My Body-His (18 page)

“
He asked about you and how you’re doing. I
didn’t say much and kept the conversation short.”

“
Did he say where he’s living now? What he’s
doing for work?”

“
Jane, I said I kept the conversation short. I
gave you his number. Call him if you must but you should know he
will just let you down again as he has done repeatedly in the past
to both of us.”

“
Mother, you pushed him out. I don’t know why
you insist on blaming him.”

“
You have a warped sense of your childhood,
dear. Things were never easy with your father. He
would—”

“
You know what? I don’t want to hear the list
again, okay? Let’s change the subject.”

I still clutched his number in my hand as the
conversation became a blur. I hated that she reminded me of all the
disappointment he had caused. I hated that I still wanted something
from him that I never got. My mother wanted me to believe that
people change. Could he have changed? Did I even want to risk
it?

I shook my head at all the pauses as my mother
gossiped about the people who lived in her condo building, not
really hearing her. I wondered why he had come back around again
and how long he planned to stay in touch.

* * * *

After lunch I spent three hours sorting through the
stuff in my apartment. I separated all my things into three piles
as I contemplated calling my father. One pile held the stuff I
would bring over to our new place, the second pile contained the
things I would get rid of and the last pile was composed of stuff
to go into storage. I left the kitchen alone, deciding not to pack
it up.

By the time I had returned to our place and made
several trips up and down the stairs, I experienced pure
exhaustion. I had no interest in running on the treadmill or going
to the beach. I stripped by the door and headed straight to the
bedroom.

I unpacked the boxes and scattered my artwork around
the place. On the wall next to the table I hung my favorite
photograph of an Indian boy. I thought Luke would approve.

After I finished organizing my things, I opened the
laptop and checked my email.

To:
[email protected]

From:
[email protected]

Subject: Re: Today

Jane,

I had hoped to have a
chance to email you yesterday but the day was hectic, with last
minute appointments. I hope the phone call last night helped. I’m
getting ready to head out to the airport in a few. Can’t wait to
hear all about your week when I get there. Be ready for me,
Jane.

Love you,

Luke

What did that mean? Be ready for him.
I
probably should have been worried about what he had in store for me
but the excitement of seeing him again took precedence.

That night I barely slept. I was too preoccupied by
thoughts of everything that had happened. While questioning the
sanity of my life with Luke, I also realized I could never go back.
Luke touched me, reached me in a way no one else had. The
excitement and trepidation had me buzzing. When I finally got out
of bed at 5 a.m., I decided the only remedy was a good run. Despite
the lack of sleep I still needed to burn up excess energy. Instead
of a run I opted for the treadmill and a series of sprints to quell
the anxiety over my anticipation of Luke’s arrival home.

Afterwards I took my time grooming for him. I shaved
my legs, underarms, pussy lips, and bikini line. I plucked my
eyebrows, showered and even did a Fleet just in case. I finished
with time to spare. In the mirror I looked into the eyes of a woman
I was getting to know better every day but wasn’t absolutely sure I
liked.

I decided to do some writing. I began chronicling my
experiences with Luke starting with our first meeting. The process
of recollection left me confused again about the true Luke, not to
mention the true “me.” Luke had many facets and I wondered if I
could love them all. Was the person I had briefly grown to know
truly him or just my vision of him?

I lost track of time when I wrote. Writing would
become my solace. I sat there, on the bed, until I heard the door
open some hours later.

I hit save and slammed the top of the laptop shut. At
the last moment I remembered to turn the ringer on Luke’s phone
back on. Then I ran to the other door to greet him.

“
What a sight for sore eyes,” Luke said,
rewarding me with a huge smile.

“
You can’t even imagine how glad I am to see
you,” I said. I took his garment bag. “You must be
exhausted.”

“
I slept some on the plane so I’m good. You
have a reward and punishment due you, my love, but tomorrow’s soon
enough for all that.”

“
Will we ever have a normal hello,
Luke?”

“
Oh, probably not,” he said, laughing. “Enough
with the talking for now. I’m going to take a quick shower and meet
you in bed. I need to show you how much I missed you. I’ve been
thinking about tasting you again all week. Really, Jane, you need
to think about leaving that job of yours and traveling with me. I
don’t like us to be apart.”

He carried his suitcase into the bedroom and I hung
his garment bag in the closet. Turning to me, he lifted me into a
big hug. I wrapped my legs around his waist and we kissed deeply.
It felt wonderful to have him home.

When he came strolling back into the room with his
hair still wet from the shower—the towel wrapped around his waist
revealing his taut stomach muscles—desire spun through me like
never before. No man had ever ignited that kind of passion within
me. Never had I met anyone so at home in his exquisite flesh. He
took my hand in his and kissed my palm. “Too long,” he said.

His lips encompassed mine, breathing them in,
licking, suckling, and prodding them with his tongue. For the first
time we met in bed as equals. He didn’t tie me down or restrain me
in any way. He moved his mouth slowly and softly down my neck,
breathing me in. My arms were free to caress him. I buried my hands
in his sandy brown hair and pulled his mouth to my breast.

“
Oh,” I cried out as he ran his tongue along my
protruding nipple. “Yes, too long.”

* * * *

We made love like a normal couple that night and the
experience distracted me from thoughts of what might befall me the
next day. We shared stories about our weeks but avoided talking
about the circumstances of his departure on the previous Monday. I
felt safe and our apartment morphed back into a home. Without Luke
there, the place had felt like it belonged to someone else. With
Luke home it again became our sanctuary, our refuge from the rest
of world.

“
I like what you’ve done with the place,” Luke
said, when we finally emerged from the bed in search of food.
“Makes it feel homey and lived in. I especially like the sepia
painting of the young boy, although I think we should move him into
the bedroom.”

