Authors: Ashley Johnson
Paul linked our arms and we walked up to the front doors of the church. Inside, we found Halley, Marcus, and Trevor waiting no doubt for me to get there.
The white and pink roses were set up along the pews and the wedding arch was in place. A little basket of pink rose petals sat to the side of the last pew for the flower girl to toss on her way down the aisle. I don’t know who she found to be her flower girl unless she asked her little niece. They had transformed the church into a little piece of heaven, it was beautiful.
The pastor immediately began giving orders as soon as I walked in. He talked rather quickly explaining that the flower girl will walk down and stand at a certain spot and then Trevor and I will walk down next and then split to our separate sides once we reach the front. Then the wedding march will play and Halley and her father will come down the aisle.
After he finished explaining the obvious, we all walked back to where we walk from. Halley’s niece showed up at that point and we filled the little girl in. She was about six years old with bouncy brown curls and the biggest brown eyes. She was adorable and no doubt would probably steal the whole wedding.
She walked almost like a professional and stood where she was supposed to. I could see Paul sitting at the last pew trying to make faces at me. Since my arm was now linked with Trevor’s so we could walk, I simply stuck my tongue out at him. The pastor saw and frowned at me for my poor behavior. I giggled as Trevor and I made our way down to the altar.
Trevor leaned into my ear and whispered telling me not to trip and fall. I pressed my lips into a thin line and glared at him. If I fall, he’s falling too. I hope he realizes that. Then it was Halley and her father’s turn. Once we all stood in our spots, the preacher stressed again how important it was to be ready and on time for the wedding. He sounded like a drone going on and on but I know he was just trying to make sure we had our shit together.
He made us walk through one more time and then we all tried our best to convince him that we had it together.
This last time, Trevor made a face and whispered in my ear mocking the pastor. I burst out laughing and had the pastor shoot me a dirty look. In turn, I jabbed Trevor in the side. Marcus shook the pastor’s hand and thanked him for meeting with us tonight for this rehearsal and then we all made our way outside.
I shoved Trevor and started laughing. “Thanks a lot now he probably thinks I’m the spawn of Satan!”
“What did I do? I can’t believe you just disrespected that man. You should be ashamed of yourself Macy. You can’t act that way inside the church.”
“Ohmigod Trevor don’t even play!
Did you see the look he gave me?”
Marcus walked up beside me and placed his hand around my shoulder laughing, “Oh yeah Mace, I definitely saw it.
He just damned you to hell right there. Good one bro.” He and Trevor bumped fists and I ducked from under his arm to get away.
Paul and Halley were talking when I walked up but they stopped as I got closer. I looked at Paul basically telling him with my eyes that if he didn’t tell me what they were talking about then I would get him back. At this moment I had no idea how to do that but I would think of something.
He just grinned and linked our arms together again.
Halley announced we were going to The Lounge. Go figure, I should have known. I felt like every time I walked inside I was being reminded of my mistakes over and over again and every time Luke slipped further and further away. I got in the car and Paul started it up. Before he put the car in drive, he glanced at me
, “Grace, I want you to have fun tonight and tomorrow. Don’t stress over Luke.”
I opened my mouth to state my case but he placed a finger in the air signaling for me to stop. Ugh guess I have no choice. I rolled my eyes and let him continue. “Did you just roll your eyes at me? I’m telling you don’t stress over him. Things will work in time. You can’t rush it and there is absolutely no running to his house tonight. I
will drag you by your hair, don’t think I won’t.”
I tried to keep a serious face but I started laughing and shook my h
ead letting him know I fully understood and believed him. “I’m not running anywhere tonight I promise. Let’s go have fun. We have a wedding to attend tomorrow.” He shot me a smile then drove away from the church parking lot.
I walked into The Lounge like it
was any day because it was just like any other day. There was nothing special going on. Luke wasn’t there with his strong arms and those sparkling green eyes to meet me on the dance floor. There was just me and Paul. And oddly I was ok with that.
Halley greeted me at the bar with a full smile. Her hair was now pulled back into a ponytail and she was holding two shot glasses in her hand. I raised my eyebrow trying to figure out what was inside and she instantly replied, “Buttery nipples bitch. Take a shot with me.”
I didn’t want to but I tossed it back. All buttery nipples reminded me of were the night of Halley’s bachelorette party when everything changed. But dammit if that wasn’t one of the best shots I’ve ever had. Just this one shot and I already knew I was done for tonight. I just prayed I could keep my word to Paul and not stress over Luke or our awful dilemma. It was hard when every time I turned around memories flooded my thoughts. I saw his green eyes everywhere and I missed that so much. I missed all of it so much, but I did like Paul asked and I tossed every memory aside.
I didn’t know the girl working behind the bar but Paul did. He started talking to her and I slipped behind the bar and fixed myself a crown and coke minus some of the coke. It was strong and just what I needed. I began sipping on it pulled my phone out of my pocket when I felt it vibrate. I looked at the screen and saw a missed call from Luke. My eyes got big and my phone slipped out of my hand falling onto the floor. I scrambled to the floor to pick it up and make sure I didn’t shatter the screen. That would have been a bitch.
Halley helped me up because I guess she thought I fell or something. I didn’t correct her or make any sarcastic comments. I was too in shock over seeing that he actually called me. Do I call him back? Do I not? What am I supposed to do?
The screen was still lit up and she glanced over as I was straightening myself up. She screamed so loud I almost threw the phone again. “Geez Hales, that’s fucking loud.”
“You ignored Luke’s call?” As soon as she asked that, Paul turned around and grabbed my phone.
