Memory's Edge: Part One (19 page)

Chapter Thirty-Six

Sleeping Arrangements

Surprisingly
enough, his talk with Carl actually did make John feel a lot better about him.
Even when Gretchen insisted they double date with him and a friend she’d set
him up with, John found he didn’t mind as much as he thought he would. John
could make Gretchen happy. He knew he could. If that was true, he knew he
didn’t have anything to fear from Carl. He still annoyed John beyond belief
with his boisterous nature and incessant smiling, but after a while, he
actually started to like him.

Carl,
however, had nothing to do with why John and Gretchen were sitting silently at
the kitchen table staring at her laptop. It was the exact opposite, in fact. Summer
was winding down and Desi had invited them to go with her and her new boyfriend
to Albuquerque for a week long art festival the city was hosting. Gretchen had
jumped at the chance and easily convinced John to go.

In their
excitement, though, they had neglected to consider one thing.

Sleeping
arrangements.

Desi had
already booked her hotel room and wanted them to stay in the same hotel.
Neither John nor Gretchen knew much about Albuquerque, so that had sounded like
a good idea to them. The problem was that the only rooms the hotel had left
were singles.

“So, what
should we do?” Gretchen finally asked.

“I don’t
know,” John said.

John
thought Gretchen had assumed, like
him, that
they
would book a room with two beds and that would be that. There were two separate
rooms they could book, but that doubled the cost of their trip. And that meant
cutting out a lot of the other things they wanted to do in Albuquerque. Paying
twice what they had expected was disheartening.

“Why
couldn’t they just have one double left?” Gretchen complained.

“Why didn’t
Desi mention this sooner so we could book our room further in advance?” John
grumbled.

“That’s not
the way Desi works,” Gretchen said. She smiled because she loved Desi, but the
frustrated shake of her head said she agreed with John. Desi was a spur of the
moment kind of person. There was very little planning involved in her
decisions. Although, once she decided to do something, she went all out for it.
John occasionally wondered how she ever got through college or managed to teach
all year long. He would half expect her to just disappear one day because she
decided to go on a month long hiking trip across Europe.

Tapping her
fingernails on the laptop, Gretchen was quiet. John thought they both wanted to
say to just book the one room, but neither of them did. John suspected
Gretchen’s reasoning was tied to Steve, and in a way he totally didn’t
understand, Carl, but his was something totally different. He wanted more than
anything to lay in bed with Gretchen and have her fall asleep in his arms.

John’s
hesitation had little to do with what his body wanted, but instead about what
his mind wanted. The first few times John had seen some kind of flash, there
had been a lot of noise. Gretchen only knew about the first two, so she thought
the noise had triggered some kind of disorienting experience because John’s
brain was still healing. He knew it was more than that.

More recent
scans had proven his brain was technically fine, except for the amnesia, of course.
If Gretchen was right, John shouldn’t have had any flashes lately. The fact
that with a healed brain and no loud sounds whatsoever he was still getting the
flashes proved the images were real memories. Not just random bits of
subconscious thought. The woman he kept seeing was real.

It didn’t
happen often, only a handful of times since the day he and Gretchen woke up on
the couch after the wedding, but they had all happened when he and Gretchen
were kissing or lying together. The feeling that something in his brain was
trying to stop him from getting closer to Gretchen scared John. Who was this
woman he kept seeing? That question had become a constant companion for him.

“You’re no
help at all, do you know that?” Gretchen said, breaking up his thoughts.

“Sorry,”
John said. “I was just thinking.”

“About
what?” she asked.

Keeping the
memories from Gretchen was deceitful, but he couldn’t bear to tell her about
them. He knew how she would react and refused to be pushed into a nonstop
search for the memory woman. “Just about the room situation,” he lied. “How
about we just book the one room so we don’t have to spend all the vacation
money on the hotel.”

“I don’t
know, John.” She didn’t give her reasons for her hesitation, but she didn’t
really have to.

Was her
balking about trust? Didn’t John deserve that by now? “Gretchen, please, you
know I’m not going to push you into anything. Just because we’ll be in the same
room won’t change that. I know when you’re ready for more, you’ll let me know.
And if you feel uncomfortable at all,” he said, “I can always sleep on the
floor. I don’t want you to miss out on all the things Desi has planned for the
two of you.”

“John, I’m
not going to let you sleep on the floor.” Her soft smile showed she appreciated
the thought.

“
It’s
fine, Gretchen,” John said. “I don’t want you to have
to worry about it. Let’s just go and have fun. With the catering and the yard,
we could both use a break. Besides, with everything Desi has planned, I’m
pretty sure by the time we get back to the hotel every night, we’ll both be
ready to crash.”

“She does
have a ton of stuff planned, doesn’t she? I don’t know how she expects us to
make it through two museums and the Aquarium in one day,” Gretchen said.

“I don’t
think she realizes that not everyone has as much energy as she does. How does
her boyfriend keep up with her?” John asked.

