Languish for you (My soulmate) (17 page)

“And how that helps me to understand why I can remember my previous life?” I didn't understand.

“Well, that doesn't” he admitted. “The truth is, that no one really knows what kind of secret your soul really holds, my dear. But everyone can be sure, that you are not ordinary soul. Things like souls don't transfer to another body, is quite often event, but that it could remember...that is new.”

“I heard voices when I was...”

“Yea, I was one of those voices,” he leaned back, making himself comfortable on the sofa.” You have the gift of God.”

“Writing?” I asked. He nodded. “I really don't understand how that could be important. Many people can write...”

“You are mistaking, Trinity. Not everyone can write. Stories, which you can create, are not ordinary. You see the world differently, you analyze it. Sometimes even one word or thing could let you create another world. You don't need to find inspiration, because it finds you itself. Not everyone is like you.”

“And because I see the world differently...”

“Makes you special and worth to keep. The creator wouldn't have given you this if your mission hadn't been important. That was why we tried to find out why you are special, but before we could find that out, our soulmate was killed and... you couldn't live anymore. “

“I was killed. I know that part.”

“Do you?”

He was teasing me.

“Yea, I was killed that in other life I could be happy and so one,” I said in irritated voice.

“It is a pity that we can't see what kind of history one or another soul has, but we can see its life before reborn. It would be really interesting to know your soul's real life, what things you had to face.”

“Why?”

“Because it could keep the key to this mystery. “

“So,” I decided to change our topic,” the souls could be taken if they are bad or didn't do their mission for which they were created?”

“So determinate to talk about something else?” he lifted one of his eyebrows up. “Souls could also be taken if they have done their mission.”

“So, there should be a lot lonely spirits in the world,” I did the conclusion.

“Yea, that is another problem which the creator have to face. Many lonely souls wondering around, searching for another soul which could make them happy again.”

“What else should I know?”

“Maybe that I am your master.”

“Master?” I didn't like the ring of this word. Especially, how he looked saying it.

He noticed my complaint in my eyes and hurried to explain everything.

“You have a protector and a tutor. But Avery can't tell you what she doesn't know or think it isn't worth for you to know. For them, you are just a mission,” that fact hurt.
Mission
. I am just a mission to them, I said in my mind. Avery told me many times, who I was to them, but still, hearing that and from other mouth, really hurt my feelings.

“What do you want to tell me with that?”

“
That you shouldn't be kept in the darkness, Trinity. I am your master, a person who will teach you about our world. You can remember your previous life for a reason. So, I will try to help you to understand it.”

He really will tell me everything? I asked myself in my mind. His eyes seemed sincere and friendly when he said those words. I wanted to believe him. I really wanted, but something just couldn't let me trust him.

“You said that you can't trace a soul's previous life. So, how do you know that my soulmate was killed? How you know that I was killed?”

“You are smart,” he said rapt. “That's interesting, Trinity.”

And you are a weasel, I snapped mentally.

I pressed my lips tightly, giving him a sign that he was starting to push my buttons.

“We know you and your soulmate, because he wasn't killed by accident. The hunters found and ...killed him. Usually, they don't kill before souls find each other. So, it is really interesting, why they killed him.”

“And the bodiless killed me?” something in here I could see logical; he was killed my enemies while I was killed by the good guys.

“Yes, Trinity,” he said reluctantly.

I didn't know what else I should say. I was killed to live another life. It sounded a bit strange in my mind. To live another life
,
when I had a mission
,
which I didn't complete.

“So, you want to tell me that you don't know why the hunters killed my soulmate?” I asked to make sure if I understood everything correctly.

He nodded.

“And that only makes you even more interesting, Trinity. Your soul is really special. The question is, how much.”

“What else should I know?”

He lifted his hand up and waved his finger in front of me.

“Tsk tsk, my dear Trinity. I think we will have to continue this talk in another time. I think you should go now before Christopher could have opportunity to become your shadow.”

“What do you mean?” I asked as I lifted my wrist up to see my clock. He was right. I should go back to university.

“That also will be for our another talk,” he stood up and approached me. Eduard extended his hand for me to take it, but I ignored it and stood up by myself. He didn't seem disappointed or offended by my behavior. It almost even seemed that he was expecting for me to act like this.

“Tomorrow?” I asked.

He shook his head.

“Next week, my dearest Trinity. By then I think you will understand more about the situation in which you are.”

What that supposed to mean? I asked myself in my mind. Was he warning me about something? If so, why he couldn't just tell me? Why was he talking in riddles?

“Learn to say before you sing, Trinity,” he said in a whisper as he took some steps away from me. “Until our next meeting,” he didn't say
good by
e. He just walked away from me. I followed him with my eyes. One thing was clear for me; I will never be able to live a normal life which was expected from me.

The same young woman appeared, asking me to follow her out from the flat. She seemed sweet, but I knew better than just to believe in that, because I was a player of this world too; no one really wore his true mask on his face. Behind her friendly eyes could be lurking a tiger.

I nodded. I didn't have time to play this game. Tobias was waiting and also was Avery.

Chapter fourteen

I was a minion of fortune...at least this time. Tobias didn't give me unnecessary questions when I came back. Maybe it was because I didn't let him open his mouth? I kept him occupied with kisses. And when I released him, he couldn't remember his questions. I really liked this soulmates' thing.

