Love's Abundant Harvest (17 page)

When they reached the cemetery, the grave was already dug, and all was quiet. The
bishop usually read a hymn, but he was under the weather, so Minister Eben gave the
sermon, ashes to ashes and dust to dust. No one spoke of the dead. The Creation story
was told, and the resurrection of the dead—all good thoughts—but nothing stirred
Lucy's heart, and her guilt got the best of her.

She drank in every word. She could feel the ice melting away . . . that guard she'd
put up to keep her safe from Sam. Maybe at some point she could forgive him, and
the ice would turn to harmless water and trickle away.

“Amazing Grace” filled the air even though it was prayed in silence. Then all separated
back to their buggies to share a meal at Frieda's
haus
.

Lucy caught Manny's eye as he strolled along with
Emma. He nodded and kept walking.
Then she realized her
mamm
was talking to her, and she appreciated what she was saying.

Mamm
straightened her black
kapp
. “These are the times we are reminded that our focus
should not be so much on this world as on what is yet to come.”

A
blast of hot fire shot down the aisle. Horses whinnied, stamping to get out of
the stable that would
become their coffin. Lucy leaned forward, tried to run, but
her feet were heavy as sacks of corn. She felt her belly, aching with child. This
couldn't be happening again. She didn't have the strength. The baby didn't either.

A rafter broke away. The supporting beam came crashing down as spitting fire hit
the cement. Lucy turned to run, leaving the animals. How could she? It was her and
the baby or the livestock. Hot tears streaked her face. A blur ahead formed into
a man's figure, standing tall, but he didn't move. She screamed to him, but he didn't
respond. The fire drew close, enveloping him until he turned to ash.

Lucy sat up, leaning on her elbows, unable to sit straight with the babe. Putting
her hands on either side of her, she pushed herself up and looked around.
Mamm
was
first in her room. She instinctively put a hand on hers.

“You're all right. Take a breath.”
Mamm
squeezed her hand, and she let the air out
of her lungs. Frieda, Rosy, and Nellie came in one by one.
Mamm
stared into Lucy's
eyes and then looked her over from head to toe.

“Bad dream, honey?” Rosy's soft voice drew Lucy in.

Lucy rubbed her throat. The lingering ache sent her mind going through the entire
dream all over again.

Rosy stroked her hand. “You need some warm herbal tea.”

“Nothing hot.” Her voice sounded perfectly fine. It was all in her head. That horrible
dream had not only taken her back to that horrid night but also mystified her with
the man, as if he was waiting for her or for something to happen. The bigger question
was who was he? Sam came to mind. It was too easy to accuse him, but it fit, with
him standing there waiting for her to be swallowed by the fire. Frieda moved in closer.
“You're sweating. Must have been some dream.”

Nellie gave Frieda a cold cloth to wipe Lucy's forehead. “And you're pale as a ghost.”
She tilted her head and smiled. “What can we get you, hon?”

“Just some water is fine.” She couldn't help but think of Manny. As much as she loved
her
mammi
and her friends, all she wanted was to be with him. The dream had exhausted
her as if she'd actually lived it. Her heartbeat finally slowed to a normal rhythm.

“I'll make you some cold tea.” Rosy gave her a comforting smile and walked out with
Nellie and Verna. Lucy leaned back as she listened to their boots tapping on the
hardwood floor.

She watched Frieda bustle around in her room, pulling up the shades and rummaging
in a dresser drawer for a hanky. She walked over and handed it to Lucy. “Why did
you move here with me,
Mammi
?”

Mammi
stopped and gave her a long look. “When you left to live with that godforsaken
man—”

“
Mammi
, you shouldn't speak about Sam that way.” She sighed, knowing what a hypocrite
she was. She didn't say it out loud, and
Mammi
was bold enough to say what was on
her mind, but they were no different.

Mammi
glanced over at her. “You hated that man, and
who wouldn't, the way he treated
you?” She pressed her palms together and laid them on her lap as if to keep in the
anger she must be fighting, judging by the color her cheeks were turning.

“We shouldn't talk of the dead this way.” Lucy bent her head in hopes she would stop.
It wasn't that anything she was saying wasn't true, just that it went against everything
their religion told them to do.

“The whole community let out a deep breath when Sam died, I can promise you that.
We're all so polite, no one would ever say it, but you know as well as I do that
he won't be missed.”
Mammi
let out a breath through her nose and pursed her lips.
“I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not, and I will not lie.”

Lucy didn't know what to say. There wasn't a word
Mammi
said that Lucy hadn't thought
at one time or another, but to hear it out loud, with Sam only gone for a few days
. . . it just didn't sit well. “It's disrespectful,
Mammi
.”

“You're a good wife even to the end and past it.”
Mammi
leaned over and kissed her
forehead. “You're a better person than me. For that matter, better than most.” She
stood and peered down at Lucy. “How about some toast with my plum jam?”

“That sounds
gut
.”

It didn't help—nothing did—but she knew her
mammi
wanted to do something to make
her feel better. They all did. If she was to follow custom, there would be a year
of mourning, lasting until long after her baby was born. She had
Mammi
, Rosy, and
Nellie, but that wasn't what her heart desired. Lucy wanted to be normal, or at least
as normal as possible, which meant having a husband. She
didn't remember what that
felt like or looked like anymore. The life she'd lived those couple of years with
Sam seemed like an eternity, full of strife.

