Man From Mundania (60 page)

must save my daughter, and so I have done this awful thing

to you and I do not beg your forgiveness, only your un-

derstanding."

Now Grey saw the goblins. They were appearing from

all around, closing the net with what for them was surely

delicious slowness, savoring the horror in their prey. They

wanted their victims to suffer on the way to the pot.

"What is your name?" Ivy inquired.

"I am Sylvia Sylph," she replied, still weeping. "My

man was Sylvester. We were just traveling through, as you

were, and they caught us. We will all be cooked and eaten,

I know that, but I just have to struggle through as long as

I can, hoping somehow to save Sylvanie though I know I

can't. Now you must suffer, you innocent folk, and I apol-

ogize abjectly for what I have done to you, but I cannot

help myself."

Now the goblins ringed them closely. Grey recognized

the ugly chief, Grotesk. Too bad that one hadn't landed in

the Gap Chasm, back when they had last met!

"Would you help us, if we helped you and your child

escape?" Ivy asked.

"Oh, yes, yes! But it is hopeless. They will never let

any of us go! They are the meanest tribe of these parts.

They have no mercy! They delight in torturing innocent

folk. Do not go into the pool if you can possibly avoid it,

because—"

"Enough, wench!" the chief cried harshly. "Leave us

to our sport." The sylph was instantly quiet.

Ivy turned her face to look directly at Grotesk. "Oh

goblin, what do you mean to do with us?" she asked as

if affrighted.

"Well, peasant girl, I may turn you over to my lusty

henchmen for their amorous sport, then let you take a nice

drink from our nice pool before giving you a nice hot bath

in our pot. Or maybe I'll give you the nice drink before

you engage my henchmen; that could be even more inter-

esting. As for this bedraggled centaur—" The chiefs eyes

278 Man from Mundania

widened. "Hey, I recognize this beast! The one who looks

like a mule!"

"Donkey," the creature said.

"Whatever! We had you captive before, only you got

away, and—and these are the ones who helped you es-

cape!"

"Curses!" Ivy said. "They have found us out!"

"Kill them right now!" the chief cried. "All of them,

the sylph slut too! Don't give them any chance at all!"

The goblins raised their clubs and spears and cocked

their stone-throwing arms.

Ivy jumped off the centaur. The centaur disappeared. In

its place was an immense low-slung six-legged dragon with

steam puffing from its nostrils.

Grey jumped forward and grabbed the sylph by her thin

arm. "Cover your face!" he said, pulling her into the cen-

ter of the circle formed by the dragon's curving tail.

"The Gap Dragon!" the chief cried, terrified.

"Yes," Grey said. "He came to see you dance, chief."

"What?"

The dragon pursed his lips and touched the chiefs big

feet with a small jet of steam. The chief danced with pain.

Ivy poked her head over the dragon's neck. "That was

just a sample, goblin," she said. "Do you know what my

friend will do to you if you threaten to hurt one hair of

my head?" She swept off the peasant cap and let her

golden-green hair tumble out.

"You—you really are the Princess Ivy!" the chief ex-

claimed. " The dragon's friend!''

"I really am," she agreed. "Now you just walk along

back toward your camp, and all your minions with you,

and my friend will steam any who stray."

"What are you going to do with us?"

"Well, Grotesk," Ivy said with relish, "I may turn you

over to my lusty friend for his sport, then let you drink

from your nice pool before giving you a nice steam bath."

"But—but—"

"Now MARCH, frog-face!" she snapped. "Before my

friend loses his patience." Her friend, of course, was not

the real Stanley Steamer, but her little brother Dolph,

Man from Mundania
       
279

working off his penance for spying on Nada's panties. It

didn't matter; Dolph in dragon form could get just as

steamed as the real dragon. After seeing what the goblins

were up to, Dolph was surely just as outraged as Ivy and

Grey were.

