Love's Abundant Harvest (31 page)

“I wish Rhoda would eat more. Does that worry you?”

Her question caught him off guard. He'd been thinking along the same line, only about
her lack of sleep more than her lack of appetite. He moved back a bit and then looked
over at little Timmy. “I know he's stronger and a minute or two older than Rhoda,
but Timmy needs his
mamm
too.” He took her by the arms and stared into her eyes,
waiting for a response he wanted to hear.

“I'm trying, Manny. These little ones are a lot of work, but I wouldn't have it any
other way.” She squeezed her hands together until they turned white.

“I don't know what that's like, but what I do know is you're going to be a great
mamm
to him once you trust
Gott
to get you there. He doesn't do anything without
a reason. Find out what that is, and maybe you'll be able to be the
mamm
you want
to be.”

She turned to look at him. “I do want that, Manny.” She picked at some grass coming
up around the cracks in the porch, now brown and withered from the change in the
temperature. “I didn't think it would be this hard.”

He almost started to talk again with wisdom that was redundant, words he had repeated
too many times already, but finally realized that as much as he wanted to make everything
all right, he couldn't. It was up to her now with Timmy and Rhoda. Even though he
felt those babies were as much his as hers, she was the one who'd carried them and
now fed them each and every morning. She looked at her son, an innocent little angel
who grew on Manny more and more each day.

“I can't imagine what Timmy might be like as he gets older.” Manny grinned. “He'll
probably be a mama's boy.” He loved the smile that slowly grew on her face as her
spirits lifted. That was one thing he'd learned to do right with her—get her to smile.

He thought he'd ask her the question he'd been holding aside until the time was right.
“Dr. Kauffman thought it would be a good idea to take Rhoda into the hospital, just
so he could get a better look at her. It might tell us why she cries so much.” He
thought he knew, just from the information he'd read and talking to another family
in
the community who had a similar situation to contend with. The more he thought
about the different families in the area, the more he realized how common it was.
Yet it wasn't something so out of the ordinary that any of them would make a fuss
over the special needs of the affected children. But now that it was happening to
Manny, he was noticing much more than he'd ever thought he would.

“I'm sure it's nothing the doctor can help us with. She just needs time to gain her
strength.”

“Well, that's just it. The doc said she won't change a lot, that they have to have
help the rest of their lives. Like the Benders and the Grabers and the other kids
around who need a little more help.” The more he explained it to her, the more real
it seemed that their little girl would have special needs. He thanked
Gott
they lived
around others who would help them and love their child unconditionally and without
blame.

She nodded. “I'm scared, Manny.” She took his hand in hers and squeezed.

He wasn't sure what to say to that, since he was feeling the same way. Then he remembered
the minister talking about fear and how it's all Satan's and not
Gott
at all.

“The first thing you do after being scared is the most important thing you'll do.
That's what makes you do what's good or bad.” He was scared too but knew his place
as a father and husband was to grow his family up and teach them to honor the Lord,
and that's what he intended to do. “Fear makes you isolate yourself and make wrong
decisions that get you stuck.”

“
Jah
, it does.”

She seemed relieved to hear what he was saying, so he
continued. “Whatever the enemy
makes bad,
Gott
turns to good.”

She lifted her tired blue eyes. “Where's the good, Manny?”

He didn't know the answer but thought about what he'd been praying and where he'd
found comfort. “
Gott
's there, waiting for us to be in His presence. He comes; sometimes
we just miss Him.”

“
I've
missed Him, not you. I've been too busy for
Gott
lately, and I'm feeling it
right now.” She took in a long breath and slowly let it out. “You're a good man,
Manny Keim.”

He almost had a minute to appreciate her compliment before both babies started to
cry. They stood and walked side by side as they made their way into the
haus
.

They found their rocking chairs and rocked the babies and then spoke soft words to
each other until everyone was resting comfortably. “Wouldn't it be nice if it was
always like this?” He asked but didn't expect an answer. It was obvious that it wouldn't
be. The babies would grow up, but he didn't want to take this time for granted.

“Manny.” She rocked quietly except for a slight creaking from her rocker. “Maybe
we should listen to the doctor and take her in for a checkup.”

“It might put our minds to rest and answer some questions.” Or it would make things
worse, which was why Lucy was scared. He understood that. Everything he'd just told
her was what he told himself. It would be nice if they could stay strong together.
“I can call and ask the doc.”

He said it with hope. He had never been a big proponent of doctors and hospitals
until recently. These two little people who had come along in their lives had changed
him about a lot of things. One of the biggest revelations was how small he was without
a family and how much he loved these little ones he called his own.

“Manny, I never thought I'd like having a doctor, especially for my children . .
. ” Her voice trailed off. Whether she didn't know what to say or the emotions took
over, he wasn't sure. “You've been through this before. I hate to bring it up, but—”

He held up a hand. “It's all right to talk about Glenda and what she went through.
Although I don't like to relive it, you might feel better about taking Rhoda to a
hospital.”

“You don't have to explain. I just want to know we've tried everything before we
go there.”

Rosy was the one they turned to for remedies, so this would be outside Lucy's element
and maybe her loyalties, as well. He had seen Glenda decline all too quickly, and
only after going to the hospitals had they been allowed another month together before
she passed away.

