Lost In Our Darkness (Demons Of Darkness Book 2) (9 page)

“Thanks.”

Everything was fucked up. I was in love with Trix and finally she admits that she loves me. After everything that we had gone through she finally admits it. But she had to admit it now, when I was married, I just finally admitted to myself that I love my wife but Trix, fuck it was always her. I had always loved her. There is just something there and I don’t know what to do about it. Trix and I have a history. A fucked up history but a history nonetheless.

I stood  in my room and leaned against my dresser wondering what the fuck I was going to do. I know the smart thing would be to let Trix go and work on my marriage with Zoelle. Give Zoelle the life I had promised her. But at what cost to myself would I pay for that. Would I ever be completely happy with Zoelle? And right now I can’t even concentrate on her when the only one I can think about is Trix. Trix and our son. A son I don’t even know. I have been avoiding spending time with him and ignoring my own son because I didn’t want to get attached to him only to have Trix take off with him. But she just said she was sticking around. I can’t make her stay if she changes her mind. And I have no idea what is going on between her and Payne. He’s nomad. So if things between them are serious she may take off with him. I can’t let that happen.

Shit. I looked at my watch. I needed to get back to the hospital and check on my girls. My girls. Fuck I was so screwed. I needed to figure my own shit out before I worried about anyone else’s. I pulled my cut on over my shirt and headed out the door. I needed to get there and back so I could talk to Trix and spend some time with my son.

When I pulled up to the hospital I still didn’t know what the fuck I was going to do. For now I was just going to wing it. Although I did that before and look where it had gotten me. I almost lost Trix, then I got her, then I lost her again. I’m not sure if I can handle losing her again. I needed my head in the game. I needed to make sure my club was good and the threats against us had gone away. I needed to lift the lockdown but I was being selfish. I didn’t want Trix to leave the clubhouse. I liked knowing where she was and who she was with. I knew as soon as I lifted it she was going to be the first one out the door. I needed to get her back to our old house before that. Tonight.

I walked down the hall to Zoelle’s room. The door was slightly ajar and I could see her sleeping as Calissta lay in a bassinet next to her bed. I pushed the door open as quietly as I could and made my way over to Calissta. She started kicking so I picked her up and held her to my chest. She started crying and I wasn’t sure what to do.

“Hey. I think she’s hungry.” Zoelle sat up and handed me a bottle. I took it from her unsure as to what I was supposed to do. “Come here Nix.” I sat down on the bed next to Zoelle and she helped me position the bottle. Calissta latched onto the bottle quickly. Her eyes were open staring back at me as she drank from the bottle.

“Please tell me that wasn’t a prospect standing outside the door while you were gone.”

“If I can’t be here, Zoelle, you know I have to have eyes on you at all times. No matter what, I need to know you and the baby are safe. I don’t care if you don’t like it but you don’t get a say in this so please don’t try and argue with me.”

“Whatever Nix. This shit is getting old real quick. You know I love you and I love our life together but I can’t live knowing there is someone in the shadows watching me as if I’m a kid. I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Zoe. I’m not budging on this.”

“Fine.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and leaned back in the bed.

“Has the doctor said when you can go home?”

“Tomorrow. Here, let me take her so I can burp her.” She reached her arms out and took Calissta from my arms. I knew she was pissed about having people watching her but I couldn’t take a chance with her. Not only because she was my wife but because she was the mother of my daughter. The target on her back had doubled in size the moment the baby was born.

“I’m going to take off. I got shit I need to take care of. Not sure if I will make it back tonight or not. If you need anything, ask Roach.” I leaned over and kissed both Zoelle and Calissta before I walked out the door.

I spotted Roach down at the end of the hall hitting on a nurse. He must have seen me out of the corner of his eye because he suddenly stood up and excused himself from the hot nurse and made his way over to me.

“Keep an eye on her and call me if anything happens.”

“On it boss.” I shook my head and turned and walked back to my bike. Time to get shit figured out with Trix.

I rode straight back to the clubhouse.

Chapter Twelve

Fuck, my head was still spinning. I was even more confused now then I was before. Everything was fucked up and I didn’t know what I was doing. After my talk with Nix I thought I was okay with everything. But I can’t be okay with Nix being married no matter how many times I tell myself it was my fault that they are together. I thought things would be okay. Things between Payne and me were going good. I know there is something there that I don’t want to admit, but I can’t commit to anything especially because of everything with Nix.

