Memory's Edge: Part One (18 page)

Chapter Thirty-Four

Innocence

John rode home
on the bicycle Gretchen had helped him pick out after his casts came off, glad
the Bernstadts hadn’t lived very far away. Gretchen had offered to drive him,
but John wanted to go on his own. A mile and a half sounded far, but on the
bike he had managed it pretty easily. Feeling good about the menu they planned,
John rounded the corner and slowed as he came up to the house. He stopped short
and stared.

What on
earth is Carl doing hugging Gretchen?
he
wondered.
And why is she letting him do it?

John couldn’t
move. He just sat there on his bike watching them hold each other. Waiting
under the hanging branches of their neighbor’s willow tree, neither of them
noticed him. He waited for what seemed like an hour before they finally pulled
apart and Carl headed to his truck. What was he even doing home? He worked on
Mondays. He and his mud covered truck should have been out checking pipes, or
whatever it was he did all day, not there hitting on John’s girlfriend.

Gripping
the bike handles so tightly his knuckles were left white, John tried very hard
to understand what was going on. Did Gretchen tell Carl that John would be gone
that morning? Was she trying to talk to him without John around for some
reason? He supposed it could have just been happenstance Carl was home the one
time he was gone and Gretchen was still at the house. The way he held her, the
way his hand ran down her hair, John knew what that was.

John knew,
because he felt it too. When Gretchen was in his arms, he got weak and wanted
nothing else but touch her, smell her, to drink her in. He saw that same look
in Carl’s eyes. He wasn’t just a guy who thought Gretchen was hot and enjoyed
flirting with her like she thought. He was in love with her.

Clara had
been right. Someone was going to try to steal Gretchen away from him. Forcing
his hands to relax, John watched Gretchen squat in front of her flower bed. She
looked as if she were thinking. It was weird to John how she could act so
natural after what he’d just seen. Carl’s truck drove away and John rode up to
the house.

Gretchen
glanced up with a smile when she heard him, but the scowl on John’s face
stopped her from saying whatever it was she’d been about to say.

“We need to
talk. Inside,” John said. Pushing through the door, he left her standing there,
mouth open, confusion showing in her eyes. Good. She was confused. It put them
on equal ground.

“John,
what’s wrong? Did your meeting not go very well?” she asked.

“What were
you doing hugging Carl in the front yard?” he exploded.

Eyes widening,
it took Gretchen a moment to respond. “Excuse me?” she asked, her temper
growing by the second, if her clenched jaw was any indication.

What did
she have to be mad about?
John
wasn’t the one hugging someone out in the
front yard where the whole neighborhood could see.

“What were
you doing with him?” John asked.

“I was
talking to him, as a matter of fact. He’s my friend and he needed to talk to me
about something. I can talk to him if I want, John,” Gretchen said. Narrowed
eyes glared at him as she spoke. That only made him even madder. She was
actually defending herself?

“Since when
does talking involve some other guy with his arms around you, stroking your
hair? That wasn't a hug between friends. That was something else,” John said.
It was. There was more between Carl and Gretchen than simple friendship. She
told him herself that Carl liked her, and he made it obvious every time he
looked at her, but what John didn’t get was what Gretchen felt for him. She
refused to date him, but she still felt…something.

“So, are
you some kind of expert on what is and isn’t acceptable between friends? You
have no right to say I can’t hug Carl. He’s been my friend for a long time,”
Gretchen said. “You have no idea how much he helped me when I first moved here.
He’s a very good friend to me.”

“
Carl
is not your boyfriend. I am. What more do I need to understand?
I
get to
hold you and touch your hair, not
Carl
. I don’t need a lifetime of
relationships to know that, Gretchen.” Her entire face turned into a flame of anger.
Her hands were balled into fists, and John found that his were too. Why was she
arguing with him? She had to know he was right.

“I don’t
belong to you, John. You don’t own me,” she said.

Throwing up
his hands, John turned away for a second. “I’m not trying to say I own you,
Gretchen, but you know
that
,” he said pointing toward the front yard,
“isn’t appropriate. Why are you egging him on?”

“Egging him
on? What are you talking about?” she demanded.

“He’s in
love with you, Gretchen! Can’t you see that?” John asked.

Gretchen at
least had the decency to look shocked. John needed to see that. It impacted him
significantly to realize she really didn’t understand the depth of Carl’s
feelings for her. How she didn’t see what John saw when Carl looked at her, he
didn’t understand, but he felt relief at her innocence.

“What do
you mean?” she asked.

“Gretchen,
you’re the one who told me he liked you.”

“Yeah,
but…it’s just a crush. He wanted more, but he knew it wasn’t going to happen.
He just…he wants me to change my mind.”

“No, it’s
not, Gretchen.” Feeling much of his anger falling away, John took her hand.
“Maybe you don’t see how he looks at you, because he only does it when you
aren’t looking, but he sees you like I do. I recognize it.”

