My Body-His (14 page)

“
How do you know where I usually run on the
beach?” I said as we pulled into the parking lot.

“
Oh, is this the place?” he said.

My stomach churned as he walked over to the area I
typically stretched. I couldn’t be sure if my stomach responded to
the fact that Luke knew exactly where I ran without me telling him
or the fact that we might cross paths with Scott. But as soon as we
starting running and found that our strides suited each others’, I
had completely let go of any anxiety.

Somehow running with Luke made me love him even more.
It flashed a beacon of commonality that I so desperately needed.
After the run, we enjoyed breakfast at Coral Rose Café. He made it
so easy to be with him. The world fell away when he looked at me.
There were no tables or waitresses, no customers around, only Luke
bringing me into his world, his sphere of existence. Nothing else
mattered. Life felt wonderful and whole. I stopped and stared a
moment at Luke, taking him in. I could see the energy that animated
him, as if the energy itself provided a force field that pulsated
around him. His sandy brown hair hung across his broad forehead,
framing the gray eyes that had conquered me. I breathed a sigh of
relief that he had chosen
me
, plain Jane.

Later that night I felt inspired to write. I hadn’t
been much into using the computer, except at work. Friends had
given up emailing me after a while because it would take days,
sometimes weeks before I’d respond. I found all the forwards one
had to wade through annoying and really hadn’t gotten into all the
IM-ing everyone else seemed to enjoy. I wasn’t
technology-challenged, just less interested than most to use my
computer apart from work.

On Sunday all of that changed. I felt inspired to
describe our lovemaking experience. I’d had such an amazing orgasm
I felt that, if I didn’t chronicle it in some real way, I’d forget
all the details and it would be as if it never happened. I snuck
out of bed and went into the living room. I planned to search for a
pad I’d previously seen in the kitchen and select a pen from the
cup on the counter; however, Luke had conveniently left his
computer out and still logged on. I loaded up Word and began to
write:

After breakfast we
spent the rest of that day shopping and later dined out again
before returning home. The outfits Luke picked out and bought for
me were far more stylish and sexy than any I’d ever owned. He also
purchased three pairs of what he referred to as ‘practical’ shoes.
I liked the brown sandals the best.

When we finished
unloading the groceries and clothes Luke said, “Let’s shower and
fuck.”

I smiled broadly. We
had established a shower routine. As the shower couldn’t
accommodate both of us, I’d shower first and he’d get in after
me.

We dried off, combed
through our hair and walked into the bedroom. There we lay naked in
bed, gazing at each other and touching. He ran his hands over my
body slowly and thoroughly.

“
You have sexy
legs, very soft and smooth,” Luke said.

“
And may I say
you know exactly how to touch me.”

“
We were made for
each other, Jane. And once you come to fully trust me you will see
how well I know your body.”

Luke moved me onto my
side facing him and we wrapped our legs around each other. Cupping
my head in his hand, he lowered his lips to mine. During a long and
passionate kiss, our tongues danced around as we explored each
other’s mouths. He had a way of breathing in my lower lip and
taking it gently between his teeth that caused me to gasp. In the
early throes of our lovemaking, he planted kisses down my neck,
sucking and biting his way to the hard, protruding nipple that
craved his mouth. He did not disappoint. He had a way of drawing in
my nipple that combined suckling with intense pressure that made me
arch my back and cry out. He pushed my upper shoulder away so he
could reach my other breast. Cupping it in his large hand, he
brought my deep red nipple up to meet his lowered mouth.

“
I love your big
nipples, my Janey,” he whispered in a husky voice.

“
They love you,
too,” I cooed.

For a time, we lay in
each other’s embrace and listened to the sound of our blended
breathing. Finally he moved my top leg so that it lay over his
side, spreading my legs wider, and began to play with my swollen
clit. He then guided my hand and I awkwardly resisted the
direction, mistaking his intentions. I thought he wanted me to take
over stimulating my clitoris but he had other plans. He moved my
hand between my buttocks, guided my finger into my ass, and pushed
it in as deep as I could manage in that position. I felt
self-conscious about touching myself in that way.

He roughly grabbed my
hair and pulled my head back. “Jane?” he said. “Baby, insert
another finger in your ass for me,” he said softly, but I realized
the request was a demand. He played with my clit while he sucked
and nibbled my neck. He took control of my hand and pushed it in
deeper, in and out of my ass. “Another finger,” he said. The
combined stimulation of the pressure on my clit and Luke using my
own fingers to fuck me made me scream out my pleasure, “Oh god, oh
that’s good, oh, oh my … Luke!”

His physical strength
engulfed me.

“
Yes, babe, I
know what you need,” he said as he tightened his grip. “Remember
that while I’m gone.”

“
Ohhhhh my god!”
I screamed, as the forceful contractions took over my
body.

After I recovered, he
lay back and maneuvered me so that I knelt over his lap. As I rode
his cock, he directed my hips downward, rubbing my clit against his
pubis on every stroke.

“
Tell me when you
are ready to cum again,” he said, looking directly into my
eyes.

“
Ummmm,” I said.
Our eyes locked and I knew I’d never truly connected with another
person before Luke. His look held me, opened me.

The wetness between us
made it easy to increase the pace.

I muttered primal,
guttural sounds as I got closer and closer to orgasm. “Luke, oh
Luke, I am so going to cum, LUKE, NOW!”

“
Oh yes, babe,
cum for ….” He roared into me, through me. He pulled me in, held me
tightly, only relaxing with each wave that he released into
me.

I lay on his chest, my
frantic breathing finally beginning to slow down. I never wanted to
move from that spot. I couldn’t stand the thought of him flying off
the next day. I didn’t want to have a week to think of all that had
happened so quickly. I knew I’d see my friends and probably suffer
through a meal with my mother, but all I wanted to do was to stay
right there.

