RETRACE (26 page)

I turn back to him with a thin smile. I shake my head, communicating: all is okay. He keeps his stare on me till he’s reassured I’m fine and turns back to listen to Jake and Dan talk about an order they should make for the bar.

Dan, a small towel thrown on his shoulder, notes down whatever Jake is saying. My gaze wanders around the space, it looks so different in daytime. The front doors are open and the bright sun illuminates the space. The daylight colors the room in a foggy shade that still looks somewhat smoky even with the light breeze funnelling through the wide-open front doors. The place looks muted, even the small stage and the huge Hendrix photo doesn’t look as cool in broad daylight.

Reeves, who’s sitting on a stool next to me, is utterly engaged in a conversation with Jake, that seem to hold much more than Dan and I can decode. The name Hunter has been mentioned many times by both in less than a few minutes. I study Reeves’ profile, my eyes trailing over his strong jaw, and the hint of his deep green irises. Even with his casual jeans and long sleeved grey undershirt, he makes my heart twitter. We’ve been practically inseparable for the last couple of weeks post-Katie mess, which shortly after, she apologized for to Reeves. She said she was sorry and agreed with him that it was a selfish, thoughtless thing to do. I force the memory away, I don’t want to think of drama when it comes to us, we truly have had enough of that.

I slide a hand over Reeves back. “I’m going out for some fresh air.”

He holds up a finger at Jake and pivots my way. “You want me to come with you?”

I shake my head and leave a chaste kiss on the side of his mouth. “I’ll be back soon.”

I run in my head the question my aunt asked me when I visited her earlier today, finally after the long months I’ve been basically living a few blocks from her. She asked when am I planning to visit home. I’ve been pushing the thought aside for the longest time, but I believe I’m ready to go home and face some things I finally should.

I lightly cough at the smell of smoke reaching my throat before I notice Carmie leaning on the wall, tapping the ashes of a half burned cigarette off. Carmie, as ever, is a vision of badass beauty. Her endless, skinny legs are bare under a denim miniskirt. Her milky skin peeps between the skirt belt and a worn ACDC tour tee. Completing the look is her leather jacket, a feminine version of Jake’s “uniform.”

“Hey.” She blows a white puff from the side of her lips.

“Hi.”

“Looking great, Nia.” She takes another drag.

“Thanks. Coming in?”

“Yeah, to say goodbye.” She whistles smoke out of her pouty lips, grazing the small bud on the wall before tossing it to a trashcan.

“You’re leaving?”

“Yeah. I always do.” She pops a mint in her mouth.

“Why?”

She raises an eyebrow.

I shrug. “It seems like you two have it good together.”

“We do.” A ghost of a smile hovers her lips, but they quickly bounce back to her perpetual hard look. “Sometimes the big ol’ L word is not enough to tie you down. Sometimes the urge to taste life and fulfil your dreams is greater than being with the one you love.” She twists her mouth. “In my book of rules, I always choose me.
I
would probably never hurt me.”

I frown, weighing her words.

“Go ahead, ask whatever’s on your mind.”

“Has Jake ever hurt you?” She circles her hand around my waist, gesturing for me to come back inside with her.

“Oh yes, he did.
Twice
. The first time he made me fall so desperately in love with him. The second, he chose himself over me.” As we approach the men, she whispers in my ear, “Yeah, I still am more than crazy about him.”

I plant myself between Reeves’ thighs, still contemplating my short chat with Carmie. Reeves’ hand reflexively falls to my lower back. He bends to kiss me, inches from my ear.

“Kiss me, handsome. I’m going to miss your lips.” Carmie puts her game face on, smiling teasingly at Jake. As opposed to her, he doesn’t make an effort to conceal his discontentment.

“So don’t,” he grunts. She just pulls him by his hand.

“Excuse us kids, this is an adults’ conversation.” Jake follows Carmie toward his office with a jaw that’s ticking like a time bomb.

I turn to snuggle under Reeves’ massive arm as he finishes the last of his orange juice. He presses a kiss on my head. “Wanna leave?”

“I love you,” I whisper. Reeves’ expression oscillates between adoration and edginess. His lips part, ready to say something, but unfortunately close right back shut. I just lean in and kiss him again.

