Noah (15 page)

If he had stuck around to talk things out with me
this morning I might feel differently. His second thoughts would
not have ruined our friendship. I would have been able to get
past
it
all...eventually. But him leaving like this is cowardly. He doesn't
respect me just like Caleb didn't respect me. If he was worried
about last night ruining our friendship then he was right because
it did.

I don't think I can just be friends with him
anymore.

I walk over to Noah's key ring by the door and take
the key to my apartment off so I can get back inside to grab my
things. I'm a big girl. I don
’
t need Noah with me to collect my belongings. I'll
pack a bag quickly and then take a taxi over to Kendall's place.
She'll let me stay with her for a while until I figure out what my
next move is.

Knowing Noah he'll most likely offer for me to stay
with him, but after the events of the last twelve hours I would
never be able to do it. I need some distance from him so I can
process all of what's happened and be prepared for when he tells me
he regrets last night. Because that's the only way to explain the
note he left for me this morning. He regrets it.

I walk solemnly across the hall and open the door to
my apartment, unprepared for what the future holds for me but ready
to tackle this small step of get
ting
my stuff out of the apartment. Caleb paid for
almost everything in here
,
so besides my clothes and make-up, I don't have
much else to take with me.

I'm surprised when I close the door to our apartment
and Caleb's standing in the middle of the living room. He's still
dressed in his monogrammed pajamas from the night before. When his
eyes land on mine
,
he
rushes over to me, examining my body up and down
frantically
. His cell phone is held tight
in one hand as he reaches out for me with his other.

Pulling back so
he
can't reach me I angrily growl, "Don't touch
me."

His eyes widen in shock as he pulls away from me.
"Where were you? I've been worried sick."

"That's none of your damn business. You lost the
privilege of knowing where I am every second of the day the minute
you star
t
ed fucking
around on me."

He moves to reach out for me again and I step further
away, my back landing against the back of the door. "It's not what
you think, baby. Please let me explain."

Since I can't move any further back, I move around
him and walk into the living room. "You can't explain away what I
saw. The texts were indisputably clear."

"But the context wasn
’
t
.
"

I turn around to look at him. "What are you talking
about?"

"Paula is a colleague. She works hard and I respect
her opinion at work, and after several months working in close
proximity with her we became friends. She–"

"For fuck's sake
,
can you just stop," I scream, dragging a hand
through my short hair. "I don't want to hear about how your
relationship started with Paula. I just want to get my things and
go. I didn't even think you'd be here."

"You were going to grab your things without even
talking to me first?"

"There's nothing to talk about, Caleb. We're
over."

"You can't just decide that–"

I interrupt him. "You're right, I can't, but you did.
You decided that the minute you started screwing another
woman."

He takes a step forward and then stops himself.
Clasping his hands together in front of him
,
he takes a couple of deep breaths,
attempting to calm himself. Our conversation escalated quickly and
was on the verge of getting out of hand. I think we both need the
silence to calm down before we say things that can't be taken back
or before the cops are called.

I really wish he wasn
’
t here and would have just gone into work. I
don
’
t know why he's
fighting so hard for this. And speaking of work
,
I should probably call both of my jobs
and explain why I didn't come in today before they fire
me
,
too
,
and I'm completely
unemployed.

"Will you at least sit down long enough so I
can...explain what you read last night?" I start to object but he
raises his hand
,
gesturing for me to stop. "I know it won't change anything, but I
want you to know the truth before you decide to end six years
together."

I didn't end six years together, he did, but he seems
determined to tell me his side of the story and if it gets him to
shut up and leave so I can grab my things then I'll listen to his
excuse.

“Okay
,
" I
agree and sit down on the large chair in our living room. There is
no way I'm sitting next to him on the couch right now. He
hesitantly sits down on the couch and faces me.

"Like I was saying, Paula and I became friends. We
were able to talk about all aspects of the job, because she was a
new hire at the firm, too. We were together so much that the term
work
-
husband was tossed
around. We thought it was funny that people were saying that so we
rolled with it. Soon that joke got old and new jokes were made.
Things escalated quickly. I'm not sure when the jokes turned sexual
or why, but that's all they were, Skye. We were joking. I've never
hooked up with Paula. I've never slept with her, I've never kissed
her, and I
’
ve never even
hugged her. We work together, that's it. There is nothing going on
between us."

I can't believe Noah and Kendall were right. He
thinks I'll believe whatever excuse he comes up with. "You're
kidding me
,
right?
That's the best you've got?"

"It is, Skye, because it's the truth. I'd never cheat
on you. Joking around about it with Paula was a way for me to
lighten my work situation. It eased the tension and frustration a
little and I was able to joke around about never being home with
you. It was inappropriate and wrong but I swear it was innocent."
He's looking at me with the most sincere blue eyes and even though
I know everything he just said is most likely bullshit, it's hard
for me to believe he's lying right now when his eyes are telling me
differently.

"I...I don't believe you. How can you expect me to
believe you?"

"I don't know but it's true, Skye. I'll call her and
prove it to you if you want. You can come into my work and verify
all the days I said I was working late, and you can even ask
everyone at the firm if something is going on between Paula and me.
They'll all tell you the same thing. They'll tell you no way,
never. They know how much I love you, Skye."

He slides off the edge of the couch and onto his
knees and then wobbles over towards the chair until he's kneeling
in front of me. "Because I do, Skye. I love you so much it
physically hurts. When I found your note this morning I
’
ve never felt worse in my life. I
hurt you and you walked out on me. The pain that caused in my gut
was the most excruciating thing I've ever felt and I never want to
feel it again.

