My Body-His (9 page)

“
Rules?” I said, but really, I expected
this.

“
Yes, rules. Shall we do it now?”

“
Let’s get it over with,” I said, shifting in
my seat.

“
Number One. Your body is mine. You will no
longer have control over your own pleasure. I will use your body as
I see fit for your pleasure and mine. Number Two. Follow my
directions totally and completely and without question. You must
follow them to the letter, nothing more, nothing less. Number
Three. Always have your legs open for me. Number Four. When you are
receiving discipline I expect you to be completely still. Number
Five. No words during a discipline session unless you are asked a
direct question. My favorite response is ‘Yes, please.’ The
exception to this rule is speaking the safe word.

“
You should know in advance that if you use the
safe word, I will put up a wall between us.”

“
A wall?”

“
You will be in charge of your destiny at all
times. Use the safe word and we will be done.”

“
I don’t understand. What are you talking
about?”

“
My emotions. I’ve learned over the years to
have very good control over them. If you choose to leave, I will
turn them off.”

“
You can just turn your feelings off? I can’t
do that,” I said, shaking my head and getting more scared. “So
you’re saying that if we don’t work out, you won’t be hurt at all
’cause you’ll just turn off the damn faucet? Great—”

“
I didn’t say I wouldn’t be hurt. Let’s just
say we cope with our emotions differently. Shall we
continue?”

“
I guess.”

“
Six. You will be punished for questioning an
order. If you don’t understand, that’s fine, but if you are trying
to talk me out of it then you will be punished. This refers back to
rule Two—follow my directions totally and completely and without
question.

Number Seven—my personal favorite—you will be naked
in our apartment always as I showed you earlier. Clothes off by the
front door.”

“
Is that all of them?”

“
Yes.”

I didn’t know what to say. Stunned, I just sat there
looking out the window at the blur of the building next to us.

* * * *

After dinner, Luke walked me back to my car. He held
me tight in his arms and kissed me goodbye. “You have a lot to
think about,” he said, opening the car door for me.

“
Yes I do,” I said, looking into his eyes. My
heart quickened and I had to look away.

“
See you tomorrow,” he said, a laugh rumbling
in his chest.

I couldn’t help but smile back at him. He turned and
I watched him move away into the light that cascaded from the
streetlamp then disappear into the darkness. I started the car and
headed home.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I pulled into the
parking spot in front of my building, but as soon as I made my way
upstairs, the walls seemed to close in on me. I didn’t want to
spend the rest of my life alone. Maybe this was my last chance. I
needed to talk, to share my experience with someone, anyone, but my
mind was blank. I had already told Parker that I would end this
craziness, and I had kept so much of the truth from Sandy. I didn’t
know how to talk this through with another person. I tried to
imagine calling my mother and saying, ‘Hi, Mom. Met a guy who wants
control over my body and, well, I just might be considering it.’
Yeah that would fly really well.
But … I needed to speak to
someone
.

I picked up the phone and dialed my mother’s number.
My gut wrenched as I heard the first ring. I couldn’t even hang up.
My last hope was that the answering machine would pick up and save
me from my own disgrace.

“
Jane, is that you?” she said. The dreaded tone
was already in her voice.

Ah crap,
I thought. “Yes it’s me, Mom.” I
already regretted my impulse.

“
Well it’s about time. I thought we were going
for the all-time record, but I think you are shy a couple of days.
Want to call back then?” I could hear her lighting a cigarette and
inhaling.

“
Have you ever considered, Mother, that I
postpone calling you so I won’t have to deal with crap like
this?”

“
Are you cursing at me Jane? I will hang up
this phone!” she yelled.

“
Look, can we start over? I called to find out
how you are and talk to you about something.”

“
I’m fine, as always. I would like it much
better if my only child would come and see me now and
again.”

“
Did you check out the programs at the local
center like you said you—?”

“
What do you want to talk about, Jane?” she
said, cutting me off.

“
Well, I met a man and he wants us to move in
together.”

“
Jane, that’s truly wonderful. I had thought
you were destined to be alone. I mean, all these years and no
prospects.”

“
Mother you make it sound like I’ve never been
in a relationship before.”

“
Have you ever lived with a boyfriend or
preferably a husband? The answer is no. So forgive me if I’m a
little surprised. Is he attractive? Does he make good money? Will
you finally get your dream wedding?”

“
How about, does he love me and make me happy?
What about those questions?”

“
Well, does he?”

“
Oh well, yes, but …” I hesitated. I figured
saying he scares me but also fucks me superbly wouldn’t go over
well. I knew there was no way she could handle it.

“
But ….”

“
But I’m not sure if I’m ready to give up my
apartment.”

“
Well, dear, then don’t. Move in with him and
keep your place. Then if things don’t work out you can move back.
It’s good in this day and age for a woman to have her own security.
Men can’t always be the answer.”

“
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I’m
going to go, Mom. I’ll call you soon.”

“
I hope so, Jane, but I won’t stay up at night
waiting.”

Just another useless
knocking-my-head-against-the-wall conversation with my mother. I
had missed my run and felt it. And so, emotionally exhausted, I
went straight to bed.

Tomorrow … I would decide tomorrow.

I arrived on time at the new apartment to discover
movers hauling boxes and furniture and a man attaching something to
the ceiling. I didn’t know what to do and just stood in the doorway
until Luke noticed me at around 9:10 a.m.

“
You’re late,” he said as strutted past me and
then looked back.

“
No, I’m not late, it’s just I didn’t know
what—

He turned to face me. “Rule Number Seven. You will be
naked in our apartment always. What part of ‘always’ don’t you
understand? Good to see you, by the way,” he said, smiling. He came
forward with a kiss and a hug. “Now strip and just know you owe me
again. This time twenty but we can worry about that later.”

