I just wish my brother would grow some fuckin’ balls and handle his woman. It was her spending that landed him in a tailspin nine times out of ten. She had her way, she’d work my brother to the bone. Even if he left her, he couldn’t, and wouldn’t leave his kids. She’d bleed his ass dry through child support anyhow. Still, I was getting tired of it. More so now that I had Faith to look out for. Second chances didn’t come around every day, and she was mine. I couldn’t save Danny, from the dope, or from himself… but Faith was different. She needed saving from the same demons, sure, but not from herself. Not as far as I could see anyways.
I was pretty certain that she didn’t want to go back to that poison, even if the opportunity presented itself. The deck was stacked in my favor this time. I aimed to take full advantage. Get her clean, get her clear, get her the help that she needed, and set her free. Get her to a point she didn’t need me, or no one else, to rely on. It was a long fuckin’ road ahead.
Some wise old fucker once said that a journey of a thousand miles started with one step, or some shit. We weren’t but ten into this journey, and had a lot of steps left to take. While I knew I needed to work for a livin’, I thought I would have a little more time before I had to get back to it. Guess not. The knot of anger between my shoulder blades eased some as I took the wheel and started the Scarlett Ann’s engines.
Bein’ pissed the fuck off wasn’t gonna get me anywhere. While it was true that my brother had some shit to answer for, there wasn’t no getting to it right now. I might as well relax and enjoy the wind, the waves, and the fan-fucking-tastic weather we had for this. Besides, the sooner I got us out to sea, and these dipshits set, the sooner I could sit down with my laptop and hook up Faith’s present the way I wanted it. Maybe it would give her some peace. Something to focus on, making going outside, and around other people, a little easier to swallow.
Johnny kept the two guys and their girls happy while I piloted us out into the open waters. I was hoping this trip would end up skunked, that nothing would bite, but I was probably going to be disappointed. The conditions were great. When we got out to one of the better fishing spots, I killed the engine and went to help my little brother get the customers set.
Both dudes were fired up to fish, and so was one of the chicks, the brunette, Kristen. Karen, the blonde, was content to lounge in the shade with a tablet in her lap. Fine by me. One less rod to man when the time came. Although, it wasn’t like Kristen would be able to pull anything these rods were made for in; not by herself. Hell, I wouldn’t even put her in the gear. She’d be ripped right over the side. She didn’t have enough body weight to her to counterbalance what one of these fish could do, despite her athletic build. I wouldn’t put her much over a buck, she was just that petite. I caught Johnny’s eye and he waved me off. He knew what I was thinkin’, I didn’t even have to say it. There were several things my brother and I had no problem agreeing on, and safety for our customers and patrons was at the top of the list.
If
Kristen’s rod snagged something, it looked like I’d be the one fightin’ whatever she’d caught on her line. As much as I hated to admit it, it was my turn to deal with it. Still, I would have time to do what I wanted to get done if I left Johnny to do the hard labor getting them set up the rest of the way, which is what I did. I’d wipe the dirty look off his face later. It wasn’t my idea, or need, to even fuckin’ be out here anyways; goddammit.
I left the trio and their rods to my brother to deal with, and ducked below deck to retrieve my laptop. At least it was where I’d left it, unlike my fuckin’ guitar. I came back up and dropped into a deck chair next to the blonde girl who didn’t even look up from her e-reader tablet thingy. Good deal. I didn’t want to chit chat anyways. I opened up the laptop and started it up, clicking out of the business software book keeping crap I’d left undone before taking off on our wild ride to the crescent city. I could do it later; in fact, I’d bring it back with me to Cutter’s place. I could do it while Faith was sleeping or doing her staring out the window thing. Just because I wasn’t out on the water, didn’t mean there wasn’t shit to be done for the business.
I pulled the little iPod I’d picked up in town out of my pocket and plugged it in to my laptop. I didn’t know if I had everything I wanted to put on it. I mean, I knew I had a song or two… I clicked through my iTunes account and, “Ha!” I must have uttered it aloud because Karen roused herself from whatever she was reading and looked over.
“Ashes & Embers, didn’t take you for the type to like them. You struck me as more of a classic rock kind of guy.”
I glanced at her sideways, “I like all sorts of sh-,” I stopped myself, “Stuff.” I muttered belatedly and admittedly a little distractedly, “Besides, it isn’t for me.”
