Authors: Elena Matthews
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I scramble around the bed trying to find the buzzer to get a nurse in here, stat. I impatiently press my thumb over and over again until a nurse rushes into the room with a frantic look across her face.
“Ava, it’s fine,” Caleb says, his eyes narrowing on mine, urging me not to make a scene.
“It is not fine!” I roar throwing the bed sheets off me, staring daggers at the nurse, even though it isn’t even her fault, I didn
’t exactly explain my situation to them properly, but I don’t care, I’m on a roll. If only looks could kill.
“What’s the matter sweetheart?”
“This hospital is what the matter is.” I try to tone my attitude down, but it’s no use, I am too angry. “Caleb told me the hospital refused him access into the NICU to see my daughter, is that right?”
Her eyes widen w
ith shock. I think she is a little scared of me. I would be scared of me too. Well, this neurotic version of me anyway. “Um…well, yes. All visitors have to be accompanied by either the mom or dad,” she says with a stutter.
“Well let’s get something straight here, okay? The dad, my partner is currently in Afghanistan, fighting for this country, your country. The only person I have in my life right now is Caleb, my daughter
’s godfather, so he needs to be able to have access at all times. Do you understand me?” I stare directly at her, not even blinking. I am actually a little shocked that I just said that to her. I don’t think I have ever been so direct with anybody in my entire life.
“Of-of course, I will have the NICU informed.” And then she hurries out of my room.
“Well, I think you made her cry,” Caleb says with a smirk when we hear her wailing down the corridor.
“I don’t care, she hasn’t just had a baby who is currently in the NICU. I have other things to worry about than some sensitive nurse who can’t handle her patients.
” I swing my legs over the side of the bed, and avoiding any quick movements, I slowly stand up. “Will you take me to see my daughter?”
My daughter literally takes my breath away. The moment I enter her room in the NICU it causes my heart to miss a beat. My entire body fills with love as I walk over to her, not once able to take my eyes off her. It’s a love I really can’t put my finger on. It’s overwhelming, it’s precious, and it’s unconditional. The moment she entered my life, the love overpowered me, and I don’t ever want her to be taken away from me. Now that I have met her, I need her in my life so much that it physically hurts with the thought of her not being in my future. She has to survive this. She has to.
I quickly come to realize there is a luminous blue light shining directly down on top of her and her eyes are covered with a white clinical eye mask. The mask looks small enough to fit a china doll.
A small bout of panic rises from me until I remember what Doctor Bailey said about the phototherapy treatment for her jaundice. Her bilirubin levels must have risen since the last time I saw her. A vacant time spent passing out and screaming at innocent nurses. Oh God.
Once I relax, I turn to an unusually quiet Caleb. I look up at him as he stares down at my baby girl with tears rolling down his face.
“Are you crying? I ask, smiling up at him.
“No,” he states sharply, and that would have been convincing if he didn’t wipe the tears away with his fingers. “I have allergies.” I can’t help but laugh. I know tears when I see them, and those are real, emotional tears.
“Whatever you say.” I grip hold of his hand and pull him closer to the incubator to introduce him to my daughter.
He gasps as he finally gets a closer look at her.
“She’s so beautiful and so tiny,” he says, his voice trembling as he takes everything in.
“I know.” I gulp, trying to blink the tears back.
“She looks just like you.”
I look intently at my daughter, trying to see the resemblance, but I can’t see it. It doesn’t help that the mask is currently obstructing her face.
“Really? I can’t see it,” I muse as I continue to take in every single detail of her.
“Oh yeah, she
’s just perfect, like her momma,” he says, not looking away from my daughter. My tears finally manage to break free. This time, they’re happy tears. I edge closer to Caleb, wrap my arms around his waist, and nuzzle my head against his chest. We stay like this for a while, just gazing at her, taking in every little perfect thing about her. Her perfect little hands, her perfect little skinny legs, her perfect little toes, her perfect little face, just her perfect little everything. I know every parent says that his or her child is perfect, but mine really is. She may not have fully reached her normal gestational age, but to me that doesn’t matter. What matters is getting her healthy and strong so we can take her home. It will be a long journey to recovery, but I will be with her every step of the way.
“Hey
, baby girl, this is your Uncle Caleb.”
“Hey
, baby,” Caleb says, smiling down at her in absolute awe. Wow, my daughter has already gotten him wrapped around her little finger.
