Authors: Elizabeth Seckman
Jenna smiled, “Thank you, Tres.”
He walked toward her pulling her into him kissing her lips which were still cool from the wind. “Anything for you. Don’t you know that? Anything. Just ask.” He kissed her again and wrapped his hands in her hair and held her lips close to his. He never wanted to let her go, never wanted to be away from her.
She pulled back looking up at his eyes. He was so good, so strong, so much better than she deserved. She felt the tears sting her eyes.
Tres sucked in a sharp breath. He saw the change in her eyes. “What is it Jenna? What is it we can’t overcome?” His fingers traced the soft curves of her lips.
“How can you ever forgive me?” Jenna admitted as tears dropped from her eyes. “You deserve so much better.”
“Ah, Jenna. You’re absolutely perfect,” Tres answered soothingly, pulling her closer, tightening his grip on her. “You can’t convince me otherwise.”
“I can’t drive,” Jenna answered rubbing her cheek against his chest as she began with the most obvious and least threatening of all that had come to light this week end.
Tres smiled and kissed the bridge of her nose, “That one I’ll agree with. Not a single skid mark leading to the solitary tree in a mile long field? NASCAR isn’t going to be calling you any time soon.”
“I expect not.” They were quiet a moment and then Jenna added. “I didn’t do it on purpose. I don’t want to die.”
Tres clenched his jaw; his arms gripped tighter, “Can you ever forgive me for that?”
“For my crash?”
“If I hadn’t yelled at you….”
“No, Tres,” Jenna argued. “I wrecked the car, not you. And I can’t blame you for being angry. I shouldn’t have taken up for Jake. Your mom told me about Angel accusing your brother of rape and told me my dad didn’t buy Angel’s story. Jake would have. He never would have doubted anything she told him. So, maybe he did lie. Maybe he married me to punish dad and your family. I shouldn’t have believed anything bad said about you. I should have trusted you.”
“Jake didn’t lie.”
“He did talk to you?” Jenna gasped.
Tres shook his head, “He talked to Craig. He did try to help you, Jenna. He did get arrested. And it was Craig who punched him in the nose and broke it. Jake’s not to blame for all this.”
Jenna nodded. “But still, I should have asked more questions. I tried to do the right thing, but I screwed it all up. I can’t undo any of it. I can’t help the people I hurt.”
“Who’s hurt beyond repair, Jenna?” His voice was patient.
“Tanner could have had you years ago. He was hurt.”
“He seems perfectly well-adjusted. I hate to admit it, but I couldn’t have done a better job myself.”
“You were hurt. You could have been involved. Should have been.”
Tres pulled her closer. “Could have. Should have. All past tense. It happened the way it happened. And you might be special, baby, but even you can’t turn back the clock.”
“If I would have...”
“All right, Jenna, if you insist on laying blame, then spread it around evenly. Blame me. I could have been bolder—I could have rode in on my white horse and demanded answers, and don’t forget my mother and your father, and my brother and your sister. You have to be fair in how you distribute the blame.” He gripped her closer his voice reverberated in the tower.
“Maybe they did have some part, but the greatest sin was mine. I’m a coward, Tres. I have been all my life. I try to prove to everyone that I’m strong, but I’m not. One of the reasons I didn’t come find you, demand you give me answers was because I never wanted to hear you tell me it was over. It was easier to just cut you off than see for myself that you didn’t, possibly never did, love me. I married Jake because I was afraid to be alone, didn’t have the courage to admit to people I had been fooled by a beautiful man I didn’t deserve. I shut out my own father because I didn’t have the guts to fight with him. It was easier to walk away than stand my ground and tell him to mind his own business. Every mistake I’ve ever made was because of my cowardice. How could you ever want someone so pathetic?”
“That’s not how I see you. I’m not here to save you Jenna. I’m here because I need you. I need you. Don’t you understand? Since you’ve been gone, I’ve had this part of me missing and no one can fill my soul but you. I don’t see a crippled woman I need to rescue.”