I actually had one of A&E’s first albums, not the one with
Hope Never Dies
on it, though. Still, it was my intention to put their entire discography onto this thing for Faith, and I aimed to get the rest downloaded and onto it right now, that is, if I had enough cell signal to get my hotspot working. It was tough out here on the water. They hadn’t invented cell towers for the ocean yet, and I hoped to God they never fucking did. I sighed in frustration when I realized we were just this side of too far out and that I didn’t have enough juice to get it done.
“What provider do you have?” Karen asked. I told her and she swiped across her phone.
“Try mine, they have the best signal. Password for my hotspot is…” I gave it a shot, knowing it wasn’t likely, but no dice. I sighed.
“Thanks, anyhow.” I grated and snapped the laptop closed.
“Who’s it for?” she asked smiling.
“Who’s what for?”
“The iPod.”
“How do you know it’s not for me?” I asked.
She laughed lightly, “Just like I didn’t figure you for an Ashes & Embers fan, I really don’t figure a guy like you is much into the color pink. A&E, a pink iPod shuffle… well that screams one thing and one thing only, my friend. Who is she?”
“What do you
do
for a living?” I asked, chuckling to myself. The girl was sharp.
“I’m in school, actually. Finishing up my master’s degree in psychology.”
“Ah,” I nodded in understanding and set to work folding up the cord to the little music player. “She seems like she would like the color pink,” I mumbled, suddenly embarrassed with the idea of giving her the gift. Shit, I was overstepping. I had to be overstepping. This was a dumbassed idea, for sure.
“You don’t know what colors she likes?” she asked, and shit, it looked like I’d piqued her curiosity.
“She’s my President’s, Ol’ Lady’s sister,” I said, then figured I might as well go for broke, “Hope isn’t especially fond of the color pink, and Faith, I don’t know. I figured if Hope wasn’t a fan then it would stand to reason Faith might be. Besides, it was between pink and silver and the silver looked… boring.” I shrugged.
“You really like this girl, Faith,” she stated flatly.
I looked over at her, “Oh, yeah? What makes you say that?”
She laughed lightly again, “No man puts that much thought into what color iPod a girl would like if he wasn’t totally either in love with her, or wasn’t falling hard. It’s okay. I think it’s great, personally. She’s very lucky.” She looked over at her man, the respectful one, Kevin.
“He would do that for me, agonize over the color when I would just be over the moon that he’d bought me such an expensive, and
thoughtful
gift. I’m sure she’ll love it.”
I cleared my throat, still uncomfortable that I’d sorta been caught bein’ such a softy. Finally, I sighed and decided that now would probably be as good a chance as any. That she might know, bein’ as it was her line of schooling and all.
“Yeah, I don’t know how to do this,” I said snapping the laptop shut and leaning heavily back in my seat.
“Do what?”
“Faith, she uh, she’s been through a lot and recently too. Some real heavy shit. Some seriously awful shit I wouldn’t wish on no woman.” I looked over at Karen and she softened, switching off her e-reader and setting it aside on the small deck table, on top of my laptop where I’d set it; right next to the music player in its offending bright pink color.
“Talk to me,” she invited.
“She’s been messed up pretty hard,” I cleared my throat, “I shouldn’t really be talking about it but you might know somethin’ about how to…” I groped in the dark for the right words, “I don’t know, how I could handle myself better surrounding her situation.”
“I would have to know something about it before I could speak on it.”
“She’s a mess, addicted to heroin, and only a few days out of the worst of the detox. We got her going to some kind of head shrinker to help her, her first appointment is tomorrow,” I was dancing around the ugliest part about it and I knew it, but saying it out loud still made me fuckin’ sick and the anger surge hot and ridiculous.
Finally, I sighed out harshly and rushed out, “She was sold into white slavery. Trafficked for the better part of the last couple of years as a hooker in New Orleans. They were shooting that shit into her veins, keeping her hooked to keep her docile. I know what to expect when it comes to the whole addiction rigmarole, but I ain’t got a fuckin’ clue when it comes to the rest.”
I couldn’t believe I was spillin’ my guts to this chick, a total stranger, a
paying customer
on my boat
. I was a little startled to realize just how far down the rabbit hole I’d gone when it came to Faith. Just how far fuckin’ gone I’d been right from the beginning; from the moment I’d lifted her too-thin frame up into my arms, and carried her out of that house of fuckin’ horrors back in New Orleans.