Avery also didn't have any kind of suspicions about my absents at university. So, it wasn't a surprise that Christopher thought that I was where I had to be. But I had to admit, he was a good actor, because at the first opportunity, he pulled me into my room and shot at me his angry eyes. His body language was screaming that something bad will happen right now.

“I have another tracking device?” I asked, frowning. He nodded slowly. Really slowly.

Busted, I said in my mind.

“Maybe you would like to tell me about your little trip?” he asked, taking some steps to me.

I shook my head.

“Not really,” it was surprising that I didn't felt fear in front of him, although deep in my mind I knew that I should tremble with fear. He knew that I had broken their rules; I left their safe place and risked to be caught by some hunters. At least I knew who those hunters were; they wanted to make others miserable.

“Oh, I think you are dieing how much you want to tell me about that.”

I laughed at that.

“You know what, I think you are not a psychic.”

He didn't laugh or even put a tiny smile on his face.

“Tell me,” he ordered me in low tone.

My smile died on my face. What should I tell him? Eduard didn't mention this time if I could or not tell Christopher and Avery about him. But still, even if he had, I still wouldn't want to tell them anything. They had their secrets, so, I would like to have some of my own, too.

“What if I say no?” I asked carefully, creating some distance between us.

“And what if I make you tell me everything?”

I pretended to ponder over his
words.

“How?” I said in the end. “You will try to kill me? Been there, done that,” I snapped. Why couldn't he just pretend that everything was okay, that I spent all day long in
the
university. Oh yea, he was my protector.

“Don't force me to do things which I don't really want to,” he stepped forward.

“Was it a threat?” I lifted my eyebrows. Yea, I was playing with fire.

“Vanessa,” his voice could kill even a death person again.

I gulped and hugged myself. He decided to hear the truth from my mouth and he won't leave without it.

“First of all,” I tried to be calm and confidence,” I am Trinity to you. Secondly, you are nothing to me. Therefore I don't need to give you reports what I did and what I am planning to do. If I want, I will meet as many hunters as I want. If I want, I will kill myself again. If I want, I will leave this stupid flat and buy a drink!” I lost control. They wanted too much from me and I wasn't ready to give them that. My family trusted me and let me do whatever I wanted. But Christopher and Avery... they just locked me in the cage like I was some kind of animal.

His eyes finally turned to see something else than my furious face. But still, I could see that he was serious and determinate to have the answers to his questions.

“Why are you so stubborn, Vanessa?” he asked me. “Why do you want to risk your new life?”

“Maybe because I didn't ask for it,” I answered honestly. He lifted his head up, confused and surprised by my words. I knew what he will ask or at least, what he was thinking. “Before I was killed, I had thoughts about suicide,” I confessed. “I didn't want to live. And I had that kind of thoughts not for one or two days, but years. The more I understood about the world, the more I wanted to leave it. So, when you ask me why I want to give up this second chance even with a man, who could love me, the answer would be that I don't want to live.”

“Why?”

I leaned back, hearing only that one world. In his face I could see fear. My words scared him. They should. Many people wanted to live forever, but I wanted to die.

“Because what point is to live if you create darkness?”

His eyes double in his face. He took some steps back. His reaction startled me. One second he was calm and serious, and another he was as white as a sheet.

“Christopher?” I said unsure what else I could say.

“You shouldn't say words like that. Never. Do you understand?” he ran to me so quickly that my eyes barely could register him moving. He grabbed my arms and started to shake me. “Never!”

I opened my mouth but any sound escape from me. I was shell-shocked. My words triggered some kind of memory of his? Because really, why was he so suddenly so scared?

“But if this is the truth?” I heard myself saying after some seconds.

“Do you want to hurt Tobias?” he asked. No, it wasn't a memory which was provoked by my words. It was a fact that someone could live in despair without me. Right now I was everything to someone.

You could never be free, because someone will always hold you somewhere, I said in my mind. In one of my stories I told about a boy who wanted to be free. He did everything what could help him to be independent, but in the end he understood that freedom was an illusion. No one could ever be free.

Tears threatened to appear on my cheeks. He managed to find and touch the right chord of mine.

“We barely know each other,” I said in a whisper, like that that could justify my words about the death.

“You are soulmates,” he released me. “He do
es
n't need to know you long in order to love you.”

But I do.

I clenched my hands into fists.

“What would happen if I kill myself?” I asked, suddenly curious of the possibility to kill myself and easing their job.

“Your soul has a mission, Vanessa. You can't ignore that. You were brought back to life... and Tobias... I would have never thought that you are one of those who surrender quickly.”

“We are hiding under so many masks that it is impossible to know anyone in this planet.”

He didn't say anything to those words. He just left me alone in my room, thinking that maybe it was enough for this time. I knew he will ask me to tell him where I was later. He wasn't from those you could give up.

Christopher sat on his bed, his head in his hands. He closed his eyes, letting his memories to invite him. He never let himself remember those last moments with his wife. She was so stubborn then, ignoring his words to stop, to pretend that nothing was happening. In other words, he advised her to close her eyes and be with him, his beloved Vanessa.