After having stood up for a while, I start to feel a burning pressure at the top of my thighs. I release my arms from Celeb’s warm hold and take a seat in the rocking chair beside the incubator. Caleb’s eyes follow my movement.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just feeling a little tired.”
“Do you want to head back?”
I shake my head. I have been in that room for long enough.
“No, I just want to sit here for a while.”
Caleb presses a gentle kiss against the top of my head and tells me he’s going to use the
restroom and find an extra chair from somewhere. I admire my daughter from my seat, and I can’t get over how perfect she is. If it were possible, I would happily gaze at her perfect features for the rest of my life.
A shiver suddenly tingles down my spine and even before he has stepped into the room, I can sense him. I keep still, barely able to catch my breath as I wait for him to approach. Thirty seconds pass by, and nothing happens but I know he
’s still behind me. I tell myself not to turn around. I tell myself to focus on my daughter, but it becomes next to impossible when my heart starts to defy me, pounding away in my chest. I painfully want to look into those brilliant green eyes of his, and the urge only becomes more prominent, until I finally cave in. I glance back and I see him leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed over his chest, looking straight at me, a look that makes my heart beat faster.
“Hi,” I squeak, not being able to take my eyes away from him. He is ridiculously good looking. Dark hair, strong jaw line, light stubble, a dimpled chin and wonderfully plump lips. Plump lips I can
’t resist taking a second glance at. They look strangely inviting.
“Hi, Miss Jacobson,” he says, in his strong southern accent that takes my breath away.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.” He walks into the room, closing the gap between us. As he walks towards me, the heat in the room suddenly fills, and I almost gasp for air as he stands in front of me. It’s uncomfortable, to say the least.
“It’s okay, you
’re not disturbing me and please, you can call me Ava.”
He nods, his smile growing.
“How are you feeling now, Ava?”
I cringe as I remember telling him he had pretty eyes. Pushing the embarrassment aside, I answer.
“Yeah I’m okay. Well I think I am; it’s kind of hard to tell lately. I’d definitely keep your distance though,” I say in mock warning.
“And why’s that?” He raises an eyebrow, a frown appearing on his face, obviously intrigued by my comment. That
’s when I notice the light freckles over his nose. Surprisingly, it makes him look even sexier.
“Because apparently I like to abuse the staff in this place.”
He chuckles, shaking his head, his smile spreading. “Oh yeah, I heard about that, you made one of the nurses cry, am I right?”
“Well I didn’t, the psychotic version of me did. The rational version of me wouldn’t have overreacted like that. In fact, the rational version of me would like to slap the psychotic version for behaving in that way. I’m not usually so forward,” I confess, then suddenly shut the hell up when I realize I am babbling crap. It’s a trait I have when I’m nervous.
“I wouldn’t worry about it, she isn’t a very nice person. She’s actually a...bitch,” he whispers the last word, causing me to laugh out loud.
“Well in that case,” I sputter through laughter
, “Is there anybody else you would like me to unleash my verbal diarrhea on? I’m probably due a few more psychotic episodes; it’s only a matter of time.”
“Actually, there is this one nurse...” He leans over, his mouth inches away from my ear. I can
’t help the shiver that tingles across my skin at his sudden proximity. “Who works in orthopedics, and when nobody is looking, picks her nose and never sanitizes her hands afterwards.” He pulls back on a smirk. I gulp nervously, feeling as if he has just told me the world’s dirtiest secret. “So, by all means, you can head over to that department during your next episode and give her a lecture on personal hygiene.” He gives me a hearty laugh, almost causing me to choke on my own saliva. That has to be one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard. Once his laughter subsides, he takes a moment to look at me, and I have a hard time taking my next breath. I am the first to look away when his gaze becomes too intense. I cough nervously.
“How is she?” I ask, and this shakes him from his reverie, and his professional doctoral mask is quickly put back in place.
“Her IRDS is improving, her oxygen and respiratory rate are stable. As discussed yesterday, her bilirubin levels took a turn for the worse, and we had to proceed with the phototherapy. It’s still early days, but she’s doing okay. I’m going to check her vitals, do some bloods, and I’ll leave you to enjoy your time with your daughter, but first I have a little gift for you.”
A gift? I give him a bewildered look as I try to figure out what it could be. A gift for me? That makes absolutely no sense. I barely know him.
“For me?”
“Yeah.” Smiling, he reaches into the pocket of his white coat, retrieving a small book and hands it over to me. I purposely avoid touching his hand with my own. I don
’t know how many more surprises I can handle from this beautiful stranger, and I certainly don’t want to add to it. Especially when I know how electrifying his touch is. It’s too much. He’s too much. I glance down at the book, and I can’t help but smile.
