What. The. Fuck?
I glared at Lana, but she paid me no mind as she wandered around Maura’s apartment, looking at the art on the walls before peering at framed photos of Maura’s family and friends. “Nice place you have here. Blaise tells me he owns the building.”
“Yes,” Maura said, narrowing her eyes as she fixed me with a “what the hell” look. “It was a recent acquisition. My father owned the building until very recently. I guess Blaise thought he’d like to have something like this in his portfolio.”
Lana laughed lightly as she picked up a framed photograph, studied it, and set it back down. “Chances are he bought it because you lived here. Blaise can be a little… controlling. When he’s sleeping with a woman, he likes to have some leverage he can use if she steps out of line. Isn’t that right, darling?” She smiled sweetly at me.
“Watch it, Lana,” I warned, glaring at her.
Maura was watching our exchange with interest, probably assuming I was trying to silence Lana because I had something to hide. But Lana wasn’t telling Maura anything she didn’t already know. I had bought the building to be closer to Maura, and it was no secret I was a controlling S.O.B., but I didn’t need Lana reminding my girlfriend of my short-comings.
“Relax,” Lana said, wandering to the window. “I’m not going to spill any of your secrets.”
Great, now she was giving Maura the impression I was keeping secrets from her. I had to find a way to turn this around before Maura found an excuse to dump my sorry ass. Again. “No one knows me better than Maura. I doubt there’s anything you could tell her that would surprise her.”
Lana turned, looking amused. “Come on now, Blaise. We both know that isn’t true.”
I saw color dotting Maura’s cheeks, indicating her temper was rising. Not good.
“Maybe you should tell me why you’re here.” Maura’s posture was stiff as she watched Lana move about her apartment like a cop looking for clues. “I really do have to get to the office.”
“I was hoping you could help us,” I said hesitantly. My reason for bringing Lana here seemed ill-advised, but it was too late to back out, and Maura may be my only hope.
“How?” Maura frowned when Lana picked up a piece of hand-painted pottery and turned it over. “If you don’t mind, that’s rare and quite fragile. Kindly put it down.”
“Oh, sorry,” Lana said, lifting a shoulder. She obviously couldn’t care less about being called out for her insolent behavior. “I was just passing time, waiting for Blaise to get to the point of this visit. I can’t imagine why he brought me here to meet you.”
The two women were obviously never going to be best friends, but I was certain Maura helped women all the time who she didn’t necessarily mesh with.
Here goes nothing.
“Lana, remember I told you my ex-girlfriend had been raped?”
Maura gasped at my question, but when I looked at her, her face registered rage instead of shock. What the hell had I done now?
“What about it?” Lana asked, looking disinterested.
“Maura was
that
girlfriend.”
The two women exchanged a look before Lana asked, “Just how long have you two known each other? I thought you’d just met.”
I didn’t see how that was relevant, but Lana was like a dog with a bone when she was seeking information. “No, we go way back.” I could feel the tension in the room as Maura’s incredulous eyes swept over me. “But that’s not the point.” Taking a deep breath, I decided to dive into the deep end. “Maura has been where you are, Lana. She was raped by someone she trusted too. An ex-boyfriend, in fact. But she had the courage to go to the police and testify at the trial. In fact, she’ll likely have to do it all over again very soon, since it seems they got the wrong guy.”
Maura gaped at me as though she couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth.
“Is that so?” Lana crossed her arms as she regarded Maura closely.
When the silence stretched on too long, Maura found her voice. “Yes, it seems so.”
“Were you scared?” Lana asked. “About going to the police?”
“Of course,” Maura said, running her hands down her black pencil skirt. “I didn’t want to, but I was young. My parents convinced me I didn’t have a choice. The person responsible deserved to pay for what he did to me.”
“But they got the wrong guy?” Lana prompted. “So what, your testimony sent an innocent man to prison? How do you live with that, knowing you ruined someone’s life?”
I could barely contain my rage. I’d never expected Lana to attack Maura. I thought they could find some common ground, maybe even develop a conciliatory relationship so Maura could convince her to go to the police and seek professional help. “That’s enough, Lana.” I shot her a warning glance. “Maura did what she thought was right. She found the courage to speak out. I think you need to do the same.”