“Well, start seeing. I can’t even pay my electric bill on time.”
“You’re human, Jen.” He exhaled hard, “Here’s what I see. I see a woman who’s loving and giving. You’ve put our son above all else. You’ve raised him to be strong and proud. You’ve given him a home. A home I want to be part of. I’m going to be honest with you, Jen. I didn’t fix your roof to help you.”
“Really?” Jenna asked a bit dumbfounded.
“No. I did it because…” he paused, regrouping his thoughts. “Remember the night I passed out and you let me sleep it off?”
Jenna nodded.
“And you left me there alone?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Shush, I’m making a confession.”
“All right.” Jenna pressed her lips together.
“I walked around your house all alone and I felt this longing, like a starving man looking at a buffet through a glass window. Right in front of me was this beautiful place that was everything I ever wanted, and I could touch it, but I couldn’t be a part of it.”
“My house?” Jenna nearly laughed.
“Your home. See, you have a home so you don’t get it.”
Jenna said nothing as her mind wandered back in time, “That’s not true, Tres. I do understand. I have felt like that. Like there was nowhere I was wanted. That’s the feeling I tried to protect Tanner from. I just never dreamed someone like you...”
“I need you to need me in some way. I need to belong in your world. Can you understand that, Jen?”
She nodded, “I do. I just don’t want you to think I’m pathetic. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.”
He stroked her cheek, “I love you Jenna. And I agree this never should have happened, but I don’t give a damn any more. I just want you right now. I don’t want to play any games. You don’t want me to fix your roof, I won’t. You want me to move out of your house, fine. I will do whatever you tell me to do. Just don’t ask me to get out of your life. I can’t do that. You’re stuck with me. I will haunt you every day. You may not want me now, but I will wear you down until you finally let me in just to get me off your porch.”
Jenna laughed. “You know I want you.”
Tres looked at her and she saw the doubt. “You do know I want you don’t you?” She asked.
He shrugged. “I believe you love me, but you don’t need me or trust me. And I won’t lie. That hurts. But I’m willing to live with it.”
“Tres, I...I guess...
I’ve always feared you’d see the real me and then you wouldn’t love me.”
“I do see the real you. You’re caring and giving. Bull-headed and frustrating. You’re loyal and devoted, but quick to judge. You’re closed off, and a bit uptight. You wait too long to fix a problem, like the tarp you have tied to your roof...what is that all about?”
“All right...all right... I don’t need to hear anymore.”
“Will you just believe that I love you? Will you stop throwing rocks at me when I try to help you?”
Jenna nodded her head. “My furnace is broken too. If it’d make you feel better, you can have first crack at it.”
He smiled at her and kissed the tip of her nose. “Thank you. I’d be honored.”
“Thank you, Tres.”
He looked down at her, “For what?”
“For not giving up on me. I don’t know if I can...”
“Shh,” Tres shook his head and put a finger to her lips. “I will only listen to you tell me that we will be together forever. That we will meet any challenge. Hell, I was going to ask you to marry me...”
“And you decided not to?” Jenna bit her lip.
“No. I’m not asking you. I’m not giving you a choice. Jenna...” He unwrapped himself and kneeled in front of her, taking her hands in his, “Jenna Marie, our son has requested I take the burden of you off his hands.”
Jenna’s jaw dropped, but Tres continued, “So with his blessing, I am telling you that you are going to marry me.”
“This isn’t very romantic,” Jenna laughed.
“All right, then, fair sweet lady with eyes of blue...”
“Stop. Stop. The other way’s better.” Jenna laughed till her eyes watered. “Are you sure you want me, Tres? Dented car, past dues and all?”
“Do I want you? Baby, I’d sprout wings and cross that Atlantic if you’d have me. Wasn’t that what you required of me?”
“For pigs to sprout wings. I was mean. I’m sorry.”
“I said no more sorry. Kiss me. Heal my wounded ego and everything will be all right.”
“My pleasure.” Jenna pulled him up and kissed him.
“Will you marry me?” He slid the ring onto her finger, kissed the hand that wore it.