Gretchen
laughed at that. “Jake is as crazy as she is. From what she’s told me about
him, it’s a wonder he’s still alive. He sounds like a total adrenaline junkie.”

“He’s
probably making most of it up,” John teased.

Sighing,
she looked back at the waiting computer screen. The “confirm” button waited to
be pushed. Locked in indecision, she stared at it. John decided to take the
lead. He reached in front of her and clicked the button.

She glanced
over at him, and asked, “Are you sure?”

“It’ll be
fine, Gretchen. Why don’t you go finish packing? Desi wants to leave at five
a.m. tomorrow,” he reminded her.

Gretchen
groaned. She really wasn't a morning person. John was probably going to have to
drag her out of her bed in the morning, but that didn’t sound so bad to him.
John doubted Gretchen would appreciate that.

“I made
some blueberry muffins to take with us in the morning,” he said, trying to
tempt her to put aside her hatred of getting up before the sun did.

“With real
blueberries?” she asked.

“Of
course.”

She tried
to pretend she was still dreading waking up so early, but blueberries were her
kryptonite. Slowly, her lips rounded into a smile as she reached up and kissed
him.

“You spoil
me too much,” she said.

John kissed
her again. “I know.”

Pulling her
up from her chair, John turned her toward her bedroom. “Now go finish packing.
And remember to bring your swimsuit. The hotel has a pool and you know Desi is
going to want to show off her new bikini,” John said. Gretchen started to walk
away, shaking her head at her friend, but he caught her hand and pulled her
back. “And I can’t wait to see yours, too. Desi said you looked great in it.”

“I can’t
believe I let her talk me into buying that,” Gretchen mumbled as she pulled
away from him. “I’m wearing a t-shirt over it.”

“You better
not,” John said.

Wrinkling
her face at him, she glanced down at her body as if gauging how good or bad she
was going to look. She didn’t seem impressed. John had no idea what she would
be able to find fault with, but being a woman, there would surely be something.
Amnesia or not, that was an easy truth to figure out.

“You have to
promise you won’t stare at Desi if she looks better than I do, okay?” Gretchen
asked. She smiled as if she was teasing, but John could see the tinge of fear
in her eyes.
What did this Steve guy do to her?
he
wondered. If John ever met him, there was a good chance Steve would walk away
with at least a black eye, probably much worse. John almost hoped he did meet
him one day.

Pretending
he believed she was only teasing with her last comment, John said, “Only if you
promise not to stare at Jake, because Mr. Extreme Sports Man is almost
certainly going to look better than I do in trunks. The only exercising I do is
my physical therapy.”

John’s
teasing worked, making Gretchen chuckle as she left to finish her packing.
Well, it worked on her at least. As John remembered what Jake looked like when
they went to dinner the week before, he actually started to worry. The guy was
ridiculously fit. Jake worked out constantly while John cooked and taste-tested
nonstop. His physical therapy was pretty strenuous, and he did ride his bike
everywhere, but it wasn’t the same. Would he be able to hold his own against
Jake? Gretchen’s t-shirt idea was suddenly sounding pretty good.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Simple Memory

“What
number museum is this?” John whispered in Gretchen’s ear.

She smacked
his shoulder with the pamphlet she was carrying and shushed him with a smile.
Not that John didn’t like museums, he enjoyed the art, but his legs were
killing him. Up early every morning, they had spent the last three days traipsing
around Albuquerque at breakneck speed. It was like Desi never expected to visit
again and was determined to see everything it had to offer in this one trip.
John just wanted to sit down and take a break.

“
Oooh
, come on guys, you’re going to love the next exhibit,”
Desi said as she dragged Jake down the hall after her. Despite Jake’s apparent
fitness, he was flagging, too. So much for being able to keep up with her.

“Are we
seriously going to go like this for another four days?” John asked when Desi disappeared
around the corner. “The museums and galleries are great, but I could use a
break. We should go watch a movie. Something that doesn’t require any more
walking.”

“You big
baby,” Gretchen said. Pressing up against John, she looped her arms around his
neck and held onto him. He appreciated the hug, but the way she hung, John
suspected she was trying to take some of the weight off her legs. He squeezed
her and lifted her up off the ground a little. She smiled, and said, “A movie
does sound nice.”

“Maybe if
we all gang up on her we can get Desi to give us a break. Jake looks like he’s
about to drop,” John said.

Gretchen
giggled. “He does, doesn’t he? I think he underestimated Desi’s endurance.”

“I bet he
breaks up with her when we get back.”

“John…”
Gretchen said, smacking him on the shoulder, “that’s not very nice.”

“I’m
kidding. Jake really seems to like her. And he’s a nice guy,” he said. “They
seem happy together, when Desi’s not dragging him around museums, that is.”

Shaking her
head, Gretchen glanced at the corner Desi and Jake had disappeared around.
“They do.”

Desi looked
back and saw John and Gretchen then and started waving them over. As the art
teacher at the high school, Desi was in heaven spending the week gazing at her
favorite artists. Every exhibit they stopped at, the group got another lesson
from Desi. It was pretty interesting at first, but by day three, a lot of what
she said started to sound like she was just repeating herself.

