Noah (17 page)

"I should really take my coffee to go. I have a lot
of work to do."

"Oh, come on. A few minutes away won't hurt anyone."
Kendall bats her eyelashes at him and he reluctantly agrees. He
walks up to the counter to place his order and I turn to
Kendall
,
grinding my
teeth together so I don't lose it on her. "What did you do that
for?"

"What? He's cute. Who is he?"

"That's Noah." I've talked to her a lot about Noah
but she's never met him. Every time she hangs out with Caleb and
me, we avoid Bar Forbidden. Kendall doesn't know the full extent of
my feeling for him, but she knows that I had a crush on him for the
longest time.

"That's..."
S
he points her finger in his direction and moves it
up and down the length of his body. "Noah?"

"Yep."

"Hot damn, girl. Why are you with Caleb?"

"Because I love him."

"Yeah...but...damn. That man over there is hot enough
to melt all the snow in New York City."

Noah comes over and drags a chair with him from the
table next to ours. He sits down and sips his coffee, while I avoid
looking at him and Kendall stares at him like he's a mythical
creature.

"So, Noah, why have we never met before?"

He fidgets in his seat, clearly uncomfortable, before
answering her. "I don
’
t
get out much. Busy with work."

I roll my eyes and laugh under my breath. I can feel
Noah's stare seeping through my skin.

"I should go," Noah says, standing up from his
chair.

"Why?" Kendall
pouts.

"I don't think I'm wanted here
,”
Noah replies, and then adds in a loud
whisper he intends for me to hear, "I don't think she likes
me."

Kendall laughs. "I don't think she like
s
you either, which means I like
you even more. So what do you do for work?"

I'm taking a bite of the chocolate cake and choke as
it goes down my throat. I'd love to hear how he answers this.

"I'm an entrepreneur. I recently inherited my
grandfather's company and I'm enjoying learning the business and
changing things around a bit. I should get going though. My
secretary quit this morning and I'm in a little over my head."

"Are you hiring?" Kendall asks, her body
straightening up and her light eyes growing big with excitement. "I
just lost my job and I need a new one. I
’
d love to work for you."

Gasping in shock I ask my friend concerned,
"
W
hen did you lose your
job?"

"Yesterday."

"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you insist on paying
today when you have no income?"

“Because
,
Skye, I'm not worried about it. I knew something would come along
and I was right, it did." Turning back to address Noah she adds,
"So what do you say?"

She licks her lips as she bats her eyelashes at him
and my stomach grows queasy with jealousy. I don't know why I'm
jealous. Maybe it's because she'll get to be by his side every day,
or that by working with him she'll be closer to him than I am. I
miss the closeness and friendship we used to share. I want it
back.

All of those seem like reasonable reasons my stomach
is angry with me, but deep down I know the issue is deeper than
just missing my friend. I'm jealous because Kendall clearly wants
Noah, and when she wants something she doesn't give up until she
gets it. She'll sleep with him and then I'll be forced to hear how
it was.

I can't listen to that. Knowing Noah sleeps around is
one thing–hearing about the details would be something completely
different. For the sake of our friendship I can't know anything
about the two of them in bed. Kendall will have to keep all the
steamy details to herself.

"Do you have any experience?" he asks.

"I have experience in a lot of things and I'm a quick
learner. I'm very hands on," she flirts.

They flirt back and forth and after he contemplates
it for a second he's exchanging numbers with her and telling her
she can start tomorrow. After an awkward goodbye he leaves the
bakery and I watch his ass as he walks away.

"You're right. Clearly being in love with Caleb has
made you oblivious to his gorgeousness," she says sarcastically as
she follows my eyes to Noah's ass.

I turn my sights on her and glare. "You can't work
for him."

"Why not? I need the job, he needs a secretary, and
he's fucking gorgeous. I just want to spread the rest of this piece
of apple pie all over his body and lick it off him. What's the
problem?"