She shook her
head, but her expression was thoughtful. “He’s my friend,” she whispered. Maybe
she was trying to convince John he was wrong, maybe she was saying it only to
herself. John was still angry at the image of Carl embracing his girlfriend,
but he was angry at the idea of losing her, no longer angry at Gretchen
herself. Carl, however, was another story. Him John
was
still angry at.

“Please,
can you just stay away from Carl?” John asked.

Gretchen’s
shock ran out.

Snapping
her hand out of John’s, she stared back at him, defiant. “No.”

“What?” Was
she serious?

“He’s my
friend, John. I can’t just throw him away.”

“Carl
doesn’t want to just be your friend, Gretchen. He wants a lot more than that.
It’s not fair to keep letting him hope. It’s not fair to me, either. I don’t
like seeing you with him,” John said.

“I won’t
stop being his friend,” Gretchen said. “My first couple months here were really
hard. I didn’t know anyone and I was still an emotional wreck. Carl was the
first person to make me feel at home. He helped me in so many ways. I won’t
turn my back on him.”

“Damn it,
Gretchen! That’s exactly why I don’t want you to be around him. Don’t you
understand that? It’s one thing to go out with Desi, but I don’t like the idea
of you hanging out with Carl,” he said. “He’s just waiting for me to leave. He
wants us to fail so he can have you for himself. He’ll try to break us up if
you let him.”

Gretchen
shook her head. “You don’t know Carl. Even if he was in love with me, which
he’s not, he wouldn’t do that. Maybe he would hope for it, but he would never
try to break us up.”

“How do you
know that?” John demanded.

“Because he
knows how much that would hurt me, and Carl would never hurt me,” she said with
complete conviction.

John didn’t
know what to say to that. She didn’t believe him. Why wouldn’t Carl be in love
with her? John was. Every man who met Gretchen should fall in love with her.
She was amazing. Gretchen didn’t see that.

In her
eyes, Carl was a devoted friend who wished things might have been different
between them. She didn’t see the torture in his eyes when he looked at her,
knowing she wasn’t his. The way he touched her was so careful, Gretchen didn’t
understand how hard he was trying to control himself.

She didn’t
see any of it.

She trusted
him.

And John
either had to trust Gretchen, or spend his life looking over his shoulder for
the man who wanted to steal her. Refusing to give in to John’s demands,
Gretchen waited, arms folded tightly across her chest, lips pinched to the
point of glowering. Her loyalty was as phenomenal as her blindness. If John
didn’t trust her, would she trust him? Would she trust him not to hurt her,
like she trusted Carl?

It might
have been the stupidest decision he had made since waking up, but John pulled
Gretchen into his arms and forced himself to trust her. That didn’t mean he was
going to agree to Gretchen hanging out with Carl, with or without him any time
soon, but he couldn’t force her to give up someone who meant so much to her.

However, if
John saw Carl any time soon, there was a good chance he was going to punch him
in the face.

Chapter Thirty-Five

A Promise, or a Threat?

The
Bernstadt’s anniversary party came quickly and was over even more quickly. It
astounded John how all his planning and preparing was gone within a few hours,
but it ended with everyone happy, which felt good, and with two more job
offers, which was also good. It felt great to get out of the house, too.

John had spent
so much time alone during the day since getting out of the hospital that
getting used to having Gretchen around all day turned out to be more of an
adjustment than he thought it would be. She wanted to do something constantly.
After being cooped up in a classroom for nine months, she was ready to get out
and explore, after she stopped being mad at John, that was.

Neither one
of them had seen Carl since fighting about him. Gretchen was too busy bustling
John off to go hiking or visiting museums and nearby towns to have had any time
to think about him. John avoided him not because he was too busy to think about
him—unfortunately he thought about him all too often—but because John worried
he was still too angry at Carl to face him. Gretchen he could forgive. She
honestly seemed to think Carl could just be her friend. Carl, on the other
hand, knew exactly what he was doing. Gretchen’s whirl of activity was the only
thing keeping John from dwelling on him too much.

Unfortunately,
Gretchen had been gone all day at a training seminar. That left John with way
too much time to stew about the man next door who wanted to make off with his
girlfriend. He tried to distract himself by working out in the yard most of the
day, but he really only succeeded in frustrating himself. John just didn’t seem
to be cut out for gardening. Too worked up to start dinner yet, and still
having another hour before Gretchen would get home, he decided to clean up a
bit instead. With how little time they were spending at the house, the chores
had been neglected. John noticed the trash was close to overflowing and thought
he probably ought to take it out.

He walked
around the side of the house to where the trash can should have been and found
the space empty. Glancing out at the street, John saw it sitting by the curb
still. Their house was the only one with the trash can still on the curb. The
older gentleman across the street undoubtedly griped about that every time he
saw it. He could find fault with pretty much everything. After tossing the bag
of trash in the receptacle, John started dragging it back to the curb.