The goblins marched. The party wended its way back

to the goblin camp. Whenever a goblin tried to stray, the

dragon jetted steam at the seat of his pants, and he quickly

danced back into place. The truth was that the goblins

could have scattered, and most of them would have gotten

away; and they would have done just that if any ordinary

dragon had manifested. But they lived close enough to the

Gap Chasm to be familiar with the dread Gap Dragon, and

they were terrified of him. Their trap had been neatly re-

versed, and they were as helpless to escape it as they had

expected their prey to be.

They reached the hate spring. Grey knew that Ivy re-

mained angry about the way these goblins had tortured her

with it before, even though that had brought about the

breakthrough of their betrothal. He stayed clear, letting

her handle it her way.

"Now," she said. "There is something I want from

you, goblin, and I am going to get it. Are you going to

give it to me?"

The chief laughed. "Take off your dress and I'll give it

to you! Har, har, har!"

Ivy signaled the dragon. A jet of scalding steam shot

out. It singed a group of six goblins standing by the pool.

They screamed and jumped into the water.

Then they began fighting among themselves, for the wa-

ter made them hate the first other creatures they saw. The

water splashed, droplets striking others nearby, and they

too began fighting. In very little time a dozen goblins were

unconscious.

"Are you going to answer me?" Ivy asked the chief

evenly.

"I told you: lie down and spread your—"

There was another blast of steam. A second group of

goblins were singed into the water. Another fight broke

out, finishing about ten more goblins.

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Man from Mundania

Mem from Mundania

281

"Now we can do this until all your tribe is gone," Ivy

said, "if that is the way you prefer it. I suspect there is a

prophecy that you will be the last to enter that pool before

we get what we want. Shall we test it for accuracy?"

The chief looked at the sprawled goblins. "Exactly what

is it you want?" he asked grudgingly.

"I thought you'd never ask!" Ivy said brightly. "Where

is the piece of paper you stole from the gremlins?''

"What paper?"

More steam hissed. More goblins were goosed into the

water. Another awful fray occurred.

"Oh, that paper," the chief said, after the fracas had

died out. "We burned it long ago."

This time the dragon steamed a large group of goblins.

They screamed as their skin was burned. They could cool

themselves only by plunging into the water. By the time

this action was done, more than half the tribe was uncon-

scious or worse.

"In my cabin," the chief mumbled.

"Send a goblin for it."

"Go jump in the lake!" he retorted.

The steam was running low, but Ivy touched the dragon,

Enhancing him, and the steam became so hot it smoked.

Half the remaining goblins leaped into the pool, not even

waiting for that jet to catch them. Yet more fighting broke

out.

"Princess," Sylvia Sylph said hesitantly, "I will fetch

it, if you wish."

"No, you fetch your child," Ivy said.

Sylvia's eyes brightened. "Oh, yes!" She hurried off.

At this point only four goblins remained standing, be-

sides the chief. "Send a goblin," Ivy repeated grimly.

The chief grimaced. "Go, Bucktooth."

Bucktooth broke away from the diminished group and

walked to the chiefs hut. In a moment he returned with a

box.

"Open it, Bucktooth," Ivy said.

"Princess, I can't!" the goblin protested. "It is spelled

against intrusion!"

"I thought so. Open it, chief."

"Like stewed brains I will!"

More steam hissed. Two more goblins leaped into the

pool. They scrambled out and attacked the two remaining

goblins. The box fell to the ground. The melee ended up

back in the water. Soon all four were unconscious.

"Will you let me go if I do?" the chief asked.

"I will treat you with the same compassion you have

treated others."

The chief leaped at her—but the steam caught him in

mid air and blasted him back into the pool. He splashed

about. "I hate you!" he screamed.

"Stay in the pool," Ivy said.

The goblin obviously wanted to rush out and attack her,

but he saw the snout of the dragon covering him, and

refrained. The longer he remained in the water, the worse

his hatred grew, but there was nothing he could do about

it. He began frothing at the mouth. Finally he waded across

and out the far side and stumbled into the jungle. Grey

knew that whatever creature the goblin encountered there

would be in for trouble. Maybe it would be a fire-breathing

dragon.

"But how can you open the box?" Sylvia asked.

Grey walked across and picked up the box. He worked