Trudging up
behind Desi and Jake, John didn’t look at the exhibit immediately. Instead, he
walked over to Jake and was about to recruit him to join the coup against Desi
in favor of seeing a movie when the bright colors of one of the paintings
caught his eye. Interested, he looked up and stared at the swirling design.

Its
abstract strokes and vague outlines immediately registered with him. Something
about the painting seemed familiar. The placard next to the painting named the
artist as Sue Ann Mika, a local painter. The name held nothing for him. John didn’t
recognize it. There was something about the painting, though. The soft pastel
colors slid across the canvas, pulling him into it, until suddenly it was
replaced by a whole other painting.

In the time
it took to blink, John was somewhere else. The bright, textured walls of the
gallery in Albuquerque had morphed into smooth, pale blue holding a uniform row
of paintings. They were similar to the Mika paintings in their abstract use of
color and shape, but at the same time they were nothing alike. This painting
had deep, pulsing colors as opposed to the light, whimsical expressions in the
Mika painting. The connection John had felt in the Albuquerque gallery was
multiplied tenfold as he stared at this new painting.

Entranced
with the image, John jumped in surprise when he felt someone touch his arm. He
could feel a hand slip around his arm and link with his. The touch felt so
familiar, so natural, John couldn’t help but look over to see who it belonged
to. Halfway through the motion, though, his eyes closed. Fear held him. He knew
who he would see.

His eyes
struggled to open, even despite his desire to keep her hidden from view. He
lost the battle and found himself staring down into her dark eyes. She looked
up at him silently. Serene. That was how he would describe her. Standing there
in the phantom gallery which had once been lost in his mind, John knew this
woman loved him. He felt her pleasure at sharing the moment with him. She had
no name or place in time for him but, in that brief moment, she had John’s
heart.

The warmth
of her skin against his made John forget everything else. There was no gallery
in Albuquerque, there was only her and the moment they shared. They lingered there,
on Memory’s edge, until John’s waking thoughts crept back into his mind. Where
was this woman? Why had she abandoned him? That moment, it was one a person
would keep forever and treasure. It was obviously important enough to his mind
that it was revived when so many others weren’t. Why wasn’t that true for her
as well?

If she had
truly loved John, she would have found him.

John
blinked back his frustration and everything disappeared.

Another
blink of his eyes and John was back in Albuquerque, staring at the hidden image
of a woman reclining amidst a wash of soothing colors. Sound returned next and
he heard Desi telling everyone about the materials the artist used in her work.
Everything should have felt right again, but he couldn’t seem to find any
warmth in the room. His skin tingled in the chill even though it was the middle
of a desert summer.

“Hey, you,”
came a voice. Then hands wrapped around his waist. Warmth and sensation finally
returned as John glanced behind his shoulder at Gretchen. “You like the
painting?” she asked.

“Yeah,
it’s, uh, I don’t know. It just kind of grabbed me when I looked at it,” he
said. That was basically what happened, if not in the way Gretchen probably
imagined. Actually, John really wanted to stop looking at the painting now, not
because he didn’t like it, but because it was threatening to pull him back into
memories he did not want to face.

“I love the
colors she used. I feel very peaceful when I look at it,” Gretchen said.

“Yeah, me
too. Hey, where’d Desi go?” he asked. John really wanted to get away from the
exhibit. He felt bad because he really did think the paintings were beautiful,
but he couldn’t risk looking at them any longer. If he zoned out again in front
of Gretchen, she would know something was wrong, and he was still determined
not to let her find out about the memories.

“She and
Jake moved on to the next exhibit. You really seemed to be into that Mika
painting so she didn’t bug us to follow.” Gretchen looked up at John, a small
frown on her lips. “Are you doing okay? If you’re too tired we can just head
back to the hotel. Maybe go swimming.”

“You’d
actually let me see you in your swimsuit?” he asked, glad for the change in
topic. Hopefully she would forget about the first question she had asked.

“Maybe,”
Gretchen said nervously.

It had been
an interesting three days as far as the hotel situation went. Gretchen had not
only avoided going swimming so far, she had also managed to make the sleeping
arrangement problem a non-issue. The first night she and Desi went shopping
downtown that evening, leaving Jake and John to hang out together, and didn’t
get back until John was already half asleep in bed. The next night they went to
a concert at Pope Joy Hall and Gretchen fell asleep in the car on the way back
to the hotel.

There was
the possibility that those two things had just been coincidences, but John had
the feeling she and Desi had planned late night outings on purpose. It bothered
him that Gretchen didn’t seem to trust him not to try something with her if she
didn’t want him to. He just had to keep reminding himself of what she was
trying to overcome to keep from getting too annoyed with her. She was trying.

As they
made their way to the last exhibit, John felt a sudden determination to prove
to Gretchen that she could trust him completely. Maybe it was the remnant of
that memory, but John needed to know Gretchen wouldn’t forget him as easily as
the memory woman had. John didn’t want to become a simple memory for Gretchen.