I laid Zaiden down for a nap and went in search of Payne. We needed to talk. I needed to know what it was he wanted from me. Or if this was just for fun until he left again. I found Payne hanging out at the bar next to Nitro. I made my way over, took the seat next to him, and reached out and took his drink from his hand and slammed the rest of the contents, which turned out to be not the alcohol I was hoping for. It was just plain soda. I handed him his now empty glass.

“Wasn’t what you were expecting, huh?”

“Not at all I was hoping for something, with a little more kick to it.” I waved at the prospect tending the bar.

“Whiskey or beer Trix?”

“Both,” I laughed. Shit the last thing I needed right now was to be drunk but I needed a little bit if liquid courage. I also needed to talk to Payne, not take him back to his room and screw his brains out. As soon as the shot of whiskey was set down in front of me I picked it up and slammed it.  Setting the empty shot glass back on the table I chased it with my beer. I looked over at Payne who was watching me with a look that made me want to lean in and press my lips to his. Shit. I needed to calm these feelings until I knew what the fuck I was going to do.

“We need to talk,” I whispered. He nodded his head. I stood up and pushed away from the bar; he followed me. I walked back to my room where Zaiden was sleeping. If I was in here I wouldn’t throw myself at him. I shut the door as quietly as I could hoping not to wake up Zaiden.

“What’s up Trix?” He stood right in front of me and it took everything I had not to wrap my arms around him.

“What is this Payne,” I whispered looking directly into his eyes as I spoke.

“I like you Trix. I like spending time with you, And I can’t seem to stay away from you. I want you like I haven’t wanted anyone else.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah Trix. So this between me and you. It’s right. It feels right but I know you’re not ready for anything else so I’m not going to push you. Right now let’s just see where this goes. I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon, at least not until I know what this is between us.”

“Good. I don’t want you to leave.”

“You sure about that Trix? You sure you want to keep doing this? Because, to be honest, I’m not sure how much longer I can share you with someone else.”

I leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and his arms wrapped around my waist. I pulled back just a little and looked up at him.

“I only see one thing that could be a problem Trix.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m nomad, Nix can send me away at any moment.”

“I know. But let’s hope he is too busy with his wife and baby.”

His phone beeped. He pulled it out of his pocket and laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nix. Said he needs to talk to me.”

“Ohhh,” I sighed.

“I’ll come find you when I’m done.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine, kissing me softly before walking out the door.

Zaiden started to stir so I made him a bottle and got him up.

It was time to put my plan in action. I was going to need to get Payne to stay here. At least for now, until I knew what was going on between the two of them. I needed Trix here and safe.

I sat behind my desk and waited for Payne. I pulled out a half empty bottle of whiskey and took a pull off of it before lighting a cigarette. Then I heard a knock at the door.

“Come in.”

The door opened revealing Payne. “You wanted to see me Prez.”

“Have a seat.” I took a drag of my cigarette. “You want to stick around awhile and patch over or you plan on staying nomad?” I asked him getting straight to the point.

“Thinking about staying around for a while, not sure how permanent.”

“So this thing between you and Trix, how serious are you about her?”

“Not too sure, I just met her.”

I laughed. “Yeah well it’s Trix. She’s a whirlwind. Once is never enough and once you taste her you don’t want to give it up. But the thing is, she’s not club pussy, she’s the mother of my son, and the daughter of a member. She was also my old lady at one time. So you see why I ask. Figure out what you want because the one thing that’s certain is she’s not leaving again. So if you want to be with her then you need to patch over from nomad. Otherwise it aint going to happen.”

“Understood.”

“That all you got to say?”

“Nah but until I know what’s really going on I’ll keep it to myself.”

“Just think about it Payne, either stick around or leave. But if you leave I can guarantee you will be leaving alone.”

“Yeah I got that part. We done here?”

“Yeah I got shit to do. Keep this conversation between you and me. Oh and tell Trix to meet me outside with our son.” I lit another cigarette as he stood up and walked out of my office. Throwing that little dig at him, letting him know I had plans with Trix. He paused before shutting the door behind him. I finished my cigarette before going to wait on Trix.

I stood outside leaning against my truck. I didn’t have to wait long. Trix came outside with our son in her arms. Hopefully she wouldn’t freak out when I showed her what I wanted to show her.

“What’s up?”

“Come on, I want to take you somewhere.”

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

“I need to get his car seat.”

“Already got it. Come on, let’s go.”

She looked at me skeptically before placing Zaiden in his car seat. She got him buckled before hopping in the front seat.

Chapter Thirteen