He made it
a few steps up the driveway before the growling engine of Carl’s truck rumbled
up to his house. The desire to run over and pound out his anger on him was only
tempered by the fact that Gretchen would never forgive him…and the fact that
Carl was huge. At an average five-ten, Carl’s six-foot-four muscular build
pretty much dwarfed John. Not that John wouldn’t do it if he really needed to,
but there was really no point in trying to fight him right then.

Going back
to pulling the trash can back up to the house, John hoped Carl would do the
same. There was no reason for them to speak to each other, but Carl seemed to
like irritating John.

“Hey,
John,” he called out.

Jaw
clenched, John turned and offered him a curt wave.
Hopefully that will be
the end of it
, John thought. But no. Carl couldn’t let it go that easily.
He headed over to John. Shoving the bin back into its spot, John turned and
waited, his arms folded tightly across his chest to keep them from lashing out
at him.
Why won’t he just leave me alone?

“Carl,”
John muttered.

“John, I’m
glad I caught you.”

Yeah I
bet. He probably wished I would drop off the face of the planet.
John
didn’t respond to him so Carl just shrugged and kept going.

“I wanted
to talk to you for a minute,” Carl said. “I wanted to apologize.”

“For
hugging Gretchen the other day?” John asked.

“What? No.
Well, maybe.” Carl frowned and shook his head. “I wanted to apologize for not
being very friendly to you. I didn’t like the idea of Gretchen taking you in,
but I feel like I need to give you a chance. For Gretchen’s sake.”

What was
his game? Did he think being nice to John would make him less suspicious? Well,
it wasn’t going to work. It was probably going to do the opposite, actually.

“What does
that mean ‘for Gretchen’s sake’?” John asked.

“She
obviously…loves you.” That word looked as though it tasted a sour on his lips.
“And if I’m really her friend, I should support her.”

“Then why don’t
you just leave us alone,” John demanded. He felt like there was some trick to
his words. Was he trying to play John?

Squaring
his shoulders and folding his impressive arms across his chest, Carl’s
friendliness was replaced with smugness. “Because Gretchen doesn’t want me to.”

“Oh really?
She wants you here sticking your nose into our lives?” John asked.

“Apparently.”

“And how do
you know that?”

Carl
smirked at him. “Because she told me she did.”

What? John
knew she said she wanted to be his friend still, but did she actually encourage
him to poke around, driving John insane with his ploys to take her from him?

“Wouldn’t
you think she’d be better off if you left her alone and let her focus on her
boyfriend? You’re just confusing her, Carl. We both know you want much more
than just friendship from her,” John accused.

John
expected him to deny it, but once again, Carl surprised him.

“Actually,
I agree with you. Maybe not for the same reasons, but I do,” Carl said. “I even
offered to back off and leave her alone. But she didn’t want me to. She asked
me to keep being her friend, and I will.”

“You don’t
want to be her friend, Carl. Gretchen may not get that, but I do. You can’t
tell me you’re fine just hanging around and watching her with another guy.”
John was purposely trying to bait him, he wanted to know what this was really
about, and it worked. Carl’s face turned red and his arms tightened across his
chest.

“No, I
don’t like. It kills me to see her with you.” His shoulders dropped and his hands
slid into his pockets. He stared up at the sky in defeat. “But that’s what
Gretchen wants right now, so I’ll give it to her.”

John didn’t
know Carl well, and at that point he really didn’t want to, but he found
himself believing him. He was obnoxious and arrogant, but he told people the
truth. How he never tried to cover up his feelings for Gretchen in front of
John was proof of that. John couldn’t stand him, but he could at least respect
him.

“Are you
honestly saying that you aren’t going to try to break me and Gretchen up?” he
asked.

“No, of
course not,” Carl said. “I never would have. Sure, I tried to tell her that I
thought you were a bad idea, but I never tried to get her to leave you. I stuck
around and made sure she knew I was still interested, but at the party I
realized how serious she was about you and decided to quit doing even that. But
like I said, Gretchen didn’t want me to ‘abandon’ her, as she put it, so I
won’t.”

John didn’t
really have anything to say to that. Gretchen wanted Carl in her life right
now. That meant watching the woman he loved date another man for him, but he
was willing to take it if it meant making Gretchen happy. Shouldn’t John be
willing to respect her wishes for the same reason? He didn’t understand why
Gretchen felt she needed Carl around so much, but she deserved his trust on
this.

“As long as
you make Gretchen happy, I’ll stick to being just her friend,” Carl said. Then
without warning, Carl clapped his hand on John’s back, knocking him forward a
little. His irritating grin was plastered across his face. “That doesn’t mean
that if she changes her mind about you I won’t be ready to swoop in and take
her. You better watch yourself with her. I’ll do just about anything for
Gretchen.”

And then he
walked away, letting John think about his promise. Or was it a threat?