Lost In You (The Soldiers of Wrath MC) (13 page)

N
erd wiped the sweat from his brow as he kept on digging up the turf outside the clubhouse. The back yard needed to be worked, and he’d rather be sweating outside than in. The club whores seemed determined to get to his dick, and he wasn’t interested in any of them. There was only one woman he wanted, and he’d do anything to be with her. Even if he never got a chance to be inside her, simply holding her was a fucking dream.

Grabbing the shovel, he started to dig up the earth. Last night he’d been flicking through the channels and settled on one about gardening. Yeah, gardening. Years of heavy drinking had messed with his head, seeing as he’d actually sat and watched the damn show. Then, he’d got to thinking. When Hannah finally came back to him, he wanted to show her something that he’d been doing while she was away. Something that could give her peace when she came out into the garden.

“You’re really going to do it?” Striker asked, coming out, holding a glass of lemonade. He’d told all of his brothers what his plan was. Instead of them ribbing him, they had accepted it. Also, he’d told them he was cutting out the drink. Hannah could turn up at any minute, and the last thing he wanted was to be purely dependent on the stuff.

“I’m really doing it. You here to take the piss?”

“Not at all. I think it’s amazing. Elena would like somewhere to go when the parties get a little much. How are you going to do this? You know nothing about gardening.”

“I may or may not have downloaded an entire gardening series, designed for sculpting a garden.”

“Seriously? Have you turned into an old man while I was asleep?”

“Nah, not at all. I’m thinking we can create a path that has flower borders, roses, daisies, along with plants that seem to drape down onto the path. Look, I’ve only watched a couple of episodes. I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do, but I’m heading out to the DIY store. I’m hoping to see what I’m looking for.”

“I’ll help,” Striker said.

“You don’t have to.”

“Hannah could come home any day. Don’t you want to be somewhat finished?”

Nodding reluctantly, he watched as Striker grabbed a shovel and started to dig.

A couple of hours later, Deanna came out, holding Ty in her arms. “Nerd,” she said. “There’s a letter for you.”

Frowning, he stood up and walked over to her. He wasn’t upset with Deanna for not telling him where Hannah was, because he’d come to terms with letting the love of his life find out what she needed in this world. He’d be here when she was ready.

“Is there anything you need?” she asked.

“A drink would be good, for both of us.”

“All right.”

Staring down at the letter, his heart started to pound. He recognized the writing sprawled on the front instantly, and he tore into it.

Dear Nerd,

I know it’s wrong for me to say this, but I miss you so much. I miss you more than anything in the world, which is why I know I need to do this. I need to be whole for you. I know you’re not happy with Weasel for doing what he did, but I am. There was a horrible darkness inside me. It was buried so deep, and it stopped me from being what you need, Nerd. You need a strong woman, a whole woman. I’m healing slowly, and I promise you, I’ll be back to you. Please don’t be angry or sad. I’m coming back. I’m healing the darkness that is there, and even if I’m not truly healed and will always carry the scars of my past, I want to be with you always. I love you so much.

I love you more than anything. I think about you every day, and those thoughts are what drive me. I want you, Nerd. I want to be the woman that sleeps beside you, holds your hand, and doesn’t tense when we make love. I want to be all I can for both of us.

Wait for me, please.

You own my heart.

All my love.

Hannah. X

Yeah, he’d wait for her until the end of fucking time.

S
everal more weeks later

Breathing in and out slowly, Hannah focused on the stillness around her, on the fact all she heard were birds chirping, the wind rustling through the trees, and of the steady hum of peace inside of her.

She’d been at the retreat for weeks, and each day she felt herself become a little freer. She felt that pain inside of her start to make way to reasoning, to happiness within herself. She knew she’d never truly be healed, knew she’d always hold the scars of her past, of what she’d experienced deep inside of her. But she’d come to accept that, to accept who she was and what she’d endured.

“How are you feeling today?”

The sound of Patty right behind her had Hannah opening her eyes and turning around. She smiled at the other woman. “I am feeling good, peaceful.”

Patty smiled in return. “Good. I’ve seen a ton of change and growth in you within these few weeks, and I think your progress should be commended.”

Hannah smiled in return. “I never thought I could feel this way about myself and what happened. I just thought I’d always carry that burden with me, and it would inhibit anything I did.”

Patty came up to her and patted Hannah’s shoulder. “The rest of your life will be about continuing to heal. Even decades later you’ll still have that internal scar of what you went through, but you’ll be able to live with it, to be happy, and not let that darkness invade you.”

For the first time in her life Hannah felt the truth in that.

“I think your time here has come to an end.” Patty smiled. “I think this chapter in our life is closing, and now you’re able to go home and expand on your happiness.”