“What the hell do you know about it?” she asked, her tone clipped. “Have you been raped?”
“Lana—”
“I’m getting out of here.” She crossed the room, stopping in front of me with her hand out. “I’m going upstairs to pack so we can get the hell out of this godforsaken town. I’m sick of it already. Keys, please.”
I handed over the keys, as anxious to be rid of her as she was to be gone. I waited for her to leave before I crossed the room, anxious to make up for the mistake I’d clearly made. I reached out to grab Maura, but she stepped back, raising her hands. “Angel, I—”
“What the hell were you thinking bringing that woman here?” Her eyes were wide and brimming with tears. “And to share the most traumatic experience of my life with a total stranger? What gives you that right?”
Shit. I was in even deeper than I thought. “Baby, I’m sorry. I know you work with rape victims. I thought you could help her.”
Maura gestured to our surroundings. “In case you haven’t noticed, this isn’t a rape crisis center. This is my home, and you ambushed me. Did you even think to ask me how I would feel about this before you made the decision for me?”
“No, I obviously should have.” I tried to reach for her, but she crossed the room to retrieve her purse.
“Yeah, you should have.” She took her keys from her purse before walking into the kitchen to get her stainless steel coffee mug. “You don’t get to decide things for me. Especially not something of this magnitude. You brought that woman into my home, and she tore me down.” Maura took a shaky breath. “Don’t you think I feel bad enough for what happened to you and the role I played in it? Do you think I need your ex-girlfriend to remind me that I ruined your life?”
“Sweetheart, that’s not why I brought her here, and you have nothing to feel guilty about. I keep telling you that. You did what you thought was right. I probably would have done the same thing in your position. And Lana’s not my girlfriend. You are.”
“I don’t want someone in my life who arbitrarily makes decisions for me without considering my feelings. I got enough of that from my father. I’m a grown woman. I don’t need a man who thinks he can dictate to me and control me.”
“Baby, come on. That’s not what I’m trying to do.” I could see her slipping away, and I was desperate to hold on, to erase the past few minutes from her memory. “I love you, Maura. I need you.”
She gripped her purse in one hand and her coffee mug in another. “When you love someone, you’re courteous and respectful. What you did here this morning was neither.”
It scared me that she was so calm, so guarded. I’d prefer a scene like the one in the hotel, where she was screaming and swearing at me. That kind of anger would peak and fizzle out, but this slowly simmering resentment terrified me because I feared it may be lasting.
“I said I’m sorry about that. What can I do to make it up to you?” Grovelling was foreign to me, but I would do it to keep Maura in my life. I’d fucked up, and I had to figure out how to make things right. I couldn’t lose her. I
wouldn’t
lose her. “Tell me and I’ll do it.”
“I have to go to work.” She made her way to the door.
“I won’t be here when you get back.” I flinched when she whirled around, looking intent on killing me. Maybe calm and collected was better. “I… uh… have to head back to New York for a few days. George is going to the police today. If they have enough to charge Ben, his arraignment should be in a few days. I’ll be back for that.”
“You don’t have to bother. I’m sure your hired gun will give you a full report.”
“Don’t do this.” When her features remained frozen in anger, I whispered, “Fuck. Why do I keep screwing things up with you?”
“Maybe it just wasn’t mean to be,
Blaise
.”
When she used my alias with such disdain, I knew she was not-so-subtly reminding me of my lies and deceit. “How can you say that? You’re my life. My future. My fucking destiny.” It had been a long time since I’d been so vulnerable—probably since the night I’d proposed to her. “You can’t just walk away from that. I won’t let you!”
“Where do we go from here?” Her anger finally receded as her face twisted in anguish. “As your girlfriend so aptly pointed out, I ruined your life. You are the way you are because of what I did to you.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I asked, throwing up my hands. “What’s wrong with the way I am?” Aside from being a dumb-ass who sometimes acted before he thought about the consequences.