“Are you comfortable with Dr. Kauffman taking care of us at the clinic?” That was
the biggest question, and Manny knew where he stood. Although he'd been skeptical
at first with the doctor's brash manner, his confident way with Rhoda assured Manny
that this man knew what he was doing. “I know I am.”

“
Jah
, he does make me feel that he knows the ways of medicine, and his direct approach
is something I'm used to.” She shrugged. “With
Mamm
.”

Manny hadn't thought of it, but Lucy's
mamm
did carry herself in much the same manner.
He was glad all over again knowing Verna was safe and sound at her home. “
Jah
, you
probably feel comfortable.” He smiled, but she
didn't, and he hoped he hadn't upset
her. “If you're not ready, I understand.”

“
Nee
, I am. I just got to thinking about my
mamm
.”

“
Gut
thoughts?”

“
Jah
, I learned to love despite my
mamm
's ways, and it ended in such a positive way.”
She bent her head down to Timmy's as he slept in her lap.

Manny wondered whether she was thinking those same thoughts for Timmy that she did
for her
mamm
, to love the reality of their relationship, mother and son.

“Where do we start?”

Manny's mind rushed with thoughts of what he wanted to share with Lucy. He'd hoped
and prayed she would come around and give the doctor a chance so they could get Rhoda
more help.

Manny stood and placed Rhoda in a bouncy seat. “I want to show you something.” Before
she could ask any questions, he went into another room and grabbed a stack of papers
from the desk. He took quick steps back to his rocker and sat down.

“What are you so excited about?” She glanced down at the brochures and frowned. “You
were assuming I'd say
jah
.” Her expression made him think she was surprised. Maybe
he'd done too much at once, but he couldn't help it. He'd waited for the right time
and felt this was it. If he failed, at least he had tried.

He nodded. “The doctor told me the last time he came that we should be thinking about
it. I told you that much. Just not about this information.” He handed her the first
page.

She took it and started to read. “A clinic for special
children with genetic disorders.
I'd hate for the community to have to pay for this.”

“It's nonprofit. Keep reading.” And she did, while Manny prayed as he watched their
two children sleeping.

W
hat do you mean you're going to see a doctor?”
Mammi
stood with her hands on her
hips. “Is it the babies?”

Fannie answered
Mammi
's question before Lucy had a chance to. “It's little Rhoda,
isn't it?”

“
Jah
, we are going to see what Doc Kauffman has to say. She's not gaining any weight,
and you know how she fusses and cries. We can't seem to satisfy her.” Lucy was talking
to
Mammi
but looked at Rhoda. She couldn't get enough of this little one who both
ex
haus
ted her and gave her such joy. Lucy had never felt more needed and filled with
purpose. But with that came the agony of watching her little girl struggle.

“You should pack, in case they keep you there,” Fannie suggested as she studied Lucy
and then Rhoda. “He might want you to stay overnight.”

Lucy rubbed the scar on her cheek and thought deeply about what it would be like
to take her away from their
haus
and stay at the hospital. Fannie didn't seem fearful
of such things. Every time Doc Kauffman was around she stood looking over his shoulder
to study his ways. He didn't seem to mind, the way he did when others started breathing
down his neck.

“I don't know if I'm comfortable with that, being away from all of you and our own
home.” Lucy glanced at Manny, who stood next to her.

“No sense worrying about it right now. I can always come back and get what we need,
if I need to.”

The lines around his eyes showed worry and lack of sleep. She said a soft prayer
for strength and went to pack for the drive.

Manny followed behind her and paused when she laid out some clothes. “Lucy, I thought
we should come back home after the visit.” There was a change in Manny's tone. She
glanced up to see him staring at her.

“Fannie said we should get ready, just in case.” She went into the babies' bedroom
and folded the twins' clothes, wondering how much to bring.

“I think it would be better to keep our family together at our
haus,
if possible.”

The edge in his voice was new to her. He was a soft-spoken man who didn't provoke
easily, but now she could see his frustration. But she was irritated too, so she
let go of his resistance to staying at the hospital. “What if they want us to and
we're not prepared?”

“Why go to all this trouble if we turn around and come home?” His voice quieted.
“Let's take things as they come and not fret over things that don't need to be done.”

She stopped her packing and stood in front of him. “Don't fret. We don't want to
make this more stressful than it already is.” She rubbed her forehead and closed
her eyes. She hated to see him worry.

He nodded but didn't do what she expected when he kissed her forehead, turned on
a heel, and walked away. Watching him go only made her more uncertain about whether
she should finish what she'd started. She went to the closet to find a bag and suitcase.
The distraction helped, but as she folded nighties for Rhoda, her mind drifted
back
to the last time she'd felt so unsure of her place in the world—shortly before birthing
her babies. She'd felt safe, especially with Manny, and here she was worrying again.
She could blame it on hormones as Fannie said, but this time was different, and Lucy
sensed she was just letting the evil one take over her beautiful little family. But
the knowledge did little to make her pause in her busywork. Hands in motion seemed
to be the only thing keeping her together.

Lucy thought of just packing for herself and Rhoda to give Manny a rest, but that
wasn't possible with Timmy needing to be nursed. The familiar guilt came over her
for thinking of any way that would separate their family, but she pushed it away.