"The problem is I've done my best to get rid of all
my old feeling
s
for him.
I've successfully purged Noah from my life with the exception of
his friendship with Caleb. If you work for him I'll be forced to
hear about him and I'm afraid that might make my old feelings for
him stir back up again."

"Skye–"

"And you can't sleep with him," I demand,
interrupting whatever it is she wants to say. "I wouldn't be able
to handle it
,
Kendall. I
mean it. You can have any other man in the world, but not Noah. I
know it's selfish of me, I know I'm with Caleb, and I love Caleb,
but you can't have Noah."

She's quiet for a moment, looking at me with pity.
"Skye, you clearly still have feelings for him that you're trying
to deny and cover up. I think you should address these feelings and
explore the possibilities, because if you do
,
I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
He was in here for only a few minutes but the way he discreetly
watched you...he wants you too, Skye.

"But if I know you as well as I think I do
,
you'll continue to ignore the way
you feel and hope your true feeling
s
don't blow up in your face. I won't sleep with
Noah, but I am taking the job."

I start to interrupt but she stops me. "No, you can't
tell me not to. I need this job and he seems like
he’s
fun to work with. I promise to
keep conversation about my job at a minimum around you, but please
don't ask me to give up this opportunity. I need the money, and
sure I could always find something else, but I want this job."

I'm being selfish. I know I am. The fact that I was
going to deny Kendall an opportunity all because I was jealous is
sad. I'm a bad friend.

"Okay, you should work for him, but I'm warning you
this isn't a typical job."

"What do you mean?"

"The man runs Forbidden Desires, Inc. Get ready to
field questions and phone calls about strippers, escorts, webcam
series, and phone sex."

Her smirk turns into the biggest smile. "This is
going to be the best job ever!"

Chapter Nine

Once Caleb falls asleep after our day together at
home celebrating our engagement, I slip out of bed and throw on a
pair of sweats and a t-shirt. I don't bother fixing my hair or
applying a light coat of make-up. I don't even look in the mirror.
It will be better for Noah to see me at my worst.

It's time for me to face what I've been dreading all
day and evening. I have to talk to Noah and tell him I'm back with
Caleb. He won't understand.

Even though I never stood a chance at a relationship
with him because he's not the relationship type, he's not going to
be able to comprehend why I got back with Caleb. He probably won't
even believe that Caleb didn't cheat on me, but he wasn't there. He
didn't see the sincerity in Caleb's eyes, or hear Paula's voice as
she denied the entire thing. He's never believed that Caleb was the
right guy for me. He's always suspected that Caleb was unfaithful,
and me running over to him last night confirmed his suspicions.

I wonder where he thinks I spent the day today? He
never called to make sure I had a place to stay
,
or if I needed help getting my things out
of the apartment. He never asked what my plans were next, or if I
was going to stay in the city or move back home. Actually, he
doesn't seem concerned about me at all. He didn't even send me a
text.

I was dreading this conversation all day but as I
walk over to the apartment and use Caleb's key to
Noah’s
apartment to walk in, I
realize I shouldn't have been worried at all. I should have been
upset instead. I could be anywhere right now and he doesn't seem to
be concerned.

His apartment is dark with a slight glow casting
through the windows from the streetlights outside. Noah is sitting
in the center of his loveseat in a pair of jeans and an unbuttoned
dress shirt. A beer bottle is in his hand and empty beer bottles
scatter the floor in front of him.

"So I guess you went back to him?" His low, calm
voice startles me. I didn't realize he knew I had walked in.

When I don't answer he lifts his chin up to look at
me. His brown eyes are cold and void of emotion but somehow I know
it's a mask. They're displaying the exact opposite of how he's
feeling. He's mad and trying his best not to take it out on me so
he's drinking his anger away instead.

Well,
screw him because I'm angry
,
too. He could have called me. He could have texted
me. He could have woken up next to me instead of me waking up in
that cold bed alone. I'm not some bar fly he picked up the night
before. He could have at least stuck around in the morning.