The subtleness of Reeves lips on my skin seeps through the warm spots he leaves to my very core. I close my eyes, savoring his touch. We are both sprawled on my bed, my head nestled on my plump pillow, and his on my bare stomach. I gaze at my fingers that lightly dance over his shoulder and neck.

“I think I’m ready to go home for a visit,” I say idly, indulging in the intimacy we share after our easy lovemaking. Reeves’ head rises to glance between me and some family photos I have on my dresser.

“That’s good, I’m glad for you.” He turns to lie on his side, cheek pressed to my navel, gazing at me. “Did you tell your parents yet?”

“I mentioned I might be visiting for Christmas.” Reeves’ finger moves to draw tiny circles on my collarbone. “I want you to come with me. Would you?”

His brows crease as he considers my request. “Yeah, sure.” The easiness in which his answer comes staggers me for a good moment, in the best of ways.

“Yes?” My eyes widen in glee.

“Yeah.”

“You would?” I can’t even try to contain my excited surprise.

“Why do you look so surprised? You should know by now that there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

My chest expends to no end.
He has his own ways to tell me just how much he cares
. I hurry to straddle him, raining kisses all over his face.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” I continue my attack, not leaving an inch of un-smooched skin. He kisses me back over a smile as I finally land on his mouth.

“If I knew this would be your reaction I’d agree to more things.”

“You already do.” I wink. “Pfft, you’re totally wrapped around my finger.”

I squeal as he rolls us over, ending with him on top of me, his thigh between my legs. His teeth scrape at my neck, descending to my collarbone.

“Wrapped around your finger,” he murmurs to my skin. “So right…”

I grin, enthusiastically absorbing his touch.

Watching Nia dance has become my favorite leisure time activity. There are more than a dozen good looking women showcasing their goods for an enthusiastic crowd at the small dance floor in the bar but they don’t even hold a candle to her. My eyes feast on her and her only, because there’s nothing else in this universe I’d rather watch. Her hips sway to the music, revealing a sliver of taut olive skin. Her tight jeans end low beneath her navel, her white halter-top kissing the skin just above it. Her dark, luminous strands fall heavily, framing her delicate face while hovering over her perky breasts. Her eyes are closed, her pouty lips slightly parted, reminding me of her ecstasy face, right before she falls to pieces under me. My heart tightens as I watch her, thinking how much I love her. How much I need her. How much she’s changed my life for the better.

I turn on my stool to get my drink, to a display of a salivating Dan and a gaping Jake. I throw a handful of salted peanuts at Jake and rise to slap Dan on the back of his head, over the counter.

“I swear, if you two don’t stop stripping down my girlfriend,” I warn. Jake snorts and Dan drops his gaze to the floor, bringing his damn protruding tongue back inside his mouth.

“Well,” Jake says, shrugging, “can you blame us?” His prickled cheek lifts to reveal a teasing smile. I flip him off before taking a swig from my whiskey.

“Hi there.” Contently, I absorb Nia as she settles herself between my parted thighs.

“Hi.” She leans in for a gentle kiss. She takes my drink, gives it one fleeting look that’s followed by a nose wrinkle. Craning her neck to look behind my back, she asks, “Moscow Mule?”

“Sure,” Dan’s voice follows.

“No scotch?” I ask her as she returns to look at me with a light smile.

She shakes her head and kisses my lips. “No,” she answers, kissing me deeper. “I need something lighter.”

I thread my fingers through her hair, murmuring, “I just watched you dance. You keep doing this, I won’t be able to hold myself…” She tilts back to look at me, her hands drop to rest on my thighs. She blinks playfully.

“Hold yourself from doing what?” she asks with a honey dripping voice. I grab her ass, pushing her deeper into me, for our middles to meet, where I can show rather than tell. My much tangible demonstration buys me a damn adorable vision of a lightly flushed Nia.

“Thanks,” she says to Dan who sets her drink next to us. I can’t hold my laugh at how croaky her voice comes out. Nia downs half of her drink in one generous gulp, she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, and smirks at me. I grin, gazing at her with my head cocked.

“I see lettered tiles in your future, handsome,” she says in the oddest drawl, I swear she sounds suffering.

