Very important. It defines who I am. Think about it a lot, it is what makes me content and it makes me feel, through sex, that I have discovered who I am. I discovered a side of my personality that I did not know existed. And I discovered that I love to be dominated sexually by another man. For a long time I was in relationships with women and had what I would call “traditional sex,” but somehow with time this stopped working for me. I started to have fantasies about sex with men.
Client X reported locating escorts online and highlighted the opportunity MSW websites provide to research escorts and find a good sexual match. For Client X, this process involved a detailed screening process he had developed and refined over a long period of time, including while married:
The escort websites I have found are a good way to find male escorts because there is quite a lot of information about the escorts … The website usually has a description of the guy and relevant information like age, are they a top, bottom, their body weight, how big they are like large, extra-large penis, and what they will do sexually, as well as providing details of themselves and things like that … I never go for bottoms because I like tops and dominant guys. I screen them by statements that indicate whether they are totally tops, that they are looking for a bottom guy, usually they will use words that turns me on, like looking for a slut, things like that. They also indicate if they have raw or bareback sex and I never go for barebackers, but I go for those guys who don’t say anything because that means they negotiate. This creates excitement and some element of game playing. So I use these website services to search for the type of escort that will turn me on, like characteristics that describe a very masculine person. I call them and try to confirm that my impressions of the person being masculine is correct, usually by the voice and manner of the person. I usually tell them up front that I am a bottom and I am looking for a guy to be very masculine and dominant with me.
Client X described himself as liking “whore sex.” It appears that over time he has come to understand what this means for him sexually and how to reconcile it with his previous notions of male sexuality. Interestingly, he cites pornography as critical in helping him form a new definition of his sexuality:
When I watch straight porn I look at the girls who are whores and just love what they are doing, and it got me thinking about sex from a different perspective, from the perspective of whores, and I like that.
Interviewer: Can you explain to me what you mean about a different perspective of sex?
I don’t know, it just presses all the right buttons for me. I don’t think it is easy to be a whore in our society and through watching porn and being with male escorts, who really know how to interact with someone who enjoys whore sex, it has allowed me to explore my sexuality, better understand what I like sexually, and to redefine what can be included as part of the sex menu for a male. This is not easy to discover because we have prescribed sex behaviors for men, particularly the straight guy. I really like being sexually true to myself, in my skin so to speak.
Client X appears to have developed a new vocabulary over time with which to describe his sexuality and sexual interests:
Strange, it is ok for guys to love pussy, but use the same language about cocks and the reaction is very different. I think this is changing as we acknowledge more diverse sexual experiences, and not only from the pleasure of the straight man. It is liberating!
During the interview, the notion of barebacking came up several times, which Client X reported discussing with escorts. Past research has suggested a connection between bareback sex and the desire for intimacy and trust (Carballo-Diéguez et al., 2011), along with a strong association between masculinity and power (Minichiello et al., 2008; Ridge, 2004). Client X provides a connection between a specific form of sexual gratification that involves developing trust over time and a sexual definition of the unwrapped penis:
Interviewer: Have you had bareback sex and if so, how did this happen?
For a long time no, but then I meet this escort, like I said I never go for an escort that openly says he will have bareback sex. So I need to feel for the situation and negotiate it with the other person. But I meet this guy, seen him over time, so I knew he was safe, he was healthy, and we spoke about it over some time. And then one time we did it. I liked it because he was in total control.
Interviewer: What do you mean?
Well, there is something very sexy about it. So if he tells me to have bareback sex I will do it. I could not have had bareback sex with this guy on my own. It required him saying yes as well. He must have made a decision and assessment as well that it was ok … It worked out, but over time I think he gets high on fucking sluts, including girl sluts and barebacking. And that has turned me on. He seems to have lots of girlfriends, and so if I am a true whore I need to so the same with him. It moves sex to a more sexy level and more intimate. It was a sign of trust as well.
Through the experience of Client X, we gain new insight into the evolution of an individual’s sexuality over time. We learn that the evolution and the associated sexual rewards may require the client to adopt a new vocabulary and experiment with various sexual practices, sexual images, and partners. Paraphrasing Client X, there is now a much “greater acceptance and acknowledgment” of same-sex relationships as legitimate experiences, which enables more individuals to pursue them.
Female Clients of MSWs
As noted above, the female clients of MSWs are nearly invisible in the existing literature. However, various journalists have referenced this population, citing women’s financial independence, time demands, and busy work schedules as among the reasons more women are now willing to pay for sex with MSWs (Barbes, 2009; Chang, Thompson, & Harold, 2012; White, 2012). Moreover, several interesting trends are occurring in the broader popular culture. Terms like “cougar” (i.e., an older woman who seeks out younger men) have been linked to female liberation in the postfeminist era, with one study finding that an increasing number of women are now in an intimate relationship with men younger than themselves (Proulx, Caron, & Logue, 2006). There is also growing recognition that women watch pornography; it has been suggested that nearly a third of visitors to pornographic websites are women (see wsr.byu.edu/pornographystats).
The desire for sexual intimacy and enjoyment are no longer constructed in contemporary research, media, and popular culture as solely the purview of men. Although the power, control, and wealth that feeds an industry of women who prostitute their body and companionship have previously been largely ascribed to men, there is now evidence of a similar (and growing) demand for the male body among women who can afford to pay for their services. Thus, it is not surprising that the number of MSWs who cater to women appears to be growing; it even was noted in a recruitment advertisement for an MSW website:
More men are needed! This is an industry that is begging for more men. Male escorts have been around for a number of years now. But only in recent times has it become more accepted for women to call upon the services of a male escort. In fact, demand has more certainly out-stripped supply.
