Love's Abundant Harvest (15 page)

Caleb pointed to the
haus
. “We're almost done here. Once they get rid of what's left
of the cement, we should be finished.”

Manny tried a softer touch, wishing Caleb had been less direct. “How are you and
the baby?”

“She's not kicking so much.” Her face was strained and her forehead drawn.

“Maybe she's tired today.” Manny wondered if that was a fool thing to say. He had
enough experience from his cousins going through a dozen babies or more, but it still
felt a little awkward to talk about with Lucy.

Her head lifted, and she stared at him. “Maybe so. It's a tight fit in there now
too.” She rubbed her belly and almost smiled at him, realizing she'd started thinking
of the baby as a girl. What he'd said must have put her at ease.

“I brought you something to eat.” She pulled a basket out of the buggy and plopped
it on to the picnic table, which was getting good use.

Caleb glanced at Manny with a grin and then at Lucy. “Emma's coming down the road
right now to pick me up
for dinner. Thanks, though.” He brushed himself off and started
down the road, looking back once with a smile at Manny.

Manny was still full from lunch but couldn't say no to Lucy.

L
ucy walked behind what was left of the barn, avoiding the chunks that looked like
charcoal covering the ground around her. She found a tree stump—the only section
of wood that wasn't torched.

The fields were half burnt; the rest wouldn't be enough to bother with. It would
be the first year she'd ever had without a harvest. A strange and lonesome feeling
came over her. This had become her hideaway, a place where she could disappear, at
least for a while. Sam had never looked for her once the chores were done and his
belly filled. She'd spend hours reading the Bible and books that some of the Amish
bought from the local store, the ones that she wouldn't have to be ashamed of if
the bishop found out about them. Sometimes she'd sit and watch the sun rise and glory
in God's creation. And she felt safe, at least for a little while.

“Lucy.” Manny's voice startled her back into reality, something she often did when
Sam's boots would clunk down the cement floor of the barn. The noise gave her a minute
to scatter to another area so he wouldn't know where she spent her quiet time. Lucy
would poke her head out of one of the stalls and greet him in a casual way so he
wouldn't suspect anything. A couple of times, he'd look past her into the stall but
never said anything. She wondered what he'd do if he found out she'd spent hours
there, reading and praying. Maybe he knew all along but didn't
care enough to find
out how she spent her time as long as she made his meals. She quickly stood and came
through the stall. Manny was right in front of her. “Is it time?”

“
Jah
, are you ready for this?” He stared into her eyes, waiting for her answer.

“Are you ever ready for something like this?” She'd already put it off a couple of
days. No more excuses. She should have gone to the morgue first thing, but after
bringing Manny a bite to eat, she couldn't pass up his offer to take her once he
finished up at her farm.

“I suppose not. It's one of those things that you're glad you did, once it's over.”
He looked down at his dark pants and blue shirt. “I tried to wash up a little. I
did the best I could.”

“You look fine.” She gave him a small smile.

There was nothing she wanted more than for this to be over. It would bring back a
lot of pain and sadness, not like typical mourning. With Sam, it was mental anguish
that grabbed her from the beginning of every day until she laid her head down each
night. She would not have the emotions people commonly have when one of their family
members has died. For Lucy, it would be a sense of freedom, a long-awaited release
from the prison that held her captive.

Manny helped her up and into the buggy, and as he walked around to the other side,
she thought of how much she was coming to depend on him. He was the last to offer,
but the first one she accepted to take her into town. She could use the excuse that
all the others who might have taken her were women who could drive a buggy just as
well as most men, but she felt better going into town with a man. There were times
when the locals made her
a bit uncomfortable, staring or teasing about her clothes
or form of transportation. And Lucy knew she was more reclusive than was healthy.
It came from pressure Sam created, but also she wasn't comfortable leaving the farm
except to visit Frieda.

Before she knew it, the pleasant drive had ended, and they were at the edge of the
growing township. “Lucy.” Manny's tone was soft as velvet, pulling her out of the
circles racing in her head. “What's on your mind?”

“I guess you could say I'm not too comfortable going into town.” She looked both
ways, watching the sidewalks full of people walking past too many stores for her
to count. The town of Lititz had become a popular tourist site and was often congested, especially
on the weekends.

“No worries. I come down often for supplies. You get used to it after a while.” He
turned to her with a confidence she couldn't imagine feeling in the bustle of the
busy town. The brick chocolate factory sported a huge banner celebrating their hundredth
anniversary. Tourists carried bags full of Amish trinkets and asked them for a photograph,
which was against Amish culture. Lucy wondered why there was such fascination with
her people but didn't bother to ask when a young girl waved her camera as they rode
by and snapped a picture just in time to capture Lucy's face.

“It can be an irritation at times. Sorry.” Manny put a hand on hers and then pulled
away.

“How much farther?” Lucy had had enough, and they were only halfway through town.

When they arrived, Lucy's stomach flipped. She hurried out of the buggy, accepting
Manny's assistance, and walked into a new wing of the hospital. She filled out a
form, and Lucy gave the clerk her birth certificate for identification. That's when
her chest started to flutter. This place and what she was there for, plus all the
people, made her heart pound.

Manny guided her along. “How about some water?” He pulled her aside to a water fountain
and kept hold of her arm.

The cool water gave her some relief, as did his touch against her arm. “
Danke
.”