"I want a life with you and only you. When I look at
my future, you're beside me every step of the way. There's no one
else in my bed at night." His palms fall on my knees and he
squeezes softly. "You have to believe me, baby. I would never do
that to you."

His pleading is hard to watch, because if he is
telling the truth then I was the one who ruined our relationship
because I spent last night in another man's bed. I'm trying to
rationalize all of this–what Caleb's said
versus
what I saw on his phone, and the
attentive Noah from last night
versus
the absent Noah this morning.

What if Caleb is telling the truth? Should I just
take him back like nothing ever happened even though I know what I
feel for him will never compare to what I feel for Noah? I love
Caleb, but the love I have for Noah is deep in my bones. I
wouldn
’
t be me without
him, and I can
’
t imagine
my life without him in it.

But then I remember that he left me. This morning he
left me with no real reason why. If he felt the same way for me as
I feel for him, shouldn
’
t he have stayed? What if I follow through and end
things with Caleb just for Noah to tell me he doesn't want me
anymore? I would have thrown everything away, six years with
someone, for nothing. I'd be alone.

Yes, I'm being whiny and bitchy right now but that's
because I'm in a battle between my head and my heart. I wish I was
a stronger woman and picked no one–screw them both–but I'm not.

I don’
t
want a life of solitude and loneliness. I want a life where I'm
loved and cherished and adored. I want to love someone who loves me
back. It would be nice if that person were Noah, but sometimes you
don't get to keep the man you have crazy, explosive passion and
love for. Sometimes you have to settle on a lesser love, still
beautiful but not as colorful as the one before. I'd be settling if
I stayed with Caleb, but at least we'd still have love between
us.

None of this even matters if Caleb cheated on me
because I deserve better than a man who would screw another woman
behind my back.

"Okay, prove it," I tell him as my hands come down on
his and I move them off my knees. I stand up in front of him and
demand, "Give me your phone."

Staying on his knees he reaches to take it off the
couch and hands me the small electronic
device
. I put in his passcode and then go
to his contacts, scrolling down until I land on Paula's name.

"Call Paula and put her on speaker."

"What good will that do?"

"I want to know if you slept with her. Without her
knowing I'm here listening I need you to get her to prove your
innocence."

"That's crazy, Skye. How am I going to be able to do
that?"

"You'll figure it out."

He turns the phone over and over again in his hand.
He's either trying to find a way out of this phone call or trying
to figure out a way to get Paula to say they aren't sleeping
together. Either way
,
I'll have my answer soon enough because the only reason he wouldn't
make this phone call is because he's guilty.

His finger taps on the phone twice–first to hit call
and second to hit speakerphone. After a few rings a soft, feminine
voice answers the phone. She sounds sweet, yet something about her
voice screams sex as she greets Caleb.

“Hey
,
hubby. Where are you? I wanted to get lunch but you're not in your
office."

Caleb's eyes shoot to me and then he looks down at
the phone. "I took a personal day. Had to deal with some
stuff."

“Well,
it's crazy here with everyone getting all the files together for
the Brown case. I could have really used your help fielding
questions from the senior partners."

"I'm sorry about that, Paula, but I'll be in
tomorrow."

"You sound down," she comments.

"I'm fine, it's just, and listen I know this is
crazy, but Skye and I got in a huge fight because she thinks we're
sleeping together. She left me last night."

"Oh, Caleb
.”
S
he
sighs low into the phone. "I'm so sorry. Why does she think we're
sleeping together?"

"She saw our text messages." Paula is quiet on the
other end of the line and as the silence stretches out it's
starting to piss me off. "Paula, are you there?" Caleb asks.

“Yeah...Do you want me to talk to her, Caleb? I'll
explain everything to her. I know the texts were probably
inappropriate but we were just clowning around. I'll make her
understand. She needs to know how much you love her and that you
would never cheat on her."

Paula's denial shocks me because even though Caleb
dialed her number, I thought for sure it was just a stall tactic
and he was hoping I'd tell him to hang up. Instead
,
Paula just confirmed his story.
They never slept together. He never cheated, which means I cheated
on him last night. I'm the scum in this relationship.

"That's okay, Paula. Listen, I
’
ve got to go but I'll be back in
tomorrow."

"Okay, call me if you change your mind. I really
don
’
t mind calling her,
Caleb."

"I know, thanks."

He taps the phone to hang up and places it back on
the couch. He's still kneeling in front of me but I'm frozen in
place, wondering where to go from here. Do I try and make it work
with him, do I end it and plead with Noah to give us a chance, or
should I try being on my own for a while? I'm not sure what the
right thing to do is.

I'm a confident woman and I should be more
independent. Just because Paula confirmed his story doesn't mean I
need to take him back. I'm glad Caleb was faithful but it doesn't
explain away every text I saw. It doesn't make it okay, and I
should desire to be with someone who will never make me feel this
way again. I have a lot to offer someone and I need to remember
that.

I do know one thing–I need to let Caleb know about
last night. It
’
s not
fair to keep this from him after he's been honest with me.

"Caleb, there's something I need to tell you. Last
night–"

He interrupts my confession. "Where were you last
night?"

"I was upset. Those texts looked really bad. I went
across the hall and slept at Noah's."

"I should have known you'd be over there. At least I
know you were safe and not wandering the city somewhere. I was
worried when I saw you left your phone, purse, and keys here."