There are so many things he could have and should
have done differently this morning if he didn
’
t want me going back to Caleb, but he
chose to leave. If he's upset now because he thinks Caleb is a
cheater that's his problem.

As the anger boils inside of me, ready to spill over,
Noah mumbles, "Why not me? Wasn't last night good enough?"

His words startle me and I find myself taking a step
back. The way he's looking at me right now reminds me of the way
Kaya looks at me when I'm watching her for a few days. Noah looks
lost and lonely, and like he wants to find his way back home
again.

What does he mean...why not me? Where's his home? Am
I his home like he's Kaya's home?

I've never been this confused before. Does he want
me? Did he want more from me? Did last night mean something to him?
Was I not just a conquest? If he wanted me to cho
o
se him why did he leave me alone?

The endless amount of questions flashing in my mind
has my head pounding and in need of pain reliever.

If I'd known he felt something for me I would have
picked him. I would have never left his apartment today if he would
have just told me this. There would have never been a choice to
make because if I'm being honest with myself, Noah is the only
choice, but he was gone, leaving me filled with insecurity and
doubt. I don't do well alone with only my doubt to comfort me. I
jump to conclusions, convincing myself I'm not worth it.

"Where were you this morning?"

He takes the final sip of his beer and tosses the
empty bottle on the ground with the others. "I got called into
work. I had to bail Levi out of jail. He's one of my bouncers and
there was a situation at the bar last night. It got out of
hand."

"Why didn't you just tell me all of that in the note
you left me?"

"Why should I have?"

"Because..." I trail off, not knowing what to say. If
I tell him it would have changed the events that happened with me
today, that's putting little meaning in my relationship with Caleb.
I don't want to lessen what I have with Caleb, but I want Noah to
know I would have stayed. If he would have left me more than the
crappy note he did, I would have stayed.

I drag a hand through my messy, short blond hair. My
fingers get tangled in the knots, pulling my hair from the root and
causing my scalp to ache. It's a small amount of pain compared to
the pain in my heart right now.

"I didn't know where you were. Your note was so short
and to the point. I didn't know what to make of it."

"Leading me back to the same question I had before,
Skye. Am I not good enough?"

"Of course you are," I cry out as tears form in my
eyes. I take a few steps towards him until I'm standing in front of
him as he sits on the couch. I fall down to my knees and lean over
his legs, burying my head in his jeans and sobbing quietly. I feel
him hesitate before he rests a hand on the top of my head and
caresses my hair.

"You look like shit and reek of sex," he growls as he
continues to pet my hair.

I ignore his insult because I deserve it. Once I've
got my crying outburst under control I try and explain. "Yes, you
are enough, but I didn't think last night meant anything to you.
You've never expressed any real interest in me before and when I
woke up and you were gone I let the doubt seep into my heart and
mind. I truly believed I didn't mean anything to you. A part of me
still thinks that. If you wanted more
,
why didn
’
t you do something? Write a note that explained why
you had to leave me, wake me up before you left and asked me to
stay until you got home. Anything would have been better than what
you did."

Wiping
away
the few tears still on my skin
,
I look up into his soft brown
eyes I love so much. They're the eyes I've loved ever since I was a
little girl. "How could you expect me to think any
differently?"

"Because I told you I love you."

"That doesn't mean anything during sex. You're
unreliable, Noah."

"I'm unreliable?” he repeats, stunned by my words. He
stands up, forcing me to fall back on my ass. He starts to stride
back and forth across the room, and then he's walking over to the
open window. He looks out into the night sky and then turns to face
me as I sit uncomfortably on the ground. "You think I'm unreliable?
That's bullshit, Skye, and you know it. I am always fucking here!
There is no one more reliable in your life than I am. If me being
unreliable is the excuse you had to tell yourself to make going
back to Caleb seem okay, then fine. Keep feeding yourself piles of
bullshit for every meal, but I'm the most reliable person in your
fucked-up miserable existence.