“
Whatever you’d like,” I said, stepping forward
to snuggle into his arms.

* * * *

I managed to forget about what I had done on Friday
with Pierce until I woke up Monday morning. The knot in the pit of
my stomach had me feeling nauseous and anxious at the same time.
What Luke had in store for me was shoved to the back burner. For
once I hoped he would order me to take the day off. I didn’t want
to face Pierce, my boss, or anyone else for that matter. Both
Allison and my boss expected to have lunch with me today.

Please, please,
I thought,
don’t ask me to
wear a new outfit to work.

In an attempt to regain control, I attacked my
treadmill, running hard and fast. I had hoped to burn out the
stress, but once I was stretched and showered, I realized that the
stress wasn’t so easily excised. I guessed I’d have to walk through
the fire. Luke still slept as I slipped out of the apartment for
work in my typical business suit and shoes, hair up in a twist.

When I got into my car, I yelped. A package lay on
the passenger seat. First I thought of Pierce but then knew that
was nonsense. He didn’t know where I lived. I took a deep breath
and moved the package to my lap. Inside was my new Tulip butt plug,
the small bottle of olive oil, a Fleet, a black strip of silk and a
note. Butterflies jumped around in my stomach as I stared at the
message.

Be ready for me at
5:00 p.m. sharp outside of your office building.

—
Luke

“
Shit,” I said. I put all the items, including
the note, into my bag.

I managed to make it to my office without crossing
paths with Pierce. I didn’t notice any strange or odd looks so I
felt reassured that he hadn’t told anyone about my deed.

I was fully absorbed with wicked thoughts of Luke’s
gift that alluded to what would befall me after work. I’d have to
leave early. I’d have to get to the bathroom and hope it was empty
to do the fleet.
Maybe I could ask Pierce to borrow his
bathroom,
I thought and laughed out loud. Later on I would
regret that nonchalance. One shouldn’t get cocky before the jury is
in.

I was quickly swept up in a hectic current of work
that didn’t subside until Allison showed up for lunch. I begged
off, and we rescheduled for Thursday. Unfortunately that left me in
the office for Pierce’s arrival.

“
We need to talk,” he said as he pulled my
office door shut and locked it.

“
I thought I was clear,” I said. “There is
nothing to talk about.” I crossed my arms in front of me. I tried
to look calm but inside I was having a breakdown.

“
I disagree,” he said. Pierce pulled up a chair
from against the wall and placed it backwards in front of my desk.
He sat leaning against the back with his arms folded across the
top. “You never once showed interest in me and yet you show up at
my office and jerk me off and walk off with my sperm. I was dazed
at the moment but am no longer.”

The condom filled with his cum still lay somewhere in
my purse. I imagined dumping the contents of my purse out in front
of him and handing him back his sperm. I suppressed the nervous
laughter but not the smile.

“
What do you find so funny, Jane?” he said,
leaning farther forward in his chair.

“
Nothing,” I said. I placed my hands on my lap
and leaned forward toward him.

“
Friday was a fluke.”
A Luke, fluke,
I
thought and almost starting laughing again. “It won’t happen again
and as far as I’m concerned, it never happened in the first place.
You said you understood.”

“
Well I don’t understand. Why don’t we go out
on a date like normal people, Jane, and take it from
there.”

“
You don’t get it …. I have no interest in
you.”

“
This is about that Luke guy? Then what the
fuck?”

“
I don’t mean to be crude but did you not enjoy
yourself?”

“
Well, yeah, I guess,” he said,
shrugging.

“
Then let’s leave it at—”

A knock on the door startled us both. Pierce unlocked
and opened it to reveal Brian standing in the hallway.

“
Oh sorry, am I interrupting?” Brian
said.

“
Not at all,” I quickly said. “Pierce was just
leaving.”

“
Great,” Brian said.

“
We’ll talk later,” Pierce said as he left my
office.

“
He didn’t look pleased,” Brian
said.

“
Oh that’s just him,” I said. “What can I do
for you?”

“
I was checking on lunch.” He turned around the
chair in front of my desk and sat down.

Dealing with Brian was only slightly less
nerve-racking than dealing with Pierce. I didn’t want to piss him
off—he held the keys to my job security—but at the same time I
wasn’t interested in leading him on either.

“
Is this a business lunch or
personal?”

“
Whichever you prefer,” he said.

“
I appreciate the offer, Brian, but I have a
boyfriend.” I squirmed. “It was the outfit, right?”

He laughed. “No, not really. I had wanted to ask you
for some time … but I guess the outfit added urgency to it.
And I was right, wasn’t I? That’s why Pierce was here, too, I
imagine.” He looked me over as if he could still see my outfit from
Friday.

I took a deep breath and said, “I’m not sure what to
say other than I’m flattered and I hope you aren’t offended by my
declining.” I stood in a way that said,
It is time for you to go
now
.

“
Not at all. Had I known you were involved, I
wouldn’t have asked.” He stood in response to my
gesture.

I got the impression it had taken a lot of courage
for him to ask in the first place and yet he seemed relieved. We
just stood there for a minute looking at each other. I finally
said, “Are there work related things you wanted to talk about?”

“
Those can wait,” Brian said. He walked back
over to the door and said, “Jane, if you ever need anything
….”

“
Thank you,” I said.

I had such an odd feeling as he left my office. It
was as if a normal life could have been mine had I only been paying
attention. It’s not as if I had a crush on my boss or had ever
really fantasized about him in that way, but at that moment I
realized that had I not attended the party with Scott, had I never
met Luke, I might have taken a completely different path and … that
path might have just walked out of my office.