The thought of raising a child with no father in the picture saddened her. Her
daed
would be a wonderful
dawdi
, but with his health, how often would he see the baby?
Once she starting thinking about it, what did she have to keep her here? Now that
Sam was gone, she and her
mammi
could go back to Tennessee.

“
Mammi
.”

She stopped at the door and turned back to Lucy.

“Would you ever want to go back to Tennessee?”

Mammi
turned completely around and took a few steps closer to her. “I hadn't given
it much thought; we've settled in here pretty well.” She studied Lucy's eyes. “I
should say that
I
have. Maybe you will too, now that things are different.” She
lifted a finger and closed one eye. “You might have more of a reason to stay than
you think.”

Lucy nodded, feeling defeated, but her spirits lifted at the thought of being with
her sisters. Maybe she was being too hasty. She would miss the girls, friendships
that her
mammi
had made with two incredible women. But even though they had each
other, it seemed lonely not to have a husband to grow old with.

“Lucy!” Her
mamm
's voice carried up the stairs. “You have company.”

The
tap-tap
of her shoes coming closer had Lucy wondering who had come to call.
Nellie peeked her head through the door. “Manny's here.” She smiled brightly and
then glanced at Frieda. “Well, help her get ready.”

Mammi
jumped to attention and started gathering Lucy's clothes. When she got to the
bed, she turned
sideways at Lucy. “I told you there might be a reason to stay.”

Lucy's jaw dropped. Why these three women thought she and Manny could ever get together
she didn't know. He'd been over mourning for some time and surely had someone in
mind. The added attention he'd given her was just his way. He was kind to everyone
she'd ever seen him with. She would not get her hopes up, and she wouldn't let the
girls either. It wasn't proper. Not right now, anyway.

“What are you daydreaming about?” Verna had come back upstairs, and her voice brought
Lucy back to a reality she didn't want to be in. As much as she wanted to see Manny,
maybe it was best not to grow any more attached to him than she already was.

“I'm not feeling well. It might be best if he stops by another time.” She played
with a stray thread on the quilt.

“Your color's coming back. Are you sure? He's such a nice young man.” Her
mamm
's
comment surprised her a little. But then Manny did have a way of gaining people's
approval, and that wasn't easy when it came to
Mamm
.

Lucy heard boots scuffing up the stairs. She reached for her
kapp,
but it was gone.
She'd lost her borrowed one from
Mammi
. Pushing herself to the side of the bed, she
grabbed the robe lying at the foot of the bed and put it on. When she turned to stand,
Manny's hand came around and handed something to her.

“Looking for this?” He grinned and held up the
kapp
. “One of the police officers
came by your place today, and he gave it to me. This is yours,
jah
?”

“
Danke
” was all she could get out of her mouth. She suddenly felt embarrassed, always
seeming like the fragile woman at a man's mercy. But considering the
circumstances,
it seemed rare to catch her when she didn't need nursing from some horrific life
event or another.

He held his hat loosely with one hand and stared at her with smiling eyes. “Are you
ill?” His docile voice soothed her—so different than what she was used to.

“
Nee
.” Her eyes flickered up to his quickly. She felt like a young girl complaining
about a bad dream to her
daed
. “A dream is all.” She waved a hand as if it was nothing,
even though it had made her heart pound and her body sweat. It was as if she'd seen
a ghost, that frame of a man standing in the fire.

She went about putting her
kapp
on and setting the pins in place. She felt him watching
her. She was covered just as much as her dress would cover her, and fixing her hair
didn't really matter at this point. Her
mamm
had offered for him to come up and see
her without question, which was uncharacteristic of her. But since the fire,
Mamm
had seemed to change. Her prickliness was down to stubs. Even her eyes seemed softer.
Lucy supposed that sort of thing could happen when something so horrendous happens
to a person. Even her choice of name to call her
mamm
had changed. Maybe now she
would feel more like a
mamm
to Lucy instead of Verna.

Manny's voice brought her away from her thoughts and over to him. “Where were you
just now?” She paused a moment to look at the blond wisps falling into his eyes—one
eye blue, the other brown—glistening in the sun rising outside the window. He stood
a head taller than her, tilting his head slightly, just enough to look directly at
her.

“In a scary place.” Talking about it made her feel worse. The negative feelings she
bottled up kept her from forgiving Sam and moving on. She took in a rough breath
and
turned away, not wanting him to leave but not wanting to go through the whole
thing again—not this soon. The hope was that this dream was telling her Sam was truly
gone. But she held her story inside.

“I gotta go. I just wanted to give that to you.” When he blinked, she glanced at
his eyes, thinking how unique this man was in many ways. First in his appearance,
but also his patience, love for God, and compassion, which were not usually seen
in a man of his emotional strength.

Lucy fumbled for an excuse to make him stay. “Aren't you hungry?”

“
Nee
, and I have chores to finish.”

“Did it set you back, taking care of Sam's place?” She squeezed her eyes shut. She'd
always called it his, but she knew it sounded strange. And she hated using his name.
It was if it brought him back to life in her mind, summoned by her guilt at not mourning
for him.

He shook his head. “Don't you worry about it, not one bit.” He glanced at her belly
and then back up to her face. “I'm just sorry you don't have your own
haus
to live
in, even if you're taken care of here.” He grinned and waved toward the kitchen.

“
Jah
, but now and again I do miss my own things and time alone.” She'd been more
alone living with Sam than she ever wanted to be. She couldn't help wondering what
it would be like to live with a man like Manny. “
Danke
for coming by.”