Karlology (14 page)

Read Karlology Online

Authors: Karl Pilkington

I
cou
ld
n’t
fi
n
d
an
y
d
etai
l
s on w
h
at t
h
e artist was tr
y
in
g
to
d
o, so I
l
istene
d
to ot
h
er s
p
ectators
d
iscuss it. “It ma
k
es me feel a bit awkward”, said a posh woman to her part
n
er. “That little guy freaks me right out”, said another. I
l
oo
k
e
d
at some more o
f
Muñoz’s wor
k
. T
h
ere was anot
h
e
r
d
war
f
. Now I
g
ot t
h
e
f
ee
l
in
g
h
e was ma
k
in
g
d
war
f
s
j
ust to save mone
y
on cla
y
. The
p
iece was called
S
ara
a
n
d
f
eatu
r
ed
a woman dwarf looking at some pictures of herself on a snoo
k
er ta
bl
e. S
h
e was wearing
h
ig
h
h
ee
l
s. I
d
i
d
n’t un
d
erstan
d
it so I
l
e
f
t.

I
h
a
d
b
een in t
h
e Tate
f
or a
b
out an
h
our an
d
h
a
d
n’t rea
lly
l
earnt anything. It’s not like a visit to a museum or a show
w
here you pick up facts – it was left to me to try and work
e
ver
y
t
h
in
g
out.
A
r
t seems to
b
e a
b
out comin
g
u
p
wit
h
y
ou
r
o
wn story or ta
k
e on eac
h
piece. T
h
is ma
d
e me t
h
in
k
a
b
out t
h
e m
y
ster
y
o
f
t
h
e
M
ona
Li
s
a
. Ever
y
one
l
i
k
es t
h
at
p
aintin
g
cos the
y
don’t know the stor
y
behind it. Who is she? Wh
y
the cheeky smile? If the
Mona
L
isa
was done today, we’d know everything there was to know about her cos she’d
h
ave so
ld
h
er stor
y
to
H
ea
t
magazine and done some open-
h
earte
d
interview wit
h
a ta
bl
oi
d
b
e
f
ore t
h
e
p
aint was
d
r
y
.

Another thin
g
that’s im
p
ortant about art is where it’s
p
laced, as it’s the surroundings that can make it more i
n
teresting. T
h
at
b
i
g
Angel of the Nort
h
statue in Gates
h
ea
d
is an exam
pl
e o
f
w
h
at I mean. It’s in a
fi
e
ld
o
ff
a motorwa
y
.
M
otorwa
y
s are t
h
e most
b
orin
g
t
h
in
g
s to
d
rive on, so stic
k
something there for people to look at and they’ll like it. I think that’s why cavemen built Stonehenge where it is – it ma
d
e t
h
e roa
d
next to it
l
ess
b
orin
g
to trave
l
on
.

Art was never a
b
i
g
d
ea
l
in our
h
ouse. We
h
a
d
l
ava
l
am
p
s,
g
lass clowns and ashtra
y
s on stands. There were two
p
aintings I can remember. One was a painting of two naked,
Ch
inese-
l
oo
k
ing women in moon
l
ig
h
t, ca
ll
e
d
Nymphs b
y
Moonli
g
ht
. I t
h
in
k
me mam’s
y
oun
g
er
b
rot
h
er
p
ainte
d
it. It
w
as
k
e
p
t in t
h
e
h
a
ll
j
ust a
b
ove t
h
e c
h
est
f
reezer t
h
at we
h
a
d
at the time. The other painting was Gainsborough’s
B
lue
Bo
y
, which hung in the lounge in a gold frame next to the
w
ic
k
er
d
rin
k
in
g
b
ar t
h
at we
h
a
d
. Ever
y
one on t
h
e estate
seeme
d
to
h
ave t
h
at picture
.

 

A
unt
y
Nora’s house had
q
uite
a
b
i
t
o
f
a
r
t
t
h
at
I lik
ed
to
l
oo
k
at
as
a kid (she still has it all). She had a
3
D picture of a poodle that stuck its ton
g
ue out w
h
en
y
ou move
d
; a cor
k
screw wit
h
a woo
d
en man
o
n to
p
, with a lever on his back that made him drink from a pint
gl
ass; an
d
t
h
en s
h
e
h
a
d
t
h
e
Cryin
g
B
o
y
, a
p
aintin
g
o
f
a
y
oun
g
l
a
d
cr
y
ing
t
h
at
b
ecame one o
f
t
h
e most
ta
lk
ed
about
w
o
rk
s
o
f
a
r
t
in
t
h
e
1
980s.
From what I can remember,
th
ere was a
fi
re in someone’s
h
ouse
c
ause
d
by
a c
h
i
p
-
p
an. Ever
y
t
h
in
g
w
as burnt to cinders a
p
art from a
p
rint of the
Crying Bo
y
.
Th
e
sa
m
e
i
nci
d
ent t
h
en
h
appene
d
som
e
wh
ere e
l
se: c
h
i
p
-
p
an
fi
re, ever
y
th
in
g
b
urnt,
b
ut
Crying Boy
picture
i
ntact. This started a national panic
a
bout “The Curse of the Cryin
g
B
o
y
”.
O
t
h
er stories were
f
eature
d
in t
h
e news, inc
l
u
d
ing one a
b
out a woman w
h
ose
h
us
b
an
d
an
d
t
h
ree o
ld
er
k
i
d
s
p
asse
d
awa
y
a
f
ter s
h
e
b
ou
gh
t t
h
e
Cr
ying
B
oy
. She blamed the
p
aintin
g
. More fires were re
p
orted,
w
ith the connection being the jinxed painting. People were terrified and were advised that if they owned a copy, they s
h
ou
ld
remove it
f
rom t
h
eir
h
omes imme
d
iate
ly
. T
h
ousan
d
s trie
d
to
b
in it,
b
ut it
g
ot to t
h
e
p
oint w
h
ere even t
h
e
b
in men were too scared to take them awa
y
in case the bad
l
uck was passed on to them. So a national newspaper told its rea
d
ers to sen
d
in t
h
eir curse
d
artwor
k
to
b
e
d
ispose
d
of
p
ro
p
er
ly
. T
h
e
p
a
p
er t
h
en
r
an a stor
y
f
eaturin
g
a
p
icture
o
f one of their topless models
w
earing nowt but knickers an
d
a
fi
reman’s
h
e
l
met w
h
i
l
e s
h
e set
l
i
gh
t to a
h
u
g
e
p
i
l
e o
f
Crying Boy
pictures.

Other books

La paloma by Patrick Süskind
Irresistible by Pierre, Senayda
My Teacher Is an Alien by Bruce Coville
Mistletoe & Michaelmas by Rose Gordon
Fatally Bound by Roger Stelljes
Be My Friday Night by Claire, Devin
Devoted to Him by Cheryl Dragon
Ball and Chain by J. R. Roberts
Killer of Men by Christian Cameron