Lost In Our Darkness (Demons Of Darkness Book 2) (10 page)

I figured out where we were going soon after he started driving. I just hoped I was wrong. I didn’t want to go there and I didn’t want to be reminded any more about what I left behind when I left. The ride was quiet as we pulled into the driveway. He turned the ignition off and I stared at the house I once called home.

“Why are we here?” I questioned him.

“Come on.” He got out of the car and got Zaiden out of his car seat.

I didn’t move, I was frozen in the seat. He came around holding Zaiden and opened the car door, holding his hand out for me to join them. I reluctantly took it and followed him to the front door. When he pushed the front door open it wasn’t at all what I remembered. The entire house had been redone. I walked in and took it all in.

“What’s this about Nix?”

“It’s your house.”

“
Was
my house, Nix. It’s yours not mine.”

“No Trix it was always your house. Come on.” I followed him to our old bedroom. This room hadn’t been touched. Except it looked as though the walls were freshly painted. I walked over to the closet and opened it. Everything I had left behind was still here. But no dust. It was as if I never left.

“I don’t get it Nix.” I turned to him. He was sitting on the bed with Zaiden in his arms. I sat down next to him.

“I got one more thing to show you.” He smiled, completely ignoring my question.

I followed him to the spare bedroom. It was painted dark grey with white trim,  and had a black crib decked out with light grey bedding. He sat Zaiden down in the crib and walked over to me. Grabbing my hand he led me back to our old room.

“It’s all yours Trix. The clubhouse isn’t a place for a baby. I haven’t stayed here since you left. It’s yours and I want you to keep it.”

“I don’t know what to say Nix.”

“You don’t have to say anything.”

I nodded as tears threatened to spill. I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered, “Thank you Nix.”

He pulled away and looked down at me before his lips crushed against mine, his tongue sliding between my lips as I opened to him. His hands pulled my shirt over my head and dropped it to the ground before he unhooked my bra and I let it fall to the floor. I pushed his cut over his shoulders and ripped his flannel open and pushed it down his arms. He walked me backwards, pushing me down on the bed. Not wasting any time he pulled my pants down my legs and tossed them on the floor. I sat up and undid his belt and jeans and pushed them down his legs. He kicked his boots off and stepped out of his jeans before he pushed me back on the bed, his mouth once again crushing down on mine. I pulled my mouth away from his. “Fuck me Nix,” I panted. “Please.” He growled in response before I felt his cock push against me. I arched my back and pushed into him, wanting more than to be teased. In a quick movement he slammed into me, pausing only to pull away and look into my eyes. We stayed that way as he slid in and out of me slowly until I pulled his mouth back to mine. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he flipped us over so that I was on top of him. I slowly circled my hips against him as a familiar feeling slowly started to take over my body. “Fuck Nix, I’m going to cum.”

“Me too baby, fuck your pussy feels so good.” We stared into each others eyes as we came together. I collapsed on top of him. I didn’t want to move but Zaiden chose that moment to start crying.

“Shit.” I pushed myself up and picked up my shirt and slid it over my head before making my way to Zaiden.

“Hey little guy.” His arms were straight up reaching for me as soon as he saw me. I picked him up and walked him back to my bedroom. Nix was sitting on the bed dressed in jeans and a white tank. I bit my bottom lip as I stared at him, almost forgetting what I needed.

“I need to get his bag out of the car.” I stood there not moving. He grinned at me.

“I’ll grab it for ya.” He stood up and pressed a kiss to my head before he walked past me. I sat Zaiden on the floor as I walked over to the closet and found a pair of yoga pants on the shelf and pulled them on.

“I have to run back to the clubhouse. You want to stay here or go back with me?” I asked Trix as she sat on the floor opposite me as Zaiden sat between us playing with blocks.

“I want to stay here.”

“I’ll let your dad know and have him stop by later.”

“Wait so does this mean lockdown has been lifted?”

I nodded.

“Finally,” she sighed.

“See you later.” I stood up and picked Zaiden up off the floor and pressed a kiss to his head. Trix stood up and walked me to the door. I handed Zaiden back to her before I turned to walk out.

“Nix.”

I stopped and turned to her.

“Are you coming back?”

“You want me to?”

“We still got shit to talk about.” She frowned.

“Yeah, tomorrow. I’ll be back sometime tomorrow.”

She nodded and watched me walk out the door. I jumped in my truck and took off. I needed to head to the hospital and check on Zoelle. Fuck. I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself. I just got done explaining to Payne that Trix wasn’t a club whore yet here I was treating her like one. Only I wasn’t, not really. She was the mother of my son. I was treating her like a baby momma. One that I couldn’t stop sticking my dick into.

