“Sorry to hear that,” he said, shooting me a sidelong glance. “Anything I can do to help?”
“I love her.” I hadn’t expected to say that; it just slipped out. “I want to be with her, more than anything, but she’s so caught up in the past, she refuses to look to the future. I don’t know how the hell to convince her.”
Eric sighed as he watched several people walk into the courtroom. “This has been difficult for her, son. It’s brought up a lot of bad memories. I was so sure we had the right guy. I can’t believe Ben did this to her. I liked that kid. I trusted him. I didn’t think he was dangerous. Now that Cooper, he was a powder-keg ready to blow.”
“What makes you think that?” I asked, trying to sound indifferent.
“I heard the way he blew up at the guys on his crew when he was working on my pool house. He had a short temper. Not the kind of guy I wanted my daughter mixed up with.”
I couldn’t deny Eric was right. I had a short fuse, and I’d routinely mixed it up with the guys on my crew.
“I knew she had a thing for him.” Eric ran his hands down his thighs to cup his knees. “She was always out there sunbathing, trying to catch his attention.”
“Is that right?”
“I thought it was just harmless flirting, until I saw the way she looked at him when she thought no one was looking. That was when I realized it was serious.”
“So you knew they were seeing each other?” I asked, trying to hide my surprise. I thought we’d hid our relationship pretty well. Apparently Eric was smarter than I’d given him credit for.
“Sure. No way he would have turned down Maura. She’s beautiful, smart…” With a gusty sigh, he said, “She could have had any guy she wanted, but apparently she wanted him.”
“Huh.” I couldn’t say anything more without giving myself away, so I remained silent, hoping he would continue.
“When I found out what happened to her, I was furious. I knew it had to be Cooper. He was a raging lunatic half the time. He knew she was too damn good for him. When I found out they’d fought because he was jealous, it made perfect sense to me that he would have gone after her, determined to get the last word.”
Seeing it from Eric’s perspective, I understood how he jumped to that conclusion.
“If she had been determined to break up with him and he was equally determined to hold on to her… well, he struck me as the type who wouldn’t want anyone else to have her if he couldn’t.”
I rubbed my forehead, closing my eyes. He was right. I didn’t want anyone else to have Maura, but I would never resort to violence to keep her from having a life without me. “At least the right man is finally in custody.”
“Yeah, but I think Maura is struggling with some guilt over what happened to her ex-boyfriend. Last we heard, he was on the run. He’d been accused of some other crimes at the time. I guess Maura’s case fit some profile. Then it turned out he was innocent for those crimes, so they let him go for time served. He was supposed to be on parole but never checked in with his parole officer. He just disappeared. No one’s seen or heard from him since.”
“I can’t blame him for running. It doesn’t sound like he had the best of luck with the justice system.”
Eric chuckled. “No, I guess I can’t blame him for running either. But Maura blames herself for what happened to him. If you get the sense she’s shutting down right now, I think it has a lot to do with that. Not to mention the fact she has another trial facing her. She’s a strong girl, but I don’t know how much one person can be expected to endure.”
“I want to be there for her,” I said, trying to keep my frustration in check, “but she won’t let me.”
“Don’t give up on her, son.” Eric slapped me on the back before he stood. “She’s worth fighting for.”
I waited a few more minutes, hoping for some time alone with Maura before the proceedings started, but when I couldn’t stall any longer, I made my way inside. I was surprised to find her already sitting with her mother and brother. Her father was walking toward their bench. I tried to catch her eye, but she stared straight ahead, her hands clenched tightly in her lap.
I sat on the opposite side of the courtroom and stared at the back of the head of the man I wanted to throttle more than anything. He turned to glance at Maura a few times, and I turned to see the color drain from her face. I wanted to jump over the barrier and tell him if he valued his life, he’d keep his eyes off her.
George slipped in beside me. “Did I miss anything?”
“No. I didn’t expect you to come.”
“I wanted to. I guess it’s the cop in me. I like to see these things through.” He smiled, looking satisfied. “This is just a formality though. They have more than enough to proceed with this case.”