An online search easily locates a number of escort agencies that specifically provide MSWs for female clients. As Laurie Laird boldly claimed in a 2011 article in the British edition of
Gentlemen’s Quarterly
, “More men than ever are offering their company and additional services to cash-rich, time-poor women looking for the frisson of uncomplicated hook-ups.”
Guides are now available on how to succeed as an MSW, as are businesses that help male escorts set up their websites. One sales pitch reads, “The most important investment that you will make as a gay or straight male escort is your website, this is where your clients will find you, and this is the first impressions that they will get of you which will lead to paying clients” (
websiteparlour.com
).
As with male clients, there is some interest in the motivations behind women’s engagement with sex workers. Testimony from female clients suggests that their reasons are similar to those of their male counterparts: freedom to hire a sex worker, lifestyle choice, and fulfilment of personal and sexual needs. The following excerpts from online posts by female clients of MSWs highlight some aspects of their experience and motivation:
For few years now I haven’t had any time for relationships. I’m a workaholic, I love my career and my job and I don’t really have or want a serious relationship for now with all the hassle and baggage that comes with it. I needed sex, I wanted sex and nothing more, no strings attached. But not that type of Saturday night sex, when you go out with your best girlfriends, get drunk, and come home with a random guy that you have just meet few hours before. I wanted someone good, someone great, someone that knows women in and out. I wanted to feel that it was all about me and about my pleasure. (“Kathy M,”
mymalecompanion.com.au
)
Make no mistake, Anthony’s very good at his job and that job is making a woman feel wonderful. Any chemistry experienced in those moments is genuine, but I don’t think he would be doing his job well if you weren’t left wanting more. He’s extremely easy on the eye and you feel comfortable with him immediately, but that all comes with a price tag. Granted, a couple of hours was no more expensive than a good pair of Louboutins, but I tend to favor paid experiences over tangible things—so it worked for me. (“Farlene,”
thegloss.com
)
Such posts represent some of the only available data on the unique perspectives and experiences of the female clients of MSWs. This gap points to an urgent need for research on issues relevant to this population, which not only would give voice to a largely mysterious group of people, but comparisons with the narratives of other client groups could reveal a great deal about gender, sexuality, and the changing power and sexual relationships between men and women.
Sex Work Clients as a Social Problem
Crime
Some research has linked male sex work, particularly the street-based aspects, to drug use and violence (Hubbard, 1999; Minichiello et al., 1999). By some accounts, drug use among the clients of MSWs is actually quite low (Mariño et al., 2004)—so low, in fact, that some research suggests that it is lower among clients than in the general population (Koken, Bimbi, Parsons, & Halkitis, 2004). Both MSWs and their clients, however, are at risk for personal violence, including rape, robbery, police harassment, and, most commonly, sexual assault (Liguori & Aggleton, 1999; West & de Villiers, 1993). Much of this violence can be attributed to homophobia, which explains why the clients of MSWs are at risk for the same types of violence as the sex workers themselves (Jamel, 2011; Scott et al., 2005). As Scott (2003) points out, the deviant status of the client and the MSW positions both as a threat to the social order. It is extremely rare, however, for (non-street-based) MSWs to report clientperpetrated violence (Gaffney, 2007).
Public Health
Public health concerns, driven partly by fear of HIV, have increased the attention paid to the clients of MSWs. Some of the current research is contradictory. For example, one study reported higher rates of condom use among men who bought sex than among those who did not (Coughlan et al., 2001), while another found a lower likelihood of condom use among MSWs’ clients (Decker, Raj, Gupta, & Silverman, 2008). Others have suggested that rates of condom use are similar to or higher among MSWs and their clients than among the general population of men who have sex with men (Bimbi & Parsons, 2005; Estcourt et al., 2000; Grov et al., 2013). There is some consensus, however, that men who pay for sex have more sexual partners on average than men who do not, which would increase their risk of HIV transmission and STIs (Coughlan et al., 2001; Decker et al., 2008; Ward et al., 2005). In the United States, one study found markedly higher rates of syphilis and HIV among MSWs and their clients than among FSWs and their clients (Elifson, Boles, Darrow, & Sterk, 1999). MSWs and their clients undoubtedly remain a population of interest for those concerned with public health, including STIs and HIV.
Theorizing the Client
When reviewing the literature on the clients of MSWs, we must consider the underlying paradigms that influence this work. Although many theorists of female sex work, who often employ feminist arguments, have constructed it as an expression of male domination and gender violence, the same-sex nature of male sex work has made it difficult to conceptualize in social, economic, and gender theories of prostitution (Bernstein, 2005; Edlund & Korn, 2002; Marlowe, 1997). Commenting on this challenge, Weitzer (2009) discusses three typical ways that male and female sex work have been approached theoretically: (1) as oppressive, with exploitation, subjugation, and violence as intrinsic aspects; (2) as empowering, with human agency and the potential for gain for both parties; and (3) as somewhere between the two, an acknowledgment that sex work holds the potential for “a constellation of occupational arrangements, power relations and worker experiences” (p. 215).