I pulled up to the hospital and sat in the parking lot. If she hadn’t run, would this have been us right now? Would she ever have married me? I doubt it. We would have continued down the same path we are now. Only it would have been different. She would still be my old lady and that meant she wouldn’t be fucking Payne behind my back. Not that you would say it was behind my back because I knew what she was doing. I knew she was fucking him. I needed to talk to her and figure out what was going on with them. Only problem is that every time we talk we are either yelling at each other or fucking. No matter what my feeling were for her, it didn’t matter. We were so much alike yet so different. She could kill someone just as easily as I could, yet she still has a light in her eyes that I would never get back. I thought being with her made me a better person only it made me crazy, made me do shit without thinking it through. With her I was reckless and I couldn’t be the fucking president of this club if I was reckless. People would get hurt, and people would die. I needed my head on straight and with Trix it never would be. I worried too much about her. I wanted her safe but she would never play by my rules and sit back and let me take care of her the way Zoelle does. Shit I knew what I had to do. I just didn’t want to. I couldn’t. Not yet. I finally left the confines of my truck and went inside the hospital.

Chapter Fourteen

I paced the living room with Zaiden in my arms wondering what the fuck I was doing. And now standing in this house all the old memories flooded into my mind. Nix and I were not good together. We can’t be together, yet as soon as he looks at me I was willing to shed every ounce of clothing and let him do whatever he wants to me.

The problem is that now he is not only affecting my body but my head as well. In my heart I knew how I feel about him. Shit I admitted it to him. But in my head I knew we were not good for each other. I stopped pacing when I heard a knock at the door. I tiptoed to the front door and peeked out the window next to the door. Nitro. I sighed in relief as I opened the door for him.

“Stella.” He grinned.

“Nitro.”

“We need to talk.”
“Come on in.” I stepped away from the door and let him walk past me. I peeked around outside before I closed and locked the door. When I turned around he had his arms out to take Zaiden and Zaiden giggled as he held his arms out and leaned into his grandpa. I handed him over and dropped down on the grey couch, pulling my legs underneath me.

“So what’s up?” I asked.

“You really want to stay in this house Trix?”

“I don’t know. I mean, it was my house.”

He nodded at me. “This thing between you and Nix. You need to leave it alone Trix. He isn’t the same person. He’s not going to let you go again if you keep falling into his bed every time you’re alone. You deserve better than what he can give you.”

“Do I though? I mean really do I deserve more.”

“You do. You deserve the world and Nix can’t give that to you anymore.”

“Do you know everything? Like really know what Nix and I have gone through?”

“No but I know enough.”

“Let me fill in the blanks then.” I took a breath and looked at him. “Nix saved me. He always saved me. He was the one willing me to live when I didn’t want to. We lost more than the year I was gone. We lost a baby. A baby I didn’t even know about. One that could have saved me from that fucking asshole Disco. But I didn’t know. I blamed myself. I blamed myself when Cass died. It was all my fault. But in the end it was Nix that saved me. And then when I found out I was pregnant again I left to save my baby. I lost a baby because of this club and I wasn’t going to lose another one. I knew if I left I could lose Nix and I was willing to take that chance because I wanted this baby to live. I was dumb to think that I could run and be okay. That I would be able to protect him. To protect Nix if I left. Zaiden will always have a target on his back. A target that not only Nix has put on him but myself as well. I know that now.”

“When did you lose the baby?”

“When I was shot.” I looked at him with tears streaming down my cheeks.

“Fuck.”

“Yeah. If I would’ve known we wouldn’t have been there. If I would have known I would never have had to go through what I did with Disco. It was my fault. I never told him about the baby. But he found out anyways. I though that he would blame himself and I knew what that does to a person. I was trying to protect him. But look what I did to him. I ruined him and I can’t even walk away from him.”

“Look at me.”

I looked up at my father through blurred vision, blinking away the tears that spilled.

“You have to let him go Trix. You are not a club whore. Do you know that?”

I nodded.

“I don’t think you do. But I think you’re punishing yourself because you feel guilty.”

“It’s all my fault, though don’t you see that. It’s all my fault. I knew who I was when I was carried into that clubhouse and I chose my own path. I chose to be what I was.”

“Yeah but you’re not the same girl anymore. Look at yourself. Take a good look at yourself. You have turned into a strong woman and you are more than a club whore.”

“I don’t know how to be anything else.”

“Yeah you do. Look at the time you were with Nix before you left. You two were happy. You were happy.”

“I was.”

“Now pick yourself up and figure out what you are doing with Nix and Payne and pick one. You can’t have them both.”

“I know.”

“Do you? You’re acting like one of the guys here. You are a mother, my daughter, and you have two fucking idiots who don’t know how to say no to you. Just because you and Nix have a son doesn’t mean you have to be the other woman in his life. He is married with another baby. Remember that. I’m not saying that shit between you two couldn’t work out but you both need to figure that out and don’t leave Payne hanging. He’s one of the good ones. Decide and let the other one go.”