Moonshine (18 page)

             
“Did you see his face? He may never forgive me.”

             
“Why would he need to forgive you, Honey? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

             
“I lied. I never told him the truth. I kept this secret from him. He was my best friend and I betrayed his trust, and what if he doesn’t believe me. What if he thinks I am lying?”

             
“He knows you’re not lying. He knows. Don’t you worry about that. His dad is dead and he has to come to terms with this. He loves you and just like us, when you love someone it’s hard to hear that they suffered. Not to mention it was at the hands of his father, the man that deep down in his chest he loves even though he was mean and cruel and never the father that he needed. Just be patient with him. He will come around.”

             
“I hope you’re right.”

             
“You are such a brave girl. I am sorry that you had to go through this. I don’t want to forget to tell you so I am telling you now. I am proud of you. I am proud that you had the strength to get through this, and I am indebted forever to Ryker for saving my baby’s life.”

             
I waited there in Doctor Greene’s office hoping that Moon would come back and see me, but he never did. Despite what I already knew, I still hoped he would walk back through the doors, but it never happened. Hopefully he hadn’t walked out of my life for good. My heart wasn’t prepared for that kind of devastating blow. 

27

And a half

Moon

             
I stood there in front of my dad’s grave, waiting for an explanation that would never come. The words father and husband that were written on his headstone did not deserve to be there. It should have read self-righteous son of a bitch who cheats on his wife and rapes innocent young girls for pleasure. “You sick son of a bitch. How could you do this?’ I kicked the stone as hard as I could in hopes that it would shatter into a million pieces like my heart. “When I picture her lying there screaming for you stop and someone to help her, God it makes me crazy. If you were here right now I would kill you with my bare hands. I would take away your life like you took hers.” I screamed at the ground with everything I had.

             
“It’s not fair that you got away with this. It’s not fair that you didn’t have to suffer the way that she did.” I fell to my knees at the foot of his grave. “There was a time in my life that I loved you; a time when I looked up to you, but right now on this hallow ground I hate you. I can forgive you for being a horrible Dad because I have a wonderful Mother who makes up for it, but I will never forgive you for taking the innocence away from Shine. My girl,” I screamed. “She’s mine and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for what you did. I hope you asked for forgiveness before you died because you are gonna need it. Burn in hell you bastard.”

I punched the ground as hard as I could and walked away leaving his memory behind.

28

Shine

              “I can’t believe that you are leaving me already. I don’t want you to go.” My pouty lip that I had been using all day was not working. He couldn’t stay no matter how bad I wanted him too. It was only two more weeks without him, but that was two weeks too long.

             
“I don’t want to leave you either, but I have too. Besides, just think of how great it will be when you are on the outside with me. You and me are gonna party like a rock star.”Oh hell! Yes, he was singing, and it was horrible. I’ll miss that too.

             
“Shut up already.” I smacked his arm. “And hug me.” He pulled me in tight and kissed my lips. “I already miss you.” The tears were building up and I was trying to fight them off.

             
“I miss you too.”

             
“Don’t forget what Mom and Dad said. I think you should go straight there when you leave here.”

             
“You know I can’t. I told you that I am going to see my parents.”

             
“I know and I am so proud of you, but I just want you to know that you have a home to come back to, when you get ready. Have you talked to your parents; do they know you’re coming home?”

             
“No. I figured that if I called them they would just tell me not to come, so I am taking a chance. I’m ready to try. I hope I can convince them to try too. Keep your fingers crossed. Either way I am coming back to see you in two weeks; so be ready.” He hugged me again. All of his bags were in the hallway waiting for him when we walked out.

             
“Listen Johnny Boy, I don’t care how much fun you are having without me… I still expect at least one letter. You have to tell me how it goes with your parents. Here,” I handed him an envelope with a stamp already on it. “Use it, I mean it. If you don’t write me at least once I swear I am gonna punch you in the face when I get out of here.”

             
“Uh huh, I don’t see that happening, Shorty. Take care in here, and don’t make any new best friends while I am gone.”

             
“I won’t. Take care, Johnny. I love you, and I’ll see you in two weeks.”

             
He kissed one last time on the cheek. “I love you too, Sunshine. See ya soon.”