“It’s a book of baby names. I know you
’re having trouble coming up with a name for Baby Jacobson, or Miss Stir Mix-a-Lot,” he says with a wink, which has me smiling with familiarity from yesterday’s conversation about his nephew. “So I thought this book would be great for you.” This has to be one of the nicest things a virtual stranger has ever done for me.
“Wow, I, um, thank you,” I say, struggling to find the right words, truly touched at such a thoughtful gesture.
“It’s no problem, honestly,” he says, nonchalantly. I look back down at the miniature book in my hand, and that’s when I notice how pristine it looks. I turn it around and gasp when I see a price sticker of $5.99 on the back. Surely this cannot be something he just had lying around. He must have actually gone to a bookstore to buy this for me. In the past, when a person gave me a gift, with the exception of Sebastian and Caleb, they always wanted something in return, but with the look of sincerity I can see in his eyes, I know the gift is purely out of the kindness of his own heart.
“Thank you,” I repeat, not really knowing what else to say. I am just humbled by how sweet his gesture was.
With a small smile, he reaches for my daughter’s vital chart and turns his attention to her.
I clutch hold of the small book of names with my fingers and watch as he checks my baby’s vitals. Caleb returns, with a chair in tow. He places it beside me and takes a seat, his eyes watching Doctor Bailey, warily.
“Is everything okay?” Caleb questions.
“Yeah, everything’s fine, the doctor is just doing her vital checks and a blood sample.”
“Okay.” He sighs with relief as he kisses my temple. When he pulls away from me, that’s when he notices the book clasped in my hand. He points at it as an intrigued smile spreads across his face. “Hey, what’s that?”
I lift the book and pass it over to him. “It’s a baby book of names, one of the...um, nurses gave it to me,” I say in a panicked tone. I’m not quite sure why I lie to him and tell him it was a nurse that gave it to me and not Doctor Bailey. It isn
’t like Doctor Bailey means anything to me. I’ve only just met the guy. It’s just a gift. No big deal...
My eyes shoot up to Doctor Bailey when I realize he heard my lie. He briefly turns to me, a smirk pulled up at the corner of his mouth. I blush furiously when he winks at me discreetly before he turns back around to tend to my daughter. My heart flutters inside my chest.
“Oh awesome, lets see if we can pick a name for my gorgeous goddaughter.” He starts to flip through the pages, rolling off some names while my eyes stay solely on the back of Doctor Bailey’s head, trying to understand what the hell just happened. Why would he buy me a gift? It makes no sense. I lose myself within my own thoughts until I am momentarily brought back to my senses when I hear Doctor Bailey’s voice through the haze.
“I’m all finished. I’ll be out of your hair now.” A shiver prickles its way down my spine when he brushes past me, and I find myself gazing at him in awe as he walks away, until I realize I
’m just gazing into thin air. Taking a calming breath, I turn my attention back to Caleb, desperately trying to ignore the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.
During the next hour, Caleb looks through the list of baby names. However, we don’t find any names that I like, and instead we just joke around finding the most outrageous names known to man. Basically names that you wouldn’t ever dream of naming your own child and if you did, your child would most probably be beaten to a pulp unt
il the day they turned eighteen. Caleb did say if I named my baby after any fruit, city or cartoon character, he would disown me and have me handed over to child protective services. On a serious note, as I look through all of the normal names through this book, there are none that I can ever imagine calling my baby girl. There are a lot of lovely names such as Olivia, Rebecca or Megan but those names just don’t feel right for my daughter. I want something special. I want something that is out of the ordinary but isn’t ridiculously unusual. I want something that will represent the person she will grow up to be. I just don’t know what that name should be.
The soft sound of snoring jolts me from my thoughts, which is an unusual sound in the NICU.
I turn to my left and notice Caleb is the culprit. He is sat upright in his seat, with his head resting uncomfortably against his shoulder, fast asleep. Oh God. He must be absolutely exhausted and probably hasn’t slept for about thirty-six hours. Maybe more. I have no concept of time at all anymore. In fact, what day it is? I have no idea if it’s Saturday or Sunday. Heck, it could be Monday for all I know. I really don’t want to wake him but sleeping in that position isn’t going to be beneficial for his posture, and I don’t think the nurses would be at all pleased with having a grown man asleep in their NICU. He needs to go home.