“Girl are you going to call him back?” He eyed me suspiciously as if I
was supposed to give the perfect answer but I didn’t know what that was. I’ve tried to talk to Luke on more than one occasion and he wouldn’t talk to me. In the back of my head I knew the answer, I just wasn’t sure if I could carry through with it.
I snapped out of my thoughts to find both Halley and Paul standing in front of me with their hands on their hips. Good lord, they are too alike for me. “I’ve made my decision. He can wait a little longer because he made me wait and hurt so fuck him tonight. Ok that’s a little
mean; I don’t mean that last part. But he can wait so he can see what it feels like. I’m here to have fun tonight with my bitches and that’s what we’re going to do.” I was smiling confidently on the outside even though on the inside I was hurting a little more than I was before. I turned my phone completely off and stuck it back in my pocket where it couldn’t be a distraction.
I looked to see where Marcus was. Usually he is by Halley’s side but I noticed he and Trevor were setting up their equipment. I didn’t know they were supposed to be playing tonight.
Trevor was doing a mic check and making sure his guitar was tuned. Halley and I each had another buttery nipple and I continued to sip my crown and coke and when it was only halfway gone, I filled it back up. I really should have eaten this evening but I didn’t and I’m sure later I’ll pay the consequences.
Trevor’s voice came through the speakers suddenly and it caught me off guard. My drink almost went flying out of my hands. Maybe I didn’t need to hold onto anything tonight since I had a case of butterfingers.
“How’s everyone doing tonight?” The crowd erupted into cheers and hollers as he continued, “Tomorrow my best friend is getting married so I want to go ahead and congratulate Marcus and Halley. Mind if we play a few songs for you?” Of course they didn’t mind because the cheers got louder and I saw the familiar scene of women fawning over what is Trevor James as he began singing ‘Through the Glass’ by Stone Sour.
Gah, I remember when I was one of those girls
in front of the stage. I remember how I used to practically lose my mind when the light hit him so perfect. I also just realized I had constantly been drinking my crown and coke and that awful slurping sound was coming from the straw. I made my way back to the bar to fix another and threw the straw away this time. I don’t even know why I grabbed one in the first place.
This was the first time in a long time that I felt drawn to him as he sang. For some unknown reason to me, he seemed to have a sadder facial expression than normal. I’ve hardly seen him in a sad mood. The only time I can honestly recall is when he came crawling back to me after the
Taylor incident crying in my room at Halley’s. His eyes suddenly looked heavy and his body language was all off. Usually he moved while on stage but tonight, he stood there just singing.
I looked towards Halley trying to get her attention to see if she knew what was with Trevor. Of course she had to know something; Marcus was Trevor’s best friend. I began to walk towards her and had to stop and regain my balance. Damn alcohol was getting to me. Once I got focused again, I walked up to where her and Paul were standing and pulled her to the side.
She eyed my drink then looked at me and placed her hand on her hip. I had no doubt in my mind she was getting ready to lay into me. “Halley please don’t start on my drinking, that’s not the issue.”
“What is the issue Mace? You ok?” She continued to eye me suspiciously in the way only a best friend can and I hated that look.
It was the look that said; tell me all your problems because I know they are ten feet tall. No doubt, she would be criticizing me later if I did have anything to tell her.
I glanced back towards Trevor as he continued to sing. I suddenly wanted to hold his head between my hands and kiss him and tell him everything was going to be ok no matter what he was dealing with. Ohmigod what the fuck am I thinking? Good thing I didn’t say that out loud because I can’t really mean that.
I don’t mean that. I’m just another drunken mess and I need to get a grip on things now before they end up out of control.
“Is Trevor….ok? He seems a little distant up there.”
She looked around to make sure no one could hear and then she leaned in slowly to whisper as loudly as she could in my ear. “His birth mother found him and wants to talk. He’s not too sure about it since they just dumped him off when he was younger.”
Wow, I knew all that because he had told me when I was pregnant.
He said he wanted to be different than they were; he didn’t want to put his kid through all that. I didn’t know Halley knew but instantly my heart hurt for him. I had no idea what he was going through and really he had no one to be there for him. I couldn’t even say anything but she saw the look on my face and suddenly placed her hand on my shoulder.
“Mace, you can’t tell him I told you. Marcus promised me not to tell anyone and I see that look on your face. He’s still torn up about
you, he just covers it well.”
“What are you talking about Hales, we’ve had our closure and we are good.”
“You can’t be that blind. He still loves you so much but he knows to stay away from you. So you need to get yourself together. That means get your beer goggles off. Don’t go confusing him please.”
I flipped her off and looked back towards Trevor. They just finished that song and announced they would be taking a break after the next one. We locked gazes for a split second then he got back in his zone but I could still see the pain that was behind his eyes.
“What are you talking about Halley? All I asked was if he was ok. You really think I would try something?”
All she did was give me the look. The look that says I know you better than you think I do.
I spun on my heel and walked behind the bar to have another drink that I knew I didn’t need at all. It was just something else to impair my judgment and give me an excuse to make more bad choices.
Paul glanced in my direction as I poured another drink and I simply stuck my tongue out. I hated when he and Halley were in babysitting mode. I am not a five year old child. Sometimes I know I can act like one but dammit I’m a grown adult.
I turned to find him even closer to me as I tried to walk off. He reached out and touched my arm, “Grace, if you’re hurting that bad just call Luke. No one is going to say anything stupid to you for it. I know how much he means to you.”
Tears threatened to spill down my cheeks but I refused to let them. I already said I wouldn’t call him back right away. That he could see what he put me through. Tomorrow or the next day was a different story. I’d be all over the phone or there in person
as soon as I could.
“I’m fine Will, I swear. See my smile.” I gave the best confident smile I could and he studied me carefull
y before he gave me a tight hug and ran his fingers through my hair.