“Yes, Tres. I will marry you.”
He pulled her into him squeezing her tight, burying his face in her neck, “I’ll never let you go, Jen. I want you this close every day of my life. I don’t even want light to shine between us.”
“Not so much as a shadow,” she pledged, sinking into his arms. “Not even a shadow from the light.”
EPILOGUE
Tres hammered in another shingle on the new roof. The two bedroom bungalow was now his castle and he worked diligently repairing every loose board and squeaking door. He leaned back on his heels and looked through the glint of Carolina sunshine to the emerald waters of the Pamlico Sound. The water rippled as the wind blew in soft, sweet gusts that moved the tall grasses on the shore to the left then the right like dancers swaying to a secret song. The day couldn’t be more perfect. Even the sounds of Tanner’s frustration were music to his ears.
Tres looked to his son with pride. Tanner worked hard in his attempts to emulate Tres’s use of the hammer. Tap, tap, tap then the final smack which should drive the nail into the shingle.
At least it should work that way.
For Tanner, though, his best effort typically resulted in a bent nail. He would pull the crooked nail out of the roof, grab a new one and try again. Tanner worked steadily, though with little proficiency.
Tres smiled and shook his head then went back to pounding. He finished a row of shingles quickly. Tanner glanced at Tres’s progress and grimaced, then plucked another nail, pinched it between his fingers, and smacked it on its rebellious head.
The year turned out far better than Tres dared hope. Jenna married him in a Christmas ceremony with Tanner by his side as his best man. His family attended with the exception of his brother Craig, who visited once briefly, offered a clumsy apology, and then disappeared. With the exception of the absent Uncle Craig, the Coulters were zealous in their acceptance of Tanner showering him with gifts and attention to make up for the years of neglect. Maureen, who could befriend a garden gnome, blended easily with the new extended family drawing in the more timid Jenna and Pastor Privett to the new clan. By the time Jenna tossed the bouquet, they behaved more like long lost friends than acquaintances.
The wedding, a monumental highlight, was trumped by Jenna’s Christmas morning revelation that Tres would again be a dad. Tres, certain life could get no better, was again pleasantly stunned when Tanner came to him discreetly, bashfully requesting to take the Coulter surname. The seedling relationship bloomed. Tres had his son legally and emotionally.
Tres finished another row of shingles and sat back to take a break. He turned to Tanner, “Perfect day for working outside. Now, if only your mom was here maybe with a tall glass of lemonade, I’d be in Heaven.”
Tanner let his hammer rest as he stretched and nodded agreement, “Yeah, as long as she didn’t make the lemonade. It’d probably poison us. Stick her up here with the hammer and I’ll go make the lemonade. Mom’s food stinks. She’s the only person on Earth to burn Jell-O.”
Tres looked across at Tanner expecting to see a laugh of exaggeration, but Tanner was dead serious, his attention returned to his hammering.
“How did she burn Jell-O?”
Tanner shrugged, “She just put it on the stove, dumped in the water and the Jell-O and cooked it, but she got so busy making sure none of the little forks and big forks were mixed in the silverware tray that she forgot about the Jell-O until the smoke alarm went off.” Tanner’s voice rose, “I told her she didn’t even have to cook it. That she’d have known that by reading the directions, but she just said,” Tanner did a poor mockery of his mother’s higher pitched voice, “Well, Tan, I guess I’m just a maverick. I don’t need directions.”
Tanner shook his head and continued with a sigh, “I’m telling you, Dad, if it weren’t for Nanny, I’d have grown up on boxes of cereal and bologna.”
“I guess you had a rough life.” Tres laughed until his eyes watered. He paused long enough to realize Tanner’s face remained serious. He wiped his eyes and attempted sobriety.
Tanner trudged forward with complaints, “You think the food was bad, you ought to see mom’s music collection. It’s all Elton John and Rod Stewart. And the movies! Casablanca, Ice freaking Castles. What I wouldn’t have given for a Vin Diesel movie, but no, they don’t have any plot.”