Home. That was where Nerd was. She felt that so far inside of her she knew it would never go away.

“Let’s close out this day with a group talk, have a wonderful dinner with everyone who’s shared your journey thus far, and tomorrow you can go back to the man you love and show him how happy you truly are.” Patty smiled and warmth filled Hannah.

Yes, she felt it was time for her to go back, to be with Nerd. She just hoped he had waited for her, even if he didn’t have to. She didn’t even know if he’d gotten her letter, because since coming to the retreat she hadn’t spoken to anyone, not even Deanna. The solitude from the outside world was what she’d needed, the talks, and the acceptance from everyone around her who had helped her to come to this point in her life. But she couldn’t stay here forever and didn’t want to. She needed to leave and continue to grow and heal as a person, but she wanted to do that with Nerd by her side.

T
he garden Nerd had built had been done for the last week, but he kept finding little things to correct, thing he wanted just right and perfect for when Hannah came back.

God, it might be an eternity before she returns to me.

It certainly felt like an eternity already.

He took a step back and looked at what he’d accomplished with the club’s help. He didn’t need to do this task alone, not when the club was his life, his family. They’d been there for him, made him a better person, and would always accept his faults. But they couldn’t make him whole, not in the way Hannah could.

And that’s why he’d wait until the end of fucking time for her to come back to him, because no one else compared to her.

And no one ever will.

He wiped the sweat from his brow, set the shovel aside, and was about to head back into the club when he heard the gates at the front start to open and a car approach. Turning and lifting his arm to block the sun’s glare from his eyes, he saw it was a taxi. The reaction was instant, and his heart started to race. When the taxi came to a stop just twenty feet from where he stood, he stared at the back doors, waiting to see who would emerge.

I know who I hope it is.

His heart was in his throat, and his hands were in tight fists at his sides. And then the back door opened and the only person he would ever love stepped out.

The first thing he realized was how healthy she looked. Hannah had looked good before, but now she had this glow to her. Everything about him screamed to go to her, to hold her and kiss her senseless. But he stayed back, waiting for her to come to him. Their gazes locked, and then she moved toward him.

His heart started pounding harder, and everything inside of him came alive. God, he’d missed her so fucking much.

She stopped in front of him, and for long seconds they just stared at each other. Nerd couldn’t even find a voice at this moment, didn’t even know what to say. She was like the tallest, coldest glass of water, and he was dying of thirst. And then, without thinking about it, he reached out and pulled her against the hardness of his chest. She rested her head right over his heart, and he closed his eyes, feeling so damn good and knowing this was exactly where he was supposed to be, with her, always.

T
here was no judging, nothing. Nerd wrapped his arms around her, and Hannah knew she had come home. She was where she needed to be.

“I missed you so much,” she said, lifting her head up.

He cupped her cheek, smiling down at her. His fingers moved her hair out of the way, showing off her teardrop earring. “You’ve changed.”

She stepped back but still held his hand. Wearing a leather jacket, some jeans, a tight black shirt, and a pair of heels, she gave him a little twirl, holding his hand above her head so she didn’t have to let him go. “What do you think?”

“You’re as beautiful as ever.”

“I’ve changed but I’m not different.” She chuckled. “I hope that makes sense. I’m the same person I’ve always been. Just a little more healed and a little less broken.” Stepping toward him. “And I’ve been dreaming of this moment for as long as I can remember.” She cupped his face and stood on her tiptoes, pressing her lips against his. Moaning, she closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of his own hands sinking into her hair and holding her close.

Pressing her body against his, she loved the feel of him around her. This was what she’d been dreaming of, this was her goal the entire time she’d been away. The months had not lessened her need for him. The time apart had highlighted to her how much she needed him in her life.

“You taste so good,” she said, pulling away and licking her lips.

“You’re really here.”

“I’m really here and if you’ll have me, I’d like to stay.”

“Baby, I wouldn’t have had you leave the first time.” She smiled, and out of the corner of her eye she caught the vast array of color.

Glancing around him, she saw the luxury garden that had once just been barren land. “What happened?”

“I, fuck,” he said harshly. “I went off the rails. Did a lot of drinking while you were gone. A lot of drugs as well. It’s not my finest moments of you being away from me, I admit.”

“Were you with other women?” she asked.

“None. I wasn’t even tempted. You’re the only woman I’ve wanted from the moment I met you.” He placed her hand over his heart. “I belong to you.”

“You’ve become even more of a charmer while I’ve been away.”

“Actually, I’ve become a gardener.”

“A full-blown gardener?”

“Not qualified, but I own enough books and DVDs to sink a ship with how much I’ve got. I wanted to keep busy, wanted to have something nice for you when you got back ... if you came back.”