss.

Tony’s hand gently glided down the back of Kate’s head, over and over, soothing her. “We thought you needed time to get over Harry, and then we thought you didn’t want to marry again so soon. You were so lively, so gay, so beautiful. We thought to let you be the belle of the ball for a while.” Kate pulled away, and raised her face to Tony.

He ran his index finger down her cheek, following the tracks of her tears. “Our only excuse is that we are so in love with you. We didn’t see it as selling yourself, but rather as granting the privilege of loving you to some man who would willing give everything for the opportunity. We only hoped one day you would let us love you.”

Kate had begun to shake her head. Tony stopped her with a hand on each cheek, forcing her to look at him. Jason’s tears washed over her skin as he held her hand to his face. She closed her eyes, but Tony gave her a gentle shake.

“No, look at me, Kate.” When she opened them again, he continued. “We have waited for what seems an eternity to love you. Let us love you. Marry us.”

Tony leaned down and would have kissed her, but Kate reached up and placed her fingers against his lips. “No, Tony, please.” Her voice was raspy from her crying. She pulled her hand from Jason’s, and attempted to make some space from them. It was deliberate. She wanted so much to simply melt against them, to let them bear the burden, but she knew she could not.

Tony stood up, and placed a hand on Jason’s shoulder, pulling him away from her.

He sat on the table behind Jason, leaving his hand on his shoulder, and Jason sat back on the floor, his side resting against Tony’s leg.

“Tell us.”

Tony didn’t need to elaborate. Kate knew what he was asking. She took a deep breath, and decided to give them the truth. Surely then they would leave her in peace.

“When Harry died, I found out we were in terrible debt. He was not a wise investor, and was an even worse gambler. I received a note from Veronica’s school, 14

The Courage To Love

telling me that the tuition had not been paid for some time, and that unless immediate restitution was made, she would be sent home. I was frantic. Then Penhaldy approached me at Kitty’s, and all my problems were solved, if I would just take him to my bed.”

Jason interrupted. “Veronica?”

Kate smiled. “Yes, my niece. I’ve been raising her for years, since her parents were killed in a boating accident. She was only twelve when Harry died. I couldn’t support her, and truly feared it would be the workhouse for us both. But Penhaldy saved us.”

Kate shook her head. “He made an unlikely hero, but he was kind, and paid all my bills, and set me up in a nice townhouse. I was able to keep Veronica in school, which had the added benefit of keeping her from knowing about my new situation.”

“As kind as he was, taking Penhaldy to my bed was a nightmare. I’d never been with anyone but Harry, and while he was a good, if rather perfunctory, lover, at least I had some affection for him. With Penhaldy it was all business, and I felt like a whore. I was a whore. I’m afraid that belief drove me into Thornton’s bed, and then Gautier’s and finally
his
.” Kate had to pause, had to get her trembling under control. She had wrapped her arms around her waist, and was no longer looking at either of them.

“His?” Tony asked quietly. “Do you mean Robertson?”

Kate shut her eyes tightly, and nodded her head in a jerky, uncontrolled motion.

Jason reached out and tentatively touched her leg. “Tell us what happened, Kate.”

She opened her eyes, and looked at them, her eyes filled with pain. “Do you know, you two were about the only things that made life bearable? You treated me with affection and respect, like a human being. As the years progressed, and I became more and more just a piece of meat to be passed around, you were my lifeline. I used to daydream that one day you would come to your senses, realize you loved me, and whisk me away from the degradation.”

It was Jason and Tony’s turn to wince. They both started to speak, but Kate held up a hand, silencing them. “It’s my turn to speak.” She looked at them both. “I knew already, what you were, what you wanted. There were rumors, and with the amount of time you two spent with me, people couldn’t wait to make sure I understood exactly what you liked. You wanted to share me, to both come to my bed. And, God help me, I would have gladly let you, I was so under your spell. But you never asked, and I thought that you didn’t want me that way, that I was a friend, nothing more.” She shook her head, regret making the tears come to her eyes again. “How fate loves to mock us. To find out now, when it’s too late, that we all wanted the same thing, but we were all too cowardly to admit it.”

“Why, Kate?” whispered Jason. “Why is it too late?”

Both men were staring at her with hungry eyes, eyes that had begun to burn when she talked about how she had wanted them, about the three of them sharing a bed. She felt a response in her body that defied her mind, which was telling her no, that she couldn’t risk loving them, and having them destroy her.
He’d
almost destroyed her, and 15

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she hadn’t loved him. How much worse would it be if Tony and Jason turned on her?

She looked away, swallowing nervously.

“
He
came to me as soon as Gautier left to go back to France. He offered me an obscene allowance, an enviable address, all that I could want. He made me believe he was infatuated with me. By then I didn’t really care. All I cared about was keeping Veronica safe. I’d been hoarding a great deal of the money given to me by previous lovers, keeping it as insurance against the future. But I craved more, craved the security of money. I believed it would keep me safe.” She laughed derisively. “I was a fool. I was a gullible, stupid fool.”

Tony reached out and grabbed her hand, and Jason’s hand tightened on her leg. The comfort their touch gave her made her realize she wasn’t strong enough to tell them the whole truth. She was disgusted with herself, but she just couldn’t bring herself to tell them something that would, in all likelihood, kill any feelings they had for her. She squeezed Tony’s hand, and sniffled as she looked away for a moment to compose herself.