“They better,” I warned. “If that scumbag winds up back on the streets, I won’t be responsible for what I do to him.”
George chuckled softly. “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that.” His eyes drifted to Maura and her family. “That’s the victim, huh? Wow, she’s a beauty, ain’t she?”
“Yeah.” I crossed my arms, trying to contain my irritation. I should be sitting with her and holding her hand, not staring at her from across a crowded courtroom and hoping she’d spare me a glance.
I listened to the lawyers go at it for nearly an hour before the judge handed down his ruling. That piece of shit
would
stand trial for what he did to Maura. Mission accomplished. Or at least the first part of the mission was accomplished. I knew it would be a long and bloody road to justice.
Chapter Nine
After several minutes of knocking on Maura’s door, it was painfully obvious she had no intention of answering. I knew she’d returned home after court because her car was in the lot.
I considered my options. I owned the building. I could make up some excuse and ask the building manager to open the door for me, but strong-arm tactics would only alienate her more.
“Maura, baby, please. Open the door. I need to talk to you.” When she didn’t respond, my voice became firmer. “You know how stubborn I can be. I’m not leaving until I see you, even if I have to—”
“What do you want?” Maura stood in the doorway looking utterly destroyed. She transferred her suffering to me with one prolonged glance. She was wearing old gray track pants and a white tank, sans bra. Her hair was in a messy ponytail and her face scrubbed bare. As she rubbed a hand over her cheek to wipe away tears, I noticed how swollen her eyes were. She’d been crying a long time.
“Can I come in?” I whispered, sticking my hands in my pockets. “Please.”
“Why?” Her voice cracked on the single word. “Why would you want to see me?”
I frowned at her phrasing. “What are you talking about? I love you, angel. I—”
She walked away before I could finish, leaving the door open, presumably for me to follow. I didn’t wait for a formal invitation before stepping inside and closing the door.
She was sitting on the couch, clutching a cushion against her stomach. “I did this. I set this whole thing in motion.”
“What?” I claimed the seat beside her, careful to leave a few inches in case she felt the urge to flee. “What are you talking about?”
“That night…” She sobbed, making it difficult to get words out. “When you saw us in the bar…”
“What about it?” I asked, tentatively touching her back.
“I lied to you about what was going on between me and Ben.”
I felt dread fill my throat like bile, choking me. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear this. I told myself nothing she could say or do would change the way I felt about her, but if she admitted she’d been cheating on me with that loser… I didn’t know how I’d react.
“You lied to me? Explain.”
She couldn’t even look me in the eye. “He came on to me that night. When you saw him grab my ass, I told you it was harmless, but it wasn’t. He was telling me how hard I made him. He was showing me as he told me how much he wanted to fuck me.” She covered her mouth with her hand. “He said he could do things to me, things that would make you seem like a pussy. He said if I wanted a man to dominate me, he could be that guy. That’s when you showed up.”
I sank back into the cushions, closing my eyes. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t feel. She’d had this knowledge all along and kept it to herself. Why? Was she trying to protect him? Was she willing to let me go down for his crime because in some sick way, she still had feelings for him?
“I know what you must be thinking,” she said, glancing at me. “But it wasn’t like that, I swear. I forgot all about that dance. I thought it was insignificant, just a brief moment that meant nothing.”
I stared at her, trying to read her. Was she telling me the truth or saying what she needed to to save her own ass?
“It wasn’t until you told me Ben was a possible suspect that I thought back, remembered everything he’d said to me, all the things he said and did to try to get me back.” She took a deep breath. “I was afraid you’d confront him, and I knew that wouldn’t end well. I wasn’t trying to protect him. I was trying to protect you. I didn’t want you to end up in jail for assaulting him.”
That was exactly what would have happened if Maura had told me the truth back then. I would have hunted him down and beat him until he’d begged me to stop. Back then, I’d been reckless. I had nothing to lose. Except her.
“Why were you dancing with him in the first place?”