Karen sat up straighter and wrapped her fingers around one knee, very prim and proper. I had to give it to her, she didn’t flinch; instead, you could visibly see the gears in her pretty little head turning, her blue eyes sparking with intelligence.
“Right, you said that you’re getting Faith some help, right?” She searched my face to make sure I wasn’t blowing smoke up her ass. I liked her for that.
“Yeah, her sister found some doctor that specializes in cases like Faith. Some woman who’s like top in her field. I take Faith out to see her tomorrow.”
“Okay, obviously there isn’t really anything I could, or should be doing there, seeing as I am both still in school and unlicensed. I shouldn’t even really be talking to you about
you
,” she frowned but it wasn’t at me, more like at the situation. “In all honesty, I think you need to find someone to talk to or lean on yourself. Doesn’t have to be a professional, but being on the front line, or a first responder to something like this takes its toll.” I nodded.
“I got my brothers.” Cutter’d told me if I needed someone to reach out to, he’d be there. I knew I could depend on him, or any one of the guys if I really needed to. I guess I just wanted an opinion from the outside. Somethin’ a little more removed from the situation and here she was, all trained and shit. Well, mostly trained. The Universe provides, all you had to do was be willing to accept what it had on offer.
Karen nodded after several moments of reluctant silence, we both turned as Kristen let out a peal of laughter at something my brother said. Johnny caught my eye and the murder in his said he’d overheard some of what Karen and I were talkin’ about, and that he wasn’t happy. Well, fuck him, I wasn’t happy either. The only
real
concern I had right now was how to do right by Faith.
Karen gave me an appraising look and sucked in a breath, “Let’s go back,” she said, “I want to ask you a question.”
“Shoot.”
“Why the iPod? What was your thought process in buying it?”
I sniffed, “Faith told me she liked a particular song that’d play on the radio sometimes back when…” I skipped over it and kept going, “Anyways, we’ve had to take her out a couple times and it hasn’t gone well. She has these freak outs, gets all traumatized and freezes up and sh–” I caught myself again.
“And the iPod?” Karen pressed.
“I figured she could use it, you know? Plug the music into her ears and give her something else to concentrate on. Drown some of the other people around out.
“A coping mechanism.”
“Yeah.”
Karen’s mouth turned down and she nodded her head thoughtfully, “It’s a good idea. Something dependable that isn’t bad for you. I think it was a really good, really thoughtful, idea.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, I’d say you’re on the right track. It can, and will, be a good tool to help ease her back into things. What else are you worried about?”
We talked, for a good long while. Kristen got a bite, and Johnny helped her reel in a red grouper. Enough for a meal for two, so that wasn’t bad and seemed to satisfy her enough that she’d caught something before the boys, that she didn’t feel the need to keep fishin’. She got her picture with it and I got the hook out of its mouth. I was about to toss it in the cooler when she squealed in protest. We weren’t exactly a catch and release outfit, but she and her boys were the ones payin’ so fuck it.
“Your lucky day, Man,” I told the fish and leaned way over the side and let him go.
As I watched his tail wave back and forth, and his reddish brown body disappear into the blue, I couldn’t help but wonder if this would somehow become a metaphor for my deal with Faith. Would she get better, wander off, and that’d be it? I’d never thought about what was supposed to happen
after
, you know? What came
after
all the therapy and recovery, when she was as put back together as she would ever be?
The universe provides, alright. The rest of the trip, we didn’t catch shit. Their four hours were up and I got us turned around and headed back to the marina. I talked more with Karen, who was a smart girl with a good head on her shoulders and by all accounts, a heart made out of solid gold. Her and her man both, judging by the charity case his jackass buddy Doug, was.
One of the things I liked about my business was the people I met. There was somebody new on these decks just about every trip out; this trip had been no exception. I felt better, more right about some of the choices I’d made regarding my involvement in Faith’s recovery. Of course, there was some advice I knew was coming, didn’t wanna hear, and was pretty much choking on, but I knew I needed to hear some of the hard truths. Maybe if I’d heard ‘em, or been more receptive to ‘em when Danny’d been alive, I would have been more understanding. Maybe I would’ve been more patient, and maybe, as a result, Danny’d be less dead.