             
Reliving this moment again took all I had. Two days in a row each boy that I loved walked out the door. At least this time it was on good terms, but it still hurt. Willing myself to hold back the tears was hard. I didn’t want to lose it in front of Johnny. He has seen me break too many times and I wanted to be strong for him. He was leaping into the unknown and I could tell he was worried. His parents were going to be brutal and I hope he tells them to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. He deserves happiness after all these years. I am glad we found each other because if nothing else we found someone in this crazy world to love us. I love him with my whole heart. He is my sweet Johnny and I hate watching him walk out the door. I blew him a kiss and went back to my room and that’s where I wished for these last two weeks to pass by as quick as possible.

28

And a half

Moon

             
“What are you doing here?” Bradley looked shocked to see me outside the facility. I knew he would be.

             
“I’m giving you a ride.” I explained. His eyebrows rose, “not that kind of ride, you perv!” He busted out laughing. “Seriously, when I dropped off my letter for Shine, Gerry said that she was kind of down because you were leaving today. I figured that I would wait out here for you and I could give you a ride home or wherever you are going. We could talk, I wanted to say thanks.”

             
“You don’t have to thank me, and I’d love a ride.” He smirked. “To the bus stop, I mean.” I helped him load his bags in the trunk.

             
“Are you sure you want to go to the bus stop? Bill -Shine’s dad, said that you were coming to stay with them for a while. I don’t mind taking you there it’s only about forty five minutes. It’s not that far.”

             
“That was the original plan, but the plan has changed. I am going back home to see my worthless parents.” Clicking his seat belt into place, he acted like he didn’t want to talk about it. Fine by me, I had other things on my mind. “The bus stop is about five miles that way,” he pointed. “So spill it, what’s on your mind.”

             
“Shine,” she’s always on my mind.

             
“Well duh, I figured that.”

             
“I love her man.”

             
“Why don’t you start by telling me something I don’t know.” He rolled his eyes. “I know that you love her. She loves you too, and right now she’s pretty broken up. She thinks that you don’t believe her and that you are mad at her.”

             
“That’s not the case, I swear it. I wasn’t mad when I left yesterday. I was upset and sick about the whole damn situation. I just had to get out of there and breathe. When I left I went straight to my dad’s grave to let off some steam. Looking back now I wish I would have stayed, but I couldn’t. The guilt is too much. I won’t ever be able to make up for what he did to her.”

             
“She doesn’t want you to make up for it, man. She wants you to love her and tell her that everything will be okay. You just need to go talk to her. Whether you are ready or not, you are the man and you have to be strong for her. She needs to know that you didn’t run from her. So make sure that’s the first thing that you tell her.”

             
“You love her too don’t you?”

             
“Yes I do. She is my best friend. I am allowed to have that title since you get to be boyfriend.”

             
“I’m not her boyfriend.”

             
“I wish the two of you would quit saying that. I am sure that you have loved her since you met her. I know I did, and you want to protect her and keep her safe. You also don’t want anyone else to have her. So shit or get off the pot.”

             
“You don’t hold back, do you?” I laughed at him.

             
“There’s no fun in that.”

             
“Thank you for taking care of my girl.”

             
“Our girl,” he demanded. “And you’re welcome. Always take care of her. I mean it. Underneath this gay there is still a set of muscles, and I will kick your ass.”

             
I smiled. “You got it.”

             
We grabbed the bags from the trunk. “See ya around, Man” He held out his hand to me and I gladly accepted.

             
“Friend,” I said shaking his hand.

             
“Yeah, friend… I’ll catch you later. Thanks for the ride.” He called over his shoulder.

29

Shine

             
Six days he’s been gone, and I feel blah. I miss him more and more every day. Not once have I gotten that damn letter I requested. He knew that I would worry. It would have been nice to at least have a phone call to say he was partying like rock star. Luckily, Moon’s letters have been coming full force. There was only one day that I didn’t get a letter and that was the day he came to hear my story, but Monday I had two letters to make up for it. Gerry said that he tried to persuade her to let him see me, but rules are rules. He apologized for running out on me and told me that he would make it up to me. Since today is visiting day, he promised he would come and spend the whole day with me. Mom and Dad won’t be coming today, they promised they would give me and Moon some alone time. I was so excited last night that I could barely sleep.

             
“Mrs. Gerry, is he here yet?” I asked through the doorway of the office.

             
“Why don’t you go out to the backyard and check and see. I haven’t seen him, but I know he’ll be here. I have no doubt. He’s persistent. Every day that he dropped off a letter this week, he asked to see you. Once he even offered me fifty bucks and a kiss. I almost went for it. He’s a cutie.”

             
“Yes ma’am he is.” I giggled.

