Man From Mundania (63 page)

remain points to consider most carefully!"

There, in the sharpest heart of the most acute angles,

was a narrow blood-stained gate. It had broken glass with

292 Man from Mundania

sharply acute angles along its bars, and needlelike spikes

along the top. They had found the entrance to Hurts!

Ivy eyed the spikes. She hardly relished squeezing

through that! "You know. Grey, everything here is magic,

because it's the dream realm, so you should be able to null

it. But if you do—"

"Will it null the dream itself?" Grey finished. "Well,

does the exercise of other magic talents interfere with it?"

Dolph became a goblin. "Not that I know of, pot-bait!''

he said, true to the character he portrayed.

Ivy touched the nearest cute angle, and Enhanced her

so that she shone. "It doesn't seem to," she agreed.

"Then I should be able to exercise my talent here with-

out wreaking havoc," Grey concluded. "Provided I keep

it moderate." He reached out to touch the gate, carefully.

"Why, this isn't glass at all!" he exclaimed. "It's illu-

sion!"

"It's illusion now," Dolph said. "You bet it wasn't a

moment ago.''

"It's a matter of interpretation," Ivy pointed out.

"Since the entire dream world is crafted of illusion, illu-

sions are real here. Grey just nulled out some of the glass

illusion's reality."

"I'm glad," Dolph said. "When you get cut here, you

do bleed. Maybe not in your real body back in Xanth, but

it hurts the same."

Ivy remembered Girard Giant and his river of blood.

She knew it was true.

They squeezed through the nulled gate. The shards of

glass bent like leaves, harmlessly.

They were in a horrible region. This was evidently the

setting for the bad dreams of those who feared pain. All

around there were suffering people. Some had loathsome

diseases, some had awful injuries, and some seemed to be

enduring unendurable emotional turmoil. It was certain

that all were hurting.

A mean-looking man wearing a black mask walked up.

He carried a whip. "I don't remember ordering three more

actors," he said gruffly. "Are you sure you came to the

right place?"

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"We're just passing through," Ivy said quickly.

"Well, there's a really bad dream coming up, with a

large cast," the dungeon master said. "Maybe we'd better

use you anyway. Can you scream well?"

"I am Prince Dolph," Dolph said. "I—"

"Oh, why didn't you say so! You are merely touring,

of course! What do you want to see?"

"The fastest way to Bishop's Storkford," Ivy said.

The dungeon master scratched his hairy head. "We are

bounded on the far side by a broad river with several good

fords, but I don't recall that particular one. I can show

you to the river, anyway."

"That will be fine," Ivy said.

They followed the dungeon master through the dun-

geon. Ivy tried to avert her eyes from the horrors of it,

lest it give her bad dreams that would later bring her right

back here, but it was impossible to overlook all of it. A

groan would attract her attention, and she would see some-

one with a gory knife wound, the knife still in it, ready to

hurt twice as much as it was pulled out. A sigh would

summon her eye to the other side, and there would be an

otherwise lovely maiden whose hair had been burned away,

leaving her bare scalp a mass of blisters. Ivy knew they

were all actors, only setting the scene so that the terrible

dreams could be fashioned for the night mares to take, but

it was so realistic that it turned her stomach anyway.

"I don't ever want to dream again!" Dolph whispered.

"I think I saw something like this in a horror movie

once," Grey remarked.

"You were tortured in Mundania?" Ivy asked, ap-

palled.

"No, I watched it for fun."

"For fun!" she repeated, shocked.

"But I didn't like it," he reassured her hastily.

"I certainly hope so!" How could she marry a man who

liked awfulness like this? Yet she realized that there prob-

ably were Mundanes who were of that type. Just so long

as they never got into Xanth!

They came to the river. The water was muddy and the

current swift; anyone who tried to cross it could be swept

294 Man from Mundania

away and drowned. Indeed, she spied a night mare picking

up a just-completed dream in which a desperate girl was

drowning. Ivy hoped she never suffered that dream her-

self, either!