I closed the computer, still feeling the energy from
writing my journal entry, and returned to bed with Luke. I curled
up next to him, keeping my hands to myself with some difficulty. I
knew he needed rest.

In the morning I felt less anxious about his
departure and looked forward to sharing my writing with him. “Last
night,” I said, “after we made love, I borrowed your computer and
wrote about it. You had left it open, I hope that’s okay.”

“
Did I say it was okay for you to touch my
things?” he said, grabbing his computer off the coffee table and
moving it to the counter.

He spent several frantic minutes searching through
applications before his shoulders relaxed and a sigh came through
his parted lips.

“
Well, no,” I finally replied, “but I didn’t
think you’d mind. I only opened Word, wrote my story, and then
saved it to a folder I labeled ‘Jane.’ I’m sorry if I upset
you.”

“
You owe me for this. I thought I’d been clear.
My things belong to me and require my permission for your use. I
don’t let anyone use my computer. If you need money to get your
own—”

“
Well no, I mean, I don’t use a computer all
that much.”

“
Do you not have your own laptop?”

“
No.”

“
Get one while I’m gone. I want to be able to
email you from Japan. You owe me for this, Jane. Know that. When I
come back you will see just how much. I had hoped we’d have a sweet
morning goodbye, but I can see that’s not happening. I’ll call a
car to come get me. You’ll hear from me in a few days. Here’s my
email address,” he said, handing me a business card. “Email me once
you’ve gotten the new computer. Oh, and Jane? Leave my things alone
while I’m gone and do not answer the phone.” He took out his
cellphone and made a quick call.

“
Luke wait,” I said when he’d finished with the
call. “Please don’t leave like this. It’s going to be hard enough
without you here. Please don’t leave mad at me. Maybe if you read
the story you will see—”

“
There is a certain amount of respect and
common sense I expect from you. I will cool off, but right now, I
need to leave for the airport. Have a good week,” he said
matter-of-factly. He walked over to me, kissed me on the head, and
headed out the door.

I just stood there in shock. My throat felt
constricted and I desperately needed to talk to someone. I flipped
the business card in my hand, over and over again. I knew I had to
get ready for work. I placed Luke’s card on my end table.

I went through the motions of getting ready. For the
first time I didn’t need to be naked in the apartment, but it felt
strange not to follow the rules. Luke and I never discussed having
people over so I couldn’t be sure if he’d allow it.

Just how brainwashed am I?
I thought.
Allow?

The thought angered me and motivated me to get going.
I left for work determined to buy a laptop and send an email to
Luke telling him how I felt.

I settled into the hectic activity of a typical
Monday. When I looked up at the clock again both hands were
straight up. I walked by Allison’s office and said, “Hey there. How
about some lunch?”

“
Sounds great,” she said, closing her computer
and retrieving her purse. Her loose skirt swayed to and fro as she
made her way around the desk.

“
Do you mind if we go to the place across the
street instead of the pub?” I asked, not making direct eye
contact.

“
All right. Are you okay, Jane? You seem
stranger today than usual,” Allison said with a laugh. “Seriously
though, how are you doing?”

“
Relationship problems,” I said as I headed for
the door. “Feeling confused and a little bit lost. How long have
you been with your fiancé?”

“
Oh, I didn’t know you were seeing anyone ….
We’ve been together two years,” Allison said to my back as she
followed me to the elevator.

“
How long did it take for you to know he was
the one for you?” We stepped in as the doors opened.

“
Two years,” she said with a wry smile.
“Relationships aren’t easy. You’re constantly negotiating each
other’s needs and wants against your own. Deciding who gets to be
right which time.”

“
That sounds pretty grim, Allison.”

“
Not really. You can call it anything you want
but ultimately it’s negotiating a shared life with another person.
Sometimes people get really lucky and find someone that’s enough
like them so that the negotiations are minimal. Too many times
though, it’s usually one person who gives in most of the time. Not
much of a negotiation.”

“
What about the old adage, ‘opposites
attract’?” I asked. We had made our way across the street and down
a block.

“
My experience is that it makes for great sex
but not so great relationships. Way too much negotiating,” she said
as we were seated. “Is that what you’re dealing with?
Opposites?”

“
No, well, maybe. It’s more his moods.” I
paused and said, “Thank you,” to the waitress as she handed me the
menu. As I looked it over, I told Alison, “One minute he’s so there
and warm and affectionate, but then something happens and a massive
draft of cold air blows in, heralding the impending ice
age.”

“
I know exactly what you mean. Men have a
different way of dealing with their emotions and you just have to
figure out a way of not letting their mood affect
yours.”

“
How do you do that?” I said.

“
You have to find a place in yourself where you
can allow him to act out and it can still be okay. Not saying it’s
easy, but regardless of who you’re involved with, you—and all
women—need that skill.”

“
Really? Do you believe that?” I said, still
staring at my menu but not really seeing it.

“
Absolutely. I couldn’t survive my
relationship, let alone my impending marriage, without
it.”

We placed our orders and waited in silence until
Allison said, “Want to tell me what happened with your guy?”

“
It’s silly, really. I used his computer
without asking him. I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal, but it was
to him.” I shrugged my shoulders and looked up at her.

“
Did he tell you not to use his things?” she
asked with her eyebrow raised.

“
Well, not directly, but let’s just say it was
implicitly implied.”

“
Well, then, I would apologize and let it go.
Don’t use his stuff without asking and that problem is solved.” She
swiped her hands a few times to indicate that we had solved another
mystery of the world and placed them in her lap. She looked up at
me with a twinkle in her eyes.