“I didn’t want to,” she said, clutching the pillow harder. “I was dancing with a friend from school when Ben asked to cut in. I didn’t want to make a scene, so I told my friend it was fine. I shouldn’t have. That was my mistake.”
“Tell me the whole truth. I want to know everything.” My voice was deceptively calm. I was boiling inside. “You said he was trying to get you back. What, exactly, did he do?”
She rubbed her forehead, looking agitated as her eyes darted around the room. “I don’t know. He would send flowers, letters, call me at all hours of the day and night. Sometimes he would show up outside of one of my classes or when I was out with my girlfriends.”
“You’re telling me that son of a bitch was stalking you, and you didn’t think to tell me?” I tried, with everything in me, to hold on to my patience, but she was making it damn near impossible.
“I didn’t really think of it as stalking,” she said, jumping up. She paced the large room. “In hindsight, I realize that’s exactly what he was doing, but at the time, I thought he was just having a hard time with the breakup. We’d been together a long time. It was his first serious relationship, and mine too. He was my first lover—”
“Don’t remind me.” I stared through her, not really seeing her, as I tried to comprehend everything she was telling me.
“I’m sorry.” She crossed her arms, clenching her fists. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. If I’d taken his behavior more seriously… if I’d gotten a restraining order against him—”
“Do you really think a piece of paper would have stopped that psycho?”
I almost felt guilty when her face crumpled, but I was pissed that she’d kept this from me. I believed her when she said she was just trying to protect me, but I had a right to know the truth. If anyone could have protected her from harassment, I could have. That weasel wouldn’t have been stupid enough to mess with me.
“I know you must hate me—”
“You’re wrong,” I said, spitting the words. “I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. But Jesus…” I leaned forward and dropped my head in my hands. “It’s a lot to process. I thought I could trust you to be honest with me, and now I find out you were lying to me. Not just once, but every goddamn day of our relationship. What am I supposed to do with that? How the hell do you expect me to feel?”
She leaned against the wall and sank to the floor. She seemed to have expended all of her energy. “I don’t expect you to forgive me or believe that I was only trying to protect you, but I was. I swear to you.”
I stared at her, seeing a flashback of the fresh-faced teen she used to be. She didn’t look all that different in sweats with her hair in a ponytail. But she was different. So was I. Everything was different. “I need time to process this. A hell of lot has happened in the past few days, things you know nothing about, and it’s rattled me.”
“What happened?” Her eyes locked with mine. “Is it work or… something personal?”
“Lana lied to me about being raped.” I still found it difficult to say that. I wasn’t used to being played for a fool.
“She what?” Maura looked appalled. “How do you know?”
“She admitted it, right before I kicked her out of my apartment. Apparently after she saw us together, she realized trying to get my attention was a waste of time. She could see my feelings for you were real.”
“She went to all that trouble just to get your attention?” Maura shook her head. “That’s pretty twisted, especially when I think of all the women who really are going through hell right now, trying to figure out how to recover from an attack.”
I watched her work through her feelings until it looked like she’d found her way to anger. I could still read her like a book. Her feelings were so transparent.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.
“Your dad told me you’re having a hard time with the idea of having to testify again, that it’s brought up a lot of bad memories.”
“You talked to my father?” she asked. “When?”
“At the courthouse. I told him I wanted to be there for you, to help you through this, but you were shutting me out.”
“I’m sorry I overreacted the other day.” She sighed. “I’d had a nightmare the night before, about the rape. That hasn’t happened in a long time. I guess I was just on edge, you know, with all those memories coming back and trying to remember every detail of what happened with Ben. I want to help the police in any way I can. He deserves to be locked up for what he did.”
“Have the police called you down to the station?” I asked, pulling my attention away from my misery to focus on hers.
She nodded. “Yeah, they called me in the day you left. I told them everything I could remember. I have more to add. It seems I was repressing a lot, but now that I know it was Ben, more is coming back. Just in snippets or flashes, sometimes while I’m sleeping.”