“Suffice it to say that our…relationship ended badly. I believe his last words to me, before I fled the house, were ‘Let’s see if they want you now.’” She stopped and looked at them, pain and bewilderment written on her face. “‘Let’s see if they want you now,’”

she repeated. Then she asked the question that had been tormenting her for a year.

“Who would want me now?” she whispered. “Who?”

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Kate’s pain slashed through Jason. He realized his fists were clenched, the desire to rip Robertson’s throat out for whatever he had done to Kate barely contained. But when he looked at Kate, he saw she needed comfort now, not violence. That would come later.

“I want you, Kate,” he whispered as he rose on his knees, his head reaching almost as high in his position as Kate’s sitting in the chair. She was so small, so delicate compared to him. She looked at him out of eyes still blurry with tears, and pain. “I want you,” he repeated, in a voice deepened by love and desire. He leaned forward slowly, giving her time to push him away. She didn’t.

When their mouths met, it was soft and tentative. Kate seemed unsure of her own reaction, and Jason was desperately holding back, trying not to scare her with the depth of his passion. She still held both their hands, although her grip had lessened.

Jason tried to keep the kiss gentle and undemanding, but it was a losing battle. The touch of Kate’s sweet lips after years of wanting and dreaming pushed him into stark, searing desire almost immediately. His free hand slid up her leg to her waist, and his fist closed around a handful of fabric to keep from grabbing her and yanking her to him. His mouth pressed harder against hers, forcing her head back. Kate gasped, and Jason pulled back, his breathing labored.

Kate opened her eyes and looked at Jason. His eyes were narrowed and blazing with a hunger she had often dreamed of, but the reality was far more mesmerizing.

Passion had flushed his cheeks, and the skin was taut across his face. His lips were parted, wet with their kiss, as his ragged breaths blew through them. She became aware of his body, pressing her legs apart, of his hand fisted in the dress at her side.

Kate was more shocked at her reaction than anything else. She wanted him, them, this. If only for tonight, she wanted to be with someone who knew her, really knew her; someone she loved, and who cared for her in return. She wanted to feel passion again, to feel a man inside her, to lose control as their rough hands stroked her, as their mouths devoured her, as their cocks drove inside her. She wanted once in her life to love Jason and Tony the way she had always dreamed of. Tomorrow, reality would rear its ugly head, she would tell them the rest of her story, and they would see that it was impossible for them to be together. But tonight she had this.

Kate scooted forward in her chair until her mouth was a breath away from Jason’s.

She let go of his hand, and reached up to brush her fingers through his hair, gently tugging on the gray streak at his temple. His eyes blazed in triumph as she fisted her hand in the hair on the back of his head and pulled his lips to hers.

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The kiss was scorching in its intensity. Their mouths were open and seeking before they even touched. Jason drove his tongue into her mouth, tasting every corner, feeling its contours and dancing around her own. He slanted his head for deeper access, and she moaned as she wrapped her tongue around his, sliding against his wet heat in her mouth.

Jason gripped her waist with both hands and roughly pulled her against him, his head bending back slightly as she came forward, not breaking contact with her mouth.

His arms went around her waist so tightly she knew she couldn’t get away, and didn’t want to. She tried to bring her other arm up around his neck, and it was then she realized she was still holding Tony’s hand. She pulled her mouth away from Jason’s, gasping, and looked at Tony.

He was sitting still as a statue, watching them. When Kate’s eyes met his, his nostrils flared, and he licked his lips, but he made no move toward her. He slowly let go of her hand as she watched his face. Jason had turned his head and was watching them, his face nestled in the curve of Kate’s neck below her chin.

Tony slowly reached up and brushed Kate’s cheek with the merest touch of his fingers. She saw his eyes dilate, and his breathing became irregular as they continued to hold each other’s gaze.

“Tell me you want this,” Tony whispered to her.

Kate just stared at him for a moment, too shaken by need to respond. Then she nodded slightly, and in a voice that seemed overly loud in the hush of the room, said simply, “Yes.”

Jason breathed a sigh of relief against her neck, and then licked a path from her chin to her collarbone. She shuddered, and had to force her eyes to stay open on Tony as he leaned forward and kissed her. His kiss was more controlled than Jason’s, but no less devastating. His tongue licked an outline around her lips before delving inside. He traced the inside of her cheeks, and along her teeth, before swirling around her tongue and sucking it into his mouth.

The taste of Tony’s mouth combined with the feel of Jason’s hands as he suddenly cupped her breasts through her dress caused Kate to moan. The sound galvanized the men, and Tony came off the table to stand next to the chair as Jason began sucking and biting the exposed tops of Kate’s breasts. Her breath was harsh and rasping as Tony pulled the pins from her hair.

When her hair cascaded down around her shoulders, Tony grabbed a handful and pulled it to his face, inhaling deeply. He groaned out “Yes,” in a harsh tone, and then Kate felt his fingers on her back, undoing her dress. He pushed it down over her shoulders until it came to rest in the bend of her arms. Jason had pulled back, but as the dress fell, he reached forward and pulled her chemise down, exposing her bare breasts.