“You’re broken. So am I.” Her voice was shaky, and she drew a deep breath. “You don’t go through what we’ve been through and come out of it whole. I don’t think that’s possible. We both have scars, deep scars that probably won’t ever heal.”
“Being with you makes me feel whole again. It’s the only thing that does.”
“But what happened this morning reminded me that I can’t forget.”
“Forget what?”
“What happened, what I did to you. This is the start of another ugly chapter in our story, Blaise. We were foolish to think we could get through it unscathed.”
“Last night you told me you loved me. You said you wanted to be with me forever. What the fuck? You changed your mind overnight?”
“I changed my mind in a few minutes,” she said, her posture softening as the fight seemed to seep from her body. “Not because of what Lana said, but because of what I felt. She said those things, and I felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me. It was so painful to hear the truth from her lips.”
“Ignore what she said. She doesn’t matter.” I’d tried to be a good friend to Lana, and she’d repaid me by ruining my chances with the only woman who’d ever meant anything to me? I was so done with her.
“Maybe not,” Maura said quietly. “But what she said matters to me, because I happen to share her opinion.” She reached for the door handle.
Red hot panic swept through me. “Don’t go. Fuck. Don’t go. We need to talk about this. We need to work this out.”
“We can’t, Blaise. I’m so sorry.”
***
I needed my punching bag, but since that wasn’t available, I’d settle for giving Lana a tongue-lashing. Throwing the door open, I stalked into the master bedroom, where she was carefully folding a long, sheer nightgown.
“What the fuck was that about?” I demanded, planting my hands on my hips to prevent me from grabbing her and shaking some sense into her.
“What?” She shrugged. “I did what you asked me to do. I went down there and met your girlfriend. It’s not my fault we didn’t see eye to eye.”
“You fucking attacked her. You made her feel like shit because she did what she thought was right. She was brave enough and strong enough to face the man she believed attacked her, which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for you.” That was a low blow, but I was so far beyond angry.
She faced me, a small smile on her full lips. “I really had you convinced, didn’t I? I should consider acting classes. Daddy always said he thought they’d be a waste of time, but I think it’s obvious I have a real talent for owning a role.”
I felt the air seep from my lungs. “What are you talking about?”
“I played the poor rape victim to a tee, didn’t I?” She laughed. “Come on, you were so convinced; you thought you could talk your whore into taking me to one of her pathetic group therapy sessions where they all whine about how they were ravaged by some savage beast.”
“You fucking bitch!” I stalked away from her, afraid of being too close. I’d never, ever put my hands on a woman in anger, but no one had ever betrayed my trust this way. “You lied about being raped?”
“I had to get your attention somehow,” she said nonchalantly, zipping her cosmetics bag and setting it in her suitcase. “You have that whole hero thing going on, like you think you can single-handedly save the world. I figured if I could tug at your heartstrings and get you alone for a few days, you’d realize we could have a really great thing together.” She sighed. “But when I saw the way you looked at
her
, I knew I was wasting my time. I’m done with you.”
“You’re done with me?” I felt heat roiling in my belly, but I forced myself to ignore it. “I am so fucking done with you. Get your shit and get the hell out of here.”
“Gladly.” She zipped her suitcase, set it on the floor, and extracted the handle. “I trust you won’t mention this unfortunate incident to Daddy.” She wrinkled her nose. “You know he has to watch his blood pressure.”
“Get out!” I shouted, pointing at the door. “Now.”
***
My plan was going off without a hitch. Maura’s ex was being arraigned today, which meant the police had to admit they’d arrested the wrong man the first time around. I should be celebrating, but the victory felt hollow. I felt hollow, gutted.
I hadn’t spoken to Maura in three days. I’d called and texted her numerous times, but she was ignoring me. I suspected I would see her in court, but if not, I planned to stop by her apartment after the arraignment. If she thought I would give up without a fight, she was sorely mistaken.
I was sitting on a bench outside the courtroom, trying to collect myself and hoping to catch a glimpse of Maura as she entered.
Eric sat next to me instead. “Hey, Blaise, long time no see. How’ve you been?”
“I’ve been better.” I was seriously tempted to tell him I was miserable because his daughter and I were having problems, and I didn’t know why.