“Better?” He smiled, studying her face. “Are you sure you're up to this?” His concern
seemed to be in sync with her to the point she felt he knew everything she was feeling
and going through. But of course, he'd endured this with Glenda not much more than
a year ago. How selfish of her not to think of his emotions at such a time.

“You don't need to go any farther.” She couldn't let him. Not after being so insensitive
to the grief that was probably fresh in his heart.

He pursed his lips. “You'll be all right?” He gave her a sideways glance as if not
believing her.

“
Jah
, I want to do this alone.” That was a lie; she wanted him there more than anything,
not only because he understood, but also just because it was Manny.

“Okay, then, take your time. We're not in a hurry.” He pointed to a gray plastic
chair. “I'll be right here.”

Lucy wanted to grab his hand and pull him into the cold steel room she was about
to enter, but she resisted. She had been selfish enough. She closed her eyes and
whispered a prayer for strength before walking into the room.

The attendant greeted her. “This way.” He walked past what looked like large drawers.
The chill in the air fit the quiet, colorless room, which smelled of sanitizer. He
slowed by one of the pale gray metal drawers, pulled out a clipboard, checked the
numbers, and pulled open the drawer. He pulled down the sheet and turned to her.
“Mrs. Wagner, I'll give you a few minutes.” He stepped away.

Lucy held a hand up. “Will you stay for a moment?” She didn't know whether she could
do this, didn't want to, but it was her last duty as wife to this man. The cold chilled
her heart and mind into a place of submission, a feeling she knew too well. She would
never again allow a man she didn't love to be in her life. She'd most likely be a
widow for the rest of her days. It didn't matter.

The attendant, his eyebrows raised, hadn't moved and looked firmly into her eyes.
“Do you want me to take you out, ma'am?”

Lucy shook her head. She wanted Manny in there now. She was foolish to be so proud
as to leave him in the waiting area. But she didn't want the attendant to leave her
there alone. “Can I . . . ?” She covered her arms due to the cold or maybe her nerves,
probably both. “Bring in—?”

He cut her off. “Your friend. I'll get him for you.” With that he turned on his heel
and headed for the door, leaving her alone.

She panicked and glanced down at Sam. Anxiety overtook her as she tried to suck
in air. His naked body, covered with blisters, black, charred down to his waist,
seemed small and insignificant. There was no longer anything to fear from this man.
The apprehension she'd once felt when seeing him was sifting away by slow degrees.

A soft touch to her shoulder made her shudder. She turned to see Manny standing behind
her. “I'm ready to go.” She instinctively took Manny's hand and led him
out of the
sterile room and out the front door. Once outside she stopped and took in the fresh
air and sunshine.

Adrenaline rushed through her, filling her with strength and a sense of liberation
she'd never felt before. The experience had been awful, but she needed to know Sam
was really gone.

Manny gave her a questioning look.

“I'm fine. I really am.
Danke
for coming in when you did. It just hit me wrong, seeing
him that way, but it's okay. I'm okay.” Lucy realized how fast she was rambling on
and lifted her eyes to Manny's.

He smiled a half-grin with his head cocked to one side. “I've never heard you say
so much at one time.” His smile widened. “I didn't expect you to be sad, but not
this, either.”

“It probably isn't respectful of me, but no one can judge me. No one knows what I've
been through.” As soon as she said it out loud, she wanted to take it back. That
was too much to tell anyone, especially Manny. The others couldn't understand what
she'd been through and didn't need to know. It was over, and that was all that mattered.

“I'm not judging you, Lucy.” He looked straight at her. “And I do have some idea
of what you've been through.”

Staring at him in that moment, Lucy felt vulnerable. For some reason she felt he
did understand, but that brought her no comfort. She didn't want someone around who
felt sorry for her or wondered why things happened the way they did or questioned
her doing or not doing something in the situation.

She shook her head, with all the thoughts rushing through her mind. “I know. I didn't
mean you. I know you wouldn't judge.” She looked down at her black boots. “I don't
think you'd ever do anything to hurt me, Manny.”
The tears welled up, and she felt
the urge to push them away. Sam would scold her when she got emotional, so she'd
learned to keep them at bay. She looked up to see Manny's face consumed with concern,
his eyes wide and lips parted as if he wanted to speak but could not find words.

She paused for a moment, waiting for him to break the silence. She could almost feel
his affection for her, but not enough to take the chance she might be wrong. Besides,
she couldn't be carrying on about him when her husband had just passed. Later today
Sam's body would be taken to her
mammi
's home, and visitors would come to pay their
respects. The funeral tomorrow would last all day long as she received food and guests.
Thank goodness she'd have her
mamm
,
mammi
, Rosy, and Nellie there with her. A little
voice in her head told her who she wanted there the most, but it was so wrong that
she shoved it from her mind.

“
Danke
for bringing me, Manny.” She took slow steps to the buggy with him close behind.

“It seemed only right to take you. I can walk back home.” Lucy was amazed at how
much comfort she felt sitting next to him.

“Luce?” Manny stared at her, waiting for a reply.

If he only knew my thoughts.

Her face heated just thinking about it, the silliness of it . . . it circled around
in her head. He was a nice man who understood what she'd gone through. That was all
there was to it.

“You called me Luce.” She smiled. It was nice and made her feel a little better.