             
When I opened the sliding glass door I saw him on the backside of the lawn setting on a park bench. He didn’t notice me because he was looking at his phone. I don’t know why I felt nervous, but it just hit me all of a sudden. There were no words to describe it, but I felt it in the pit of stomach. That fluttering feeling I get every time I look at him. His long legs were stretched out in front of him, and he was wearing his blue jeans and work boots. I don’t know why but every time I saw him in those damn boots I would picture him only wearing those boots and nothing else.

             
I had almost made it to him before he looked up and saw me. I made sure I wore the outfit that he loved the most. I had on a navy blue sundress and the cowboy boots that he bought me. The look he gave me says he approved.

             
He scooped me up in his arms so fast that I didn’t even have time to speak. His big muscular arms swallowed me up and he spun me around. It felt perfect.

             
“You look beautiful, Shine baby.”

             
My heart sunk all the way to my feet. It was the first time I had heard him call me that in a very long time, to my face anyway. I had seen it written on every letter, but to actually hear the words come out of his mouth was a million times better.

             
“Thank you! Would you say that again?” I asked as I pulled him onto the bench beside me.

             
“You look beautiful.” He gave me this strange look.

             
“Not that.” I playfully slapped his arm.

             
“Shine baby,” he grinned.

             
“Yes that. I have missed hearing you call me that.”

             
“Really, I always thought that you hated when I called you that.”

             
“That was because I couldn’t let you know how much I really liked it. You were always just Moon, my best friend. I didn’t want you to know that I secretly loved it when you called me that.”

             
“Why don’t you tell me all of the other things that you secretly love?”

             
“Well there was one other thing. I loved it when you kissed my cheek goodbye and especially when you did it in front of everybody. I really just wanted to turn around and flip every other girl standing behind me the bird.” He laughed. It was one of his deep sexy laughs that I loved so much. “Now you know, so there.”

             
“How come the two of us never tried dating?”

             
“First of all you never asked me, and second in all of our time as friends I never once thought that you liked me like that. It wasn’t til that day at school that things seemed different. The day that Melody asked you out you seemed to be extra flirty. I couldn’t understand why and then when you nearly kissed my lips that afternoon, I almost fainted.”

             
“I was gonna tell you how I felt that night, the night of the accident. I had been chicken shit all of these years. I was worried that you’d reject me.” He stated.

             
“What do you mean all of these years?”

             
“God Shine, I thought it was obvious. I have loved you since the day we met. It was the day that you pushed me down and took off my knee cap. Honestly, I really didn’t know what love was then, but looking back now I always knew that it was you that I wanted.” My hands were shaking and I was looking into his eyes. I don’t know how I let him get away from me. Looking at those eyes now, I realized that there wasn’t anything there that scared me. It was never the eyes but the man behind them. I was blind. He pulled me over to where I was sitting sideways on top of his lap. “I’m sorry that I wasted all of those years not telling you the truth. I love you, Shine baby. I need to know how you feel about me. Do you feel the same way?”

             
I couldn’t take it any longer. For years I had wished that those lips were touching mine and now they could be. I wouldn’t waste another minute. I put a hand on each side of his face and stared at him. I slowly let my lips touch his and it was the most intense moment I have ever had. There was electricity that sparked and it sent a tingling sensation from my head to my toes. It started out slow, but didn’t last that way for long. We had waited too long and there was so much sexual desire between the two of us that we could have used a fire extinguisher. When I pulled away we sat there with our foreheads touching trying to catch our breath. “That was the best first kiss ever. I love you back, Moon. I have known that I loved you for a long, long, time. I didn’t tell you because I was scared that we wouldn’t be best friends anymore. I didn’t want to lose you from my life. I figured that as long as we remained friends that I would always have you, it just wouldn’t be the exact way that I wanted you. Then when I got a second chance at life I realized that life is too short. I love you so much that I can’t picture my life without you.”

             
He kissed me again but this time it was soft and loving. “You said that I never asked you, so now I am. I want you to be my forever, Shine. I don’t want to share you with anybody. When you get out of here, I want us to get our own place and start a life together. I love you. Will you be my girlfriend?”

             
“Well duh!” I laughed. “But are you sure about us moving in together? We haven’t even been going out for thirty seconds yet.” I bit my bottom lip trying to hold back my laugh. He reached for my stomach and tickled me.

             
“I know it seems fast, but we damn near lived together our whole life. It won’t be any different, only more fun. Am I right?  Besides, I know everything there is to know about you, and we have lost way too much time. I don’t want to miss another minute of our lives together. Please say that you will come live with me. I promise I will take care of you.”

             
“I know you will.”