“
Where do I go when I’ve undressed,” I said,
shaking.

“
I’ll come to you. Just wait for me.” He smiled
warmly and touched my cheek as he moved away.

My emotions were all mixed up. Pleasure at his smile,
deathly fear, and abject embarrassment flowed through me. I felt
mortified to have to undress with all the traffic in the
apartment—all male. The two burly men passed me again, carrying in
a large armoire, and a carpenter anchored another eyebolt into the
ceiling. One was already in place, centered over the door to the
main bedroom. I had some ideas what they might be used for, and it
scared me, but I felt my nipples get hard just the same. I knew if
I delayed too much longer I would be in even more trouble. The
movers playing follow-the-leader left the apartment, allowing me to
undress with a smaller audience. I hurriedly removed my clothes
because being watched as I took off my clothes seemed worse than
being seen naked. As soon as I looked up again, the guy on the
ladder stared at me in shock. Clearly, Luke had not warned
them.

My body blushed and modesty prompted me to hold my
clothes in front of me. I didn’t know if I should put my clothing
in the bathroom or drop it on the floor. I needed Luke to tell me
what to do and at the time, it should’ve dawned on me that I had
already begun the transition into becoming Luke’s property. I stood
waiting as minutes passed until I heard loud laughter coming
through the second bedroom door.

Someone else was laughing along with Luke.

Oh fuck,
I thought. Energy surged through my
body. I felt turned on but it made no sense to me. I had never done
anything like this before and yet my body responded as if it was
being given what it always wanted. I knew that I would be naked in
front of one of Luke’s friends with nowhere to hide. I couldn’t
make myself any smaller as they approached.

“
Thank you so much for coming over,” Luke said
as he walked a handsome sixty-something-year-old man over to where
I stood. He obviously took great care of his body and had an air of
strength about him, but his presence also had an edge that reminded
me of gangsters I’d seen in movies. I shivered when his gaze met
mine.

“
Nice one, is she here for pictures? She’s
awfully eager,” he said, smiling down on me. “A real looker, I say.
Should turn out well. Would love to see them when they’re
done.”

They shook hands and Luke followed him out of the
apartment. The movers were back and to say the men gawked would be
an understatement. The guy walking backward stumbled as he carried
his half of the couch into the living room. The guy carrying the
other half moved quickly forward so he wouldn’t lose his end. The
front door opened wider and Luke strolled back in.
Save me,
I entreated him silently, but that was like asking a hungry shark
to pass on eating you for dinner. Save me, he would not.

“
Who was that man, and what pictures?” I
asked.

“
I’ll take those,” he said. He took the pile of
clothes that had offered me some protection. “We can talk about
that later. Come sit on the couch and watch the movers work.” He
took hold of my upper arm, although my arms remained glued
protectively around my breasts. He led me to the couch and made me
lay down. Then he unlocked my arms and placed them at my
sides.

“
Jane,” he said, putting pressure on my right
thigh.

“
Oh, right,” I said, and parted my
legs.

This brought a smile to his face. “Relax,” he said,
“I’m going to make us some breakfast.”

Relax … relax? How am I supposed to relax?

I felt breathless as I had the day before. I tried to
watch the man screwing in the eyebolts along the ceiling but he
kept looking back with a lecherous creepy smile that made my skin
crawl. The movers distracted me when they brought in a coffee table
and positioned it near where I lay. Then a second distraction took
over. The smell of eggs and toast inspired me to take a deep
breath, settling me down a bit.

How do I explain the war that raged inside of me? I
stopped and looked around, understanding that this was all wrong,
not how it was supposed to be. At the same time, it felt so right.
Although I was beyond exposed—and I know it doesn’t make sense—I
also felt cared for, held, encompassed by love and passion. This
push and pull inside of me had me on the verge of tears and yet so
turned on, so energized, so alive. I could see that I had lived my
life in a fog until then. The walking dead I had been, shuffling
through the drone of my existence. Here Luke offered me a path I
would have never, ever considered and yet, it had my soul reaching
out for his acceptance and approval. I had difficulty separating my
rationalizations from reality. How could he fall in love with me so
quickly?

“
Here,” he said, handing me a plate filled with
an omelet, toast and sliced tomato while making room for himself at
the other end of the couch.

Taking the plate, I sat up, making sure to keep my
legs slightly open. “Thank you for making me breakfast. This is a
first.”

“
You’re welcome,” he said taking a bite of his
eggs. He ate quickly. “You look really good on my couch by the way.
A first?”

I blushed at his compliment. “Someone making me
breakfast. I could get used to this.”

“
Ahhh.” He shook his head as if he found what I
said impossible to believe. “There are many wonderful things for
you to get used to,” he said and reached over to gently touch my
cheek. Then his face and demeanor shifted away from me both
physically and emotionally. “I have work to do. Still need to set
up my equipment and do some unpacking.” He rose to his
feet.

“
Oh,” I said, sighing and feeling my shoulders
fall. “Do you have to?”

“
Yes, unfortunately, I have to. I need to be up
and running by Monday and there’s still much to do.”

“
Can I at least keep you company?” I asked. I
felt like a dog left home alone too long.

“
That’s not a bad idea, but I was going to send
you home to pack up. How about this? You go home, get what you will
need for the next few days. Come back later and you can sit next to
me while I work. We still have much to discuss about your
apartment, your work, and most importantly, payment due.” Grinning,
he leaned in to kiss me on the forehead. “Finish up and you can get
dressed.”