"The fords are supervised by various creatures," the

dungeon master explained. "I think the storks are up-

stream, that way." He pointed to the left. "You may walk

along it until you find the one you are looking for. Keep

an eye out for blood flowing into the river; it can be slip-

pery."

"Thank you," Ivy said faintly. "You have been very

kind."

"It's not my nature," the man confessed. "But for

Prince Dolph, nothing is too good."

They followed the river upstream, doing their best to

ignore the activities by its bank. But the activities in the

river weren't much more reassuring. Grotesque monsters

loomed in it, snapping their mottled teeth, and rogue

winds threatened to capsize tiny boats containing helpless

women and children. One section of the water was on fire,

and the fire was encircling several swimmers; the more

desperately they stroked to escape it, the faster the flames

advanced. Another area was calm and deep; a sign said

SWIMMING, and children were gleefully diving into the

pool. But they weren't coming up again. When Ivy peered

more closely at the sign she saw that a stray leaf had plas-

tered itself across a word at the top, and she was able to

make out the word: "no." What was happening to those

disappearing children? In another place the sign was clear:

NO PISHING. Naturally several people were dangling their

lines in the water. What they couldn't see, because of the

blinding effect of the reflection of sunlight (never mind

where the sunlight came from, in this realm of dreams!),

was a monstrous kraken weed below, its tentacles care-

fully latching onto each line. Then, abruptly, it tugged,

and the fishers tumbled forward into the water and disap-

peared in the swirl of tentacles.

Ivy hoped she was never bad enough to have such

dreams. Yet she could see that it was far better to experi-

ence the horror of the dream than the reality—and those

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295

who fished where it was forbidden might indeed get caught

by a kraken. So if the dream frightened them into safer

behavior, that was good. Thus a bad dream could be a

good dream! She had never realized that before.

But what was the Good Magician doing here? Surely

the Night Stallion had his domain well under control, and

did not need any help from Humfrey! If the stallion had

needed anything, he should have sent a night mare to the

Good Magician's castle in Xanth to inquire. Something

about this situation did not make sense.

Was it possible that the address which guided them was

false? That Magician Humfrey was not here?

Ivy squelched that thought, because if Humfrey wasn't

here, then they had no clue to where he was, and they

would not be able to get his Answer, and Grey would be

subject to the will of Com-Pewter. That was unacceptable,

so Ivy unaccepted it. Good Magician Humfrey was here;

that was final.

They came to the region of the fords. The first was

labeled FRANKFORD, and was supervised by a man-sized

sausage with little arms and legs. They passed it by.

Farther along was one marked AFFORD, where those who

wished to use it had to have plenty of Mundane coinage

to qualify. Then there was Beeford, strictly for the bees,

and Ceeford, where everyone was looking but not touch-

ing. They passed the complete alphabet of fords, finally

leaving Zeeford behind; it was being used by strange

striped horses.

At last they came to the various fords that were strictly

for the birds. They watched closely as they came to the

Ibisford and Heronford, and finally spotted the Storkford.

Here was where the storks were crossing, carrying their

squalling bundles. Ivy realized that this was part of the

route the storks took to reach Mundania; it must wind

down to the big gourd on No Name Key, and from there

they carried their babies to waiting Mundane mothers.

Grey had said that Mundanes had a different way of get-

ting babies, but naturally he was ignorant, being a man.

"But we aren't storks," Grey protested. "They won't

let us cross here!"

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297

"We can cross," Dolph said. He became a giant stork.

Ivy smiled. She went to where a pile of spare sheets

was, and took a large, sturdy one. She knotted the comers

together so that it formed a big sling. "Climb in. Grey,"

she said.

"But—" he protested.

"When at the storkford, do as the storks do, you big

baby," she teased, climbing in herself.

Double-disgruntled, he joined her. It was like a ham-

mock, lumping them together, but they really didn't mind

that too much. Dolph walked out across the ford, and no

stork challenged him. Perhaps they assumed he was deliv-

ering a set of twins to a giant.