             
“So will you move in with me?”

             
“Yes,” He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me close. “But, I have two conditions.” I whispered in his ear.

             
“Let’s hear em’.”

             
“First of all, I promised Bradley that he would have a place to stay. I can’t just leave him out in the cold. He is my friend and he has had a really hard time. Without him I don’t think I would have made it through this program.”             

             
“That’s fine. We will get two bedrooms. One for us and one for him,” he answered like it was no big deal. This is why I love him.

             
“You just have it all figured out don’t you?”

             
“I think so. It depends on the second condition.”

             
“I am gonna need an abundance of strawberry Pop Tarts.”

             
“This is the happiest day of my life. He picked me up bucket style like he was cradling me, and showed half the community my undies, but I didn’t care. This man promised me a fresh start at a new life and I was ready to start living it.

             
“I love you, Shine baby.”

             
“I love you back, Moon.”

             
The rest of the afternoon we spent snuggled up inside but our evening was cut short when Moon’s papaw called. He had some kind of an emergency on the farm with a birthing cow. I didn’t ask for the details. As bad as we didn’t want to part ways, we had too. He promised me that he would be back next week with my parents to pick me up. I was so ready. I was getting my happy ending after all.

             
Once Moon left, Gerry came and got me from the lunchroom to let me know that I had another visitor. Someone that I never expected to see had come to see me.

             
“What are you doing here, Melody?” I asked her. She looked like a hot mess, so I guess it was fair to say that she looked normal.

             
“I need to talk to you. Can we go outside or something? It’s important.” I don’t know what she would need to talk to me about, but she did come all of this way so I guess I would hear her out. We walked out onto the patio and sat facing each other on the picnic table. “What is this about?”

             
“I wanted to come and talk to you a long time ago, but I didn’t. I had my reasons, and I promise you they were shitty ones.” She fidgeted. It was like whatever she had to say was on the tip of her tongue.

             
“Would you just say it already? Whatever it is, just tell me.” I said a little forceful. I was trying not to bite her head off which would have been easy to do.

             
She looked down into her lap. “I was there, Shine. That day in the locker room, I was there.”

             
“YOU WHAT!!!” I screamed at her as I stood up from the table. “You have to be fucking kidding me right now. When I screamed for help and laid there as that bastard beat the hell out of me, you were there, the whole time. Why didn’t you help me?” Oh damn I could have yanked her off that seat by the head of her hair. “Answer me, damn it!”

             
She stood up. She was crying now, but it was no use. “I’m sorry Shine. I didn’t help because of Ryker. I was so pissed off at you that day, because he turned me down. He was in love with you and I knew it. When I heard you screaming in the locker room, I left. I just walked out and left you there with him. I felt like at the time you deserved what was coming to you.”

             
“You are a cold hearted bitch.” I pointed my finger in her face. “I can’t believe you just left me there. Do you know how much pain I went through? Do you know that he took things from me that I will never get back? I could not stand you Melody. We have never been friends, but by God I would not have let you lay there if you were screaming for help. I would have helped you.”

             
She was a sobbing mess at this point. “I know and I am sorry. I didn’t know who it was that was hurting you until I heard about the wreck. I put it all together. I never said anything because when you pushed everyone away you pushed Moon too.  I thought that you not wanting him would make him think twice about giving me a chance.”

             
“You did all of this just so you could get in Moon’s pants?” I just shook my head. “I guess once a whore always a whore, right?”  I backed up away from her, because I was afraid of what I might do and frankly the sight of her was making me sick. “What made you decide to tell me this now?”

             
“When I found out that you tried to commit suicide, I felt guilty. I thought maybe if I told you earlier that it wouldn’t have happened.”

             
“So that’s it. You felt guilty. What if I had succeeded and actually died. Then what, would have just gone on about your normal life without saying a word?”

             
“I’m sorry, Shine. I really am.”

             
“Good for you. You can leave now, because I have nothing more to say to you.” I turned my back to her. “You know what?” I spoke into the air.

             
“What?”

             
“He still loves me, so was it worth it?”

             
I didn’t wait for her to answer; I just walked off towards the sunset. I had to get as much distance between us as possible. Inside I was trying to find any excuse I could to blame her for everything, but I couldn’t. All I could come up with is that she was a horrible person and that she would have to live with herself. It’s a pity I couldn’t place all the blame on her, but I couldn’t. After a long walk and lots self-evaluation I decided that I still couldn’t stand her, I would probably never forgive her, and I know that I would never forget. It was time to move on.