“I more than dig the fortune telling, but what’s up with the weird voice?”

“What? Didn’t you like my gypsy impersonation?” I tilt my head back, laughing.

“Babe, you sounded constipated.”

“Whatever.” She rolls her eyes, feigning a pout. “Let’s go play…”

I turn my head from the TV to look at the ceiling, sinking deeper onto the couch’s plump pillow. I brush my fingers through Nia’s hair that’s scattered over my bare side. She purrs in serenity, leaning into my slow caress. She plants a kiss on my skin and continues to watch whatever is on now. I lost track of what we were watching long ago, letting the ease that surrounds us take over me. I’ve been lying here with this amazing woman tangled between my legs, this woman that makes my breath hitch each time she laughs.

I’ve been trying to find the words to tell her just how in love I am with her, but something has been stopping me. I can’t put my finger on it. What is it that doesn’t let me take my final guard down. I couldn’t be more certain about what I feel for her, how intense it is, and how clearly I see her in my future. But it’s as if something inside of me denies me from taking the final leap to tell her “I’m completely yours.”

“Reeves, I think your phone is ringing.” Nia’s drowsy voice bursts my heavy bubble of thoughts. I stretch my hand to the back of the sofa to fetch my phone and still to the name on the display.

“I need to take this one.” I leave my words in the air, waiting for Nia to let me stand up. She smiles at me, slouching back on the sofa as I make my way to my bedroom.

“Hunter,” I say and swallow hard. Anticipating the lecture of the century for hitting that prick the other day, or a scolding about why I haven’t seen a therapist yet. I freeze as he tells me he needs my help with something. When he mentions the name that turns my blood to ice, I close my eyes, lean my forehead to the wall and listen. At the same time an illumination of what’s been holding me back with Nia seeps to the soil of my recognition, I need a closure first. A retribution.

“… Since you know this group better than anyone, as I’ve mentioned before.” Hunter says, referring to the “Erie Group” sleeper cell investigation I was leading, the same one that saved thousands of lives from a planned attack on a football stadium. The same one in which we lost Ben. “I need your help with a couple of things.” It’s not a request for assistance, it’s a clearly stated order.

“Which kind of help?” I ask, my heart beating out of my chest.

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow. Can you make it to my office tomorrow morning at eight?”
His office
, it’s serious this time. Adrenaline washes over me at the hopeful thought he might be cooperating with Jake after all, and that there’s a slight chance I might get to be a part of the current case.

“Sure, I’ll be there at eight, sir.”

“Thank you.” The line goes silent.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Nia asks with shut eyes, nestling deeper under my arm. I kiss her hair.

“Soon,” I whisper, and continue piercing a hole through the ceiling in the darkened bedroom. It should be around two a.m. by now, but sleep is the last thing on my mind. Adrenaline and anxiety are pumping through my veins as I consider all the possibilities Hunter might need my help with. I know sleep is not an option for me, not until I find out what tomorrow will bring.

I press the heels of my palms to my eyes, repressing an urge to shout. I blink forcefully and raise my head for my eyes to run over the nine faces looking back at me from the mug shots lined up on the wall. Five of them are new to me, three I know personally, and the last one’s face has been etched to my memory, for life. Every twitch of his muscles as he nodded the execution of my best friend. My eyes move from the colorful pins dotting the map next to the photos and back. I can’t believe they are operating from the same station they did three years ago. As Hunter said, simple and clever, the last place we might sniff around.

Since I led the investigation the last time, working undercover as a part of their operation, Hunter thought I would be the best person to give exact details of the operation and the actual facility. I can close my eyes and see any scrape of paint on the wall, the dusty floors, the underground room where they kept the spider diagrams and some of the ammo. I pace the narrow room, carefully studying the wall, memorizing every new detail.

I stand here by myself waiting for Hunter, Green, and agent Koby to come back from another meeting. Hunter’s preface, prior to my meeting with his team, as we set in his office, still lingers in warning.

“Reeves, you are going to be exposed to every little detail of the investigation, you
will not,
in any way, take it with you when you leave. Not even here.” He pointed to my head with his cigar. “We need your help, but that’s where it ends.”